


Here We Stand

by the_devil_and_mrs_ren



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: A Major Character "Dies" at the End, Ben calls himself Kylo, But it's okay, Canon compliant if you ignore TROS, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Bond Shenanigans, Force Ghost Luke is Sassy, Inappropriate Use of the Force, My First Fanfic, POV Alternating, Porn With Plot, Post-The Last Jedi, Rare angst, Rey calls Ben Ben, Reylo Baby, Some moments of fluff, They Go To War, but after TROS is definitely that, but seriously we jump right in with the porn, didn't start as a fix-it fic, explicit sex and often, lightsaber building, lightsaber sparring, more plot toward the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-22
Updated: 2020-01-21
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:53:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 55
Words: 119,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22355161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_devil_and_mrs_ren/pseuds/the_devil_and_mrs_ren
Summary: Several weeks after the battle of Crait, Rey fantasizes about taking Kylo Ren's hand. She hatches a scheme to seduce him back to the light, and they have lots of sexy fun times while figuring out their relationship and how to save the galaxy.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Poe Dameron/Finn, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rose Tico/Original Character
Comments: 55
Kudos: 181





	1. Worlds Apart

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I've had this finished since October 2019, and for insecurity and anxiety reasons I've never posted it. But, in keeping with Captain Awkward's 2020 theme of "Do the Thing", I've decided to post it! I'm not new to Star Wars by any stretch - or really to writing Star Wars. I've been playing and DM-ing multiple Star Wars Saga Edition RPGs since 2007(!), so I kind of live and breathe Star Wars.
> 
> I began this story in November 2018 and it was meant as a speculative fic for Episode IX, but now can be considered a fix-it fic. I didn't change anything in my story to reflect events in TROS, though I did add a character based on the Celebration 2019 trailer. I really, really hope y'all like it.

“Join me,” he said, desperately holding his hand out to her. “Please.” There was sweat running down his face, but Rey would have sworn there were tears, too.

She remembered the fierce desire she’d seen on his face after he had killed the last of the Praetorian guards in the throne room. She remembered panicking and looking away, asking him to stop the bombardment of the fleet. No one had ever looked at her that way before, and she could feel him in the Force, surging with a combination of pride, and something that hit too close to her own feelings for her to be willing to name it yet.

Maybe, if she’d been standing closer, he would have kissed her. A kiss from him, in that moment, could have made her forget about the Resistance. The fleet would have been gone before she could have come up for air, and she was thankful for how things turned out. She replayed this scene in her head, over and over, making the same decision sometimes, but other times, she imagined what his face would look like if she had said yes.

Yes is a simple word, and yet, it would have been the most consequential word she’d ever uttered. The disappointment, and heartbreak, if she was honest with herself, she had seen in his eyes haunted her. It made her wonder if she had done the right thing. At night, alone in her quarters on their new base in the Outer Rim, she let herself fantasize about saying yes.

When he said “Please,” his voice caught in a way that made her heart seize. She raised her hand, not even sure what she was going to do. In reality, she’d pulled the lightsaber to her. In her fantasy, she puts her hand in his, and says “Yes.” She imagines the stunned joy on his face, being pulled into his chest, for the crushing embrace they both craved.

Maybe if she’d agreed, she still could have saved the fleet. She could have made peace between the sides, and incorporated the Resistance into the New Order Ben had suggested. In her heart, she knows it wouldn’t have worked. She wouldn’t have been able to convince him to stand down the First Order. But a girl can dream.

And dream she does. She falls asleep most nights with him in her mind, missing the bond they’d shared. Rey thinks she could reconnect it, but she’s too afraid of what she would find weeks after closing herself off from him. When she’d last seen him through the bond, he’d been on his knees, holding something, and looking at her with the same pleading eyes she’d seen before. She had to close the bond to be able to leave. It wasn’t possible for her to run to him, lift his face and promise that he’d never have to look so sad ever again. She’d wanted to clutch him to her chest, and keep him safe.

It was an old cliche, “Let me take you away from all this,” but that’s what she wanted to do for him. She knew it would never happen, not like this. He’d become the Supreme Leader of the First Order, and she was going to rebuild the Jedi Order, and fight to bring the light back to the galaxy. There were times her curiosity almost got the better of her, and she almost opened the bond back up. She could feel him sometimes at the edge of her mind, and she knew that his end was still open. He was waiting for her. Looking for her.

Thinking of him close to her made the hair on the back of her neck stand up. She shivered thinking about the first time she’d seen his face, on Starkiller Base _:_ she’d almost sighed when he brought his face so close to hers. She’d recoiled, but the longer he stayed there, the feeling of his breath from his words on her neck awakened more than just the Force in her. Her heart raced, but not from fear. She had to hide the information from him, yes, but she had been just as curious to explore his mind as he trying to search hers.

She let out a deep breath, restless with need, thinking about how the Force had connected them. Even as Snoke admitted to starting the bond, she could feel the rightness of it in the Force. The Force had been willing them to connect, her light and his dark bringing the balance the Force wanted. If she could only remove him from the First Order.

She laid down in her bed, fantasizing about their time in the elevator. If instead of going in to see Snoke, Ben had stopped the elevator, and seized on the tension between them. Her hand went between her legs as she imagined him pushing her against the wall, his mouth closing on hers with the passion they both felt. She pushed against the sensitive bud there, stifling a moan. The walls weren’t thin, exactly, but she wasn’t used to sharing walls with anyone. She imagined tangling her hands in his thick, perfect hair, keeping his head close as they devoured each other. She wanted his hand between her legs, and in her fantasy it was there, rubbing against her with exquisite pressure, making her want more.

She brought herself to climax quickly, not quite finishing her fantasy. She did this nearly every night, and lately, just the idea that they may do more was enough to make her come. Well, the practice didn’t hurt either, she’d gotten more and more efficient the more she’d done it.

She sighed, finished but unsatisfied. She knew what she needed, but she was unwilling to go to bed with anyone else. She would just think of Ben, and that wouldn’t be fair to her partner. So, she pleasured herself, and wished they had met under different circumstances.

Rey rose early the next day, and sat crossed legged on the floor, as she had on the rock on Ahch-To. She tried to center herself, to meditate and reach out with the Force as Luke taught her. Sometimes she was able to sense Luke, but she hadn’t reached too far. He had been right, after all, and she was just stubborn enough to not want to admit it to him. She was also afraid he’d sense the depth of her feelings for his nephew.

The temptation to open the bond was immediately there. She knew she could reach out and feel him, see his feelings, feel his need for her—if it was still there. When she’d left him she had still felt the conflict raging within him, and she hoped he was still having to battle his natural inclination toward the light side of the Force.

_What if I reach into his past? Can I see it without him feeling it?_ Maybe, just maybe she could see him. She let out a shaky breath, and decided to try. She wouldn’t go too far back, she’d aim for the time around their first meeting. She centered herself, pulling her spine straight. She knew this was risky, but she wanted to know more about him. She stretched out with the Force, thinking about Kylo Ren’s past. She told the Force she wanted a vision. She still wasn’t sure how to make the Force work like she wanted it to—she DID need a teacher—so instead, she just asked it for what she wanted.

She felt the now familiar shimmer around her, and the room melted away. She was flying, bits and pieces of a story that was not hers soaring with her. She tried to grasp one and hold on to it, to see it fully. She held Kylo in her mind, centered on his mask, not his face. One of the pieces came into view for her, and she had to hold down her excitement, so she didn’t scare it off.

She saw Kylo standing in front of Poe Dameron, pulling the information about the map in BB-8 from his mind. She shook her head slightly, not wanting to see this. She knew that Kylo had tortured Poe to get the information. She also knew that in the same situation, he’d been gentle with her. He didn’t need to treat her softly, show her his face. She told herself it was the result of the conflict in him, and maybe the beginning of his turning toward the light. She released the vision, and tried for another. She caught one, and this one seemed to follow the last one.

Kylo was standing with General Hux, in front of a very large Supreme Leader Snoke. She’d seen him in person, and he was not this large. This was a very large hologram. Snoke was telling Kylo that the droid, BB-8, was on the Millennium Falcon, with his father, Han Solo. “He’s nothing to me,” he tells Snoke. Snoke tells him that he’s never faced anything like this, and Kylo responds that with Snoke’s training, he won’t be seduced.

Rey snapped out of the vision. _That’s it._

_She could seduce him to the light._

She needed to be subtle about it; while he might respond to “Hey, Ben, come join the light side and I’ll have sex with you,” while she wore nothing but a smile, she didn’t think it would make for a lasting change. No, he needed to want to leave the dark behind. To see that he could be happy, and not have to be lonely.

She remembered the crushing loneliness she’d felt from him, underneath the fear that he wouldn’t measure up to Snoke’s standards, or to Darth Vader. While she wasn’t sure, she suspected that’s what he meant when he’d told her he felt it too. They had that in common, and he’d fallen for the first person who’d made him feel wanted. Snoke. Now she would show him what it was like to simply be wanted, not for his power or his heritage, just for him.

But how? She could reopen the bond, certainly, but eventually she needed to get him away from the First Order. She needed to find an opportunity to get him alone, and hopefully, she’d be pretty far into her plan. A one night stand wouldn’t accomplish that, and she doubted they could capture him. The Resistance was still rebuilding after the battle at Crait, and they really didn’t have the man power to bring him to her.

Maybe she shouldn’t try to plan this out. Plans never survive contact with the enemy, and it felt wrong, planning something like this. She didn’t have that much experience, but she did know that this should be natural if it was going to last. And she wanted it to last. They hadn’t known each other long, but they fit. She’d felt it when their hands touched through the Force, and he’d killed his master to save her. Fighting back to back, she’d felt it, and she suspected he’d felt it too.

He’d chosen her once; she’d make him want to choose her again. And he needed to know she was choosing him.


	2. Hearts Broken in Two

He’d heard word that General Hux was in an open argument with one of his Knights. He stalked through the corridors of his ship, the _Finalizer_ , his repaired helmet masking more than his face. It was just another way of keeping himself buried far away from the others, giving people the strong Supreme Leader they expected. Keeping the devastated Ben Solo hidden.

Kylo Ren felt a sense of satisfaction as the crew he passed leapt to attention, recognizing his authority. It had taken more time than he cared to admit to force the Senior Council to recognize his authority as Supreme Leader. He still suspected many of them just paid him lip service, and were just waiting for him to step out of line. He’d recalled his Knights of Ren from the far reaches of the galaxy, and with each Knight’s arrival he felt more cemented into his role as Supreme Leader.

He was different than Snoke. He’d never been manipulative, preferring instead to take what he wanted outright. The only time he hadn’t had been with Rey. He’d asked. He’d been weak, then. He no longer asked -- he took.

The pneumatic doors of the _Finalizer’s_ bridge flew open in front of him, and in just a few long strides he was in front of General Armitage Hux, the wily ginger man he wished was dead, and the Knight of Ren who had been his second in command for years. Hux had a creeping flush, revealing the extent of his agitation with the Knight in front of him. He looked ready to stomp his foot, like a child.

“What is this?” his asked, his voice sounding deeper, distorted by the mask. Hux turned quickly to stare at Kylo, wild-eyed. Kylo smirked beneath the mask.

“Supreme Leader Ren,” Hux choked out. He looked between Kylo and the other Knight, his face displaying his realization that he wasn’t going to win this argument. “Your subordinate is trying to command my officers. The Knights of Ren have always existed outside of the military.”

A second voice, calmer than Hux, but as distorted as Kylo’s own, sounded. “I command my own fleet, General Hux. You and I are of equal rank, at least. I have every right to make assignments of the crew on this ship.”

“You’re wrong,” Hux spat out. “Your rank is not conferred by the military. You have a courtesy command. We are not equals.”

“No, you are not,” Kylo said, authoritatively. “My Knights answer only to me, as I answered only to Snoke. The military still answered my command, as it will now answer to theirs. While you are beholden to the military, they are not. In fact, one could say they outrank even you.”

Hux’s mouth dropped open in shock, and his stare was full of bewildered venom. Kylo spoke, letting disdain creep into his voice, “Was there something else, Hux?”

Hux turned a gratifying shade of purple, his mouth snapping closed in a deep frown. He shook his head, too angry to speak.

“Good. You’re dismissed,” Kylo said. _Come on,_ he thought, _give me a reason._ Hux brushed past him as he marched off the bridge, in a snit. He stifled an exasperated sigh, and turned to look out the large viewport, as his Knight already was.

_You really shouldn’t bait him like that,_ Giah’s voice sounded in his head. He jumped. It had been too long since he’d been around a Force user who was able to speak telepathically. All Force users could, technically, but it was too intimate of a contact for most people. He only felt comfortable enough with two of his Knights to do it, Giah being one of them. To the crew, they appeared to only be staring out of the transperisteel windows, the silence creating an intimidating aura around them.

_I know,_ he responded simply. _What ‘commands’ were you issuing to the crew?_

She shrugged, almost imperceptibly. _Simple schedule changes. I disliked my duty sergeant. I reassigned him and brought over my fleet lieutenant._

_Force, Giah. What did you do to him?_ Kylo turned to look, and found Giah’s fleet lieutenant in the duty sergeant’s position. He gave Kylo a salute, and at Kylo’s nod, went back to work.

_Nothing permanent,_ she said, cheerfully. Kylo rolled his eyes. He turned to leave the bridge, lumbering past the officers as they came to attention. A pleasured, feminine sigh in his head jolted his composure, gluing him to the spot. He turned on his heel, slowly, to face Giah again.

_What the fuck, Giah?_ He thundered in her head.

_What?_ She replied, snapping her head to the side to look at him. He could sense her genuine confusion.

_Why are you sighing like that in my head?_ he asked anyway.

_Like what?_ She sounded perplexed.

It took him a few beats to respond. _Like you’re coming down from an orgasm_ , he rushed out, shoving the thought at her.

_Seriously? If I were going to mess with you like that I’d have done it already._ She seemed like she was somewhere between amused by his plight and annoyed with him for thinking it was her.

It hadn’t been her. But who?

_Are there any other Force sensitive women on this ship?_ he asked her.

_None that are sensitive enough to warrant further investigation,_ she replied.

_Any of your staff?_ he persisted.

_No. You probably imagined it. I didn’t feel any other presences in the Force,_ she said dismissively.

Kylo exhaled audibly. He’d been thinking of Rey earlier, it probably _was_ just his imagination. With a nod to Giah, he turned and walked toward the bridge doors. The doors opened as he approached them, and he swept through them. Hux was there, waiting for him. Kylo kept walking as Hux fell into step with him.

“Yes, General?” He said, flatly, finally acknowledging him after several steps.

“The Senior Council is unhappy with your bringing the Knights of Ren back from the field,” Hux said.

“I don’t have time for their pettiness. Or yours,” Kylo responded, still walking toward the turbolift.

“Maybe you should make time if you want to keep their support,” Hux retorted.

“Power is what keeps their support. Not playing their games. Not letting the council continue Snoke’s obsession with the unknown regions of the galaxy,” Kylo continued. “The Knights are better used here, with the fleet.”

“What good has that power done? The remnant of the Resistance is still out there; it’s been six weeks since Crait, and still we haven’t found them.”

“Who’s fault is that, General?” Kylo asked, menace entering his tone. He’d been done with Hux since Kylo had come on to the bridge. “Maybe if your intelligence officers can’t find them, my Knights can.”

“Or maybe it’s because you don’t want to find them. The Resistance is led by your mother and the Jedi girl you just can’t get enough —“ Hux’s voice was choked into a whimper as Kylo grabbed his throat with the Force. Kylo felt the roar of power in his ears, the cold of the darkness surrounding him.

_Yes… yes…_ it seemed to whisper to him. He opened himself further, pulling from his hatred of Hux to fuel his power. Kylo gripped his hand harder, an unseen but no less twisted smile appearing on his face. _You want this… Kill him!_

He lived in the darkness. He belonged there, he felt it welcome him home. He let the Force rush through him, reveling in the coldness.

Hux clawed at his throat, his face turning red, then purple, starting to fall to the ground. He made little gurgling sounds, and as Kylo felt Hux’s life force ebbing away, he twisted his fist to grip harder.

_Ben… Don’t go this way…_ Kylo jolted and released his fist, letting go of his grip on Hux. His memory of her voice was so clear, it was almost as if she was in his head then. He pulled harder on the Force, searching for her, not completely sure it wasn’t her.

Hux collapsed into a heap, his breaths coming raggedly. Kylo was pleased by the whistling sound coming from his throat.

“The Jedi killed Snoke. I will find her, if I have to turn this galaxy upside down to do it,” Kylo said, letting his hatred of Hux fill his voice. Hux would think it was directed at Rey, and report it back to the Senior Council.

It wasn’t the truth. He didn’t hate Rey. He’d tried to, but he couldn’t bring himself to feel it. He was angry with her for rejecting him, but he didn’t hate her.

“Do not mention the Jedi again, General, if you value your life.” Kylo walked away from the heap of Hux still on the ground. Hux was dangerous to have around, but Kylo knew it was better to have him close, so he had him reassigned to the _Finalizer._ Now that Phasma was dead, Hux didn’t have his enforcer, and Kylo knew Hux didn’t trust the crew of the _Finalizer_ enough to find another. Bringing him here was another way to isolate him from his sources of power.

He entered the turbolift, and removed his helmet. He rubbed his face with his free hand, then hit the button that would take him to his private office. He hadn’t created a throne room for himself. The ostentatious display had never appealed to him, though he did have one or two fantasies that featured thrones prominently. And Rey. _Always Rey._

He exited the lift, and walked the short distance to his office. He made it just a few steps inside before his head spun, forcing him to lean against the table to stabilize himself. His helmet rolled and hit the ground as Kylo was dropped into visions of his own memories. He froze, watching as his interrogation of Poe Dameron flashed, then fled as if someone was wiping it away. He felt out of control, like someone had pushed in, and was flipping through his memories like pages on the holonet. Searching for something.

He reached out with his own power, trying to push back, but the attack had taken him too much by surprise. Whoever this was, they were powerful enough to shove into his head, and view his memories. _Like I can,_ he realized, _this is one of my powers._ He stopped fighting, dropping his guard, thinking to trap the invader. Kylo watched as Snoke once again ordered him to kill his father. He winced when his past self agreed, tears coming unbidden to his eyes. Then he sensed it.

No, he sensed _her._ Rey.

Almost as soon as he’d realized it was her, her presence was gone. He’d felt her satisfaction, and knew she’d found what she was looking for. He’d also sensed something else. Something he’d thought was long gone. _Want_.

Kylo smiled slowly, wickedly. He’d give her what she wanted, sooner than she realized.


	3. Sleepless Nights

Rey left her room to go train with Finn. He had found her a Z6 baton to practice with, as well as her staff. She still hadn’t been able to fully repair the lightsaber that had been broken when she and Kylo had fought over it through the Force. The baton was a nice change of pace, and was similar enough to the lightsaber that she’d be able to translate her skills if she ever got the thing working again.

“Good morning, Rey!” Finn said from inside the training room they’d set up. They train early, before breakfast. Finn was her first friend, and she was tempted to tell him her plan to turn Kylo. She wasn’t ashamed and didn’t want to hide it from anyone, but at the same time, she didn’t want to advertise that she was going to use herself, essentially, as bait.

“Good morning, are you ready to get your butt handed to you, Big Deal?” She liked calling him by the name Han had sarcastically given him, when he’d pretended to be part of the Resistance. Finn just laughed, and situated himself on the mat. They always started with breathing exercises, and a slow, meditative movement that she’d seen Luke perform during her short time on Ahch-To. She’d taught it to Finn when he’d been having panic attacks during Rose’s recovery, and it had helped him to relax. He’d confided his anxiety to her, and told her that the first one he experienced had been when he’d been part of the landing party on Jakku.

Once they finished their warm-up, they went through a series of staff swings, putting them together into a form. Rey went as hard as she could, swinging the staff around her body, and pushing the Force into it. Finn had been a soldier long enough that he was able to pick up the movements she made up, and most mornings they were perfectly in sync. This morning, though, Rey had her thoughts on someone else. Wishing he was here, training with her, teaching her to fight hard with a lightsaber. His moves were utterly graceless, but the power behind them was undeniable.

“Whoa, Rey, if you spin that any faster you’re going to fly away,” Finn interrupted, startling her out of her thoughts.

“Sorry! I got lost in my own head,” She replied, laughing slightly. “Are you ready to move on to the fun part?”

“You know it.” He came over and took her staff, and then put them in the corner of the room. He brought back two Z6 batons, and they swirled them out. Rey always felt a little fancy opening up the baton, and it was easy to put extraneous moves into it, like stepping out with one foot just as the lower part of the baton clicked in and turned on the stunning static. They waited a moment, then Rey lurched in, attacking first. Finn easily deflected her, and attacked back, swinging around on her open side. She was just able to dodge it. They continued to spar for several minutes, only stopping when Poe came in.

“What’s happening in here? And why didn’t you invite me?” Poe asked. Rey thought she saw a blush creeping up Finn’s face, but she wasn’t sure. BB-8 rolled in, beeping, behind him.

“Just training, Poe,” Rey responded. “My weapon broke during my fight on the _Supremacy_ , and Finn has been teaching me how to use this one.” She held up the baton.

“I can help, I can shoot at you and you can learn to block it.”

“Maybe tomorrow, I’m getting awfully hungry,” Rey replied. “Want to grab some food with us?”

Poe agreed, and they walked together to the canteen. Rey had found a fast friend in Poe, and in Rose, who was still on light duty after she was so injured on Crait. They found Rose already at a table, and joined her with their breakfast. They chatted amiably for a while, then Poe said, “It’s been six weeks, and we haven’t heard of a First Order incursion out here in the Outer Rim. Our supply runs have been uneventful, and it’s just weird.”

“What about our spies?” Finn asked.

“We lost so many of them at Crait, and the others have gone dark to stay safe,” Poe responded. They had spies on a few of the First Order ships, but they had died when the _Raddus_ had crashed into the fleet. “We’re really alone out here.”

Rey nodded, adding, “They’re also likely still consolidating their power, with Snoke dead. I had the impression from Kylo Ren that he and General Hux did not work together well.” She had told her friends about the fight on the Supremacy, and how she had hoped to bring Ben back to the light, but it didn’t work out that way. She’d left out him asking her to join him, because it felt too private, too raw. She hadn’t shared all the details about their Force connection, either, because it was so intimate.

Finn answered, “No, they absolutely don’t. If they’re fighting, they’re likely to miss any other ambitious general, so they could be weaker than they were immediately after Crait.”

“Could we strike them now?” Rose wondered aloud. Finn and Poe started debating the merits of a pre-emptive strike, with Rose interjecting now and then about the Canto Bight fiasco. Finally, Poe stood up, claiming to be late for something. Rey watched him until he and BB-8 had left the canteen.

Stealing a quick glance at the tables around them to see if anyone was close enough to hear, Rey lowered her voice, and said, “I have a plan.”

Her friends stopped talking and looked at her. “What kind of plan?” Rose asked.

“I think I can turn Kylo Ren.”

“Oh, that’s a bad plan, Rey,” Finn said, Rose nodding vigorously in agreement.

“I know, it sounds ridiculous, but if I play my sabacc right, I think I can do it.”

Rose looked at her with this goofy half grin, “And why do you think you can do it, Rey?”

“Because he might love me.”

“WHAT?!” Finn yelled, and Rose started laughing hysterically and clapping. Rey noticed heads swivel around to see what they outburst was about.

“Quiet down! We can’t talk about this here, now that you’ve made so much noise. Come back to my quarters and I’ll lay it out for you.”

The walk back to her room was a tense one. She could feel two sets of eyes boring holes in her back. She straighten her shoulders and let them into her quarters. They filed in, and sat on her bed. Rey pushed herself back to lean against the headboard, and the others sat crossed legged in front of her.

“Okay, I’m going to start from the beginning, I promise not to leave anything out, and you’re going to sit there and absorb it. Don’t interrupt me, because I might not be able to get through it if you do. Agreed?”

They agreed.

“Back in the forest on Takodana, I was captured by Kylo Ren. It was scary as hell, but he didn’t seem to be trying that hard to hurt me. At the time, I thought it was because he found out I’d seen the map. I woke up in this awful chamber, and he was there, a cold mask staring at me, telling me I was his guest. It was so bizarre, having someone trying to read your mind. I was determined to fight it.” She saw Finn nodding.

“That’s when a switch flipped. Deep in my mind I felt something stirring, like maybe I could do more than fight him off. I said something about being hunted by a creature in a mask, and he took the mask off. I was stunned to see that a) he was so young, and b) he’s fairly attractive. I reminded myself that he was the enemy. But I’d let my guard down enough with the surprise at seeing his face that he was able to get in to my mind. He probably saw that I’d thought he was pretty—don’t snort like that, Finn, I know how this sounds—because he got very close to me, and told me how lonely I was, and that he felt it too. Seriously, wipe that look off your face, Finn, or I won’t let you stay here.”

“Sorry, it’s just—ow!” Rose had slapped him on the leg.

Rose leaned forward some, “Go on!”

Rey cleared her throat, and finished telling them about that first encounter. She’d managed to get into his mind, seeing not only was he afraid, but that he felt a desperate loneliness as the light side of the Force kept calling to him. She continued telling the story up to just after Finn had been struck with the lightsaber. “Again, while I was fighting for my life, and Finn’s life, it didn’t seem like Ren was trying that hard to take it. He wasn’t fighting me with the intensity that he’d fought Finn, and then he offered to teach me the Force. That’s when I realized that’s what I’d done to get into his mind. I opened myself up to the Force, and it helped me beat him back. Then the ground cracked, and I was able to escape with Finn.

Then I was sent to Ahch-to, to find Luke Skywalker. I found him, and he didn’t want to teach me. He showed me the bare minimum of what I needed to control the Force, but he wasn’t interested in reviving the Jedi. The second day I was there was the first time it happened. I saw Kylo Ren, sitting in my little hut. I immediately shot at him, but the illusion cleared. I ran outside, and there he was again. And this time he spoke to me. He’d realized that neither of us were powerful enough to appear before the other one, and he’d assumed the Force was connecting us.”

Rey looked at her two friends, and found that Finn’s eyes were glazing over, but Rose’s were sparkling. She skipped ahead, thinking she’d share more of the details with Rose later, “The Force connected us several times over the next few days, and every time it did, I felt more and more certain that Kylo—Ben’s—path wasn’t yet decided. I had gone to a part of the island that was whispering to me in the Force, which Luke said was the dark side.

“He stressed several times the need for balance in the Force, and it was promising to show me my past, especially my parents. But it was really my last conversation with Kylo that sent me there. He said to let the past die, to kill it, if I had to. But I couldn’t let it die. I needed to know what the island was trying to tell me.

But it was for nothing. The rock, instead of showing me my parents, only showed my reflection. And then I surprised even myself. I sought out the connection with Kylo Ren—Ben Solo. I’d started referring to him in my own head as Ben the minute I’d felt the conflict in him.”

Finn’s eyebrows had hit his hairline, and Rose looked oddly calm. They were respecting her request to not interrupt her, but she could feel that they wanted to. She didn’t need the Force to know that.

“I started to feel that the Force had brought us together to show us what balance could look like. Should look like. I held my hand out to him, and he took it. Luke came in then, and lost it. I insisted he tell me the truth of what happened when Ben Solo turned into Kylo Ren. He did. Luke had sensed the dark side in Ben, and had tried to kill him in his sleep. Ben won the fight, and burned the temple down.” She paused there, letting it sink in.

“I told him that I’d seen a vision of Ben’s future, that if I went to him, he would turn back to the light. I asked him a final time to help us, and he refused again. I left for the _Supremacy_ right then.”

Rose couldn’t stand it anymore, “Okay, but how does any of this make it worth it to try to turn him from the dark side? This is classic bad boy syndrome. You can’t fix him.”

“I don’t want to fix him,” Rey responded, testily. “I can’t fix him. He has to want to change. But I think I can help him see what he could be if he did change, or at least if he switched sides. I don’t think he needs to quit using the dark side entirely, but what if he’s the balance the Force wants? If he can use the dark side and the light side equally, I think he will be able to return to himself. I felt the conflict in him. So did Snoke. Snoke is the one who originated the connection between us, trying to lure me in and taking advantage of the conflict he sensed in Ben.

Look, I don’t expect you to understand, and I know exactly how this sounds. Like I have a crush on the enemy. And maybe I do have feelings for him. I know he has, at least he had, feelings for me. He killed Snoke to protect me.” Her friends gaped at her, shaking their heads, not believing it.

“He did it, despite the propaganda. Snoke ordered him to execute me. He killed Snoke instead. Then we fought together to escape the Praetorian Guard in the throne room. We won by working together. Afterward, he told me that he had feelings for me, and asked me to join him. Begged me to.” She felt a little funny about phrasing it that way, but she needed to convince her friends to go along with her plan. Or at least not turn her in for it.

“Begged you to? Kylo Ren doesn’t beg anyone,” Finn interrupted this time.

“He does. He wanted help then, though he couldn’t put it into those words. He wants to belong. He never felt like he belonged with his family, or with Luke, training as a Jedi. When I saw him last, the Force connected us again, even though Snoke was already dead. I could feel the depth of his regret, and he looked desperately sad. He was on his knees. And I shut the door, literally and figuratively.” Finn looked skeptical. “Like I said, I know how this sounds. I also know his thoughts and feelings, almost as well as I know my own. I feel like if I show him he can belong with me, he will turn, he will join us. Maybe he will bring some forces with him, and we can increase our numbers against the First Order. This can work. I just need to do it correctly.”

She looked at her two friends. “What do you think?” She prepared for the worst.

Rose spoke first, “I feel like this is a plot out of a romantic holo-novel. I don’t know if it will really work, but we don’t win things by fighting against what we hate…”

“…But saving what we love.” Finn finished for her, then he sighed. “I really don’t like this plan. I still have scars from fighting him, and from seeing him order the massacre of that village on Jakku. But, for your sake, and ours, honestly, I hope it works.”

Rey smiled in relief. “Thank you.”

Finn gave Rey a serious look. “We can’t tell Poe.”

“I know,” Rey said.

Rose asked, “What will you do if it doesn’t work?”

Rey’s smile faltered. “Prepare for the worst. I’m going to do everything I can not to reveal our location, just in case it doesn’t work. I’m pretty sure I’ll know if I fail in this, and we should be able to evacuate before they arrive.”

“We’re trusting you to do this. I know you’ll be careful,” Finn said, reaching out for her hand without taking it.

Her smile broadened, and she took his hand, “Thank you for trusting me.”

***

The rest of the day passed in a blur for Rey. She went about her usual duties, but when she was finally able to go back to her room, she couldn’t remember exactly what she’d done. The anticipation of opening the Force bond was consuming her thoughts. It was the thought that he might be there, just waiting for her, that sent shivers up her spine, and made her tingle between her thighs.

She fussed with her hair, feeling silly about it, and then settling in on her bed. She couldn’t approach this giggling like a little girl. She crossed her legs, and sat up straight. She started meditating, as she usually did before bed. But this time, instead of stretching the Force in her own mind, practicing what she’d read in the books she’d stolen from Ahch-to, she found the wall she’d built and slowly pulled it down.

She reached out, eyes closed, and focusing on how it felt when they were connected before. She wasn’t sure if the connection would be strong enough this far out from Snoke’s death that she’d be able to see him, or if he’d be able to see her. She hoped she would be able to see him, at least, but even feeling him would be enough, for now.

After several minutes, she sighed, getting frustrated. Maybe she wasn’t actually powerful enough to find him. Maybe what she’d felt at the edges of her mind wasn’t really him, just her memory of him. She’d pulled the wall down, and now all she could do was wait. She tried for another few minutes before giving up. Feeling dejected, she decided to go on to sleep. Rey curled herself under the blankets, holding back the tears threatening to fall.

She’d known this was possible, of course, but her hope had been so bright she must have deluded herself. She didn’t indulge her fantasies that night, but she decided to leave the wall down to see if he would use it to find her.

“I miss you,” she sighed into the open connection, just before falling asleep.


	4. Losing Ground, I'm Reaching For You

There it was again. _Her presence_. It was different this time. This time, it came like tendrils of smoke, like a caress, wrapping around his body. This time, it was intentional, he knew. Rey’s voice sounded in his mind, jolting him out of his meditation. What had she said? “I miss you.”

He missed her, too, her constant presence in his mind had soothed him back then. But, she’d rejected him, just like everyone else. He’d trusted her, fought beside her, protected her. And then she’d run back the Resistance.

But, he could _feel_ her, finally, after all these weeks. Something like hope surged in his chest. He looked around the room, to see if she was there with him like that first time. He didn’t see her, but maybe he could find her if he concentrated. He settled back into his meditation, with a new focus. _Finding Rey._

Suddenly, he was there, looking at Rey as she lounged under the trees. _Something’s off_ , he thought, it was all too smooth around the edges. Nebulous in places. This wasn’t a vision, but it wasn’t like their bond had been. He swept around with the Force. No, this wasn’t a vision. Rey was dreaming, and he’d found his way in. He looked around, trying to determine where this was.

Standing above her on the rock outcropping, he studied her, looking for changes that marked the time they’d been apart. Her hair was down; it looked longer than it had been on the _Supremacy._ He drew in a sharp breath, marveling at the sight of her with her hair completely loose around her shoulders. He watched her as she flopped back on the grass, staring up at the sky.

She breathed his name, not yet aware that he was there. The air simmered around him as he felt her desires. She wanted him there, like she was calling to him, pulling him to her like a magnet. He found himself climbing down the rocks, his feet crunching on the little loose stones as he walked through the narrow passages. His body was buzzing with anticipation, and hope that she would accept him here.

He stopped at the opening of the last passage through the rock, concentrating on his breaths to steady himself. With one last deep breath, he stepped out into the clearing.

***

Rey was back on Takodana, walking through the forest, as she often did in her dreams. Ever since that day Ben had reached into her mind and awakened the Force in her, she tended to dream lucidly. Sometimes she had company, but most often she was alone.

In this dream, she explored the rock formations where she’d first seen Kylo Ren. It had felt like he’d appeared out of nowhere, and she’d been terrified. Now, running her hand over the rough surface, moving slowly through the formation, she thought of the misery and self-loathing she’d felt from him when they had been connected. It was the first time she’d started thinking of him as a man, and not just a monster.

She made her way through to the clearing where he had trapped her with the Force. She walked the circle of the clearing before sitting in the middle. Sometimes in this dream, she conjured a version of Ben, and they sat together, holding each other, giving the comfort they both desperately needed. Other times, they kissed, and he laid her back on the grass, propping himself up above her. In her dreams, he was tender and kind, but his touch was fire on her skin.

She settled back on the grass, exhaling the breath she’d been holding. She laid there for a good while, wondering how she’d been so wrong.

“Do you dream of this often?” His voice broke through her thoughts. She sat up slowly, not sure what she’d find. She trailed her eyes up his body, and finally met his gaze. She hadn’t intentionally thought of him this time, but it seemed her subconscious was going to have him in her dream. But meeting his eyes, this Ben seemed different. There was something more to him than the Ben she usually spent time with while she slept.

She raised an eyebrow, “Often enough.”

“Does the dream include me?”

“Usually,” She responded honestly. The Ben in her dreams never asked questions. He was still standing a fair distance away from her, hands opening and closing, like he was unsure of what to do or say next.

“Are you terrified when you dream of me, like that day?” He was looking directly into her eyes, daring her to answer.

“No. We’re happy in my dreams. But in reality, I’m sad when I think of you.” She held his gaze, watching the light return to it. She came to her feet, brushing herself off.

He looked like he was trying to read her in the Force, and she held him at bay, “No Force, Ben. If you want to ask me something, ask me.”

That irritated him, and he asked, “Why are you sad when you think of me? In reality?”

“Because we could have been amazing together,” she responded. She was sure now that somehow, the real Ben—the one who called himself Kylo Ren—had made it into her dream. “You do realize I’m sleeping right now? You’re in my dream.”

“I know.”

“Can we do this when I’m awake? I can only control my dreams for a certain amount of time.”

“I know.” Suddenly he was right in front of her, hands on her cheeks. He looked down at her mouth, and muttered, “You can’t imagine how much I wanted to be angry with you, to hate you, but I can’t. I don’t.”

Rey’s breath caught. He lowered his lips to hers, in a fiercely possessive kiss. She returned the kiss, melting into him. His tongue swiped over her lips, and she opened them for him. Their tongues danced together as he pulled her closer, and held her against his body. She relaxed into him, feeling the evidence of his desire for her pressing against her stomach.

Then, it was over. As suddenly as he appeared, he was gone.

Rey bolted awake, looking around her room for Ben. She didn’t see him, but she could feel the remnants of his presence in the Force. She reached out for him, and finding him, pulled him to her.

_Not fair, disappearing on me like that,_ she thought through the Force. She tried to see him, like they had before, but she couldn’t make him appear. Maybe their connection _had_ gotten weaker since Snoke’s death.

_I wanted to wake you up. Why can’t I see you?_

_I can’t see you either. I guess neither of us is actually powerful enough to appear to the other._

He huffed through the connection. _You didn’t have any trouble invading my memories a day ago, across the galaxy, I assume. Your power has grown. Is someone teaching you?_

_Oh. I - I was trying to -_

_It doesn’t matter why you were doing it. All I care about is you reaching out for me._

Rey smiled to herself. _I’m going to try something,_ she told him _._ She tried projecting an image of herself to him, her sitting on her bed in her quarters, rumpled from sleep.

She heard his sharp intake of breath, and she knew it had worked. _Your turn. Send me a picture of what you’re doing._

She could feel his smirk, and she knew she’d made a mistake. _You want to see what I do when I think of you? Or what I’d like to do now that I see you in bed?_

If she said yes, her plan might work faster than she thought. She hadn’t expected his reaction to her in her dream, had thought he would be angry with her. She decided to be completely open with him, and hoped that it would be enough to bring him around to her side.

“Show me,” she said aloud.

She heard him exhale, and she could feel his excitement through the Force. Passion was an integral part of using the Dark Side of the Force, and he wasn’t lacking in that. Just as she had pushed the image of herself into his mind, he was sending her his fantasy of them together. This was a throne room, similar to the one they’d fought in on the _Supremacy_. This room was slightly smaller, and instead of red visors around the viewports, they were black, with streaks of red and bright blue.

This wasn’t Snoke’s throne room, this was Kylo Ren’s. She hadn’t forgotten that he was Supreme Leader now, but it was still a surprise to see it. But, something was different about this room. As she looked around, she saw there were two thrones, equal in size.

She gasped as she realized one was supposed to be hers. _Want to see more?_ he asked.

_Yes._

The vision changed, and Rey saw Ben sitting on his throne, legs apart, looking bored. He sat up straighter suddenly, and then he stood up and descended the step halfway. He held his hand out, and she saw his version of her take it. She was wearing something similar to what she always wore, but instead of a creamy beige or a light gray, it was full black. She was wearing something on her head, like some kind of headdress. He guided her up the step, and she sat on her throne.

Instead of going back to his own seat, Kylo leaned over her and kissed her with the same passion he’d shown her while she was dreaming. His version of her melted the same way she had, tangling her hands in his hair, and keeping his head down. He knelt down in front of her, mouth still on hers, and ran his hands along her body.

He brought them back up to her breasts, and both Reys inhaled sharply at his touch. He rubbed his thumbs over the outside of her tunic, making her nipples tighten and strain against the cloth. That Rey arched her back into his touch, moaning slightly, and repositioning her hips to be closer to his. She rocked her body against the hard ridge of his arousal. Rey felt herself start to flush as she started feeling the vision like it was happening to her. Her breath caught as the vision moved on.

She rubbed herself up and down him, and he moved his hands to her hips, working her trousers down. He kissed her neck, and Rey shivered as she felt it on her own neck. He nipped slightly, and both Reys let out a desperate moan. “Tell me what you want,” Kylo said in his vision.

His Rey responded, “I want you to taste me.” He smiled in a way Rey had never seen before— a real smile, full of promises of pleasure. She wanted to memorize that smile, and hoped she’d see it for herself.

He worked his way down her body, working her tunic open and baring her to the room. “You’re so beautiful, I can’t stop looking at you.” He paused a moment to take his own shirt off. His Rey ran her hands up and down his chest, like Rey had wanted to do after seeing him shirtless. His shoulders looked even broader than she remembered.

He took one of her breasts in his mouth, flicking her nipple with his tongue. Rey noticed they were pretty close to what hers actually looked like, even though she was sure he’d never seen them. His Rey writhed beneath him, pulling him closer with her hand on his neck. He gave her nipple a long, slow lick, and then started moving down her stomach toward her core. He nuzzled between her legs, and said, “You smell so good.” He lowered his head, and his tongue entered her, curling inside her folds, tasting her arousal. She whimpered and panted, pushing herself onto his face, seizing his hair. Watching this, watching Kylo on his knees devouring her, _on her own throne_ , was too much. She was so close to coming, and nothing had physically touched her.

The Rey in the vision was groaning now, and Rey turned her attention back to what Ben was sharing with her. She wished she could see him, wondered if he was touching himself like she wanted to. He was toying with her clit, alternating rubbing it with the rough pad of his thumb, and flicking it with his tongue. He slipped a finger inside her, then a second, stretching her around him. He pushed his fingers in and out of her, picking up speed, and Rey’s hand drifted down to rub her own clit. She and his vision of her came about the same time, one quietly, and the other crying his name, and begging for his cock.

Kylo smirked at her, “Whatever you want, baby,” and opened his pants, revealing himself to Rey. She swallowed hard, because it was more than she imagined. She stared at the length of him, and she felt his pleasure at her reaction swirl around her.

_Like what you see?_ _Want me to keep going?_ His voice in her mind was intoxicating.

_Hell, yes_ , she answered him.

She was flooded with warmth, and he continued playing his fantasy for her. Kylo stood up, grasping Rey under her knees, and pulling her forward to meet him. With a quick thrust, he sheathed himself inside her, eliciting a sob of pleasure from Rey. He held her legs as she leaned back in the chair, giving him more room. He drove himself into her wetness, throwing his head back and groaning. With each thrust, Rey bucked to meet him, and the sound of their bodies meeting had Rey trembling with need.

“Come for me, Rey.” The Kylo in the vision was the one who spoke, but she could feel that Ben wanted her to, as well. _Come for me, let me hear what it sounds like._ Even through the Force, his voice was gruff, like he was close to his own climax. _Please, Rey._

Panting, she obliged him, letting her moans of pleasure escape as she felt herself shatter for him. She heard the grunts of his release, and relaxed back on her bed as the vision dissipated.

She could feel him floating around the edges of her mind, wanting her to tell him how she felt about his fantasy.

_That was… amazing. Do you think about that all the time?_

_Most of the time. There are a couple of others._

_I have one I revisit often, too. In the elevator, on the_ Supremacy _. It’s good._

_Can… Can I see it?_

_Some other time. Now that the bond’s back open, I imagine we’ll be together a lot more often._

_If you had stayed with me, we could have been doing this all along._

_I couldn’t stay with you._

_Why not?!_ She felt his anger rising. _Careful Rey_ , she thought to herself, _don’t ruin this before you’ve even started._

_Because it wasn’t just you I’d be staying with. I don’t believe in what the First Order stands for. I can’t be with you as long as you’re with them, no matter how much I want to be._ She held her breath, unsure of his reaction.

He was angry, and hurt, all over again. Without saying more, he slammed out of her head.

She released her breath, and sent a final feeling through their bond, _I’m sorry it’s this way, Ben._

She didn’t wait for a reaction from him. She got under her covers, and went back to sleep.


	5. Feeling That It's Gone, Can't Change Your Mind

The next several days passed like a blur. She tried her best to maintain her routine, meeting with Finn, attending to her mechanic duties, but she found herself wanting more and more to just sneak off and play with Ben in their bond. She still couldn’t see him, but she was sure that the longer the bond was open, the longer she meditated on it, the longer she pulled at him through the Force, she would eventually see him. Touch him, even.

She knew she would have to be extra careful once they were able to touch again. He’d been visible to Luke in her hut on Ahch-to, and she would see if someone who wasn’t Force sensitive could see him. She thought she’d ask Rose to be her test subject, since she was the most in favor of her plan.

What she hadn’t expected after that first night was that Ben would stay with her. It wasn’t like it had been before, the Force connecting them at random. No, this time she felt his presence constantly. They didn’t always speak to each other, or make an effort to send particular visions and feelings, but she knew he was there. And he was warm. Comfortable. The dark side of the Force always felt cold, no matter how charming it was trying to be. She remembered how Snoke had felt in the Force, like a snake made of ice, slithering its way up her spine and into her mind. Ben, even when she first met him, had never felt cold to her, and this only cemented her belief that he wasn’t fully committed to the dark side. He could still turn.

But in the meantime, she had to get better at controlling the Force. While she had lifted several powers out of Ben’s mind when he’d tried getting the information about BB-8 from her, she still wasn’t sure about trying to use them. Some drew obviously on the dark side, but others were more ambiguous, as if they could be activated by either side of the Force, depending on the user’s intent. Take the paralysis, for example. She’d been terrified when Kylo Ren had used it on her, but it could be a great defensive power.

She wanted to practice her powers, both the big ones from Ben’s mind, as well as the more basic powers she was learning about through the Jedi texts. She hated to admit it, but Luke was right about most of the Jedi teachings. They were incredibly frustrating, and most of the teachings seemed wildly outdated after all the galaxy had been through, first under the Empire, and now under the First Order. But, they were helping her get a handle on her growing powers.

This morning, she was going to ask Finn if he would let her practice her powers on him, but they’d been joined by Poe, and he was still a little jumpy around Force powers after Kylo tortured him. So instead, she kept her Force training to her room, or outside of the camp in the forest.

She’d found a spot at the basin of a gentle waterfall, which was secluded enough for her to practice without drawing extra attention to herself. It was beautiful here. Bright greens and blues reflected in the water, which was still a marvel to a desert girl like her. The fungus trees were taller than the ones on Takodana, and there were song birds here. Sometimes, she just laid by the water and listened to them sing. She thought about making this place her home, once the war was over. And, if she was honest with herself, she liked to imagine bringing Ben here. She shook her head to focus on her training, because without it, she wouldn’t progress enough to be able to connect them like they had before.

Today, she was going to practice the paralysis power. She thought she might try it on the waterfall or some rocks. She lifted the rocks from the bottom of the pool high in the air with the Force, and let them drop naturally. She took a deep breath in, and focuses on stopping the rocks in the air. They slowed to a stop, but they didn’t freeze like she wanted them to. She let them fall, and then tried again. And again. They were stopping, sure, but they weren’t violently freezing in place. She kept at it, but by the twentieth or so time, she was getting frustrated with herself.

_That’s not how that power works,_ Ben intruded on her concentration.

_Oh, really? All you do is command things to stop, and they freeze. I saw it in your mind, you commanded me to stop, and I was stuck there,_ she responded, irritated with him.

_You’re asking them to stop, and they’re stopping. I dominated you with my will, with my power in the Force. If you want it to freeze, you have to dominate it._

_I don’t have to dominate things—people—to get what I want._ She let the rocks back down and stomped into the water. She was getting angry, and pulling the Force while angry was a recipe for using the dark side. She needed to cool off.

_I like it when you dominate me._ She froze. He’d said it so softly, she wasn’t sure she’d heard correctly. _Like when you cut me in the forest._

_I was trying to kill you then._ How she wished she could see him! It was ridiculous, but the more she thought about it, the more his reaction to her had made sense. He’d been far too excited to see her again after she had almost ruined his face. She kept walking in the water, to cool down for an entirely different reason now. She sank under as she hit a deep spot. She was able to backtrack slightly, and keep her head above water.

_I know. I didn’t care. I was mesmerized by how strong you were, how you were just pulling the Force to you like it was nothing. I wanted to teach you to control the Force, but then you showed me that you didn’t need me to control it, you were able to do it on your own. And it was glorious. So, yes, I almost died because I was distracted by how natural using the Force was to you. How strong you were in it._

She got the feeling that it was easier for him to say this without having to see her reaction. He stopped talking, and waited for her to speak.

She didn’t right away, too surprised by his admission to have anything real to say back. She was having trouble keeping her head above the water, so instead she asked, _Do you know how to swim?_

_What?_

_Swim. Do you know how to swim?_

_Yes. Why are you changing the subject?_

_Because I’ve walked myself in a pool of water, sat down and found a deep end that I wasn’t expecting._

_Why are you in the water if you can’t swim?_ He’d started yelling.

_I needed to cool down, and it didn’t seem that deep. Growing up in the desert, I guess I’m not that good at judging the depth._ She was hopping and pushing off the bottom with her feet. _Do you think you could show me how to swim? Through the connection?_

_Probably._ She felt him connect more fully with her, pushing into her mind like he’d tried to do in that interrogation room. This time she let him in, and instead of taking, she felt him giving her a memory, of him as a young boy, learning to swim in a pool in the exercise room of a diplomatic cruiser. It flashed through her mind like her own memory, and as little Ben kicked his legs and moved his arms through the water so did she. She made it back to the shallow end, and she sat at the edge of the water.

But there was more to the memory. Leia was in the water with him, pulling him along. What should have been a fun activity was clouded with melancholy. “But why do I have to go live with Uncle Luke? Did I do something wrong?” Little Ben asked his mother. _Ah, this is when Ben went to study with Luke._

“No, of course not. But you are so strong in the Force, you need more training and practice than I can give you. It’ll be just like going to school, and you’ll make friends with the other students.”

Ben seemed to realize then that Rey had left the water and was safe, and he pulled back on the memory. Tried to pull back out of her mind, but she caught him, and held him there, straining to make him stay. As she did, she felt the world around her go quiet as it had each time the Force had connected them before. She looked to her left side, and he was there. _He was there!_

She looked at him, with tears shimmering in her eyes, and asked, “Can you see my surroundings?”

“Just you.” He looked awkward, standing there, like he was a little nervous about her reaction to seeing him again. He gazed at her with a desperate intensity, waiting for her to make the first move.

She ran at him, hoping that they would have a solid connection like when their hands touched. Otherwise, she was about to make a fool of herself, splatting on the ground. She jumped and he caught her in his arms, as solid as she remembered. _Maybe a little more solid than I remember,_ she thought.

She buried her face in the space between his shoulder and his neck, his chin coming down to rest on her shoulder. She didn’t care that they might be visible to anyone who came upon them. Rey wasn’t sure how long they stayed that way, just holding each other, and letting the world fade away.

_Letting the war fade away._

After several minutes of just being held in his arms, Rey realized Ben didn’t smell like anything. She’d been expecting to inhale the scent of him, to finally know what his gloriously soft hair smelled like. But nothing. It was a reminder that while she could see and feel him, he wasn’t actually there. She lifted her face from his neck, and he moved his head to give her room. They’d never been this close to each other before. She took her time, studying the lines of his face, the unscarred side that made her think of what might have been if Luke hadn’t gotten spooked and driven him off. She got the sense he was memorizing her features, just in case they wouldn’t be strong enough to make this happen again.

She had her hair tied simply at the nape of her neck, but some of it had come loose during her practice. She saw his hand come up, and felt him tuck an errant strand behind her ear, so gently she wasn’t even sure he’d done it. He trailed his fingers down her jaw line, light as a feather. She shivered as his fingers stopped under her chin, tilting her head slightly up.

“Are we alone where you are?” He asked her, burning through her with his gaze.

“Yes. No one around for miles. You?”

She felt him reach out with the Force, but she wasn’t sure what he was doing. “Bolting the door,” he said, seeing the confusion on her face. “I’m alone, but there are other people in quarters close by.”

She returned his gaze with what she hoped was a seductive half-grin, “Then you’ll have to be quiet.”

“But you won’t. I’m going to make you scream.” He crushed his mouth to hers, and she eagerly returned his kiss, just as hungry for him as he was for her. Through their bond, she felt the intensity of his desire for her, and physically felt the evidence of it between her legs. He started walking with her, and she felt herself hit up against something. She opened her eyes and looked around, breaking the kiss, and as Ben ran his lips down her jaw to her collarbone, and between shiver-inducing kisses, he said, “Wall.”

She gasped out, “There’s no wall here, I’m just pressed up against air. It’s weird.”

He moved his hands from under her knees to caress her thighs and farther up, to cup the taut muscles of her bottom. He groaned appreciatively as he spread his fingers and squeezed her. Rey inhaled roughly as she ran her hands across his back and up his broad shoulders, remembering how she’d wanted to do that since seeing him shirtless that first time. She wrapped her legs around his waist and clasped her ankles to balance herself. “Take your shirt off,” she whispered to him.

He leaned back from her, just enough to work his shirt tails loose from his pants, and pull it off over his head. She marveled at seeing his bare chest up close, and slowly messaged her hands on the bulge of his trapezius muscles. He held his still-gloved hands up, and gave her a slight half-grin, the first indication of a smile she’d seen from him. She felt a little light-headed as he brought his right hand up to his mouth, and bit his glove at his middle finger and pulled it off with his teeth. She stared as he pulled the other one off with his ungloved hand, and threw them both over his shoulder. They disappeared behind him, as even now their bond had limits.

She grasped his cheeks and his breathing turned ragged as she ran her thumb over the scar she’d given him. She kissed him then, full of fever and passion, wanting more from him. Pressing her closer to the wall, he brought his bare hands to caress her face. She had an overwhelming urge to feel his skin against hers, to press herself against him so tightly they wouldn’t be able to tell where he ended and she started. She started desperately tearing at her shirt, silently cursing the complex tucks and folds that kept it together. He broke the kiss, and rested his forehead on hers.

He closed his eyes, and asked her “Are you sure you want this?” He was lifting his head to look at her, but she was already answering before he finished his question.

“Yes! I just can’t get out of this damn shirt.”

“I can help with that,” he purred, his voice going deeper with desire. She felt him calling the Force, and suddenly her shirt left her body and landed below her. They both stopped breathing for a moment as they took in their decision, how real it was becoming. Ben raised a hand to her breasts, bared to him now, and she saw his hand shake ever so slightly. “I’ve dreamed of this,” he whispered.

“I know,” Rey responded, “I have, too.”

He lowered her so her feet could touch the ground, and traced his hands up her body, coming up under the swell of her breast. She sucked in a breath as he ran his thumbs over her tight nipples, the light brush setting her senses on fire. She arched toward him as he continued rubbing her, pressing her lower body into his. He bent over her, and took her nipple in his mouth, tormenting her with his tongue. She cried out his name, and he looked up at her. “Ben, please,” she gasped, “I need more.”

The light through the trees hit his face, and he smiled then, a real smile that was so full of erotic promise, she felt drunk on it. He stood up, and brought his face down to hers, cupping her cheeks with his hands. “I’ve seen your elevator fantasy,” he said, “Felt it, even. Let me give it to you, just the way you pictured it.”

She nodded, her face scorching with heat. His eyes burned through hers, “Say it.”

“Yes,” she rasped out, “Give it to me.”

His whole body smashed into hers, his hand going between her legs, just as she’d wanted it to. He rubbed her through her pants, wet both with the water from the pond and with her own need. She moaned as he increased the pressure on her clit, and lifted her hips to give him better access. He brought her to the brink, had her sliding against the wall, trying to match the rhythm of his fingers with her hips. He leaned down to kiss her neck, the sensitive place where it connects with her shoulder, and it was all she needed to come apart in his arms.

He slowed his hand, and squeezed her as she came. His breath was hot on her neck, and she felt a hand move to her waistband and slip inside. His warm fingers glided over her slick skin, moving to touch her, to slide a finger inside her. Her breathing hitched as he curled it against her walls, and she dug her nails into his shoulders. He pulled it out, and went to work to take her pants off.

“Damn, sweetheart,” he said, “You are so ready for me.”

She nodded frantically, not trusting her voice to work. She moved her hands from his shoulders to his waist band, trying to undo the button. Her hands were shaking so badly he clasped them in his, and kissed her gently. He moved his hands back to her waistband, and hooked his thumbs inside and slipped them over her hips. She stepped out of them as he was out of his so quickly he had to have used the Force. She stared at him openly, realizing the version of him he’d shown her in their shared fantasy was accurate. She reached down, and ran her hand up and down him, feeling his velvety shaft as he arched into her hand, growling in pleasure.

He picked her back up, and pressed her against the wall that she could feel, but still couldn’t see. He positioned her opening against the head of his cock, and looked at her like he was going to devour her. Not waiting for him, she sheathed herself down on him, and he shoved up into her, filling her completely.

Rey felt an explosion in the Force, like something that just radiated from them. She looked at Ben, and knew that he’d felt it, too. She ran her hand down the scar on his face, following it all the way down his chest. He started to move then, sliding himself out of her, leaving her feeling empty, then pushing himself back in, with exquisite slowness, stretching her.

She moaned as he picked up speed, thrusting up into her core. She tried to move with him, but it was harder to do than she’d imagined. She curled her legs around him, hooking her ankles so she could get leverage against him. His next thrust hit in just the right place, and she cried out, “There, Ben…just stay there…”

He smoldered at her, “Yes, ma’am.”

The pressure built inside her, and she knew she was getting close. She opened herself to Ben in the Force, trying to feel if he was there with her. He answered her, panting, “Almost there. You first.” He kept up his rhythm, and her climax was like nothing she’d felt before. She screamed then, like he’d said she would, as her vision went blurry.

It was a while before she realized he had moved her away from the wall, and had settled her onto something else. Based on the height, she thought maybe a bed or a sofa. He covered her with his body, balancing on his elbows, and she instinctively pulled her knees back toward her stomach. She ran her hands down his muscular back, and she felt his muscles tighten as he held himself above her. She had the overpowering urge to rake her nails over his muscles, and as she did, he groaned with pleasure while surging into her.

He tucked his head against her shoulder as he drove into her, growing closer to his own climax. She held tight to him, and kissed him on the sensitive place at the base of his neck. His breathing was coming harder, each breath seemed like it was being dragged out of him. She flicked him with her tongue, and gently ran her teeth over the hollow of his shoulder. Ben reacted with his whole body, groaning and slamming into her twice more, before pulling out of her and spending himself in his own hand.

Rey pushed herself up to see him better, as he tried to stand. He ran his clean hand through his hair, pushing it back from his face. He held it there a moment, and let his eyes drift closed. She watched him appreciatively, as his breathing made his chest heave. She watched him as he opened his eyes, staring at her, almost in disbelief. He moved then, finding something to clean his hand on, and came back and sat with her.

“I’ve never experienced anything like that in my life,” she said, knowing that he likely sensed that coming through their bond. It tumbled out of her awkwardly, like she was trying to fill the space and make sure what they’d experienced together was real.

“Neither have I,” he said, kissing her gently on the shoulder. He sat back against something, and opened his arms to her. She scooted over, and laid her head on his chest. When their breathing had returned to normal, Rey sat up so she could see him.

“What do we do now?” She asked him

His gaze sharpened on her, “What do you mean?”

“We’re on opposite sides of a war. We both had visions that the other one would turn, but I think that was more literal than we thought. We fought together, then went back to our own sides.” Rey stood, and started back for her clothes. She hadn’t meant to have this conversation so soon, but after the intensity of their passion for each other, she needed to find out. But, she certainly wasn’t going to have it naked. If she was totally honest with herself, she worried she might be the one to turn if he kept making her feel like that. She shivered as she imagined what it would be like in person, if it was that good just through the Force. “What are we supposed to do when neither of us is willing to change sides?”

She made it halfway over to the pile of clothes before he caught her by the hand.

“Neither of us? If I remember correctly, I’m the only one who’s proposed here.” She spun around to look at him, eyes wide at his choice of words. She expected to see anger on his face, but she didn’t. Just determination.

He went on, “And you rejected me.”

“Are you saying you would have joined the Resistance, just to be with me if I asked you to? You’d give up being Supreme Leader, for the nobody from Jakku?” She dropped his hand, knowing in her heart that he wouldn’t have. She lifted her chin, waiting for his answer.

“No, probably not.”

At least he hadn’t lied to her. She sighed, and picked up her pants. She had them on in a flash, grimacing when she felt how wet they still were. Her plan might be a little more difficult now, but the feelings needed to be aired out before they could go on.

“Then why are you upset that I said ‘neither of us’? I’ve been in your mind, Ben, I know how you think. I know that you’ve felt powerless most of your life, and now that you have it, you’re not going to give it up. But I hoped you might.” She found her shirt, and wound it around her chest and shoulders, tying it off at her midriff.

“You’re the one who sought me out, saying you missed me, sharing fantasies and dreams, and… _this_ …with me, and now, you’re pulling back from me. So what is it you actually want here?”

She straightened her back, and took a deep breath. It was time for radical honesty: “You, Ben. I want you, not as Supreme Leader of the First Order, or as a Knight of Ren, as you, Ben Solo. I want to experience life with you, fight against the injustice in the galaxy with you. For real, not just through the Force. Which, by the way, has chosen us for something, is it too much to think we’re supposed to be together, two sides of the same coin?”

He looked stunned. His mouth opened and closed again, like he couldn’t find words. He just stared at her, and she let the silence extend.

After a little while she spoke, “I need to get back, Ben. Why don’t you think about what I said, and we’ll talk more later.” She turned and walked back toward the base, pulling back from their connection enough that she felt him fade away. She steeled her nerve, knowing he would have to choose her, at least a little, for her plan to draw him more to the light to have any chance.

She just had to be patient.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> weeeeeeee they did it!


	6. If We Can't Go On To Survive the Tide, Love Divides.

Rey was elbow deep in grease.

And she liked it. Fixing things soothed her soul, and there were lots of things around the base that needed fixing. This base had come with some truly ancient fighters, so old they really weren’t even sure what they were, much less if they were space worthy. Rey, Rose, and the other surviving mechanics were tasked with salvaging what they could from the ships, and seeing if they could be made space worthy.

They were weird little ships, something like a cross between an A-Wing and a TIE Interceptor. There was space for a small astromech droid, much smaller than an R-series, but maybe a BB-series would fit. Rey had figured out that the wing radiators could rotate 90 degrees, almost on accident. She’d been digging around in the shield projector unit, when she’d gotten caught on a set of wires and pulled them out. The wings had spun around, and stopped in an upright position. Rose had been working on the ship next to her when she had discovered that the laser cannons were meant to swivel, which could make them even more formidable. It was unfortunate that most of them were locked in place with rust.

“I don’t know how we’re expected to be able to repair these enough to fly,” Rose said, frustrated that her latest attempt to start her fighter hadn’t worked. They were still missing a critical component, but not even Rey had found a way to wire around it.

“We’ve got to do something with them. Right now, our fleet consists of the Millennium Falcon. And we had to scramble it’s signal so the First Order didn’t find it when Leia went to meet with someone who might give us more ships, so is it even the Falcon?”

“Don’t get all existential on me, Rey,” Rose said, smiling and tapping her hydrospanner on the old bit of paneling under her.

Rey smiled back at her friend, feeling a lightness she hadn’t felt in days. It had been four days since she’d told Ben, essentially, that she loved him. She had pulled back some from their connection, and though she could still feel him around the edges, he wasn’t ever present as he had been. _It has to be his choice,_ she told herself, _only he can change himself, I can’t drag him kicking and screaming._

So in the meantime, she’d been working double shifts at the repair attempts, and training with Finn and Poe. She’d even read one of the Jedi texts, though the only thing she’d learned is that she was doing it all wrong. She had closed the book, and put it on the bottom of the pile. She had enough to feel bad about, she didn’t need the sages of an ancient religion judging her on top of it.

“Rey. Rey!” Rose called to her. She looked over, perplexed. “You zoned out on me again. Thinking about Kylo Ren?”

“Ben Solo. And yes, a little bit. I’m frustrated it’s been four days since I told him what I wanted from him.” She ran an exasperated hand down her face, then groaned when she remembered she was covered in engine grease.

“Maybe you need to up the ante. Don’t let him just stew on what you said, really, really give him something to think about.”

“Like what?”

“Let me tell you a story. When my grandmother died, Paige and I cleaned out and sorted through her personal holos, you know, letters, videos, stills. Well, we came across some that we couldn’t access. They were password protected. So we tried a bunch of things, and my grandfather’s name unlocked them. Well, you know what they were?” Rey shook her head.

“They were dirty, dirty pictures. Of her, and some of him, but mostly of her with the message, ‘for when you miss me.’ So what you have to do is give him something to drive him crazy enough to do what you want him to.”

“I don’t know about that. It seems a little manipulative.”

“Oh, absolutely it is. But I don’t think it would hurt to send him a reminder of what he’s missing. Or use the Force in such a way that he shows up to tell you you’re doing it wrong again, and you can tell him to shut up and kiss you.”

Rey laughed at that one, and Rose laughed with her. She’d regaled her friends with her “lesson” from Ben, and only hinting at the rest when she spoke to Rose alone. “I imagine if I actually tried to follow the instructions for building a lightsaber, he’d show up and act like I was about to blow myself up,” Rey said, still chuckling.

“What are you going to do with the broken saber?” Rose asked, as she dove back into the engine she was attempting to resurrect.

“Well, the crystal broke in two, and from my reading, it seems like the crystal is the main source of power. I could try the broken crystal, but the blade would be frightfully unstable.”

“Couldn’t you rig it? You’re a good enough mechanic to do it.”

“Possibly. I have a couple of ideas bouncing around in my head. But first, I’m determined to get at least one of these working.”

Rose shouted an agreement, and a challenge, as she shimmied herself farther down into the engine compartment, “But it will be mine that gets started first!”

Rey lowered her goggles, and got back to work, the friendly competition lifting her spirits.

***

Much later that night, Rey returned to her quarters, exhausted to her bones. She was too tired to go to the canteen, so she rummaged through the rations she stashed in her bags, finding a protein bar. She was still dirty from working on the starfighters, so she lowered herself to the floor, leaning against the side of the small desk in her room. She opened the package of the protein bar, and took a bite, chewing slowly.

She stared straight ahead as she ate, reflecting how much her life had changed in such a short time. Just a few weeks ago, she’d been sitting alone, eating her portion, staring out over the Jakku desert, waiting for her life to come to her. She even missed her home, her AT-AT that had sheltered her most of her life. Now, she was eating alone, staring at the door to her quarters, having traveled the galaxy, and met the most famous heroes of the rebellion, and gone up against the First Order, not once, but twice, and the time she hadn’t won, she’d escaped with her and her friends’ lives.

She finished her protein bar, and after some effort, stood up. She was sore from days of crawling around in cramped spaces, and her muscles protested any continued movement. She considered just dropping in bed, not really minding the filth, but decided she ought to at least change clothes and wash the grime from her face and hands. She gingerly picked her way across the small room, lingering a moment in front of the fractured pieces of the Skywalker lightsaber. She’d already removed the fragments of the crystal from the ruined hilt, and had opened one of the sides to see how Anakin Skywalker had wired it. She had learned her craft from studying other people’s work, and this would be no different.

She would just have to make sure she didn’t blow herself up in the process. According to the Jedi texts, a lightsaber was one of the most dangerous things a person could build. She walked to the small refresher quarters in her room, really just a wet room, to clean herself before collapsing into bed.

She felt like she was swimming in sand as she made her way back to her bed, and fell face down onto the lumpy, but sturdy, mattress. She turned her head to the side, and found herself staring at the familiar freckles on Ben’s cheek.

She sighed and mumbled, “Not now, Ben, I’m going to sleep.” She closed her eyes and continued, “I’ve worked four days of double shifts, not even you can tempt me out of this bed.”

She heard a rumble from his direction, and she thought it might have been a chuckle. “I only caught about half of that. Sleep well, Rey,” he said, running a hand over her slicked back hair. Rey exhaled slowly, and sank into a dreamless sleep.

***

Rey woke alone the next morning, and she was almost sure she’d dreamed the visit from Ben. He would, of course, pick the absolute worst time to show up, and wondered when he’d try again. She sat up and checked her clock, realizing she’d forgotten to set an alarm the night before. She was relieved to see she still had time to meet Finn for training.

She jumped out of bed, and realized she’d slept only in her briefs. She grabbed an undershirt, and threw on her work jumpsuit. After training, she was going to go back and work more on the starfighters. She had a bet to win, after all.

The sound of her boots echoed down the empty hallway of the residential part of the base. Shehurried to the training gym, excited to try something new.

She rounded the last corner, and almost flung herself through the door. “Good morning!” She said, maybe a little too brightly.

Finn and Poe whirled around to face her, smiling. They each greeted her, and Finn asked if she was ready to get to work. Rey nodded, and took up her baton. BB-8 booped a greeting and rolled to the far side of the room.

“I want to try blocking blaster bolts,” she told them, and Finn made a face like it was a bad idea. “These batons can block them, can’t they?”

Poe answered, “They can, but not as efficiently as a lightsaber, which is what you should be practicing with. How have you not finished that yet?”

Rey narrowed her eyes at him. She liked Poe, but sometimes the man was just dense. “It’s very dangerous work. It could explode and either maim me or kill me. I have some more things to figure out before I try it. Now, can we try this?”

“Yes, but I’m setting this to stun,” Finn said, “Like your lightsaber, I don’t want this to go wrong. I’m going to fire a couple of rounds away from you so you can get your motion down, and then maybe I’ll point it at you.”

Rey agreed, and Finn fired the blaster in her general direction. She swung the baton like she was trying to block them. After Finn had fired several bolts, Rey told him she was ready to try blocking them. The lowest stun setting would last about 20 minutes if she got hit, and she had enough she wanted to do that day that not getting knocked out for 20 minutes was sufficient motivation.

Finn fired the first bolt at her, aiming at her midsection. She just brought the energy end of the baton up in time, knocking the stun bolt toward the ceiling. Both Finn and Poe made excited whooping sounds at her success, but she knew she needed to be faster. “Again,” she told Finn.

Finn was a good shot, and she was getting faster at bringing the baton around to block. As they worked, Rey started to feel the Force like a coil surrounding her, twisting around her limbs. The baton suddenly felt lighter, and she was able to anticipate exactly where Finn was going to shoot. Finn noticed it was getting easier for her to block, and started varying the speed between shots. As she kept up, Poe stepped up, setting his own blaster to stun. At a nod from her, Poe began shooting with Finn.

Rey felt the power surge through her, and soon she was spinning the baton like it weighed nothing, sending the stun bolts all over the room, using the Force to direct them away from Finn and Poe. She heard the little droid whistle as the stun bolts went by. As the bolts kept coming, Rey remembered how Ben had blocked her bolts on Takodana, and had then frozen her in place. She hadn’t been able to freeze the rocks at the pond, but maybe she could freeze the stun bolts. There was more at stake than just stopping rocks in the air. She pulled more from the Force, and she blocked the next three bolts in quick succession, and stuck her arm out to freeze the fourth.

She exhaled sharply, asking the Force to stop the bolt. It slowed, as the rocks had, but didn’t stop. It was still coming for her, and she’d dropped the baton too low to be able to block it. Her stomach fluttered with panic, and then she recalled what Ben had said. She had to tell it to stop. Make it stop.

The bolt was coming, ready to hit her square in the chest, but it was like time slowed. Between heartbeats, she saw Finn and Poe’s faces drop in surprise and then in panic as they realized what was happening. Rey pulled at the Force, practically shouting at it to make it stop. She inhaled, trying to squash the rising panic. _Help me,_ she said to the Force, _please._ She felt the coil tighten in on her, then expand out like an explosion. Her blood roared in her ears, and her vision tunneled, and all she could see was the blue of the stun bolt as it came to a halt.

It froze. _It froze!_

Rey’s ears popped as her senses returned to normal. She still had her hand out, and she saw the faces of her friends go from abject panic to glee that she had stopped the bolt. They started laughing and slapping each other on the back, picking their way around the bolt to come congratulate her for stopping it.

And then she saw him, behind her friends, leaning against something she couldn’t see. He had the same expression on his face as he had when he’d looked at her after she caught the lightsaber in the throne room. He was proud of her.

She smiled at him, feeling proud of herself, too. She started toward him, not thinking about her friends’ celebrations or the fact that she needed to either hold the bolt or redirect it. The last thing she saw as she slid to the floor was Ben’s shocked face as he came toward her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Our boy's too distracting.


	7. Someday Love Will Find You

Kylo saw Rey sliding to the ground, and rushed forward, hoping to catch her. He yelled her name, hoping to keep her conscious a little longer. He suspected there were others in the room, and they’d see him when touched her, but he didn’t care. He had to check her, to make sure they weren’t practicing with live bolts. He hadn’t known what she had been trying to freeze with the Force, but he’d wanted to see her do it. And then he’d distracted her from it.

He got himself down to the ground just in time to catch her head before it hit the floor. He gathered her into his lap, cradling her much the same way he had when he’d kidnapped her all those weeks ago. He frantically checked for her pulse, and relaxed slightly when he felt it beating steadily under his fingertips. He adjusted her body to check her over for wounds. She’d bent in half when the bolt had struck her, so he started with her torso, and went out to her limbs. Finding nothing he relaxed further.

_***_

Finn thought the stun bolt might as well have hit him, he was so shocked by the events that had unfolded in the last two minutes. He and Poe had been about halfway to her when suddenly the bolt had broken through and hit Rey in the stomach. They had both rushed over, but someone had beaten both him and Poe to her.

Finn stopped short, and Poe smashed into him. They righted themselves, staring at the scene in front of them. Their enemy, the Supreme Leader of the First Order, was on the floor, cradling their friend like she was the most precious treasure in the galaxy.

Finn heard the distinct sound of a blaster being changed over from stun. “Holy shit,” Poe said, staring at the pair on the ground. Finn shifted nervously. He really wasn’t that familiar with how the Force worked, but he was pretty sure people couldn’t just appear out of thin air.

“Finn. What. the. fuck. Is Kylo Ren, Supreme Leader of the First Order doing holding Rey like that?!” Poe whispered, furiously.

“Rey had a plan. She’s trying to turn him. And the way he’s stroking her hair, I think she might be on to something,” Finn whispered back.

“I have lots of questions, Finn. But they’ll have to wait,” Poe said. He raised his blaster, and signed that he was going to go around behind Kylo.

Finn stayed still while Poe quietly moved around. So far, Kylo hadn’t even looked up at them, he was too absorbed in Rey. Once Poe was in position and had his blaster pointed at Kylo’s head, he moved closer to grab Rey once Kylo had let her go.

He nodded to Poe when he was in position.

“Kylo Ren, put down our friend and stand up, hands behind your head,” Poe said, authoritatively.

There was no reaction from their enemy, and Poe moved to nudge him with the barrel of his weapon. “Put her down,” he said again.

Finn was sure his mouth dropped open, because the barrel had _gone through_ Kylo’s head. Like he wasn’t even there.

“Oh, wow,” Finn said, at his normal tone. “He’s not here.”

Poe waved his hand through Kylo Ren’s head. It went through with no resistance, and no notice from Kylo.

“He can’t hear us, can he? He’s not just ignoring us?” Poe wondered as he came back around to Finn.

“I don’t think he can see us, either.”

Finn watched as the man who had slaughtered his own father, hundreds of others, tortured Poe, sliced open his back a short time ago, and had been the apprentice to an evil Force user, gently smoothed the hair off of Rey’s face. He repeated his careful strokes, and looked like he was trying to memorize Rey’s face.

Finn was feeling like an intruder, but apparently Poe didn’t feel the same. Finn was incredulous as Poe marched up, squatted down and stared at Kylo Ren’s face.

“You know, he was a child the last time I saw him. That scar, that’s the one Rey gave him, right?” Finn nodded. “Good for her. I can see Leia in him, around the eyes.” He leaned closer, then suddenly shot straight up. “Well, that got awkward.”

Kylo was starting to lean down, and he kissed Rey on the forehead. Then, he rested his forehead on hers, mouthing something Finn couldn’t hear.

“What should we do? We can’t leave her here unconscious for the next 15 minutes,” Finn said.

“We can call for a medical droid. But then Rey’s fool plan will be exposed. What were you thinking Finn, keeping this a secret?”

Finn sighed. They would have to wait for Rey to come to on her own. “We can’t call for a droid. I was trying to be supportive of my friend. And I didn’t think it was a terrible plan. Her description of what happened made it seem like it was possible.”

“Who else knows about this?”

“Just Rose.”

“And I’m sure she went along with it, stars in her eyes,” Poe rolled his eyes as he finished.

That was true. Finn looked back over at Kylo and Rey. He watched them another few seconds, enough to see Kylo mouthing something again. Finn figured Kylo was speaking out loud, but he wasn’t able to hear him.

He turned to start pacing around the room, when he heard Rey come to with a sharp intake of breath.

***

_Rey. Sweetheart. Wake up._

Rey was floating. She heard Ben in her mind, but she was in no hurry to get back. She liked the warm, weightless feeling that had settled into her limbs. She felt something brush her forehead, and then a slight pressure like something resting there.

Then, more forcefully, _REY. You have to wake up._

She ignored him. She’d get there when she was ready, and she wasn’t ready. She felt a vibration through her body, a familiar resonance that she’d felt several times before. _Ben is using the Force on me,_ she thought, then she felt a painfully sharp jolt tear through her body.

All of her muscles had stiffened at once, and she heard herself take a loud breath as she woke up. As her body relaxed, she realized she wasn’t on the floor, but she was being held by someone. It was Ben, and she saw an angry passion swirling in his eyes. She took another shaking breath, her body tingling where his hand met the skin of her arm. _And where something else was pressing against her hip._ She panicked then, looking around the room to see who was there. She saw Finn, then her eyes fell on Poe.

They looked surprised to see her awake, and she saw Finn’s eyes flick to Ben and back to her. _He can see him. Shit. Poe can, too, judging by the look on his face._

So she spoke out loud. “What the hell, Ben?! That hurt!”

“I could ask you the same thing,” His voice was calm, but she could feel the anger shimmering underneath. “I thought you had injured yourself. What were you thinking letting that bolt go?”

“What was _I_ thinking? Excuse me? I was training. Which, by the way, you interrupted,” she started to push off of his lap. She wasn’t going to argue and cuddle with him at the same time.

“Good thing I did, or else you’d still be knocked out,” he said, his face hardening. She saw Poe move out of the corner of her eye, like he was ready for a fight. Ben stood up with her, and had kept a hand on her shoulder, meaning her friends could still see him.

“Oh, please, if you hadn’t have interrupted, that bolt would be in the wall somewhere. You distracted me, is all.”

“I’m a distraction?”

“Yes, showing up days later, like nothing even happened…” She felt herself growing red. It was time to stop. “We’re not alone, and I’m done with this argument. I don’t have to explain myself to you.” She whirled out of his grip, and saw Finn and Poe turn to study the wall like it was the most fascinating thing either one of them had ever seen. Certainly more interesting than watching her fight with an apparition. _Right_.

She marched to the door, and on her way out, she heard Poe say, “So… that sounds like it’s going… well. Hey, where are you going? I have questions for you!”

She flipped a rude hand gesture and sailed through the door. She smiled as she heard Finn’s snort of laughter.

***

Rey’s escape from Ben and Poe didn’t last long. In Ben’s case, it had never started. He’d silently stayed behind her, stalking her through the hall as she ignored him. It helped to imagine him walking in circles, or dodging walls as he tried to keep up with her.

She’d gotten a pretty good head start on Poe. She’d made it nearly to the canteen before he’d caught up with her. She sent a silent thanks to Finn for delaying him as long as he had.

“Rey! Rey, we have to talk about this,” Poe yelled from behind her. She stopped where she was, and sighed before squaring her shoulders. She turned to face him.

“Maybe, but not right now,” Rey told Poe, still ignoring Ben. He was standing almost between her and Poe. Poe would probably walk through him.

“What?” Ben asked, his head tilted in confusion. Rey didn’t answer him. He turned to follow her gaze, though Rey knew he wouldn’t be able to see anything.

Poe kept coming toward her. “Yes, we do, and yes right now. With the General off world, I’m one of the ranking members of the Resistance, and this is a serious matter.”

Rey crossed her arms in front of her. “I can’t talk about this now, Poe.”

She saw movement out of the corner of her eye, and knew Ben was coming toward her. He’d fairly growled “Dameron” when she’d said Poe’s name.

“You’re going to,” Poe said, getting closer to her, “You can’t keep up this plan to turn Kylo Ren. It’s too dangerous for us. Let it go. There are literally millions of other human men and male beings available in the galaxy, and you decide to go for our enemy? He tried to kill all of us, multiple times! He killed Han Solo, his own father, right in front of us!”

Rey opened her mouth to respond, but Ben reached her, and to her everlasting annoyance, stepped in front of her, between her and Poe. So, instead, she heaved an annoyed sigh. He grabbed her hand behind him, and the touch made him visible. Rey couldn’t see his face, but she could feel the ferocity rolling off of him in the Force.

“Oh,” Poe said, surprise filling his voice.

“He can’t hear you, Poe. Or see you, I imagine.”

“Doesn’t matter, I’ll find a way,” Ben responded.

“A way to do what?” Rey responded, incredulous. “I know you’re not threatening my friend.”

“I don’t like your friends, Rey,” Ben said, a snarl in his voice. She imagined he was making faces at Poe.

“Yeah, same here, jerk,” Rey responded. Ben’s back tensed, but otherwise he showed no response to her.

She looked around Ben and made eye contact with Poe. His eyebrows were raised, and he was looking between her and Ben. “I can’t hear him, either, but I can certainly interpret his body language. I don’t think this is going to go the way you think.”

“Yeah, Luke said the same thing to me the last time I saw him,” Rey grumbled. Ben turned to look at her.

“He’s a monster, Rey. You can’t trust him! He’s probably just using you to track the Resistance,” Poe tried.

“No, he isn’t,” Rey sighed.

“How do you know he isn’t rattling around in your head taking all our secrets? This is a problem on so many levels, Rey,” Poe argued.

“Two reasons: One, he knows I could do the same. And I’m not, so he isn’t, either. Two, I would be able to feel him,” Rey explained, ticking her reasons off on her fingers.

“What is he saying to you?” Ben demanded.

“You know what, Ben? None of your business. And Poe, what I do with Ben Solo is none of your business, either. Both of you can bloody piss on off,” Rey yanked her hand out of Ben’s, and whirled around to run full speed down the hall to the hangar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> She does who she wants.


	8. Break Those Chains That Bind You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wonder what's going to happen in this chapter...

“I told you, you should have just used the Force,” Rose said, amiably.

Rey had recounted the entire incident for Rose a few hours later while they worked on the Force-forsaken starfighters. Rey was starting to believe that there was no way these ancient things were going to be air-worthy, let alone space-worthy. She’d managed to avoid another conversation with Poe after that first one, mostly by avoiding his person.

“It’s like he can’t help himself. He wants to be the one to teach me so badly, he just shows up whenever he feels me use the Force.”

“So what, he’s got a student fetish?”

Rey laughed awkwardly, “No, I think he has a me fetish. Particularly a me using the Force fetish.”

_Damn right, I do._ Rey fumbled her hydrospanner, and had to bend down into the engine block to retrieve it. She felt Ben somewhere off behind her. She didn’t give him the satisfaction of turning to look.

“What happened?” Rose popped up from the wing junction she was working on.

“The, uh, professor is here.” She felt Ben ruffle in the Force.

“WHERE?” Rose clambered up on to the wing to look around the hanger.

“He generally isn’t visible. If I touch him, you’ll be able to see him.”

“You know, I haven’t actually seen him. I was unconscious on Crait by the time he got there.”

“Eh, you know, he looks like most tall, dark, handsome villains ready to snatch you from your bed in the dead of nigh—HEY!” She rubbed her behind where he’d just stung her with a smack. She still didn’t turn, but she could feel him right behind her, so close she felt her spine tingle. She knew if she leaned back, she’d be right up against his body, and she tensed in anticipation.

“Oh! I saw that!” Rose exclaimed, “Can he see me?”

“No, he couldn’t see Poe earlier.” She bent to get back to work on the engine, aware of his eyes on her. She may have wiggled her hips to get back into position. He didn’t bother to hide the lust rolling off him in the Force, and she could barely remember what her hydrospanner was even for.

She addressed him in his head, _Go away, Ben. I don’t have time for this, I’m working._

_I’m always working when you show up. I make the time._

_Now that’s a load of bullshit. You specifically tell me you’re alone._

_I have reports to read. I am actually running the galaxy, you know._

_Yes, I know, you’re the fucking Supreme Leader._

She heard him groan when she cursed. She’d been spending too much time around the other mechanics, who cursed liberally while they worked.

When he spoke, his voice was deep with desire, “You could be fucking the Supreme Leader.”

Her whole body warmed, and she knew she was beet red. She ached with the thought of going to bed with him again, and made her decision.

“Uh, Rose? I’m going to stop… I, uh, don’t feel well.”

“Yeah, whatever.”

“I did get shot this morning.”

Rose rolled her eyes, not fooled for a moment. “Go on, girl, have fun with that tall, dark, handsome villain.”

Rey was careful to put her ship back together enough that it would be safe to sit there, and put her tools away, and finally turned to Ben. Her breath caught as she swept her eyes over him. Earlier, he’d been dressed in his black quilted tunic that he wore on the _Finalizer_ , but he’d taken that off. All he had on was his black undershirt, tucked into his leather pants, which were held up by suspenders. _Suspenders?_ Her gaze moved from his suspenders to his wonderfully muscled shoulders, to his arms, that had held her up so well last time. _Huh,_ she thought, _suspenders CAN be sexy._

“Follow me,” she said, giving up the pretense and taking off down the hall back to her quarters.

Rey slowed her pace ever so slightly as she got into the hall, not wanting to panic anyone who might be there. Seeing no one, she dashed to the end of the hallway, looked both ways, and ran the rest of the way to her room.

She hit the keypad to close the door, and when she turned, Ben was there, nose touching hers, their breath mingling. She saw Ben smile, and her heart melted. He nuzzled her nose as he spoke, “You think I’m handsome.”

“I do,” she whispered, going up on her tip toes to kiss him. She ran her fingers through his dark curls, and she deepened the kiss. His arms went around her, pulling her closer. He was letting her set the pace, and she moved her hands to his cheeks, holding him as she lifted her hips to press against his body. He moved a hand to the small of her back to balance her. She felt the evidence of his arousal pushing into her stomach, and she felt her muscles clench in response.

She lowered her hips and started walking him back to her bed. She spread her fingers on his chest, feeling his body heat through the thin shirt. She pulled one suspender strap down his arm, lingering over his defined muscles. He lifted his arm out of the one side as she pulled the other side down. She pulled the ends of his shirt out of his leather pants, and his breaths were coming short and hard.

“Are these the same pants from that night?” She asked him, thinking of the first time she’d seen him without his shirt on, when she was still on Ahch-to. She looked up and met his gaze, and she felt like he was going to melt her with his eyes. He nodded, running his knuckles down her shoulder, causing her to shiver with anticipation. She undid the button and pulled the zipper down. He hooked his thumbs in his waistband and pushed the pants down his hips and thighs with an agonizing slowness. She inhaled sharply when she realized he hadn’t been wearing anything under them.

She looked up at him gave him her sauciest smile, “You’re so bad.”

He groaned in response, and she pushed him down on the bed. “Where are you right now?” She asked, untying the arms of her coveralls from her waist. She’d pulled them down and tied them off while she was working on the engine. She had a white undershirt on, and by the way he was staring, she guessed it was more sheer than she’d thought.

“My quarters,” he breathed, “though it looks like it’s my turn to float."

“You’re on my bed.” She turned to take her boots off, and unzipped the coveralls the rest of the way down. She shifted her hips side to side as she worked the pant legs down over her hips, bending at the waist to take them off. She arched her back and looked over her shoulder at him, watching his breath catch and his hand drift over his thigh to grip his shaft.

She smiled, letting her hair down from its messy bun as she turned back to him.

“You’re going to kill me,” he moaned.

“Maybe,” she said, pulling her shirt over her head, letting her breasts bounce free. She stepped forward and put her hands on either side of his face, tilting it up to kiss him on the forehead, then on each cheek, so slowly the anticipation was building in her, too. Goosebumps raised on her skin as his hands went to her hips, barely touching her as he ran them up to her waist and back down. She hovered over his mouth for a brief moment, and finally, she gently touched her lips to his.

She swept her tongue over his lips, and he responded instantly, opening to her, capturing her in his passion. She felt his fingers play over her hips, running over the seams of her panties. He curled his fingers around the waistband on both of her hips, and said against her mouth, “These need to go.”

She leaned down to bring her mouth even with his ear. She breathed, “So get rid of them,” and nipped his ear. She moved back to rest her forehead on his.

Ben growled as he gripped her panties. She heard the rending of the fabric as he ripped them in two. He tossed the pieces aside, and surged up to take her mouth. She moved her hands to his chest, pushing him back on the bed, and used her knees to crawl over him. He laid back for her, propping himself up on his elbows. The desire in his eyes made Rey feel wild. She knew what she wanted, and knew he was going to let her have it.

She settled over him, her slit deliriously close to the head of his cock. She moved up further, to kiss his neck, and tease him a little. He had made her wait four days, after all. She rolled her hips back, just barely brushing against him. He drew in a sharp breath, and she smiled. She sat up, feeling his cock against her behind, and ran her hands through her own hair arching her back.

His eyes darkened, and she raised with him as he lifted his hips. His voice was hoarse as he asked, “What are you doing to me? I can’t take it.”

“Sure you can,” she said, her voice sounding thick with desire.

“I won’t beg,” he said, but she wasn’t convinced.

“Hmm,” was all she said as she rocked her hips back enough to almost take him in. He groaned, and she rocked against him again. “Maybe I want you to.”

“The Supreme Leader of the galaxy doesn’t beg,” he said, but she heard a teasing edge in his voice.

“I think he does,” she lifted her hips again, and used her hand to position him at her opening. She rubbed herself against him, letting him feel her wetness. He purred, but stayed still for her, though she knew he could push forward and give them both what they wanted. He was letting her have her way, giving in to her.

“Only for you. Please, Rey. I can’t take another second without being inside you,” Ben said, his voice rough. Rey smiled, and slowly lowered herself onto him, moaning as she felt his head separate her lips and push into her. Her seat met his hips, and she sat there a minute, reveling in the feeling. His hands went to her hips, and she felt him tilt her back, and her eyes widened as she felt him push the rest of himself into her. She felt the Force shimmer again, like it had the last time they’d been together.

She leaned forward, gripping his chest. She rocked her hips, and felt that exquisite pressure starting to build in her. She set a deliberate rhythm, pushing back against him as he lifted to meet her. She panted as she moved, and his hands wandered up her body. His thumbs brushed against her nipples, and she moaned, feeling the pleasure down to her toes.

Ben pushed himself up as she rode him, balancing with one arm, enough that he could nuzzle her neck. She could feel the sharpness of his stubble against the sensitive skin of her neck, and felt his hand cup the other side of her neck as he kissed her. She was overwhelmed with sensation, and she let out a deep moan. He matched her as she increased her speed, and his new position brought him against that sweet spot that brought her right to the edge.

Rey cried out as he licked along the side of her neck, then nipped her earlobe as she had his. He lifted his head and kissed her hard on the mouth, and moved his free hand down between their bodies. She tightened in anticipation of what he was planning with that hand. She felt his palm push up against her clit, and it was all she needed. His mouth absorbed her cries as she shattered around him.

He slowed down as her heart returned to normal. Ben kissed her again, and she realized he was still hard inside her. She looked at him, puzzled, and he answered her silent question by flipping her on to her back.

“We’re not done yet,” he said, and she was elated.

A good while later, Rey laid against Ben’s chest, feeling sleepy and sated. They were under her covers, and he had managed to maneuver himself into his own bed so he wasn’t floating in thin air anymore. He was gently stroking her hair, and she was tired enough that she was starting to drift off.

His other hand rested at her side, while she ran her fingers lightly over it, exploring the lines of his palm, and up and down his fingers. She hadn’t intentionally opened herself to the Force, but she could feel Ben beside her, and for once, she didn’t feel the turmoil that usually came off of him. He was absolutely relaxed, she realized, something he rarely was, even around her.

“How do you feel?” She asked, wondering if he was as surprised as her.

“Better than I have in a long time. I feel like I can breathe,” he responded, sounding astonished at his own answer.

Rey smiled to herself, and kept up her exploration of his hand. He sighed a little in appreciation of her movements.

“Rey,” he said, getting her attention, “it’s funny. I feel like I know you, inside and out, and yet, I still want to hear you tell me about yourself. I want to know what you want me to know, if we’d met like normal people.”

Rey turned to look up at him, surprised again. “I don’t know what there is to tell, really. I’ve been a scavenger most of my life. I spent a lot of time in a Star Destroyer, stripping it of parts and trading them for food. I live in a hollowed out AT-AT, alone. I’m an excellent mechanic, and can take apart a ship and put it back together in a little over a day. And, I’ve flown the Millennium Falcon.” She cringed inside a little, mentioning the Falcon, but she was proud of it. Ben would just have to get over it.

She felt his flash of misery at the mention of the Falcon, but he didn’t acknowledge it. Instead he said, “Nice to meet you, Rey who lives in an AT-AT.”

“What about you? What would you say?”

“Hello, Rey, I’m the Prince of Alderaan. Yes, the title is still good even though the planet is gone. Run away with me?”

“Seriously?”

“It’s true,” he said confidently.

“No, that’s really what you’d say, meeting me like a normal person?”

“Probably, I have an intense need to impress you. Ever since Takodana, really.”

“You do impress me. Particularly your fighting skills,” Rey said, nodding sagely.

“Only my fighting skills, huh? I’m crushed.” Rey giggled, situating herself again to lay against him.

“Well, we’ll have to try it in person before I can pass judgement,” she said.

She felt his intake of breath, and heard him say solemnly, “I will come to you right now if you want me to. To try it in person.”

She knew he was serious, and it made her uneasy. She felt a yawn coming on, and exaggerated it to deflect the mood.

He ran his hand over her hair, letting the subject drop, and said, “Sleep, if you want, I’ll hold you.”

“Nap with me?” She asked.

He kissed her temple, and nodded his agreement. He shifted down, still keeping her in his arms. Rey adjusted to rest her head on his shoulder, and felt sleep overtake her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Falling asleep together is fine, right? No risk here. Nope.


	9. One Night Will Remind You

“There had better be a _damn_ _good_ explanation for this.”

Rey jolted awake, grabbing her staff from beside her bed. She wasn’t in any position to use it, but it felt good to have it after being violently woken up. She looked around the room, and she saw General Leia Organa, staring at her, one eyebrow raised, and her hands on her hips. She looked down, and saw Ben was still asleep, but he was still touching her, so he would be visible to everyone in the room.

Rey shifted slightly, moving away from Ben, and put the staff back beside her bed. She was still naked, but that was the least of her worries. She glanced at the clock, trying to see how long she’d slept. Just a couple of hours. She turned her attention back to Leia.

“So, he wasn’t actually here, then. That’s a good thing for you,” Leia said, “Put your clothes on, and you’ll be escorted to my conference room.”

As Leia turned to leave, Rey noticed the two captains who had come in with her. They kept their eyes averted, giving her privacy. Rey dressed simply, putting her shirt and coveralls back on. When she was ready, they led her through the base to Leia’s conference room. She kept her head up, making eye contact with anyone they passed in the hallways. She had an explanation for everything, but she hoped that Leia would see it the same way she did.

Still, Rey was nervous. She fiddled with something in her pocket, trying to settle herself before meeting with Leia. She was Force-sensitive, too, and there would be no fooling her if she chose to read her emotions.

The walk to the conference room seemed to take an eternity, like the base had suddenly grown new twists and turns to torment Rey. She tried to tamp down the panic rising from her stomach.

_What’s wrong? Where did you go?_ Ben connected with her through the Force.

Y _our mother just found us, and I’m being escorted to her quarters._

_My mother? She’s alive?_ There was something in his tone, close to surprise, and a little hopeful.

_Of course she is. Didn’t you feel her on Crait?_

_No, I didn’t, I barely felt you. I had reports that she was, but I wasn’t sure._

_Well, I’m glad to confirm them for you. It’s all fine, don’t worry about me,_ she told him, trying to be calm.

_It’s not fine, I can feel you panicking. What do you want me to do?_

_You have to back off the connection. If she feels you around, and she will, she’ll think you’re influencing me,_ Rey told him.

_I AM influencing you. I taught you everything you know about using the Force. If she searches, she’ll figure that out. I might as well stay with you._

_No. And you didn’t teach me everything I know. I took it from your head, there’s a difference._

_Let me help._

_No, I’m pretty sure that will make it worse._

_Fine._ Rey could feel his anger, both at her and his mother. She had to be very careful how she dealt with this. She felt him pull back, but she worried it wasn’t enough. Leia was his mother, and Rey imagined she’d be able to sense him unless he completely severed the connection.

They finally arrived at Leia’s conference room, and the captains let her in. Leia was sitting at a small table, and had a data pad and a mug of something hot sitting in front of her. Leia didn’t invite Rey to sit in the other chair, so she remained standing.

“So, Rey, it seems like you’ve gotten up to some trouble while I was gone,” Leia opened, taking a sip from her mug.

“I can explain.”

“I’m sure you can. Start now.”

Rey swallowed, then told her everything that had led to her reconnecting the bond, “I decided to try and turn him. I’ve been inside his mind, seen his deepest fears and his greatest wants. I’ve also felt his conflict; it’s nearly torn him in two. Since Ahch-to, the Force has connected us, and I know him, deeply. Snoke claimed he had done it, but now I’m not so sure. He asked me to join him once, after we defeated Snoke’s guards, and he admitted he had feelings for me. I thought I could convince him to join me, to at least leave the First Order, if not defect to the Resistance entirely.”

“And sleeping with him was how you chose to do that?” Leia looked unconvinced.

“Partly. I thought just spending time with him, letting him be Ben, letting him feel like he was wanted just for himself, not his power or bloodline, might do just as much to bring him around,” Rey said, trying to sound confident.

“Really. Now he has exactly what he wants, rule of the galaxy and you. In addition, your attempt at redemption has exposed us.”

“I’m not trying to redeem him. Only he can redeem himself. And, I’ve been very careful not to reveal our location.”

“You wouldn’t have to reveal it. He can find you if he wants to. You are so inexperienced in the Force, you wouldn’t know that.”

“What?” Rey was incredulous. Surely she would have sensed him trying that through their connection, wouldn’t she? Leia seemed to pick up on her momentary hesitation.

“Kylo Ren is a very powerful, and well trained, Force user. He could meditate to try to locate you, and if you’re as connected as you think, it would be easy for him to do. He wouldn’t even have to take it from your head. He’d be able to do it without you sensing it, and likely has. I suspect he’s already sent a fleet this way.” Rey could feel Leia getting angry, and she thought she felt a lot like her son when he was angry. She looked at her feet, wondering if she’d really been so foolish.

Leia continued, “You’ve brought danger on our heads. I can feel his presence all around you, though he’s trying to hide. I felt him as soon as we landed, and you had better be very glad I didn’t find him here in the flesh. We’re a small number, and you have friends here. How could you risk them like this?” Rey snapped her head up to look at her.“And yes, they’re being questioned, too.”

Rey spoke up, “This was all my plan, not theirs. I did some meditation on my own, and experienced the past. I saw Ben’s struggle to stay away from the light side of the Force, and thought I could help him come back.” Hearing it out loud, though, she realized how naive her plan sounded. _Ben hasn’t even told me if he agreed to my demands, and I fell directly into bed with him,_ she thought, upset with herself.

Leia shook her head, and addressed the other chair, “This is your fault, Luke, you should have taught her something instead of sending her straight to my son.”

Rey watched in shock as Luke appeared in the chair, a shimmer of blue around him. “I taught her about the balance of the Force. Why don’t I get a caf?”

Leia snorted in frustration. Rey continued staring at Luke. She could see and hear him, so it wasn’t like the connection she had with Ben.

“What is happening here?” Rey asked.

Luke looked at her, “I became one with the Force. I can appear to Force-sensitive beings, when I’m needed.”

“When you want to, more like,” Leia sassed at Luke.

“That’s very interesting, but look,” Rey interrupted, “I told Luke that day on Ahch-to that his mistake was in thinking Ben’s choice had been made. It still hasn’t, really. I told him exactly what I wanted from him, and gave him a choice. He came back to me.”

“Oh, so he told you he’s giving up the power and choosing you?” Leia said acidly. Luke turned quickly to look at his sister, seemingly shocked at her tone.

Rey looked down. He hadn’t told her anything. Just showed back up with lust rolling off of him, then teased with her afterward. She sighed, “No.”

Luke came over to her, and put a hand on her shoulder, “The Force wants balance. And it seems like it’s chosen both of you to try to achieve it. But we don’t know what form balance actually takes, so trying to turn Kylo Ren to the light side may not be what achieves balance. It might be defeating him and balancing both sides of the Force in yourself is what it wants.”

Rey looked at him. “The Force keeps drawing us together, and not in violent ways. I don’t think it wants me to defeat him, or turn him from the dark side. I think we’re supposed to be the two sides of the same coin.”

Leia looked at her, and Rey thought she saw a flash of sympathy. “You’re young, and you’re in the throes of passion, and you’re not thinking clearly. But, I can’t excuse what’s happened. You’ve put us at great risk, and I need to talk with the rest of the leadership to figure out what to do. I’m confining you to your quarters in the meantime. Do not contact the Supreme Leader again. I’ll be able to sense it if you do.”

“And when he contacts me?” Rey asked, because she knew he would.

“Close down the connection so he can’t. You’re dismissed. You’ll be escorted back to your quarters.” Leia hit a button, and the door opened for the same captains to walk Rey back to her quarters.

He was there as soon as Rey stepped out in the hallway. He looked like his anger had dissipated, and all that was left was worry.

“What happened? Are you okay?”

Rey steeled herself, and started walking with her escort. _I can’t do this anymore, Ben. The General is having a meeting now to decide what to do with me. I’m sure she senses this, but I can’t just cut you off without saying goodbye._

“WHAT?! Goodbye?!” Ben had fallen into step with her.

_I believe in the Resistance, Ben. I shouldn’t have been so selfish, it’s not fair to you or to them. I imagine I’ll be kicked out, for bringing such a risk down on their heads. I probably deserve it. But until they decide, I have to abide by her orders. I can’t contact you, or let you contact me._ She felt the tears well in her eyes, and didn’t bother trying to hide them from him.

“You can’t just leave me. Again.”

_I hope I’ll see you again someday, Ben. Don’t take this out on the Resistance. I suspect you know where we are, but I’m asking you to let it go._ She wiped her eyes, but saved her sobs for later. She knew they were coming, and she thought Ben could feel it, too.

_I’ve already let this go on too long, I’m sorry._

“Rey, no. I can find a way to hide my presence better, or I can come get you. Let me come get you. Rey, wait! Stay, please,” He grabbed her by the shoulders, but she had already started pulling back on their bond, making it so he couldn’t touch her.

_You can’t come get me. That’s not what I want. I’m sorry, Ben, it has to be this way, at least for now. We can hope, and we can remember what the Force wants for us. But not now._

“Rey!” His face was twisted with grief, showing the emotions she wished she could.

_I have to go. Remember who you are. You’re not Kylo Ren, or the Supreme Leader, those are just titles. You’re Ben Solo, and I love you._

She pulled the rest of the way out of their connection, shutting it down just as she had those weeks ago. There was just enough of the bond left for her to hear him scream her name, with desperate urgency, and then there was nothing.

She made it back to her quarters, and got inside before her sobs began in earnest.


	10. How We Touched and Went Our Separate Ways

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go!

Kylo Ren was surprised that no one had come running after his outburst. Ten minutes had passed since he’d screamed Rey’s name, and still, no knocks, no nothing. He imagined that most of the crew of the _Finalizer_ was used to hearing his tantrums, but he’d been screaming an enemy’s name. Surely someone was curious. Snoke had encouraged his release of emotion as a way to draw closer to the dark side, and Ren, being an emotional sort, enjoyed being able to lash out at whatever frustrated him.

But as Supreme Leader, trying to stabilize a new empire, he had to find a way to calm himself. He found daily meditation helpful, as were his sparring matches with his Knights of Ren. For a time, Snoke had had them scattered to the reaches of the galaxy, leading their own legions for the First Order. In the weeks that followed the battle on Crait, he’d recalled them all, feeling more comfortable among them than General Hux’s troops.

Most of all, though, spending time with Rey was soothing his battered soul. He used to be filled with hate, most of it directed at himself. Especially after killing Han Solo, he felt well and truly like the monster he was. But Rey, Rey pulled at the part of him that wanted to be good, wanted to bathe in the light, and wanted to leave the monster behind. He found himself drifting to visit her in meetings, and just feeling her through the Force was enough to make him feel settled.

He stalked around his quarters, grabbing a pack and shoving clothes into it. She’d said she didn’t want him to come to her, but after her last words to him, how could he not? He couldn’t leave her to the Resistance, especially not in their desperate state. Who knew what they’d do to her if they decided she’d betrayed them.

And in a sense she had. He focused on her during his meditations, and early on, he had found her location. He was content to let her play at being a Resistance fighter, and because there were so few of them, they were not any real threat yet. Plus, he wasn’t exactly keen on fighting his mother. He hadn’t been able to take the shot that day on the _Raddus_ , and he didn’t think he’d be able to actually take any shot against her.

He hooked his saber to his belt, and considered how he was going to hide himself enough to approach the base. He knew his mother would be able to sense him, as easily as he could sense her, and she’d send up an alarm. Luke had cut himself completely off from the Force, neither Snoke nor Ren had been able to sense him.

Kylo swung the bag over his shoulder, and opened the door. He was face to face with three masked figures, whom he recognized as his Knights. _So someone did hear me,_ he thought. They had just elected to not disturb him. He looked at the masks, each distinct, designed by its owner. To the middle figure, he said, “Ready my shuttle, Rogmi, and tell Giah to meet me there. Then inform General Hux that business is taking me off ship.”

Kylo didn’t wait for a response as he set a determined pace down the hallway. His other two Knights fell in behind him. A deep male voice came from behind him, “My lord, where are you going?”

“Felucia.”

“What is on Felucia?” The other knight asked.

“Rey. The Resistance discovered her relationship with me, and they’ve likely imprisoned her. I’m going to get her,” Ren said.

“Sir, is that wise?” The first Knight asked.

“No, T’Chai, it is not. But the Force is guiding me to do it,” he said.

“I see,” T’Chai replied, keeping his voice even, but sneaking a look at his fellow Knight. He shook his head ever so slightly. They knew not to argue too much with their mercurial leader.

“Felucia is two days from here, even in hyperspace. What if you’re too late?” The second Knight, Drago, asked.

Kylo Ren stopped in his tracks, and whirled on the two knights behind him. His face was twisted in a familiar combination of anger and hate, his voice menacing, “Then I will have my revenge, and the Resistance will end there.”

They walked the rest of the way to the _Finalizer_ ’s hanger in silence. Kylo barely noticed the officers stopping and saluting as he went by. Dismissing T’Chai and Drago, he approached his shuttle, and saw that the ramp was already down. Standing beside it, helmet in hand, was a woman dressed in the black robes of the Knights of Ren. She was nearly as tall as Kylo Ren, with rich bronze skin, and a sharp black gaze that took in everything around her. He passed her going up the ramp, nodding for her to follow. “Giah,” he said, in greeting.

“Sir, the ship is stocked and ready,” she said, climbing the ramp behind him. She waited until it was closed to say, “I think this is a trap.”

“I agree. But Rey risked a trap when she came to me on the _Supremacy_. I will do the same for her.”

Giah watched as Ren took the pilot seat, and then sat in the co-pilot chair. “The coordinates are set. I’ve scrambled the shuttle’s engine signature, so that should mask us from the Resistance scanners, if they have any. Felucia isn’t exactly uninhabited, but any traffic will be scrutinized.”

Ren readied the shuttle for take off, glancing back at the single chair in the middle of the shuttle, remembering having to hold Rey the whole trip back to Starkiller Base. He’d felt a tenderness he couldn’t remember feeling before, and he knew there was something about the girl who could barely aim her blaster, but still faced him down in the forest of Takodana.

He flew the shuttle out of the bay, and once they were clear of the _Finalizer_ , he set the coordinates for the Felucia system.

***

Armitage Hux watched the lights on Ren’s command shuttle stretch out in front of him as it jumped to lightspeed. He caught sight of his reflection in the viewport, and smiled to himself. It was time to set his plan into motion.

He’d been laying the groundwork for almost six weeks, after retrieving and viewing the throne room footage from the wreckage of the _Supremacy_. The girl hadn’t killed Snoke, the rabid usurper had. Hux had carefully hinted to the other generals and admirals, spreading rumors and undermining trust. It was gloriously easy to do, as they already distrusted the young, destructive, overly emotional force user.

He wasn’t even part of the military. How had he expected to lead them? Snoke had proven his effectiveness, and Ren had killed him and lied about it. Why not admit he killed Snoke? Hux thought he’d probably have more respect from the other senior officers if he had.

The only obstacle left was the remaining Knights of Ren. Ren had taken his most powerful Knight with him, but one remaining Knight gave him pause. He was most known for his intense interrogations, and the rumors were he could separate a consciousness, a soul, from its body. Hux himself had never seen it happen, but those who had seen him at work said any survivors could only mutter about white triangles and purple smoke. Most survivors never recovered any more sense than that, but many never came out of the coma the Knight put them in.

So when another of the Knights, Rogmi, had told him business was taking Kylo Ren off ship, Hux had discreetly sent messages to the other senior officers, alerting them to his newly found “evidence” relating to the Supreme Leader’s untimely demise. A quiet cough drew his attention from his own reflection, and he saw his personal aid standing a short distance behind him.

Hux turned to face the slight woman. “Send a message to the true supporters of the First Order in this fleet. Tell them to meet me on the _Colossus_ at midnight tomorrow.”

Kylo Ren would rue the day he stole what was rightfully his.

***

Safely in hyperspace, Kylo set the autopilot and got up, Giah standing to follow him. He sat cross legged on floor of the shuttle, Giah sitting across from him. “We have 46 hours to sever my connection from the Force. You’ve trained as long as I have, do you remember coming across it in anything at the Temple?”

She nodded, but looked upset about it, “I can do it, but should we really? You’ve never been without the Force, it might have unforeseen consequences.”

“Everything in the Force has unforeseen consequences. How will we restore the connection?”

“Time and meditation,” she stood, and moved behind him. He felt her fingers light on his temples, and felt a familiar surge in the Force. Giah had been Luke’s best student behind only himself, but she’d chosen to follow him that night. She’d joined the Knights of Ren when Snoke had given him the command.

“Close your eyes, and concentrate on your connection with the Force. Find it within yourself, and move it to your temples.” He complied, feeling his power gather.

“Take a deep breath in. Hold it,” she commanded, “Let it out only when I say.”

He held his breath, starting to feel a tingle at his temples. Giah’s power surged forward, and the tingling became a burning. Her fingers felt like they had stabbed into his brain and were digging for his power, for his connection to the Force. He clenched his already shut eyes, and felt his whole body start to burn.

He wanted to scream. His body was on fire, burning from the inside out. Giah still hadn’t told him to release his breath, and he was getting desperate for air. Kylo Ren was starting to panic, feeling like his very soul was being ripped away from his body. He bit into his lip to keep still, tasting the familiar metallic taste of his blood.

After what seemed like an eternity, Giah told him to let his breath go. As he did, he sensed something like a pop from inside him, and then he sensed nothing at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Giah like she's my child.


	11. You Know I Still Love You

It had been hours since Rey had been returned to her quarters. She was tired and hungry after her sobs had wracked her body, and, sitting on her bed, she was lonelier than she’d ever been. Waiting for her family, if not her parents, she’d at least had hope that someone who cared for her was coming to get her. Now, she stood to be forced to leave the family she’d created, because she’d dared to care about someone on the other side of the war.

_Well, I dared to care about the LEADER of the other side of the war_ , she thought, _There’s a pretty big difference._ Rey sighed, realizing she was arguing with herself. She was so used to being able to connect with Ben at a whim that she still tried, even though she’d closed the connection again.

Rey threw herself back against her pillow and rolled over onto her side, feeling like a fool. She did love him, but she’d chosen to follow the Resistance, no, General Organa’s orders, over leaving and being with him. She wasn’t willing to make the choice she wanted Ben to make. And now she was afraid that if Ben did know her location, he would send a fleet. After she’d left him the first time, he’d been willing to destroy the Resistance, including her. What would he do this time?

A knock sounded at her door, and it swiftly opened. Rey sat up, hoping it was someone to tell her what her fate would be. But it was just a droid with a food tray.

***

Kylo Ren woke up on the floor of his _Upsilon_ -class shuttle. His legs were tucked oddly underneath him, and from the tingle in his feet, he knew he’d been there a while. He pushed up using his elbows and slowly untangled himself. He looked around, and saw Giah sitting in the pilot’s chair.

“Just left me in a heap, here, huh?” His voice came out rough, and his throat was sore like his mouth had been hanging open. “How long was I out?”

Giah turned and looked at him, “I’m not touching you while you’re passed out, not after the last time. I don’t know if using the Force on you will reconnect you, so I didn’t try it.” She shrugged and turned back to look into hyperspace.

He stared at her back and muttered, “You could have at least rolled me over,” under his breath.

“I feel awful, thanks for asking,” Kylo said, louder, and testily. In truth, he felt worse than awful. He felt like he was missing something vital, something akin to going blind. He pounded on his legs to get the feeling to come back to them so he could stand up.

“You look awful, too,” Giah said, without turning again. “You’ll have to fix yourself up before you see Rey, she’ll think you’re dying.”

He flopped down in the co-pilot’s chair, and ran a hand through his hair. “You didn’t tell me how long I was out.”

“A while.”

“How long?”

“Almost 24 hours. We’re a little over a day away from Felucia.”

Kylo said nothing. He turned and looked out into hyperspace, watching the blue and black fly by, and his mind drifted to a dream he’d had as a child. In it, he wasn’t Force-sensitive, just normal, like his father. He’d taught him how to pilot, and he’d been good at it just with his own skill, not because he had extra senses. Kylo shook himself, pushing the memory back down.

He wasn’t sure how this was going to go. He hadn’t realized how much of his confidence had come from the Force, from being able to sense and see things others couldn’t. And, without it, he was _normal_. He didn’t know how to be normal, no matter how temporary it was.

He and Giah flew for a few hours in silence, until he told her to get some rest and he’d take over. She reluctantly gave over the controls, concerned that he wouldn’t be able to fly without the Force. He told her it was probably the only thing he would be able to do. She gave him a funny look, and said, “You sounded like Ben Solo just then. Are you sure you want to pursue this? You’ve spent years leaving him behind.”

“You’re asking me if I’m sure now? After you’ve severed me from the Force?”

“Yes.”

He exhaled, and replied, “Yes, I’m sure. Rey said something days ago that stuck with me. She said we are two sides of the same coin. Her light, my dark, together in balance. She’d be with me now, even after everything I’ve done, if I wasn’t Supreme Leader.”

“You’re still Supreme Leader, and she still didn’t choose you. Why are we doing this?”

“She’ll choose me this time. She said she loves me. General Organa isn’t going to let her stay in the Resistance even if she breaks it off with me.”

“Wow.”

“What?”

“So, it’s not so much a choice as a last resort? How romantic,” Giah looked a little disgusted.

“No, it’s a rescue. I’m prepared for her to tell me to drop her off on some planet. And I will, but you’ll stay with her to help her develop her skills in the Force.”

“No. I’m not training your not-wife.” He could see her skin getting darker, and he knew she was getting angry with him.

“You will. Force connection or not, I’m still Master of the Knights of Ren, and Supreme Leader of the Galaxy, and you will do as I command,” Kylo said, feeling a familiar rage building inside him. _I guess the rage is just me… interesting,_ he thought.

“If you command it, then I have no choice,” Giah said shortly, and turned and left the cockpit.

Hours later, Giah returned to the cockpit and sat in the co-pilot’s chair. She sat there for several minutes before speaking, “I don’t like this. But I’ll do it, for you. Not because you’re my master, but because you’re my oldest friend. Does that work for you?”

Kylo looked over at her, surprised by her words. He nodded, and she continued, “I think it’s time for you to be yourself, authentically. Not who Snoke thought you were, or who Luke thought you were. Not even who I think you are. Be who you want to be, even if that means giving it all up. The Knights of Ren will still follow you.”

His eyebrows shot up, “That’s very sentimental of you.”

“Shut up. You’re the dope traveling the galaxy for a woman who’s turned you down twice.”

“That’s Supreme Leader Dope to you.”

Giah rolled her eyes. “All right S.L.D., how are we going to do this?”

“I have a very good plan.”

***

After a sleepless night, Rey stood in front of the leaders of the Resistance. She looked from face to face, not seeing any hint of what their decision was. Their faces stayed carefully blank as Leia stood and recounted her crimes. Finally, she addressed her directly. Rey lifted her chin, waiting for the verdict.

“Rey, you have brought an immense risk upon us. I understand your motives, but I cannot condone your actions. Neither can the council. However, we cannot evacuate Felucia yet. We have a new fleet of our own coming, and they will be here in 12 hours. We calculate that the closest First Order fleet is the same distance away, but Supreme Leader Ren’s ship is close to forty-eight hours away.

Given your relationship with the Supreme Leader, we suspect he will come personally, so whatever fleet shows up we will have a head start. Even if he started preparations right away, the bureaucracy of the First Order will delay him. Rey, you cannot come with us.”

Rey took in a shuddering breath, “I understand.”

Leia continued, “But, if you still want to help the Resistance, you will continue your plan.”

Rey was stunned into silence.

“I happen to think your plan will work, eventually. But, the Resistance is still small, and vulnerable, so you’ll have to do it on your own. If he shows up here, go with him.”

“What changed your mind?” Rey asked, quietly.

“The Force. And my brother.” Luke appeared briefly behind Leia, and gave her a small wave. “Plus, the overwhelming need to have my son back. Bring him back, Rey.”

***

Giah could not believe they were doing this. They’d landed on the far side of the planet, and after bribing several townspeople, they’d found out the location of the Resistance base. Luckily no one had recognized Kylo without his mask. He seemed much younger without his connection to the Force, and it was doubtful the propaganda with his picture had made it out this far. The shuttle could give them away, but by the time the base was alerted, the chaos would give them plenty of cover.

She’d found them a speeder to navigate through the fungi forests, and then they were off. The colors flying by them made her feel like she was on a bad spice trip. She kicked up the speed even more, zipping and dodging through the trees.

“So let me make sure I have this straight. I’m going in, instead of you. I’m supposed to find Rey, convince her to come with me, and then we ride off into the sunset?”

“For the fifth time, yes, that’s about it,” Kylo had that _tone._ The one that could make a stormtrooper soil himself. Giah, however, had the upper hand. She turned her head to look at Kylo sitting in the seat next to her.

“I still don’t think she’s going to leave with me, I think she’ll need to see you. If I were her, I’d need to see you before leaving with some woman claiming to be a Knight of Ren.” She used the Force, ever so slightly, to make her argument more persuasive.

“Fine, Giah, fine. I’ll go with you.” He threw his hands up in surrender. Giah smiled to herself, refusing to feel guilty for using the Force on him while he was at a disadvantage. The man was frustrating, and his plan was terrible.

She stopped the speeder in a clearing of trees. There was a pool of water, with a rocky outcropping and a small waterfall. It was walking distance from here to the base, and the speeder couldn’t be taken any further without tripping possible sensors.

Kylo leapt out of the speeder, and walked over to the pool. He looked into the water, then squatted down and put his hand in. Giah put her helmet on, then marched over to him, shaking her head. Her voice was distorted and far deeper than her natural tone as she said, “This is not the time to go exploring, Kylo Ren.”

“I think this is where Rey was when we connected fully that first time. When we could see each other.”

“Great. Now you can see the place in your dreams. Time to go.” He grunted as she hit him in the stomach with a helmet. “Put this on. It’s Drago’s extra, so it should fit you.”

She squashed herself in the Force as much as she could, and set a brisk pace. Kylo kept up with her, nearly as agile as he was with the Force. She stopped them at the edge of the trees, watching for movement on the base. She saw a regular patrol go by, and there were guards at each of the doors. She would have to take care of the guards quietly to get them in.

She timed the patrol bike, and once it was just out of sight, she motioned for them to go. When she ran, she felt a burst of power from her feet, as she surged to the guard. In a blink, she was there, and had the human male in a headlock. She overwhelmed him with the Force, and he fainted. She propped him up against the wall just as Kylo got there.

He was a little out of breath, she could hear through he vocalizer of the mask. He tilted his head, daring her to say anything about it.

He bent and searched the unconscious man for an entry card. He passed it over to Giah, and she went through the door first, lightsaber hilt in her hand.


	12. Though We Touched and Went Our Separate Ways

What Leia hadn’t said when she had dismissed Rey from the conference room was that she would still be confined to her quarters while preparations for evacuation were underway. She supposed that made sense, since she had officially been told to leave the Resistance. Rey was surprised that it didn’t bother her as much as it ought to have. Instead, she felt a simmering excitement low in her stomach, wondering if she would be able to find Ben, or what she would do next. 

Rose had come to sit with her a while, shouting at her guards that Rey was entitled to visitors,and she’d have them brought up on beings’ rights charges if they didn’t let her in. They let her in, Rey thought more to stop her from shouting at them than any real fear of charges, and now she sat quietly flipping through the old engine parts catalog she’d found in the hangar. It was from around the Clone Wars, they’d figured, and every so often she pointed out something obsolete that was being presented as top of the line. They laughed together, and Rey knew she was going to miss her friend terribly.

She paced her small room, packing a bag with meager belongings. She assumed that she would be left in one of the port cities on Felucia. She thought she might go back to Takodana, to Maz Kanata, and see if she could help her.

She sat on her bed, next to Rose, holding the pieces of the kyber crystal that had once powered her lightsaber. Rose shifted closer to her, and Rey sunk further down on the bed, resting the back of her head on Rose’s thigh to hold the crystal up to the light. She’d read in the Jedi texts how the crystals were almost living entities, able to feel the emotions of the user. Inspecting it, she noticed how the bright blue of the crystal bled into a deep violet at the broken edges.

_Almost like it had bled where it was broken_ , she thought.

She was rolling the crystal shards in her hands when she heard a commotion outside. She leapt up, and grabbed her staff, motioning for Rose to get up with her. Rose wasn’t armed, her blaster had been taken when she had been interrogated. It was far too soon for any kind of First Order raid, she thought, and felt panic creep up. _What if other members of the Resistance hadn’t taken kindly to her getting a relatively light sentence?_

She moved to the left side of the door, and pressed her back against the wall. Rose ducked down behind the small desk, rolling the catalog up to have something to hit with. Rey had her left hand over her right, and the staff pulled to the right side of her body, ready to strike whoever came through the door. She inhaled and held it.

She heard one thump, then another shortly after, followed by a sliding sound. She assumed her guards were being dragged away from the door. She exhaled slowly, settling her nerves. She opened herself to the Force, trying to sense how many people she’d be facing. She found one, and they attracted her interest. _I don’t think any of the other Resistance members are noticeably Force-sensitive_ , she thought. _Who is this?_

She didn’t have to wait long for the door to open. It wasn’t actually locked; these doors only locked from the inside, and she was commanded to leave it open. She stood as still as she could, but she felt a spike in the Force. _They were searching for her before coming through._ This person was actually trained in the Force, she guessed. She readied herself to attack.

Faster than she could think, the Force-sensitive person was in front of her. Taller than her by nearly six inches, the person wore black from head to toe, and a black mask with rings of silver around the visor. But this wasn’t Ben, as her eyes flicked down, she saw that this person was undeniably female. Rey snapped her attention back up to her attacker, tried to strike out with her staff, but the masked woman got the better of her. She felt her staff slam against the wall and stay there. Rey stared with wide eyes, and tried to fight against the other woman’s hold. She felt the woman use the Force to push her whole body back against the wall, in addition to her arms.

The woman turned her attention away from Rey, and looked directly at Rose, who’d leapt up with her catalog, ready to strike. The woman froze Rose in the air, and Rey heard a muffled grunt from Rose as she did it. She moved her and dropped her on the bed, still frozen by the Force. Rose’s eyes were wide, but she was still breathing. Rey fought harder against her, trying to break free of her hold.

The woman looked at Rey again. “Try that again, and I’ll knock you both out,” her voice was distorted by a vocalizer in the helmet. Behind her, another person approached, almost in slow motion. Rey turned her head quickly, trying to get a look at him. How had she not sensed him? He was definitely male, even taller than the woman, with broad shoulders, and she could see he was well-muscled through his black clothing. _And so familiar…_ She was transfixed by him, and stared openly at his mask.

He wasn’t wearing the mask of Kylo Ren, no, this mask had no silver on it, with small visor slits separated by an inverted triangle. The bottom of the helmet wasn’t smooth like the woman’s, or like Kylo Ren’s, this one was split over another panel. She also couldn’t discern any kind of Force-sensitivity from this man, but his presence overwhelmed the small room. As far as she could tell, he hadn’t even looked at Rose on the bed with more than a passing glance. He nodded in Rey’s direction.

The woman spoke again, but Rey didn’t look at her right away. “Rey. You’re coming with us. It’s up to you if it’s the easy way or the hard way.”

“Who are you?” Rey asked, moving her eyes back to her, and letting her suspicion come through in her voice.

“We are Knights of Ren. Our master, Kylo Ren, sent us,” she said. Rey thought the man tensed at the description, like maybe that wasn’t the whole story.

“And what will happen to the base?” Rey returned her gaze to the man.

The man spoke this time, “Nothing. You’re the priority. We didn’t even kill the guards outside.”

Rey inhaled sharply. She was almost sure, even with the vocalizer, she thought the cadence of his voice was exactly like Ben’s. Had he found a way to cut himself off from the Force? She opened herself further. She realized she couldn’t find the man in the Force at all, even though he was standing right in front of her. _Just like Luke…_ She swallowed a gasp, as she let her hopes run away with her.

“They’ll still need medical attention,” the woman said.

“I’ll go with you,” Rey said, a little too quickly, making eye contact with Rose, who could only blink at her, eyes still wide. She saw a touch of panic there. The man jerked his head to look at her, and she saw his shoulders relax. “Can you let my friend and me go? I need to get my bag.”

The woman turned her attention back to her, suspicion dripping from her voice, “You already have a bag packed? Why?”

“As of this morning, I am no longer welcome in the Resistance,” she left out the detail about being asked to keep trying to turn Ben. The woman looked over at the man, and he nodded slightly. Rey felt the woman release her, and she sagged against the wall. She used the staff to pull herself back up. Rose exhaled loudly as the woman released her. She had the sense she was being studied by both of them, and she moved slowly to get her bag from the top of the dresser. She felt her pocket to make sure the crystal pieces were still there, and slung her bag across her body.

She went to the bed, where Rose was sitting up. “Are you all right?” She asked, her voice a whisper. Rose nodded, eyes on the woman’s back.

“Is that him?” Rose whispered in response.

“I think so,” Rey said. “Can you tell the others I went willingly so they don’t try to hunt us down?”

“Yes,” Rose said, and pulled her into a hug. Rey held her friend for several moments, until she heard the man clear his throat. Rose pulled back enough to touch her nose to Rey’s nose.

“Save what you love, Rey. Save _who_ you love.” She moved her head back, and smiled through her tears.

She smiled back as she let Rose go, and turned to face them, “I’m ready.”

The woman nodded, and moved back to the door. Rey felt her rise in the Force again, and assumed she was checking the corridor. Rey turned to follow, and felt a warmth at her back. She had been so focused on the woman’s use of the Force, she’d missed him move behind her. She stilled in anticipation, not even daring to breathe. She felt her body react to him, entirely on instinct. She shivered when he ran gloved fingers down her shoulder, and she sensed him leaning down. She thought he might only be inches from her, and he could pull her back to him at any moment. The thought made her ache low in her abdomen, and she felt so hot she thought she might melt on the spot.

Close to her ear, she heard him ask, “Are you really coming with me?”

She drew in a shaky breath as his fingers caressed her arm. She nodded, not sure she could speak. At the sound of his voice, even garbled by the vocalizer, she was sure it was Ben.

“Let’s go people! We don’t have time for this if you want to get out of here cleanly,” the woman whisper-yelled back at them. Rey was jolted out of the moment, and moved quickly to follow. Ben brought up the rear, following the two women closely.

They managed to make it to a side exit without encountering many people, and those they did were quickly knocked out by the woman. All she did was raise a hand, and they collapsed, but more surprising was how quickly Ben moved to prevent them from hitting the ground. The two of them moved efficiently as a unit, and Rey had to work hard to keep up with them.

They burst through the door, and Rey felt her stomach drop. Two people were there, waiting to stop their progress. But it wasn’t just anyone, it was Finn and Poe. Her heart sank.

Her friends had their weapons drawn, clearly thinking that Rey was being kidnapped. She felt Ben’s hand grab her upper arm, and he pulled her close to him. His hand was near his hip, like he was going to draw his lightsaber. _He’ll give himself away if he does,_ she thought.

The woman spoke first, “Let us pass, rebels, or I will go through you.” Her distorted voice was menacing, and her hand moved to her lightsaber.

“We can’t let you take her,” Finn said, with a nod at Poe, who fired a quick bolt from his Glie-44 blaster. It was meant to be a warning shot, and it hit the ground right in front of Giah. Rey jumped at the sound of the blaster, and before she could react, Ben had pulled her behind him.

“Fine. We’ll do this the hard wa—“ Giah started, pulling her lightsaber from her thigh holster.

“No! It’s okay, Finn. Poe, it’s okay, really,” Rey said. She moved out from behind Ben, and continued, “General Organa asked me to leave this morning, and this is who I’m leaving with.”

Finn regarded her with a sad look, but Poe seemed to become angrier. Finn put a hand on his arm, and Poe looked at him for several moments. Rey’s shoulders tensed as she tried to figure out what was going to happen.

“Who are they, Rey?” Finn asked.

“Two Knights of Ren. Leia was right, he did know where we were, I’m sorry. But he didn’t send a fleet, just them.”

“We’ll still have to evacuate. You can’t go with them, it’s not safe,” Poe said, his voice rougher than usual. “What if they try to torture you? To get more information?”

“I’m safe, Poe,” Rey said, and to prove it, walked purposely over to her friends, not sparing a glance toward the woman in front of them. When she reached them, she quietly explained to them what was Leia had said, and that she was going to continue her mission. She left out that the man behind them was Ben, because there was no way Finn and Poe would let him go. Somewhere in the middle of her explanation, her tears started to fall.

Finn was in front of her, and she grabbed him and held on. “You’re my first friend,” she said, “I’m going to miss you.” Finn returned her embrace, and she heard him sniffle.

“I feel like I just got you back, Rey. Don’t go.”

“I need to, Finn.”

They both jostled as they were nearly tackled from one side. Poe had joined their hug, and they adjusted to accommodate him. They were like a pile of sad puppies, crying and saying their goodbyes in one big huddle. After several minutes, Rey stepped back from them.

When she turned to leave, she saw that Ben and the woman had moved to the edge of the Fungi forest. She started walking toward them, picking up her pace when Ben held his hand out to her.

This time, she took it without hesitating.


	13. Troubled Times

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG they're in person *together*

Rey was soaring. They ran in silence, hand in hand, following the woman back through the fungi forest. She knew the way they were going—it was the same route she followed to get to her clearing. She felt the warmth of Ben’s hand in hers, as it had been when they had touched the first time through the Force.

They hadn’t touched, not really, when they had been together on the _Supremacy_ , and Rey was struggling to keep her mind present. She knew that they had to be quick, she couldn’t be sure that the Resistance wouldn’t send a party after them. While they wouldn’t be rescuing her, it would be a boon for them to capture two of the Knights of Ren. Little did they know that they might even be able to capture the Supreme Leader himself.

Rey still couldn’t believe that he had come for her. She thought he might have later, once she had reopened the connection to tell him what happened. She had told him not to come, but she was pleased that he had. She wasn’t sure what was going to happen next, but she was thrilled they were together.

They broke through the final trees into the clearing, and Rey spotted the speeder parked there. The woman stopped running, and so did they. She was breathing hard, and so was Ben, she could hear through the helmet. The woman, though, she seemed to be breathing normally. Rey felt her use of the Force to guide them, and now they were in the clearing, she felt her surge in the Force, like she had been hiding her true abilities.

And Rey was stunned. This woman was powerful, so powerful that Rey found herself feeling a little inadequate in comparison. She heard the hiss of her helmet as she took it off, and when she saw her, Rey felt more than inadequate.

Not only was she powerful in the Force, she was devastatingly beautiful. Her black hair was tight against her head in two neat braids, her eyes so dark Rey was having trouble telling her irises from her pupils. She had prominent cheekbones, full lips, and her features were so symmetrical Rey was feeling a little sick.

Rey heard a second hiss, and turned to look. She hadn’t noticed Ben had gotten farther away from her while she had been gaping, and as soon as she saw his face, she forgot all about her. He dropped the helmet on the ground, turned, and strode purposefully over to her. She waited for him there, taking him in.

He stopped right in front of her, and without a word, she leapt up into his arms and covered his mouth with her own. She melted into him, winding her arms around his back and holding him close to her. She marveled at how different it was in person, tasting him and feeling him. And _smelling_ him. Even sweaty, Rey thought he had a woodsy sort of smell.

Rey vaguely registered the ignition sound of the speeder, but they broke apart at the sound of the woman’s voice. Her voice was deep and husky and smooth, though she sounded irritated, and it made Rey want to punch her in the face.

“We need to go.”

Ben was looking into her eyes, as he whispered, “We should get in the speeder.”

“I don’t know if I can move,” Rey whispered back.

“I definitely can’t,” Ben said, grinning a little.

“Hey, you two, we can’t keep dillydallying here if you want to get off world before the rebels catch up to us,” the woman said, sounding like she was on her way to anger.

“Giah, we’ll dillydally here as long as I feel like it,” Ben said, louder, turning his attention from Rey.

“Considering I’m the one who can tell you how to restore your connection to the Force, I think we’ll be going by what _I_ feel like doing,” Giah snapped back. Rey felt her spike in the Force, but Rey wasn’t sure what she was trying to do until Ben spoke.

“Just because I’m not able to use the Force doesn’t mean I’m not able to sense it. Try to bend me to your will again, and you’ll regret it.”

Ben’s tone was frightening, and Rey saw glimpses of Kylo Ren. Her breath caught as she waited. But Giah didn’t react as she expected.

“Actually, you shouldn’t be able to sense it. Your connection is starting to restore itself already. That Skywalker blood really is something. Get in,” she said, sounding more like a scientist than someone who’d been recently threatened.

He snorted, then bent to pick up his discarded helmet from the ground, and walked over to the speeder. He opened the door to the back seat, and turned to face Rey. He saw her expression, something between fear and confusion, and Rey thought something like sadness crossed his face. He waited there by the open door, giving her space to decide what she wanted to do. He said nothing, just waited.

She looked at Giah, who had turned back toward the controls of the speeder. Her profile betrayed nothing of what she was feeling, so Rey opened herself to the Force. Giah turned to look at her then, and raised a single eyebrow. Rey started as she heard Giah’s voice in her head, _Now’s your chance. If you want to leave, turn and go. Otherwise, get in the speeder._

“I don’t want to leave,” Rey responded out loud, “I was just trying to gauge your reaction to being threatened.”

Giah turned in her seat to look at Ben, “She thinks you should scare me, Kylo Ren.”

Ben raised his eyebrows, but still said nothing. Giah turned back to Rey.

“Rey, maybe you’ll get to know me, maybe you won’t, but the thing you should know about me is that nothing in this universe scares me. Not even the volatile, murderous Kylo Ren. That is why I am the second in command of the Knights of Ren.”

Rey was impressed. She didn’t want to admit it, but she was. She made her way over to the speeder, and got in. Ben slid in beside her, and Giah took off before he had a chance to close the speeder’s door. They’d gone fifty or so feet before he slammed it closed.

Rey looked over at him as he scooted across the seat to sit closer to her. “Did I scare you?” He asked quietly.

“Yes,” she said, just as quietly, “But, I think she scares me more.”

She wasn’t quiet enough, because Giah let out a quick bark of laughter from the front seat.

Ben smiled slightly, and ran a finger down her face. “Are you scared now?” he whispered.

Rey wasn’t sure how to respond. She wasn’t scared, exactly, but she was more nervous than she was when she’d made the decision to leave. If she was honest with herself, she had left to be with Ben Solo, but so many things were reminding her that he was also Kylo Ren. How had Giah put it? Volatile. _Murderous_. She knew that they weren’t two different people, even though her mind had started to separate them into Kylo Ren and Ben Solo after that second connection in the Force. She worried that she was in over her head.

But she was also exhilarated. He was sitting so close to her, her body was tingling like there were little electric jolts connecting them. He was turned toward her, waiting for her to answer, with his elbow propped on the back seat of the speeder. Feeling bold, she caressed his thigh with her fingertips.

His breath caught, and desire flashed in his eyes. He put his hand on the top of her thigh, above her knee, and gave a light squeeze. Rey put her hand over his, and pulled it up higher on her thigh, and he got her hint. He stroked her inner thigh, the outside of his hand brushing against the junction of her legs. She bit her lip to keep from moaning, and he dipped his head to nuzzle and kiss her neck.

“By all of Alderaan’s Ghosts, you two are gross. I am RIGHT HERE,” Giah said, exasperated.

They broke apart, and Rey’s face felt like it was going to melt right off. Ben, the naughty man, looked more amused than embarrassed. The speeder stopped in front of the Upsilon-class shuttle that Rey had last seen on Crait.

“Now, before you two scurry off to some corner, where are we going?” Giah asked.

Ben answered first, “Back to the _Finalizer_.”

“You want to take Rey to the _Finalizer_?” Giah asked, giving him a strange look. Rey thought Ben looked like he was getting ready for a fight.

“Yes, Giah, I want to take Rey to my ship.” Rey looked between them, eyes wide and her bottom lip between her teeth.

“Okay, one more time so I’m clear. You want to take Rey, the killer of Supreme Leader Snoke, into the heart of the First Order where there are plenty of people who’d like nothing more than to push her out an airlock?”

Ben groaned, and Rey jerked her head to look back at Giah.

“What?!” She exclaimed, and then remembering that the propaganda they’d seen on the HoloNet blamed her for Snoke’s death. She fixed Ben with a dark look, “That’s right. Did you tell them I killed Snoke? Does she know the truth?”

“The truth?” Giah asked, looking at Rey. Ben ran a hand through his hair, and sighed.

“I killed Snoke, Giah, to protect Rey,” he said, his voice steady.

“Honestly, Kylo, I don’t think anyone really believes that Rey killed Snoke. I know I certainly didn’t,” Giah replied.

“Why not?” Rey asked, offended.

“Because it doesn’t make sense to leave Kylo Ren alive after killing Snoke. If you were that powerful, you would have taken them both out,” Giah said, with a shrug as she finished.

“Fine. We can’t take Rey back to the _Finalizer_ unless we say she’s a prisoner,” Ben said.

“No,” Rey and Giah said simultaneously. They looked at each other, surprised they’d agreed.

“Why not?”

Rey responded first, “Because I’m not doing that.”

“And, Kylo “No Prisoners, No Quarter” Ren, that’s not your style,” Giah replied.

“What do you suggest then?” Ben said, visibly frustrated.

Again, Rey spoke first. “Takodana. I think Maz Kanata could help me.”

Giah looked like she was considering this. She tilted her head, then said, “That’s not a bad plan, actually. You really can’t go back to the First Order without your full powers, so we’ll send word that you had to divert to some other planet, for reasons, then you can work on getting them back. Takodana is as good a place as any to lie low.”

Ben groaned. “It’s across the galaxy from here. We’ll have to pass the main fleet, and we’ll have to deal with the scoundrels that congregate around Maz’s castle.”

“The castle is still mostly a ruin, Kylo, so there will be fewer eyes there. And those that are, I’ll take care of them,” Giah said. Rey worried about what she meant.

But, Rey was hopeful. Takodana was special to her, and if she could keep Ben there, maybe she could keep him from going back to the First Order at all. She gave Ben a saucy smile, and said simply, “Don’t you want to visit the place we first met?”

Ben smiled, but Rey thought he looked like a wolf ready for the feast. “Let’s go.”

Giah rolled her eyes, “You two are making me sick. Get on the shuttle and away from me.”

Ben flipped Giah a rude gesture, and started toward Rey. Rey grabbed Ben’s arm as he marched by, and the two of them nearly ran up the boarding ramp into the shuttle.


	14. Caught Between Confusion and Pain

Kylo Ren was a wreck. His blood was boiling, his hands were shaking, all from the riot of emotions flowing through them. Normally, he would call on the Force to steady himself, or to give more power to whatever emotion, anger most often, and use it to his advantage. Now, he felt vulnerable. All because she had chosen him, had taken his shaking hand, and run off with him. _And she loved him_.

He was finding there was power in being vulnerable. Rey seemed to like him that way, and he was rapidly becoming obsessed with giving her anything she wanted.

Instead of heading to the cockpit as usual, Kylo put a hand on the small of Rey’s back to lead her back toward the crew quarters. Though, he was considering just pulling her into the next supply closet they passed. He didn’t think she’d mind, the way she’d been touching his leg, and the way she’d shifted toward him when he’d touched her. He swallowed hard, remembering brushing his hand against her, feeling that she was already wet.

He heard the engines start to heat up, then the usual thunk as the wings extended to their full height, and he knew Giah had started the take-off procedures. Rey stopped walking as she heard them, too. She looked like she was listening closely to the sound of them.

“Those are well tuned engines, they’re almost singing,” she said, her voice full of wonder. He smiled at her, thinking he’d like to make her sing like the engines. She must have sensed it, because she blushed slightly.

He felt his stomach drop as it always did at take-off, but there was no other physical indication that they were moving. He took pride in his shuttle, even working on it himself sometimes. The sound of the wings locking in was the last signal that they were leaving. Rey looked up at him, excited.

“I’d like to fly a ship this smooth,” she said, hooking her arm around his. He still couldn’t quite believe she was here, like she’d been on the _Supremacy_. He put his other hand under her chin, and tipped it up toward his face.

He lowered his head, and when he was almost to her lips, he murmured, “You can fly my ship anytime you want.” Then he covered her mouth with his own. She opened for him instantly, her passion rising to meet his. She released his arm and shoved her hands into his hair, making him groan, and pulling him down farther to her. Maybe that supply closet wasn’t such a bad idea after all.

He heard the rev of the hyperdrive just a moment too late. As the ship abruptly accelerated, the two of them fell back against the corridor wall. His arms shot out to steady them, one curving around her, and the other straight out, to flatten his hand against the wall. It had the added benefit of bringing their hips together, and he pressed into her, letting her feel the hard ridge of his arousal. She moaned and shifted to give him better access. Her grip tightened in his hair, and he used his free hand to cup her behind to pull her even closer against him. She rubbed against his erection, and Kylo felt ready to come right then, like some untried teenager.

They’d done so much more through the Force, but in person… _in person_ … just kissing her was overwhelming to his senses. He picked her up, and walked them to the first door he found. He knew Giah would be avoiding them like the plague, but he wasn’t going to risk being interrupted.

He used his elbow to open the door and went through. He gave a low chuckle when he realized where they were.

“Supply closet?” Rey asked, humor in her voice, too.

“Works for me,” he said, nearly growling at her. Kylo saw how his voice affected her, and made another growling sound at her. She bit her forefinger, grinning a little lopsided grin that had Kylo wanting to tear her clothes off. Rend them completely with his hands, exposing her fully to him. She lifted her bag over her head, and let it drop to the ground. She’d left her staff somewhere behind them, he’d lost track of it.

She took her shirt off next, and almost involuntarily, he reached for her breasts. He cupped their weight in his hands. She moaned when he brushed his thumbs over her nipples, arching her back toward his hands. He bent to kiss her again, and felt her hands working on his shirt. He leaned back up long enough for her to pull it over his head, and then he moved to her waistband.

“Ben,” she said breathlessly. He hated his birth name, named after some old Jedi his parents barely knew, but anytime Rey said it, it made him hard as a rock. He’d gone in to Snoke’s throne room randy as a buck after she’d called him Ben for the first time in that elevator.

He met her eyes, trying to determine if she was stopping him, or encouraging him. “Yes, Rey? What do you want me to do?”

“Speed up.” Her accent had gotten thicker with her desire, and he loved it.

He laughed, a low, throaty laugh. He shoved her pants down over her hips, and whipped her around to face the wall. She purred in approval.

He dropped to his knees behind her, and she arched back toward him. He ran his hands over her bare ass, and marveled at how tight it was. He let his hands rest on her hips, and he kissed where her thighs met the curve of her behind. He felt her shiver, and heard her start to pant. She gave a little squeal when he gripped her hips and pulled her back toward him. He groaned at the sound, and decided he would kill for that squeal. He pushed her legs apart, and stared a moment at the dusky pink of her pussy. He leaned forward, and licked her, groaning into her wetness.

She keened as he pushed his tongue into her, tasting her. Fuck, he felt like he’d been dying of dehydration and she was his water. He worked his tongue back and forth over her, and she moved her hips against his face in rhythm with him. When he felt her start to tense around him, Kylo reached around her and used his thumb to push against her clit. He heard her slapping the wall with her hand as she cried out. He slowed his rhythm as she orgasmed, and he lapped up the gush of wetness that came with her release.

He stood up behind her, moving his hand around to continue circling her clit while he undid his pants. He slipped his thumb in, and found her most sensitive spot. He was a little slow in taking them off as he pleasured her with his fingers, but once he was free, he withdrew his hand and rubbed the head of himself against her.

“Ben!” She gasped.

“Yes, love?” He growled into her ear, still teasing her with his cock.

“I need you. Right. Now.” She ground out, pushing back against him.

“How can I refuse when you ask so nicely…” he teased, kissing her neck. He slammed himself into her, burying himself into her softness. She cried out, and moaned as she turned her head back toward him. He reached her mouth, and kissed her with everything he had. He broke the kiss as he pulled himself back, then shoved back into her body. She keened with each of his strokes.

His Rey liked it rough, he thought. If he softened his strokes, she would push herself back against him, impaling herself on him. She moved with him, matching his speed and intensity, but then she started flexing her lower back to change their angle. He thought he might go blind from the pleasure of it. She moved her hips up and down, pushing against the wall for resistance as she rode him. He held on to her waist, surging up to meet her as she bounced on him. Her moans were coming closer together, and he recognized the sound of her nearing her climax.

He leaned over her, pressing kisses on her shoulders, neck and spine. He was overwhelmed with the desire to mark her somehow, and he sucked on the sensitive skin where the base of her neck met the curve of her shoulder. She moaned for him, and he ran his tongue over her straining muscles, bringing his mouth back to her ear. He looked down, satisfied by the little purple mark he found. He was getting so close, and he wanted to lose himself completely in her.

“Rey, sweetheart, can I come inside you? Is it okay?” He ground out, holding his own release back until he had her permission. It probably wasn’t the smartest thing in the world, but at that moment, it was all he wanted.

She groaned at his question, and turned to look over her shoulder. Her eyes were hot with desire, a mirror of his own.

“Yes, Ben. Please.” She wiggled her hips against him, pushing him farther into her than he thought he could be. He pulled her hips closer to him, stretching her back out, and making her legs spread. His heart was racing, ready to give them what they both wanted.

“Are you ready, Rey?” She nodded in response.

“Good,” he said, voice husky, “Because I’m going to have you screaming while I fill that pussy up.”

He slammed into her again, pushing her over the edge, her muscles clamping down on his cock. She shouted out her pleasure, and with a few more strokes, he was shaking with his own. He dropped his forehead to the nape of her neck, and grabbed around her waist with one arm, steadying himself on the wall with the other. He was breathing hard as his body clenched, and he felt her shiver from his breath on her neck. He felt her body flutter around his, and he knew he was forever changed by that feeling. Finally, he pulled out of her, and turned her around to face him. He claimed her mouth with his own, when she touched his face gently, he felt seared to the bone.

She broke the kiss, and smiled up at him. “You know, we should really try this in a bed.”

“One that we’re in together, definitely,” he said, remembering floating in his own quarters when she’d had him in her bed.

They held each other for several minutes, Kylo rubbing the scar on her arm. Most of the time he’d seen her, she’d kept it covered. Lately, though, it had been on display again. It resembled two hands, reaching for each other, with a space in between. The space between them had seemed insurmountable, but here they were.

“Why didn’t you bacta this wound, Rey?” It wasn’t a very deep wound. If she’d used bacta, there wouldn’t be a scar at all.

She lifted her head from his shoulder and looked at him like she was considering her answer. “Honestly, at the time, it was because bacta was a precious resource, and I didn’t want to use it on such a minor thing. That’s not at all romantic, I know. But later, I was glad I hadn’t, because it reminded me of you. Of what we could have been together, if we could just close the space between us.”

Kylo nodded, happy with her answer. He kissed her again, and she melted into his arms. He broke the kiss, “If we don’t get out of this closet now, we’re never leaving.”

Rey laughed, and bent to pick up her clothes. Once they were dressed again, Kylo led her back out of the closet, and to the quarters he’d meant to take her to when they’d gotten sidetracked.

“Is this your room?” She asked.

“No. I thought you might like your own space,” he said. Though he’d like nothing better than for her to stay with him.

“Maybe. Where are your quarters?” She looked around the hallway. There were several other doors, all identical.

“There,” he said, turning to point at the door down the hall from them.

“Ah,” was all she said. Kylo was starting to feel nervous. Had he offended her?

She turned and walked to his door. “I’ll stay with you, if you don’t mind.”

He smiled a slow, wolfish smile at her, “I’d like nothing more.”

He opened the door, and stood back, waiting for her to go in. She did, and he followed, closing the door behind them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> she can FLY HIS SHIP ANY TIME SHE WANTS ^^


	15. Promises We Made Were In Vain

Sleeping on a spaceship was difficult for Rey. She wasn’t used to the constant motion, and her body had never taken to the artificial day-night cycle. When they’d made the trip on the Falcon to Felucia, she’d ended up sleeping in a heap with Finn, underneath the cubby where Rose was being treated. So when she snapped awake, alone, in unfamiliar surroundings, the feeling of unease she often felt in space crept back up her spine.

She ran her hand along the space beside her, and it felt cold. She sat up, irritation starting to replace the unease. _Irritation was good_ , she thought, _I can work with irritated_. She pushed the covers away from herself and leaned over to reach the lighting panel above the bed, then she placed her feet on the cold ground. She shivered, but got up and padded over to the refresher.

She splashed water on her face, and considered using the sanisteam to freshen up. She wasn’t sure how long she’d slept, but considering how poorly she typically slept in space, it couldn’t have been more than a couple of hours. _Where had Ben gone?_

She decided to use the sanisteam, and washed herself thoroughly. As she cleaned between her legs, she realized how sore she was. She flushed a little, remembering the activities, the multiple instances of those _activities_ , that had caused her soreness. She felt bad about herself for thinking it, but she hoped that Ben was sore, too. What was he doing, leaving her without a word? She stood in the steam for a while, letting her muscles relax and her mind wander.

Ben hadn’t asked about birth control, and she’d forgotten to tell him about her implant. Periods were inconvenient for a scavenger on Jakku, and when the medics had come through years ago, she’d gotten an implant that suspends a woman’s cycle for a few years safely.She’d get around to telling him, once she found him.

She stepped out of the sanisteam stall, and dried herself with the small towel she found. It was clearly a hand towel, but it would do the job. As she made her way back into the room, she saw a set of folded clothes laid out on the desk on the wall opposite the bed, and a small datapad. She picked up the clothes first, looking them over. They weren’t hers, and they weren’t quite big enough to be Ben’s, so they must have been Giah’s.

She held up the pants, and thought she’d have to roll up the legs so they fit. But the shirt looked like it might fit her. They smelled freshly laundered, so she didn’t feel too weird about wearing them. She pulled the top on over her head, and was surprised by its softness. It was a knitted garment, black, of course— Giah was a Knight of Ren, after all—but it was more feminine than Rey had expected. It fell to Rey’s mid-thigh, more like a tunic than a shirt, but there was a fabric belt at the waist that cinched it in. After pulling on a pair of her own brownish gray pants, Rey tied the belt as tight as it would go.

She ran her fingers through her hair to untangle it so it would dry well. She supposed she could have rummaged through Ben’s things to find a comb—with hair like that, he had to have a comb _somewhere_ —but she wasn’t bold enough. She brushed it back off of her face with her fingers, letting it stay slicked back.

She picked up the datapad and went back to sit on the bed. She noticed that Ben’s side had been meticulously made, wrinkled only where she’d rolled around. So he hadn’t just bolted, he’d taken his time moving around the room while she slept. She was stunned that his leaving hadn’t woken her.

She tucked one leg under her as she sat, turning on the datapad. She expected a video recording, but instead she had a text-only message. It read:

**Hey sleepyhead. It was my shift at the controls, and you were sleeping so hard I didn’t want to wake you. Giah pulled a double shift for us, so when you get up, you’ll find me in the cockpit, returning the favor. The clothes are clean, and there are some ration bars in the small common area, if you’re hungry. I was _ravenous_ , for some reason.**

It was unsigned, but of course it was from Ben. Rey wasn’t sure how long a double shift was, so she checked the timestamp on the message. It was from four hours ago!

She flipped through the controls on the datapad, and found a time display. Including those four hours, she’d slept almost half a standard day. Rey wasn’t sure she’d ever slept that long in her life. As if on cue, her stomach yowled, and she decided to go in search of the ration bars.

Several minutes and several ration bars later, Rey found herself standing outside the cockpit, feeling nervous about going in. She also felt like an idiot feeling nervous about going in, but there she was. She paced a couple of times back and forth, giving herself a pep talk, before she finally shook her head, steeled her nerve, and opened the cockpit door.

And nearly collapsed from laughter. Ben had been stretched across the pilot and co-pilot seats, fiddling with something in his hands, but when she’d opened the door and marched in, he’d sat up so fast he’d dumped himself out of both seats. He was usually so graceful, in a masculine, sometimes even menacing way, that it was a shock for her. And him, judging by his slow recovery.

“Are you stuck?” Rey asked, after the main burst of laughter had subsided.

“Apparently, I rely a lot more on the Force to stay upright than I’d thought,” he replied, still sitting in the floor.

Rey was surprised by his answer. “Haven’t you reconnected yourself to the Force?”

“Not fully. It’s coming back little by little. Giah says to meditate on it, but I think it’s just going to have to come back as whatever she did wears off.”

“I’ll meditate with you, if you want,” Rey offered. She was starting to think this would be her best opportunity to pull him closer to the light side of the Force. Or at least, pull him more to the center.

He nodded. “Giah offered the same, when she’s rested.”

Rey couldn’t think of a way to say that she didn’t think that was a good idea, because Giah was an extremely powerful dark side Force user, so she said nothing, nodding at him in response.

He finally picked himself up off the floor, and walked over to her. His walk reminded her of a predator, gliding through the air, silently circling closer to his target. And that was just his regular walk, she’d noticed. She looked up to meet his eyes, and saw a hunger there, the same hunger that had been there each time she’d looked into his eyes when they’d met before.

This time was different, though. This time, instead of feeling stalked, feeling like his prey, she felt like his equal. She felt the same hunger for him now, and she let him see it. She could be the predator, too.

He groaned, and cupped the side of her face with one hand. “Keep looking at me like that, and I’ll take you right here.” His voice was low and rough, which set her on fire.

“I do love the cockpit,” she said, saucily.

He ran a hand through her still mostly wet hair, “I love your hair wet. You’re not too sore?”

“I honestly don’t care if I am.”

She had barely finished the sentence and he was on her.

He picked her up— _he was always picking her up—_ and carried her over to the pilot’s chair. He sat on the edge of the chair, settling her on top of him. She tucked her knees to each side of his thighs, and rubbed herself on his arousal. She moaned as his hand slid into her pants, rubbing her clit in a driving, circular motion. He’d already learned exactly what would bring her right to the edge of orgasm, and he took advantage, building the pressure inside her. She leaned forward, dropping her head on his shoulder, and he moved her hair and nuzzled her neck.

She shivered as his stubble rubbed against her sensitive skin. She nipped at his earlobe, feeling the rumble of his groan under her. She whimpered as he pushed her over the edge, moaning as he slipped a finger inside her to tease at the place that made her see stars.

“Ben, I can’t wait anymore,” she gasped out. Her pants were soaked with her wetness, and she briefly stood to take them off. He pushed his own trousers down his hips, releasing his erection.

She started to take her tunic off, but he stopped her. “The sight of you in black was enough to get me hard. Keep it on.” It was almost a command, and she liked it more than she probably should have.

Looking down at him, she wanted to take his cock in her mouth. She dropped to her knees, and a wild heat filled his eyes as he realized what she was going to do. She gently licked up the length of him, meeting his eyes as she closed her mouth around the head of him. His head dropped back, a guttural sound leaving his body.

Rey increased the suction of her mouth, and his hips flexed up to meet her. He cursed as she released it, teasing him with her tongue. He put his hand on the crown of her head, encouraging her to take him deeper into her mouth. She did, sucking on him and pulling her head up and down. She took him so deep in her throat that tears came to her eyes, and his sharp curse made her ache.

She gasped as she registered a sudden pain from her hair. He’d gripped her hair, _hard_ , and pulled her head away from his cock. Her eyes flew up to meet his, and his gaze was so hot she thought she might melt. She felt her own wetness start to drift down her thighs, and Rey discovered she liked having her hair pulled.

“Get up here,” he growled at her, releasing her hair as she moved to stand.

She moved over him slowly, pushing her hand into his hair as she positioned her opening over him. She gripped his hair as hard as he had hers, pulling his head to the side, as she sat on his cock, her hips slapping down on his.

“Who put you in charge?” She growled back at him, still holding his hair, rocking her hips on him.

“I did, when I became Supreme Leader,” he ground out, meeting her rhythm. She tilted her hips forward, and he leaned back, supporting himself on his hands as she let go of his hair to ride him hard. She gripped his shoulders as she bounced on him, feeling the pressure build in her again.

“No. You. Are. Just. A. Man,” she responded, punctuating each word with a stroke down his length, twisting her hips on the last word, eliciting a long groan from him. His breaths were coming closer together, and she realized he was getting close to his own release.

“Your man,” he gasped out. She stilled, searching his eyes with her own, realizing he wanted her to affirm his words.

She nodded, grasping his face, and said softly, “Mine.”

She leaned down and kissed him deeply as he surged into her, taking them over the edge together.


	16. You'll Never Walk Alone, Take Care, My Love

This had to be a dream. For the second day in a row, Kylo had woken up next to Rey. Rey, who had said he was hers, who had nearly sucked him off in the cockpit of his shuttle. He’d never be able to go into that cockpit and not think of it. She stirred a little in her sleep, and he stroked her hair back off her face, pushing a strand of it behind her ear. He’d worried that he’d pulled her hair too hard, but when he’d asked her later, she’d said she liked it. It made him harden to think of it.

He got out of bed, carefully, not wanting to wake her. She claimed she didn’t sleep well in space, so he tried not to disturb her. He made his way in the dark over to the refresher, yawning and stretching. He stopped and checked the clock on the datapad, relieved to see there was still plenty of time before his next pilot shift. He slipped into the refresher, shutting the door behind him. He looked at himself in the mirror, and splashed some of the warm water on his face. He noticed how scruffy he was getting—shaving kits weren’t usually part of a snatch and grab. He looked like a nerfherder, as his mother would say. He shook his head to clear the thought. He reached for the towel, and buried his face in it.

He inhaled deeply, realizing it still smelled like Rey. He’d showed her where the full size towels were the night before, after she’d told him she’d used the hand towel to dry herself. When he finally lifted his head, he looked into the mirror.

_He wasn’t alone._

He yelped in surprise, and spun around to confront the intruder.

“Hey kid,” his uncle Luke said, looking Kylo up and down.

Kylo narrowed his eyes, responding flatly, “How are you here? I felt you die.”

“I didn’t die, technically. I became one with the Force.” Luke moved toward him, and Kylo finally registered the blue glow surrounding him.

“Yeah, okay. It’s been weeks, why are you here now?” Kylo asked again.

“I’m a concerned uncle, checking in on his nephew. I wasn’t able to sense you for a couple of days, and now I can interact with you. What happened?”

“Giah severed my connection to the Force. It’s coming back slowly,” Kylo said, truthfully, seeing Luke flinch at Giah’s name. _Good._

“Why did she do that?” Luke asked, raising a ghostly eyebrow.

“It doesn’t matter.” Kylo said, trying to stay calm. He didn’t want Rey to wake up and think he was yelling at himself.

“She does matter,” Luke said, surprising Kylo. _Of course he’d be able to sense Rey._

“Yes. She does. She’s everything to me.” Luke’s mouth dropped open a little from Kylo’s confession.

“Last I understood, you were planning to destroy her.”

Kylo’s eyes flashed angrily as he advanced on Luke, “Look, dead man, you have never understood me or my plans. Don’t pretend you did.”

Luke lowered his head, and Kylo knew he’d struck a nerve. He continued, with a touch of growling bravado, ”Her destruction doesn’t have to be her death. She may be studying the Jedi books, but she won’t be a Jedi, I’ll make sure of it. She feels an equal call to the dark, I can sense it. She came with me, chose me, and I can corrupt her the same way I did your students.”

Luke snapped his head back up, looking at his nephew strangely, “And why would she go with you? Did you threaten her? Or give her a choice, she goes with you or her friends die?”

Kylo exhaled angrily, slightly confused by the question his uncle was asking—he’d practically said he was trying to turn Rey, and Luke was asking about her willingness to come with him? “Hardly. I didn’t have to do anything but promise her I wouldn’t attack the base. That’s it. But I’m not stupid. I know she’ll leave me if I hurt her friends. So they’re safe. For now.”

“And that’s all it took?” Luke asked, a trace of suspicion in his voice.

“Yes,” Kylo said, a trace of triumph in his voice. He heard a stirring from the bedroom. Rey called his name, a question in her voice. Luke stared at him, waiting to see if he responded to his old name.

“I’m in here, Rey. I’m almost finished,” he yelled back. He met Luke’s stare with his own. He lowered his voice, “Leave me alone, dead man.”

“I can’t do that, Ben. I told you I’d always be with you, like your father.”

_Good luck with that_ , he thought. His father did haunt him, but not this literally. “You don’t get to call me that anymore. Get out before Rey sees you.”

“She knows about me, Ben, she won’t be terribly surprised. I visited her when I visited your mother.”

“Just because she knows about you doesn’t mean she needs you here. You failed her, like you failed me.” Luke flinched again, and Kylo felt a surge of satisfaction. “If you won’t leave, I will. Rey’s waiting for me.”

Kylo turned his back on his uncle, and strode out of the refresher to get back in bed with Rey.

***

Ben had been on edge all morning. Rey would have sworn that she’d sensed Luke earlier, but she’d written it off as a dream. She’d tried, but she hadn’t been able to sense him again. If she was right, though, it would explain Ben’s rough mood. When they’d gone to the cockpit to relieve Giah, he’d picked a fight with Giah, who’d told him she was done with his shit, and marched out of the cockpit.

Rey found herself in awe of Giah, as frustrating as that was. In the short time she’d known her, Rey had seen her act more in charge than Ben did. Rey found herself desperately wanting to know their history. After an annoying hour of short answers and grunts from Ben, she went in search of Giah.

She found her in the small common room, a pile of discarded ration wrappers in front of her. Giah looked up at her, a curious expression on her face.

“Did he drive you off, too?” Giah asked.

“I left him to his thoughts, he was only answering me in grunts,” Rey replied.

“I thought grunts and moans were the only way you two communicated.” Giah gave her a knowing look, and wiggled her eyebrows.

Rey felt her face heat, but stood her ground, despite wanting to run from the room. “How did you know?” She asked, cursing the embarrassed tone creeping in to her voice.

“It’s a small ship, Rey. And most importantly, I’m not an idiot. Want a ration bar?”

Rey nodded, and sat down at the little table across from Giah. “How is it that you’re able to talk to him the way you do? I can’t imagine him tolerating that from anyone.”

Giah gave her an appraising look, and Rey felt her reach out with the Force. She opened herself up, letting Giah sense her motives.

“Oh, Rey, you don’t have anything to worry about from me. Don’t be jealous.”

Whoops. Rey swallowed—she’d opened herself too far. “It’s less that I’m jealous of your relationship with him, and more that I wish I could be as self-assured as you are.”

She felt little tendrils of Giah’s power swirl around her. Her power in the Force felt completely different than Ben. Where Ben felt strong and forceful and wild, Giah felt like she could slip into your mind and you would never know it. She was completely in control, and she knew it. Rey felt Giah open herself fully in the Force, and Rey’s eyes widened in shock. Giah was stronger than Ben in the Force. By a wide margin. Rey had only felt Luke’s full strength at the end, but she thought Giah might be a very, very, close second.

“I see,” Rey said, unsure what else to say.

“You might. But letting you feel my power wasn’t the answer to your question. It was the answer to why I am self-assured. You’re powerful, too, Rey, just young and untrained.”

“You don’t have to say that, Giah. I’m not a delicate flower, I can handle people being stronger than me,” Rey’s tone was sharper than she intended.

Giah tilted her head and fixed her with a look. “I’m not blowing smoke up your ass, Rey. But back to your question. I’ve known Kylo Ren since before calling him Ben Solo was illegal.” Rey looked confused. “You didn’t know that? Around the time Kylo took over the Knights of Ren, Supreme Leader Snoke decreed it was illegal to call Kylo Ren by his old name, to keep him on the path of darkness.”

“How did you meet him?” Rey asked.

“We were students at the Jedi Temple, both sent to study under Luke because we scared our parents. The other students felt honored to be there, but there were a few of us who never felt like we belonged. We gravitated to Ben Solo. I could sense a darkness in him that I felt in myself. Wipe that pitiful look off your face, Rey.”

“I’m sorry. Please, go on,” Rey said, sheepishly, schooling her face to be neutral.

“Anyway, even though I excelled at the material, I felt like I was having to deny a part of myself. Bury it deep. But then, I found out that Ben was suffering the same way I was. We started exploring the darkness together. Ben said that the Master of the Knights of Ren had contacted him, and offered to train him in addition to his Jedi training. The Knights of Ren were completely unknown to us, but they offered us something we needed. At the time, it seemed like we were just being rebellious, learning the forbidden arts in addition to studying to become Jedi. I intended to become a Jedi right up until the end,” Giah sounded wistful.

“What happened that night?” Rey asked quietly, though she knew the answer.

“You know what happened that night.”

“I do. Tell me why you made the choice you did.”

Giah sighed, searching Rey’s face for something, Rey wasn’t sure what. “Let me show you what happened.”

Immediately Rey was sucked into a vision _. Giah was sleeping in her own hut, made of stone like the one she’d seen in both Ben and Luke’s visions. She was startled awake by Ben crashing through her door, lightsaber in hand. She pulled hers and ignited it, more out of habit than any kind of self-preservation. Soon, she heard shouts from outside her hut._

_“What’s going on, Ben?” She asked, lowering her blade only slightly._

_“Luke tried to kill me. He must have found out about the Knights of Ren,” Ben responded._

_“What did you do?” Giah looked Ben up and down, sensing both turmoil and an intense darkness trying to take its place._

_“I’m almost sure I killed him, Giah. But I wasn’t quiet about it. The hut collapsed.” Ben exhaled raggedly, running a hand through his hair._ Rey noticed it was a little shorter then, and he looked so young. Too young. _“Some others came to investigate, but they couldn’t see past the Jedi Order. Couldn’t see that we could make something new. I fought them, Giah. I killed them, too.”_

_Giah took in a sharp breath. “What do you want me to do?”_

_“Fight with me. Join the Knights of Ren with me.” His blue blade crackled in the small hut, color bouncing and meeting the green of Giah’s own blade._

_Giah knew what her choice would have to be. If she refused, they would fight. While she could best him with the Force, he was always the better bladesman._ She didn’t want to fight him, Rey could tell. Giah let her feel all the emotions of the scene. Rey knew that Giah would choose to fight with Ben. She also felt that Giah would have followed him to the ends of the Galaxy.

_Giah nodded at Ben, and raised her blade in a salute. “Let’s go get the others. If they don’t come, they’ll die here.” As she inhaled deeply, she pulled at the darkness billowing out of Ben. She felt it calling to her just as she always had. It was offering her a home. And she was going to take it. They left the hut together, to destroy the Jedi Order._

The vision ended, but Giah spoke, continuing her story. “Later, after everyone else was dead, we left the planet, to join the Knights of Ren. When we arrived, we were surprised by a ceremony crowning Master Snoke the Supreme Leader of the Galaxy, initiating us into the Knights of Ren, and naming Ben Solo the new Master of the Knights of Ren. His name would be Kylo Ren, Jedi Killer.

“Kylo Ren immediately named me his second-in-command, as I had killed nearly as many as he had.” Giah stopped there, staring hard into Rey’s eyes. “So, Jedi, now it’s my turn to ask you some things.”

Rey swallowed roughly, fear creeping up her spine.


	17. Right Now, I'm In A State of Mind

Rey instinctively shifted backward in the chair she was sitting in. Giah hadn’t moved, but her presence was suddenly overwhelming to Rey’s senses, normal and otherwise. _What had Giah felt when she’d sensed her earlier?_ Seeing her shift uncomfortably, Giah smiled slowly. It didn’t reach her eyes, which were sharp and predatory. Rey sensed no conflict in her, whatever she was going to do to her, she was sure of it.

When she spoke, her voice was low and commanding. “Before we begin, let me make one thing clear. You cannot lie to me, so do not try it.”

Rey nodded in response. She wanted to close herself off from the Force, but instead, she opened wider, trying to push back against Giah’s power filling the space. Maybe Ben would be able to sense their power shoving against each other and come to investigate.

“Now, Jedi. What is your mission here?”

“I’m not a Jedi yet,” Rey responded, trying to avoid the question.

“You’re as close to one as there is in this Galaxy.” Rey struggled as Giah pushed her further back into the chair. “Don’t avoid my questions.”

“I don’t have a mission here. I’m not part of the Resistance anymore, no matter how much I think they’re in the right,” Rey said, an edge to her voice. She shoved herself forward, using more than a little bit of the Force to do it.

“Try again, Rey,” Giah said. “I know all about your plan. I want you to explain to me how you thought you could turn him.”

Shit. Of course she’d sensed it, but maybe she didn’t have the full story. She relaxed in the chair, trying to project confidence. “You’re right, Giah. I did think I could turn him to the light. As good as you are in with the Force, you have to know how conflicted he is. I thought I could encourage him to come back to the light side of the Force.”

“That’s all past tense, Rey. What about your current mission to turn him? Did it come directly from General Organa?”

Rey huffed. “No. She found out about it because she found us in bed. That’s why I was imprisoned in my quarters and removed from the Resistance.”

“Interesting. I notice you didn’t answer the first question. Don’t make me ask it again.” Giah’s voice was hard.

“My only plan now is to convince him to leave the First Order. I’ve realized that the Force wants balance, and balance doesn’t mean all light. There was a mosaic on the floor of the rock temple on Ahch-to, and it showed the light equal to the dark. Even Luke Skywalker talked about a balance between the two. We’re meant to balance each other, light and dark, while not being wholly one or the other.”

Giah’s arched eyebrows nearly reached her hairline. “And you think he’ll give up all the power of the Galaxy for a little balance with you? Especially since you’ve already given yourself to him?”

Rey rolled her eyes. “Do you know, General Organa, his mother, said the exact same thing to me? He knows all of this, Giah, I haven’t hidden anything from him. I told him the first time we connected and could see each other through the Force. He knows what I want from him, and I think he will choose me.”

Giah stood up, and moved to loom over Rey. She bent to bring her face right in front of Rey’s. When she spoke, her voice was low and menacing. “Why would he choose you when you won’t choose him?”

“I did choose him.”

“He was your last resort. That’s a very different thing. You’re lucky that he’s too infatuated to realize that. So what are you going to do now?”

“Now?” Rey asked, confused.

“We’re taking you to Takodana, and we’ll be there until his power is fully restored. You need to decide what you’ll do then. Will you find a way to be with him even as the Supreme Leader, or will you leave him? For a fourth time?”

“Fourth time?” Rey tried to count up the ways they’d parted in her head.

“One, leaving him unconscious on the _Supremacy._ Two, closing the Force Bond after Crait. Three, closing the Force Bond again on Felucia.” Rey looked at her, surprised. Giah continued, “Yes, Rey, I know all about you and him.”

“How do you know?” Rey asked, suspicious.

“I’m his best friend, Rey. Who do you think got him through those three times? Who do you think will have to pick up the pieces when you leave again?” Rey heard pain creep into Giah’s voice. She immediately realized the purpose of this interrogation. _Giah was worried about Ben getting hurt._

“I get it, Giah,” Rey said, her voice softening.

“Do you?”

“Yes. I don’t think I could survive a fourth heartbreak, either,” Rey let all the emotion that thought brought up into her voice, and let it flow out into the Force. She saw Giah’s eyes soften, and she knew that she’d convinced her. Rey felt Giah reign her power back in, and thought that she must expend a lot of effort hiding how powerful she was from others.

Giah moved away from her, toward the counter on the far side of the common area. She turned about halfway, and said, “Want some caf? I like a warm drink after a good interrogation.”

Rey blinked. Was that Giah’s version of “good talk”? She hesitated a moment, then agreed. Giah returned with two mugs of caf, sitting one in front of Rey.

By the time they parted an hour or so later, Rey thought they might, _just might,_ be friends.

***

Kylo Ren was lonely, and it was his own fault. He was used to being lonely, generally, but since Rey had reopened the bond, he had grown accustomed to her presence. After Luke had shown up, though, he’d been surly, and she’d left him to wallow. He took in a deep breath, and let it go, then propped his feet up on the console, carefully avoiding any essential controls.

“You know, your father used to pilot like that.” Luke said, appearing in the co-pilot seat.

Kylo swore savagely. He dropped his feet and looked over at his dead uncle, sitting there like it was completely normal.

“And your mother still talks like that,” Luke responded, laughing. Kylo gave him a dark look.

“What do you want now?” Kylo asked, exasperated.

“To hang out with my nephew, now that I can.” Luke’s eyes were twinkling with humor, and Kylo wanted to punch him right in his translucent nose. Make his eyes twinkle with pain, instead.

“I told you earlier, I don’t want to talk to you. Not here, and especially not in the refresher.” Kylo turned back to the viewport, and stared intently out into hyperspace. He was determined to ignore Luke until he disappeared again.

“So tell me, Benny, what’s it really like being the Supreme Leader of the Galaxy? I imagine it’s dreadfully boring. All politics, schmoozing, fundraising, and all that terrible administration poodoo.”

Kylo’s eye twitched at being called “Benny.” But he stayed silent.

“After seeing your mother in politics, I wouldn’t have pegged you for a politician. But I guess even tyrants have to learn diplomacy.” Kylo gave him an intense side eye, and saw his uncle had reclined himself as Kylo had done, with his feet on the console.

He snapped. “Get your ghost feet off my console.”

“What are you going to do, Benny? Kill me?” Luke laughed again, and Kylo thought he was trying to drive him insane. It was working.

He leapt up, ignited his lightsaber, and ran the crackling, unstable red blade through his uncle, and the chair. “Too bad you’re already dead, Uncle Luke, I would have enjoyed killing you,” he drawled, low and menacing.

Luke harrumphed, and flicked Kylo between the eyes. He recoiled, shutting off his lightsaber, and grabbed his forehead. “What the hell?!”

“You stabbed me! I had to retaliate,” Luke said, amusement still in his voice.

“Is this fun for you, asshole?!” Kylo screamed.

“So much fun,” Luke giggled. “I learned from the two biggest assholes in the galaxy. Lando Calrissian and your—“

“My father.” Kylo interjected.

“—father. Right,” Luke finished.

“What will make you leave me alone?”

“Nothing, Ben Solo. I’m here to help you realize who you really are,” Luke responded, serious now.

Kylo narrowed his eyes, “I already am who I’m supposed to be.”

“Are you? I think Rey would disagree,” Luke said.

“She can think what she wants,” Kylo responded. “I’ll get her under me and she’ll agree with me.” He’d said it to shock his uncle, and it had worked. Luke looked horrified.

Luke slapped his hands over his ears, leapt up from his seat, and started shouting, “AH LA LA LA! Too much information, Benny!” He was hopping from one leg to the other.

“What are you, twelve?” Kylo asked, annoyed.

“What are you, thirty-five?” Luke countered.

“You know I’m twenty-nine.”

“I do. But you’ve always been a stick in the mud. Wait. How old is Rey?” Luke asked, and his curiosity seemed genuine.

“I—I don’t know. Oh, fuck. FUCK.” Kylo covered his face with his hands. Why didn’t he know her age?!

“I, uh, think you’d better find out, if you’re going to continue certain, uh, activities,” Luke said, putting a gentle hand on his shoulder. Kylo didn’t shake him off.

***

Kylo was miserable, and being comforted by his dead uncle, when Rey strolled into the cockpit. She stopped, and stared at the scene in front of her, her eyes and mouth wide open.

And then they both yelled the most insensible thing.

“HOW OLD ARE YOU?!”


	18. I Wanna Be In, like, All the Time

Rey decided the Skywalker men were absolutely ridiculous. After she’d told them her age, _Twenty_ , _probably_ , Ben had moaned miserably, and Luke had laughed maniacally. He finally left when Rey speared him with a violent look. She walked over to Ben, and put her hand on his head.

“What’s wrong?” She asked.

He looked up at her, and sighed. “Rey. Do you know how old I am?”

She shrugged. “You’re older than I am. What’s the problem?”

He relaxed a little, and leaned into her chest. She continued rubbing the hair on the back of his head, drifting down to the tense muscles at the base of his neck. He sighed in relief. “Luke’s the problem. He had me scared that you were much younger than you are.”

“How rude. When did he show up?” Rey hadn’t sensed him this time, but she’d been distracted by Giah.

“This morning. He showed up in the refresher of all places. Now I’ll be paranoid he’s watching me.”

“You mean in all these weeks, he hadn’t shown up before now?”

“No. I think only light side users can see Force Ghosts. I knew they existed, but I’d never talked to anyone. Not even my grandfather. Snoke said Sith couldn’t become ghosts, that they had to trap themselves in a holocron if they wanted to leave their essence behind. I don’t know if that’s true, though. I’m not sure if much of anything he told me was true.”

“So now that you’re reconnecting to the Force, you can see them?” Rey was hoping this meant he was connecting to the light side by default, rather than the dark. Hadn’t he struggled to stay away from the light side? Maybe this meant he was naturally a light side user rather than a dark side user.

He groaned and leaned farther into her as she worked her thumbs down his shoulders. “You’re very tense,” she observed. “What’s wrong?”

He leaned back from her, and looked at her. “Two things in particular. We’re almost to Takodana, just over 14 hours before we exit hyperspace. I’m not sure what my…reception…is going to be there. Maz Kanata was very close to my father.” Rey nodded, expecting that.

“The other thing, is I’m afraid I’m going to have to leave you there for a while.” Rey gave him a disgusted look, and opened her mouth to speak. He continued before she could, “Not because I want to, but it’s safest for you there, until I can get back to my fleet. I want to find a way to bring you with me, but Giah was right, unless you’re a prisoner, that’s not going to work.” He reached up and touched her cheek gently, “And you’ve never been my prisoner.”

Rey narrowed her eyes at him. “Of course I’ve been your prisoner. Telling me I was your guest didn’t really hold up when you had me in the torture chair.”

“You escaped easily, didn’t you?”

“Are you trying to take credit for that?” Rey fixed him with a sharp look.

He made a sound that was something between a laugh and a snort. “I wouldn’t dare. I was stunned, and a little proud, actually, that you’d been able to get out and use your newly discovered power so quickly.”

“Uh-huh,” she said, sarcasm dripping from her words. He looked like he was going to respond again, and she waved him off. “You may be worried about my safety, but I think you’re also worried about your own. What do you think will happen when people find out that you killed Snoke?”

“That won’t really be the problem. It will be because I killed him for you. Originally for what he wanted to do to you, and then for how he’d manipulated us. I had already decided he had to die by the time you’d gotten to the _Supremacy._ ”

Her throat went dry. _He’d already decided to kill Snoke before she’d come to him._ “You had already decided? How? When?”

He shrugged. “After our shared vision, I knew that I had to keep you safe. I knew he would try to make me kill you, if he couldn’t turn you, to complete my training in the dark side.”

She bit her lip as she stared at him. “That’s a very casual description for something so huge.”

He stood up, so close to her that he towered over her. He moved his hand under her chin, and tilted her face up to look him in the eye. “It was the easiest decision I’ve ever made.”

Rey had to remember to breathe. She saw the emotion in his eyes, and it had to mirror her own. He leaned down to kiss her, and it was like time stopped for them, there in the cockpit. Ben deepened the kiss, and she felt the Force shimmer and grow, and finally snap out around them. It felt like getting hit with an explosion. She felt both the light and the dark side, both her power and Ben’s power, coming together, intertwining, becoming something she knew neither of them had felt before.

The effect was dizzying. Ben broke the kiss to look at her. “You feel that, right?”

She nodded. “You’re power’s back, fully.”

“Yes, but that’s not what that was.” He said, his voice rough.

“What was it?” Rey asked. He shrugged.

“We’ll have to look in your books, Rey,” he said, running his hand down the curve of her waist and hip, then adding, “But not right now.”

“No, not now,” she agreed, giggling. She raised herself onto her tip toes, to kiss him again. He responded to her eagerly, steadying her with one arm as he bent her backward. She felt him pull at the Force, then felt the caress of his power twist around her. She felt it brush against her, and he pulled her hips forward to meet his. He pressed into her, and his mouth captured her moan as his erection pushed against her.

She was a wet, aching mess, ready to take charge when she heard a ripping sound, then felt the cool, recycled air hit her naked skin. She broke the kiss and stepped out of his grip to stare at him. He smiled at her, a wolfish, defiant smile. He quirked an eyebrow at her, and waited.

“Was your first use of the Force really to rip my clothes off?” she asked, irritated. He advanced on her. She put her hands on her hips. “I liked those clothes.”

“I did, too. I liked tearing them off you more. I’ll get you new ones.” His deep voice rumbled through her.

She wasn’t going to let him get away with that so easily. She backed up. “I don’t want new ones.”

He stepped toward her, and reached out for a tendril of her hair that had come loose from its binding. “What do you want?” He whispered, and it sent tingles down her spine, and settled low in her abdomen.

“You’re going to have to make it up to me some other way, Ben Solo,” she said, letting her voice go husky.

He groaned. “I can think of a few things…” He took his shirt off and laid it on the ground. “Lie down.”

She did, the contrast of the warmth of his shirt and the chill of the cockpit floor under her making her shiver. He dropped to his knees between her legs, pressing kisses to her knees. He continued down the sensitive skin of her thighs, until he had nearly bent himself in half. He nuzzled against her mound, and she shivered again at the light contact. Her hips flexed upward as he gently blew air up and down her.

“Oh, Rey, your clit is so swollen. Did you like that?” He sounded pleased.

“Yes,” she breathed.

He bent closer and flicked her clit with his tongue. Her hips surged up to meet his mouth. He pressed his tongue against her, and she writhed from the contact. She whimpered when he stopped and sat back on his heels. “What’s wrong?”

He ran his hands up her thighs to her hips. “Nothing, just trying something different. Is that okay?”

“Yes,” she nodded. She squealed as he grabbed her by the hips, and pulled her up toward him. He raised her up so that she was balanced on her shoulders, putting a hand on her lower back, and his elbow on his knee to steady them.

He met her eyes, a question in his. She nodded in answer to his silent question, and put her feet up on his shoulders. “Good girl,” he growled out. Rey felt a flood of wetness at his words.

“Mmmm,” he vocalized in approval. He ducked his head down, licking at her opening, pushing his tongue in, then licking back up to her clit. She gasped as he sucked it into his mouth, rubbing her with his tongue as he increased his suction. Rey wriggled under him, squealing and moaning from pleasure. The stubble on his unshaved face created a deliciously rough friction against her sensitive skin. She balled her hands into the fabric of his shirt, letting her legs fall back. His arm tensed below her, holding her weight in the air.

Ben released the suction with a pop, and Rey was light headed from the pleasure of it. He met her eyes as he went to work on her lower lips, pulling one into his mouth, then the other, and finally pressing his tongue into her wet folds. She felt his gaze burn into her, the heat of his eyes and his mouth on her threatening to make her combust.

He kept up his sensual torment, building the pressure inside her, bringing her so very close to her release. “Ben,” she sighed, “I need…” She pressed her feet against his shoulders to push her hips up against his mouth, grinding against his face.

He groaned into her. “I know what you need.” He returned to her clit, pulling it back into his mouth.

She gasped his name when he slipped two fingers inside her, and it was all her body needed to explode around him. He released her swollen bud, giving it one final brush with his tongue before lowering her hips back down to the ground.

Rey felt absolutely boneless. She watched him remove his pants with tantalizing slowness. He finally freed his cock, then sat back to brush his hair back out of his face. She groaned at the vision of him. She just managed to pull her knees back to give him room to settle between them.

Ben rubbed the swollen head of his cock against her opening, teasing her before slowly pushing into her. She arched her hips up to accommodate him, and again, she felt the Force snap around them, this time swirling around them like a storm. He leaned over her, putting his hands to either side of her head. He leaned down to kiss her, and Rey saw something like amazement in his eyes.

“I feel it, too,” he said. He wound his arms under her, pulling her closer to his body.

They moved together in the storm their power had created, felt it crash against them with every thrust. When Rey reached her next climax, Ben followed her, both of them crying out with their release. The storm they had created settled with them as they relaxed, Ben rolling them over so Rey rested on his chest.

As their breathing returned to normal, Rey looked down into Ben’s eyes. He reached up to touch her face as they stared silently at each other. Rey broke eye contact first, pressing a kiss to his chest. She knew from the look in his eyes, he felt the same way she did.


	19. Ain't Got No Tears Left to Cry

_Rey had to be dreaming. Had to be having a nightmare. This wasn’t a vision, she wouldn’t allow it. She was on a battlefield, somewhere she didn’t recognize. She looked around, and spotted the Knights of Ren, all of them, spread across the field, fighting groups of stormtroopers with the same weapons the Praetorian Guard had had in the throne room._

_She heard the roar of starfighters above her, and she knew Poe was leading them, trying to pull them back into space away from the ground battle. She heard the rumble of troop ground transports behind her, and knew Finn and Rose were with them, facing off with the AT-AT’s brought against them. This was their last stand against the First Order. She looked around herself, and saw the group of troopers advancing on her. She ignited her lightsaber, and she stared at it a moment. It was a deep violet in the center, bordered by the familiar bright blue of the Skywalker saber. The blade was being emitted from her staff._

_She was rushing the troopers when she heard a voice that made her go cold. Armitage Hux, the bastard._

_“We have your leader. Stand down now, and death will be quick for the traitor.”_

_She looked up to the platform that descended from the lead AT-AT, and screamed when she saw who was there. Not General Leia Organa, but Ben Solo. He had some kind of net around him, and was surrounded on all sides by troopers with their blasters pointed at him._

She woke to Ben holding her in their bed. He was stroking her hair, and she was sobbing. “It’s okay, it’s okay,” he repeated over and over, in a soothing tone. “I’m here, it’s okay.”

Between choking sobs, she asked him if he’d seen it too. He hesitated, her her heart dropped. “I saw something, yes.”

Rey buried her head into his chest, and cried out. It had been a vision, not a dream. She was wide open in the Force, and she could feel his own terror at his own vision. Whatever he’d seen had been just as awful as what she’d seen.

She noticed then that his hands were shaking as they combed through her hair. They laid there together for what seemed like hours, until Giah commed to say they were getting ready to come out of hyperspace.

Rey had to force herself up and out of bed. Ben let her take the lead in breaking their contact, and got up after her. She grabbed her clothes, and went into the refresher. She turned the sanisteam on high, letting the room fill up with the steam. She moved with precision, even though she felt like her whole body was quaking. She unfolded her clothes, and hung them over the rails so they could get cleaned by the steam.

She heard a knock at the door. “Rey,” Ben said quietly. “Can I come in? I’m having trouble being alone.”

Rey went over to the door, and pressed the button to open it. “Me too. I feel like I’ve been mugged.”

He came in, and she pressed the button to close the door back. He waved his hand in front of his face, not quite laughing, but finding something amusing.

“What?” Rey asked.

“All this steam. I can’t see anything.”

“I’m trying to clean myself and the clothes I have left.” She stared pointedly at him, and he had the decency to blush.

They cleaned themselves in relative silence, both of them taking some comfort in each other’s presence. Rey dressed quickly, then packed her meager things in her shoulder bag. When Ben was finished, they walked to meet Giah in the cockpit.

When they arrived, Rey noticed Giah looked shaken. Had she had a vision, too? Giah spoke before she could ask.

“We’ll be exiting hyperspace in two minutes. Are you both ready to face the real world?”

“Yes,” Rey said, at the same time Ben replied, “No.” She looked at him askance, and he shrugged. “I’m not.”

Giah stared at him, too, but said simply, “At least you’re honest.” She turned and looked pointedly at Rey. Rey widened her eyes and looked back, a dare in her gaze. Giah shrugged, and turned back to the viewport.

“Time to sit down and strap in, you two,” Giah announced. The navicomputer began a countdown sequence, and just as Rey buckled herself in, the shuttle exited hyperspace. She saw the planet Takodana materialize in front of them, the memories of her previous visit only weeks ago still fresh in her mind.

They made planetfall, and again, Rey marveled at the lush green landscape. She unbuckled herself, and stood in between Ben and Giah as the trees grew closer to the ship. She’d now experienced two types of forests, and Rey found she vastly preferred the serenity of the woody forest to that of the fungi forest on Felucia. The emerald greens of the leaves soothed her in a way that the neon blues and pinks hadn’t been able to, and Rey heard herself exhale, feeling relief at being back here.

She was surprised at the strength of her reaction to this planet, considering she’d barely spent hours here, but this was where her life had changed. This place called to her, awakened her, and seemed to beg her to stay here. This place, Takodana, was where she belonged. Not on Jakku, not on Felucia, and not on some ship in space.

She felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up as she realized Ben was staring at her. Giah, too, when she could look away from the landing approach. A thought struck her as she realized they would be landing close to Maz’s castle.

“Is it a good idea for a First Order shuttle to land so close to the place the First Order destroyed?” She asked.

Giah responded, without looking at her. “I scrambled the ship’s signal, they won’t know it’s an Upsilon class until they see it, and there are enough of them about that they won’t immediately think it’s Kylo Ren. Lately this style of ship has become a fashion statement, everyone wants to have the same shuttle as the Supreme Leader.”

Rey thought she saw Ben wince, but she wasn’t sure of the cause, or even if she’d seen the minute movement in the first place. They were going to have to have a conversation about what they were doing, and Rey wasn’t looking forward to it. As terrible as it was, her vision had shown her a version of the future that included Ben joining, and leading, the Resistance against the First Order.

But what events led them there, and then to his capture? What was that net that Hux had him in? Rey didn’t know the answers, but she knew she’d been burned by a vision before, and tried to reign in the terror, and the hope, that this one had inspired. She saw the ground growing closer, and held onto the console as the shuttle touched down. She wasn’t sure what to do next.

When Ben was still disconnected from the Force, Giah had suggested they stay with her, but he’d gotten his full powers back on the second to last day of the trip. There wasn’t any need for them to stay here, and not knowing what was in Ben’s vision, he might decide to go back to his fleet. She considered the way their powers had mingled that last time, and how connected she’d felt to him afterward. She was shaken by her vision, but when she felt for them in Force, the threads of the connection were still there.

She heard the switches being flipped on the console, and the sound snapped her out of her thoughts. She moved to the door of the cockpit, opened it, and went toward the landing ramp. As it lowered, she thought about waiting there for Ben, but she didn’t think she could stand it if he told her he was leaving there. So, instead, she marched down the ramp, and if he gave her the brush off, she’d be able to dash into the ruins of the castle.

_You’re being a coward_ , she thought, ashamed of herself. She stopped under the shuttle’s wing, and she heard a loud mechanical sound as the tall wings lowered into their grounded position. She felt the breeze on her skin, and turned her face toward it, looking out over the water. She sighed, then turned back to the landing ramp. She marched herself back up it, shaking her head and mentally scolding herself for nearly running.

Ben was there in the hallway, waiting for her, helmet in hand. “What are you doing, Rey?” He asked, quietly.

“Not being a coward,” she replied, then released a heavy sigh. “What are we doing, Ben?” She asked him, mirroring his question.

“Going to see Maz, I suppose,” he said, not answering her real question. Her stomach sank.

“And after that?”

“It depends,” he hedged.

“On what?” She said, forcing the issue.

“On you, Rey. It’s always depended on you. We’ll talk to Maz, and then you can decide what you want to do.” His tone made her hesitate. It was calm, _reasonable, even,_ but she sensed a desperation in him, like he wanted to scream or have a tantrum, but he had himself on a tight leash. He was trying not to influence her, she realized.

She didn’t know what to say, so she just nodded. “Will she recognize you?”

“Yes. But no one else in there will, if I have to take Drago’s mask off. Giah will make sure of it,” He sounded confident, but Rey was worried. He’d nearly destroyed the castle last time, and Maz did not seem like a woman who would forgive easily.

“There were a lot of droids here last time. Can she take care of those?”

“Not with the Force.” He waved a little device at her. “But I have this to jam their sensors so they can’t report out.”

Rey nodded again. Giah joined them by the landing ramp, her helmet already on. She’d added a long black cape, and looked every inch a dark force user. Ben put his borrowed helmet on, and looked at Rey. “Lead the way, sweetheart.”


	20. So I'm Picking It Up

Rey’s cheeks were on fire. She gave Ben a half smile, and she swore she felt Giah roll her eyes. She turned and walked back down the ramp, leading the two Knights of Ren toward Maz’s castle. Looking at it more closely now, she saw how much it had been rebuilt in the weeks since the battle. _Maz certainly had the pull to get it done_ , she thought.

When they got close enough, Giah touched her shoulder, and moved in front of her. Giah went up the stairs first, and as she went through the door, Rey felt her open up in the Force. Her power flowed out in wispy tendrils, reaching for all the sentient beings in the castle. Rey felt her push into their minds, almost freezing the image of what they were seeing before they went in. _Rather like a video on a loop_ , she realized.

Giah nodded for them to come in, and they were ignored by all the beings in the cantina hall. Except for one.

“Well, Rey, what have you brought me?” Maz Kanata said from behind the bar.

Rey cleared her throat. “I need help, Maz.”

“I should say so. You’ve got a pair of dark shadows there.” She adjusted her glasses.

“They’re, uh, from the Knights of Ren.”

“The Knights of Ren, eh?” She came around to look at them. She stopped in front of Giah first, her height only reaching Giah’s hip. “This one is very powerful. She’s holding the minds of all the beings here, with very little exertion. Well done.” Giah gave a short nod, but said nothing.

She moved to Ben, and looked him up and down. “But this one. I feel like I know this one. This isn’t just some Knight of Ren.”

Ben shifted his weight, and Rey could feel his uncertainty. Rey spoke in his mind, _Just do as she says, I guess._ He nodded. Maz clicked her lenses twice into place, and motioned Ben down to her level. He bent down, bringing his mask to her face. “Yes, I recognize you, Ben Solo, like you knew I would. And yet, you came here anyway.”

She clicked her glasses back to their normal position, and straightened her back. “You came here even after destroying my castle, and nearly my business. I can sense your uncertainty. Your conflict. And now I know why you’re here. I just have one question.”

Ben spoke, the mask’s vocalizer warbling his deep voice. “What’s your question?”

Maz turned to give Rey a pointed look, watching her shift uncomfortably. Rey felt Maz’s presence in the Force, light as a feather. She was looking for something, but it didn’t feel like an invasion. Rey relaxed slightly. Maz turned back to Ben.

“What are you two using for birth control?”

***

Kylo Ren might have fainted. A younger Ben Solo would certainly have fainted at the tiny, ancient lady asking him what he was using for birth control. But Kylo Ren was made of stouter stuff, or so he told himself. The problem was, he didn’t know what he was using for birth control.

_Okay, so I swayed a bit. That doesn’t count_ , he thought. Giah had snorted, and was currently shaking with silent laughter. Rey was just as shocked, but not panicked. He was panicking inside, because for four days, he had, ugh, he had shot his shot, completely uninhibited.

Rey had said it was okay, but he realized he’d never asked specifically out of the moment. Would she have let him come inside her without being on some kind of birth control? Surely she wouldn’t have, but what if whatever she was on failed? What if she had conceived? _Fuuuuuck._

Maz Kanata, said tiny, ancient lady, was having a riot of a time, bent in half, cackling at his reaction. He knew she could feel his emotions in the Force, and maybe his thoughts. He wasn’t exactly guarded at the moment, and he didn’t put it past her. He needed to talk to Rey.

He needed to sit down. _He needed to breathe_. He was suffocating in this mask. He ripped it off, chest heaving, and grabbed the nearest chair to him. He collapsed into it, and put his head between his knees.

He heard Maz’s laughter, and he heard Giah completely give in, and starting laughing out loud. He finally heard Rey cut through the uproar. She said, “I have an implant,” and then collapsed into her own mirth.

An implant! The Force was with them! He suddenly felt ridiculous, and felt bubbles of amusement start to rise from his own chest. He leapt up, grabbed Rey, and spun her around. “An implant!” He shouted. Maz and Giah hooted in laughter. He saw them grasping each other, each supporting the other’s weight. _They’re enjoying this too much,_ he thought. He sat Rey back down, and she grumbled, “You might be a little too happy about that.”

“I am happy about that, Rey, and I’m kicking myself for not asking you about it. Why didn’t you tell me?” Though, if he was honest with himself, the image of her pregnant with his child was satisfying a very primal part of himself.

“I meant to, but other things kept happening that were distracting,” she responded, looking a little sheepish.

“I don’t mind,” he said, pulling her to him, “In fact, I’m very, _very_ , glad to know it.” He gave her a smoldering look, one he knew would melt her. Her breath caught, and she blushed. His feeling of triumph didn’t last.

“Now we’ve cleared that up, Ben, what are you doing here?” Maz asked.

“Don’t call me that, Maz,” he said sharply, not looking at her. Rey’s eyes widened at his tone.

“It’s your name, isn’t it?” She asked, her tone approaching cheerful.

He stiffened. “It’s an old name.”

“But it’s yours,” Maz said. “It’s a special name.”

“What’s so special about being named after an old Jedi? One that my parents knew for a split second before my grandfather killed him?” Kylo turned away from Rey, needing to face Maz. Rey was the only person he would let call him Ben. It wasn’t his name anymore, but when Rey said it, he was entranced. For her, his name was whatever she decided it was.

Maz looked at him, considering. “Do you know anything else about Ben Kenobi?”

“I know enough.” He was starting to feel surly. He felt Rey’s hands on his back, and forced himself to relax. They were here for her to get help, not for him to freak out on an annoying old lady.

“I’m not sure you do. Stay a while, child, and maybe you’ll learn who you really are.”

***

After pronouncing that Ben didn’t really know himself, Maz had turned to Rey and commanded her to follow, alone. Ben had protested, but Giah had stopped him. They remained in the cantina while Maz led Rey down the staircase into the familiar chambers where she’d found the lightsaber.

“Tell me, child, why do you think you need my help?” Maz asked.

Rey considered her answer. “I’m not sure where to go from here. I had only one thought, to get back here, and you could help me find my way.”

Maz stepped closer to her, and put her hand over Rey’s heart. “You’re finding your own way, like you’re meant to. I can’t help you with that. But, I can help you with your other question.”

“My other question?” Rey repeated, confused.

“That split kyber crystal in your pocket. You need to heal it, then you can put it back into your saber. Don’t try to engineer something mechanical that should be done with the Force.”

Rey pulled the pieces out of her pocket, and considered them. She looked at Maz. “How can I heal them? I don’t know how to heal.”

Maz winked at her. “You know someone who does.” Rey nodded, understanding. Maz started walking back up the stairs. “Oh, yes… just a tip, the more he uses the light side, the more he’ll reconnect to it. There’s still a darkness there, but he seems like he’s letting the light in. Keep going, Rey.”

Instead of following her immediately, Rey stood in the pool of light where Maz had left her. She turned the pieces of the crystal around her hands. She let her power flow out of her, trying to sense the crystals. She felt them vibrate, and felt their pain.

She heard the sound of footsteps leaving the stairs and starting toward her on the dirt floor. She looked up, and saw Ben coming toward her. She was so focused on the crystals, she hadn’t sensed him approaching her. His determined stride reached her quickly, but he stopped right outside of the pool of light where she stood.

She stayed where she was, bathed in light, and slowly, held her hands out to him, palms up, cupping the crystal pieces so they didn’t fall. He looked at her hands, then looked her in the eye. There was an intensity there that she recognized, and she wondered if he would be willing to help her with the crystals.

She raised her chin and held his gaze. Her movement seemed to jar him out of his thoughts. He exhaled and stepped into the light. He cupped her hands with his, and brought her fingers to his lips. Her heart raced with exhilaration.

“Ben,” she breathed.

“Yes?” He answered, his voice almost a whisper.

“Can you teach me to heal this crystal?”

He searched her face with his eyes, and his throat worked. Several emotions seemed to pass through his eyes, but the one that shocked her the most was despair. She thought he might refuse, and she fought a wave of disappointment. Finally he spoke.

“Yes.”


	21. I'm Loving, I'm Living, I'm Picking It Up

Kylo hadn’t healed anyone in years, not even himself. And a kyber crystal? The last one he’d held he’d cracked trying to shove his own pain into it. Rey had asked him to help, and he’d agreed. He’d agreed, knowing that it was putting him on a path that lead to the vision he’d seen, a path he didn’t think he’d come back from. He’d agreed, because he’d do anything for her.

She stood in front of him, patiently watching him as he held her hands. He could feel her confusion at what she was sensing from him, so he pushed it down as far as he could. He ran his thumbs along her hands, trying to be reassuring. He felt her relax a little, but she didn’t take her eyes from his face.

“How does it work?” She asked him.

He took a deep breath before responding. “Find the crystal in the Force, then find its pain. Ask it to let you in.”

He felt Rey flare in the Force. He loved feeling her in the Force, especially out of battle. She exuded a strength rooted in compassion, and he couldn’t resist opening himself further to fully experience her power. It rushed through him, warming him like nothing else could. He slowed his breathing so he didn’t distract her. He felt the crystal vibrate through her hands, then grow calm again. She’d connected with it.

“Now, take its pain as your own, and release it into the Force. Visualize the pieces knitting back together.”

“Okay.” He felt her stiffen, and start to shake a bit. She was thinking too hard.

“Relax, Rey, let the Force flow around and through you, then through the crystal. Don’t try to invade it, let it rest and heal. Picture something that soothes you, and stay there.” He took several deep breaths with her, breathing in, then breathing out again. He closed his eyes and focused with her, but not adding his Force power to hers.

After several minutes of standing there, breathing together, she heaved a disappointed sounding sigh. Kylo opened his eyes and looked at her hands. The crystal had only knitted together in the core, and not all the way through to the edges.

He moved his hands from her and picked it up to examine it. “It’s usable this way, you’ll just have to vent it. Like mine.”

“No offense, but I don’t want to vent it. I want to fully heal it.” Rey bit her lip in frustration. “Am I not powerful enough?”

“You’re strong enough,” he said, without hesitating.

“But?” Rey was watching him closely.

“Maybe you’re not focused enough? I don’t know. I was never much of a healer.” He handed the crystal back to her.

A thoughtful expression crossed her face. “What if we do it together? Would it work?”

He considered that. “It might, but I could corrupt it with my power.”

“Then don’t use the dark side. Just pull from the light,” she said, like it was the simplest thing in the world.

_Maybe it was._ Kylo Ren, Master of the Knights of Ren, Murderer of Han Solo and thousands of others, Jedi Killer, Dark Side Devotee, was going to heal a crystal with the Light Side of the Force.

If it would accept him.

Rey put the crystal in her palm, and held it out to him. He put one hand under hers, then covered the crystal and her palm with his other hand. She put her hand down on top of his. He inhaled, then pulled at a power he thought he’d buried forever.

Like the sun breaking through on a cloudy day, little by little, he felt the gentle warmth that represented the Light. He’d lived in the cold Dark for so long, he’d forgotten this simple feeling. He tilted his head back, letting it flow through him, letting it greet him like a lost family member.

_You do not hail from the Dark side,_ it whispered, making him remember Lor San Tekka’s words, _you belong to the Light._

He opened himself further, his breath releasing on a sigh, and he heard Rey gasp. He looked down at her, and then felt the heat of his hands surrounding hers. He felt all the love in the galaxy, focused here, on Rey, and her love for him, as they poured it into the crystal. He let his need to love her, to protect her, flow through it, and it began to vibrate in resonance with his feelings.

“Let your power go, Rey. Join it with mine, and focus on repairing the cracks you find.” Rey nodded, speechless. He felt her power rise, and felt it attune to his. Her hands grew as hot as his, any warmer and he thought they’d be glowing. She focused in on the crystal, and he felt her push into the cracks, filling them, encouraging them to regrow. Finally, Kylo felt the crystal respond. Rey looked up and met his eyes happily; she’d felt it respond, too.

It vibrated in their joined hands, and Kylo could sense the new growth from the kyber crystal connect the pieces. After the crystal had calmed, they took their top hands away to see what was left.

Kylo stared at the newly repaired crystal. It was whole; there wasn’t even a scar left behind. But, it wasn’t right. It should have been entirely blue, but it wasn’t. It had a shock of violet in the core, where it had bled. Rey gasped when she saw it, and Kylo noticed she looked a little ill.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, concerned. He met her eyes, and he saw tears starting to well there.

“It’s probably nothing. It just reminded me of my vision,” she said, trying to sound nonchalant, but failing utterly.

“Visions aren’t always completely accurate. What you saw isn’t guaranteed to happen the way you saw it,” he said, trying to reassure her and himself.

A third voice joined them, “Some visions are, especially those experienced by multiple people at once.”

Kylo turned quickly to look at Maz, who had managed to come in silently. He didn’t know how long she’d been there. Had she been watching them heal the crystal?

“Some things are fated to happen, no matter how much we fight them. It’s how you decide to live that determines how those things affect you,” she continued.

Kylo narrowed his eyes at her. She walked toward them, and held her hand out to Rey for the crystal. He didn’t bother to hide his suspicion as he watched her. Maz just looked at him, then back at the crystal. She adjusted her glasses, and her eyes were suddenly three times the size they should have been.

“What do you know about this crystal, Ben?” She asked.

He took his time answering her. “It was in my grandfather’s lightsaber. It was taken from him by Obi-Wan Kenobi, who I’m named for, after he cut off Anakin’s limbs and left him to die on Mustafar. He kept it for years as some sick trophy, then gave it to my uncle, Luke, to kill Darth Vader, my grandfather. Instead, he lost it when Vader cut his hand off during a fight. It was lost for years after that. Then, Rey showed up with it, and it had clearly chosen her. And then it split when we fought over it. And here we are.”

“That’s the history of the saber, Ben, not the crystal. Though the crystal was certainly present for all that,” she said, amused.

“I don’t know the specific history of the crystal, Maz. You seem to know, why don’t you enlighten us?” He responded, his tone harsh.

Rey was staring at him, and he shrugged at her. She shook her head at him. _You need to calm down, there’s no need to be so combative._

_I’m always combative_ , he responded. _The form it takes just varies from person to person._

_Whatever. You still need to cool it,_ Rey scolded him. He liked it.

_Keep scolding me, Rey. Maybe shake your finger at me, too,_ he teased her. She narrowed her eyes and gave him a hard look. _If I’m really bad, will you spank me?_ He smiled a slow, lusty grin that was completely inappropriate for the situation, and he knew it.

She snorted and rolled her eyes, and turned her attention back to Maz, who was clearing her throat.

“This crystal was found and attuned to the Force by Anakin Skywalker, your grandfather, who was at the time a great Jedi. But he was a Jedi with a secret. He had gone against the Jedi Code and married Senator Padmé Amidala. He gave this saber to her as a representation of his life, for a Jedi’s saber was his life, and told her his life was hers. The crystal, being a sensitive creature, then attuned itself to her life force.” Maz paused for a moment, thinking.

She continued, “It survived Anakin’s horrific acts only on the strength of Padme’s life. When she died, so did a part of the crystal. That’s why the blade is a much duller blue than it once was. Ben, does this crystal, and by extension, the lightsaber it is in, respond to you at all?

Kylo raised his eyebrows. It hadn’t, not until he’d called it to protect Rey. “Only when I’m protecting Rey.”

“Anakin couldn’t protect his wife from himself, and a crystal on its own can’t protect someone, but it can attune itself to a feeling. The crystal responds to the person who wants to protect another. It also responds to love. Anakin gave his lightsaber to his wife as a declaration of love. You opened yourself to the light side of the Force for the same reason, I think, and that’s why the crystal healed.”

_Damn it._ He wasn’t going to let Maz tell Rey something he hadn’t told her yet himself, but should he just shout out ‘I love you, Rey!’ right here? He couldn’t. _He shouldn’t, not after his vision. If Max was right about shared visions, he knew what he had to do._

Maz looked closely at him, then said “Ah, you haven’t told her.”

“Not in words, no,” Rey said. _Oh no._

“Hmmm. All things in their time, child,” Maz said, with a significant look at Kylo. “Now, looking at the crystal, it’s different. It’s not a pure blue anymore. It’s back to it’s vibrant color, yes, but it has a purple core. It represents you two, now, I think.” She handed the crystal back to Rey. “But it is yours, alone, Rey. It’s chosen you.”

She turned to leave, but hesitated. She called back over her shoulder, “Better make your saber sooner rather than later, Rey.”


	22. Ain't Got No Tears In My Body

After Maz had left, Rey stood and stared at Ben for a few seconds, waiting to see what he’d say in response to Maz’s revelation. He moved closer to her, and held his hand out for the crystal. She gave it to him, and he held it up to the light.

“Rey, did you mean it when you told me you loved me that time?” He asked, still looking at the crystal, and not at her. His voice was strained, like he was trying to hide his nerves.

“Yes,” she said simply.

“You haven’t said it since,” he said, turning his head to look at her.

She stiffened. “You haven’t said it, and I didn’t want to pressure you into saying it if you didn’t feel it.”

“The crystal bled where it split when we fought over the saber. It should have healed clean, but it didn’t. Instead it expanded, and created something new. I think it represents me, surrounded by you.” He turned fully toward her.

Rey swallowed. She thought she knew where he was going with this, but she didn’t want him to just say it because Maz had implied he felt it. “Stop, Ben, you don’t have to say it.”

He waved her off and moved closer to her. “Let me finish. Snoke once told me I’d been split to the bone. I’d just killed my father on his orders, and I was, Force help me, I was split to the bone. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t think, and I didn’t deserve to. You were right to call me a monster in the forest, and then again through our bond. But our bond was the first time I felt hope, felt human, felt like I could heal.

“I’m still a monster, Rey, there’s nothing I can do to change that, no matter which side of the Force I use. I’m a killer. I massacred the other Jedi, I took part in battles that wiped out planets. I killed my own father. Yes, I also killed to protect you, and I know I’ll kill again to protect you and those we care about. I can try to be more centered, use less of the dark side, but it will always be there. It’s a part of me, and it always has been. Denying it only made me hate myself for being so weak.”

Rey’s breath caught when she tried to inhale. She felt tears sting her eyes at his confession. _Here it comes,_ she thought.

“But, Rey, I can’t do this to you.”

Rey felt like the floor was dropping out from under her. _He didn’t say it. What was he saying?_ She felt her whole body go slack.

He stepped forward and grabbed her hands. “Rey. Listen to me. I know what you want from me, and I’m not sure that I can give it to you. I know you want me to leave the First Order, maybe even the Knights of Ren. I can leave the First Order behind, but I won’t leave the Knights behind. I’ll never be a Jedi again. The only thing I’m sure of is that I will corrupt you, and take you off the path that you want for yourself. I already have, taking you away from your Resistance, from your friends.”

He exhaled the remainder of the breath he’d taken to get all that out before she could interrupt. Rey felt the tears spill out hot on her face. “Why are you saying this?”

“If you stay with me, you’ll never be a Jedi, and you’ll have to contend with denying the part of you reaching for the dark side while you’re around me and the other dark side acolytes. I’ve done that, and it ruined me. I won’t let it happen to you.”

“That’s not your choice to make, Ben. It’s mine. Just say what you really mean.” Rey felt the anger building behind her tears, building to something she wasn’t sure she could control.

At least he had the decency to look uncomfortable. “I’m trying to let you down easy, Rey.”

She yanked her hands out of his grasp, then turned and walked toward the stairs. She stopped at the bottom stair and whipped around, angrily, “You are still a monster, Ben. I thought you were going to tell me you love me! How could you start out that way then just… drop me! After all that we’ve been through,” She took a steadying breath, and said icily, “This crystal isn’t you, Ben, or us. It’s me. Its heart is broken, and so is mine. I should have listened to it, because it never wanted you.”

His mouth dropped open with the coldness of her words. _Good._ Rey felt the urge to slam him against the wall, something deep in her gut was cold and ready to give her what she wanted. She felt the power building the more she thought about it, her rage growing.

He spoke again, sadly, “Stay in the light, Rey. Don’t let me drag you down to the darkness.”

She wanted to say more, but she felt the truth of his words. She turned and ran up the steps. When she reached the top, she saw Maz deep in conversation with Giah. Giah had taken her mask and gloves off, and Maz was holding both of her hands. They both looked at her, and Giah cocked an eyebrow at the tears streaming down her face.

Maz looked at her sympathetically. “You didn’t hear what you wanted, did you?”

Rey shook her head, not trusting herself to speak. It was taking all of her focus to push the sobs back down. She refused to make a fool of herself over this man, again. Maz was still looking at her expectantly, so Rey swallowed and said, “And I’m not going to. Giah, thank you for bringing me here. I won’t need either of you any longer.”

Giah remained silent but her eyebrows shot up. She only nodded slightly in acknowledgement of Rey’s pronouncement.

Maz sighed, and dropped Giah’s hands. She walked over to Rey and put an arm around her waist. “Let’s make you a room.” Rey noticed she gave Giah a look, and Giah nodded again. As they left, Rey turned to look at Giah again, but she was gone.

_Just as well._ But she hated the thought of losing a friend as well as… she didn’t even know how to label Ben’s and her relationship. Lover, certainly, but it was deeper than that. It was always deeper than that with him. But with Giah, she thought that the other woman might have been a better teacher in the Force, someone she could develop her powers with. She’d trained as a Jedi, after all. But she couldn’t think this way any more. Giah’s loyalty was to Ben, and she’d choose him every time. She’d showed her that when they were on the shuttle.

Maz was leading her up a winding set of stairs to what seemed to be her own private apartment. “I have a few public rooms, but I’m thinking privacy is what you need. And not just to heal your wounds.”

“What do you mean?” Rey asked, feeling skeptical of her motives.

“Your lightsaber. Like I said, you need to build it, soon. You’ll have need of it without your two Knights of Ren.”

“They aren’t mine. They never were,” Rey said, her voice hard.

“Oh, child, that one will always be yours.” Her words were too much, and her heart couldn’t take it. She sat down roughly in one of the chairs in the apartment. Maz put a hand on her back while the tears fell.

After several minutes, she managed to calm herself, and though she was still sniffling, she managed to make her way to the refresher to wash the salt off of her face. She stared at herself in the mirror, not liking how red and puffy she’d become. She splashed more cold water into her hands, and held them on her eyes.

She was so frustrated. With him, of course, but also with herself and her stupid plan. She wished now that she’d let Finn talk her out of it at the beginning. She pulled her fingers roughly down her face, and let out a long groan as she did. She hadn’t thought this out rationally, not really, and now she didn’t have anyone to talk to about it except Maz. She had her hair pulled back into a loose bun, but she unwound it and tied it back more severely away from her face. She tied it tight enough that there was a dull ache from her scalp. She looked herself in the eye again, another feeling replacing her frustration.

She missed her friends. She was used to having Rose and Finn, and even Poe around her, and being able to talk to them about anything. She was missing them so intensely the tears threatened to come back. She shook herself and left the refresher.

When she returned to the front room that was large enough for almost twenty people, Maz was sitting on the large, circular sofa in the middle of it. She had Rey’s bag on her lap.

“Where did you get that?” Rey asked.

“You left it downstairs. I had it brought up here for you,” Maz replied lightly. Rey remembered taking it off just before trying to heal the crystal.

“Who brought it?”

“A droid delivered it,” Rey didn’t think she was telling the truth, but she let it go. “Now, about your saber. You’ll need some assistance, I expect.”

Rey nodded, she’d read all the books, but if there was someone experienced in doing it, that would be better.

“I suppose the two downstairs are out, so who does that leave?” Maz said, with a strange tone.

“You?” Rey asked Maz. She knew the Force, she’d said.

“No. I know the Force, not its weapons. But he can.” Maz pointed behind Rey. Rey turned, and Luke shimmered into view.

“I’m sorry, Rey.” He said, and walked over to stand in front of her. “It seemed to be going so well, too.”

“He’s a coward. Can you get a message to Finn and Rose?”

He nodded, “Through Leia, if that’s okay. They won’t be able to see me.”

“Tell them I miss them, and that I made a mistake. Tell them I’m on Takodana, and I have the same comm frequency,” She sighed after she said it, feeling the lie of it in her bones. It hadn’t been a mistake to try, but she needed to believe it was.

As she spoke, she felt a rumbling from below them. It shook them slightly, but she didn’t think it was a ground-quake. She thought it might be a ship taking off, and she ran to see if it was his shuttle. She was relieved to see that it wasn’t a ship at all, though annoyance quickly replaced her relief.

Then she felt it, in the Force, through their connection, a blast of rage so overwhelming that she swayed on her feet, and collapsed on to the sofa behind her. _What was going on?_

Luke and Maz both looked around uncomfortably. Maz spoke first. “Well. That can’t be good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *rolls up newspaper* Bad Ben! Bad, Bad Ben!


	23. I Ran Out

“We have two problems.”

No, they didn’t. He had exactly one problem, one that didn’t have a solution. Kylo looked up at the top of the stairs. Giah was standing there, arms crossed, staring down at him. “I don’t want to hear it, Giah.”

“Too bad. It’s not about what just happened, Kylo. There’s something else.” Giah came down the stairs and stopped a few paces away from him.

“What?” He said sharply. He was already pissed off at himself for deciding to push Rey away, and at Rey for taking the bait and walking away. It didn’t matter that that wasn’t fair, he was still angry about it. They were still connected by the Force, and he could feel her misery, every sob was a stab into his resolve. No, if he didn’t stay angry, he’d be up those steps and by her side faster than he could blink.

“Drago commed. General Hux is gone, and he’s taken half of the troops from the _Finalizer_ with him, as well as half of the _Finalizer’s_ fleet. Drago suspects he would have taken the whole ship, but there were enough troops loyal enough or frightened enough of the remaining Knights of Ren to stay. They left some time around midnight last night.”

His anger boiled over. “WHAT?! What does that sniveling, conniving man think he’s doing absconding with my fleet?!”

Giah took his outburst in stride. “It looks like he’s planning a coup.”

Kylo stopped breathing for a moment. A coup. _A COUP._ Of course that little weasel was going to try something while he was away. He should have planned better for that, but he was too blinded by Rey. He’d always known not to turn his back on Armitage Hux. He should have killed him, but he commanded too much power for that.

“What are we going to do about it?” Kylo demanded. His anger, no, that wasn’t strong enough. His rage exploded out from him in a burst of Force that shook the building’s foundation. Giah’s eyes flicked over to the wall and up to the ceiling, but that was the only reaction she had. He started pacing back and forth, trying to think.

“I don’t know what we can do from here. He’s already gone. The only thing I thought to do was to bring the _Finalizer_ here, and call any ships we know are loyal to you.”

“Do it. Have Drago bring my ship here, and call the _Expedience_ and the _Annihilator_ and their fleets.” Giah nodded. The _Expedience_ was her ship, and the _Annihilator_ was Drago’s. The other Knights of Ren had ships as well, but they were too far flung to be of any help now. Giah pulled her comm out of her robes, and gave the orders.

The capital ships had better hyperdrives than the shuttle, so it made sense to consolidate his power here. But two days was a long time to wait, and it gave Hux more time to have the upper hand. Kylo was seething. He ran a hand through his hair, and gripped it hard. The sharp pain centered him, bringing his rage back to a simmer.

_What if he didn’t fight it? Maybe it was a sign from the Force,_ he thought. He knew he would have to fight Hux, eventually, he’d seen it in his vision. He heaved a rough sigh as he realized he was still moving on the path to fulfill his vision. What if he used his remaining forces to protect Rey and the Knights of Ren? He was on the verge of a decision when Giah turned back to him.

“We have two days before they get here.” He nodded, but Giah gave him a hard look. “Which gives us time to solve our other problem.”

“What other problem?!” He snapped.

“One that is harder to deal with than a coup. You’re an idiot, Kylo Ren.”

Kylo seethed. _She was taking her life in her own hands, little did she know._ He clenched his jaw. “That’s not your problem. It worked out the way it was supposed to.”

Giah scoffed, “After all we risked to rescue the girl, you ended it?”

He gave her a hard look. “I don’t expect you to understand.”

“Actually, I understand perfectly. I don’t know what you saw in your vision, but I know that you think you set yourself down that path by helping with the wrecked crystal. You’re being a coward.”

He made angry noises, too insulted to form real words, but Giah held up a hand.

“I had a vision, too, Kylo. All three of us did. I don’t think there is going to be a choice for us. You can’t push her away and expect the fate of the galaxy to change. Maybe your fate will change, maybe it won’t, but you’ll just be miserable.”

Kylo stared hard at his friend and second in command. He knew that she was stronger in the Force than him, and if she said this vision was likely to be accurate, it was. And it hurt him more than pushing Rey away had. If he’d been able change things by pushing her away, she’d just be angry with him, nursing a broken heart. She’d get over him, and move on. But if his fate was the same as his vision, either way she’d be mourning him.

“I want to change her fate, not mine, nor the fate of the galaxy,” his voice was quiet.

Giah stared back at him. “Okay, Kylo, spill it. Your emotions are all over your face. What did you see?”

He sighed, dragging a hand down his face, and started his story.

_He was falling. Time seemed to slow down, like he was falling through a thick fluid rather than battle-smoke filled air. Oh yeah, he’d been shot, too. A few times. Then kicked off an AT-AT. But he wasn’t worried about that._

_No, Rey had seen him get shot. Everyone had seen him get shot, but he didn’t care about that. He’d led them into this battle, and then been caught with some kind of Force-resistant net, like a dumbass. But, still, he wasn’t concerned with that._

_Rey had seen him get shot, had seen him fall, and she had exploded. Her lightsaber was already in her hand from the battle in front of her, the blade a vibrant blue surrounding a deep violet core. He heard her anguished cry, and then she’d left the ground entirely, with a violent explosion under her. It knocked everyone around her, friend and foe, down to the ground, and left a deep crater where she’d been._

_He managed to turn his body enough to see her land on the platform of the AT-AT. Lightning crackled out from her as her feet touched the metal surface. No…_

_He tried to call out, he tried to connect with her, but his eyes were starting to tunnel, and his senses were all leaving him. He could feel her start to slip away, losing herself entirely to the Force. At this rate, she wouldn’t know her enemies from her friends, she wouldn’t be able to stop herself. As his sight faded, he saw her whip her lightsaber in a wide arc, slicing everyone on the platform into little bits. Then she turned to Hux. Hux, who’d started all this with his proclamation._

_He fought to stay conscious, but the last thing he saw as he slipped into nothingness was the love of his life cutting a man in half with yellow eyes._

He heaved a ragged breath as he finished telling her what he’d seen in his vision. He’d been wide awake and holding Rey when he’d slipped into the vision, so he’d known right away what it was.

“Giah, I would do anything for her, including dying, but if this happens, she’ll lose herself, lose her sanity. I thought I could prevent it by pushing her away, but if you saw it too…” He trailed off, not able to finish the thought.

Giah was looking at him sympathetically, then she said the words that he’d remember the rest of his life, words that cut him to the bone.

“But can you die without her knowing how much you love her?”

***

Kylo had been sitting on the floor of his quarters on his shuttle, trying to meditate, but he kept coming back to Rey calling him a monster. It was monstrous they way he’d ended things, and he knew it. _I had to do it that way, or she wouldn’t have walked away_ , he told himself. It had been the only time he’d lied to her.

He knew she was avoiding him, and he’d sensed his uncle more than once over the 24 hours since they’d parted. Maybe pushing Rey away was enough that Luke was avoiding him now, too. Even Maz had kicked him and Giah out, telling them that without Rey, they had no reason to be there. He changed position, moving onto his knees. He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. He clenched his hands on his thighs, trying to come up with a way to undo what he’d done to Rey.

Kylo thought about just taking it from her mind, using a mind trick to make her forget. He sighed. That really wasn’t much of an option, because she was likely too strong for it, and it was absolutely the wrong thing to do. The right thing, the harder thing, was to apologize, explain and hope for the best. He’d tried going to her quarters, but she’d ignored him, and then Maz had told him in no uncertain terms he was no longer welcome in the private apartment area. Instead, he tried crossing paths with her in the main area, knowing that she wouldn’t welcome him through their connection.

Their connection was still open, but she’d put a wall between them. He only felt her when she thought of him, which was often enough to give him hope. He just had to be patient.

“You really screwed the dewback on this one, didn’t you, Benny?” Kylo’s uncle appeared in front of him.

Kylo stared at him. _Screwed the what?_ “I made a mistake, yes.”

Luke looked a little startled, like he was surprised Kylo had agreed with him. “You were so determined to keep her with you, what changed?”

“I had a vision, and thought I could protect her from it by leaving her,” Kylo said, a touch of misery in his voice.

“Visions are strange like that. They don’t always mean what we think they mean. Sometimes they’re just a warning,” Luke said, using his Jedi Master voice. His tone made Kylo’s stomach turn.

“Giah and Maz seem to think this is different, because three of us had very similar visions,” he replied.

Luke sat cross-legged in front of him. “I lost my hand because I followed a vision, completely against the advice and wishes of my teacher. But, I also saved your mother by doing it.”

Kylo raised his eyebrows. “What was your vision?”

“I saw them in trouble, saw that Darth Vader had them. Master Yoda thought I wasn’t ready, and I wasn’t, but I went after them anyway, because it was the right thing to do. Ultimately, I couldn’t prevent your father from being frozen, but I was able to distract Vader enough that Leia was able to escape with Lando Calrissian.”

Kylo winced at the mention of his grandfather. “I know Darth Vader cut your hand off.”

“He did. Did you also know that Anakin Skywalker lost his right arm? Keep a close watch on your arms, Benny boy.”

Kylo made a face like he smelled something awful at being called “Benny Boy.” “Calling me ‘Benny boy’ is doing you no favors. I’m only talking to you because I’m hoping you can help me with Rey.”

Luke nodded. “I know. Teasing you is fun, though, you’re so uptight. Like your mother.”

“I don’t want to hear about my mother.”

“I’m sure you don’t. Is it easier to pretend she’s not out there, fighting against you?”

Kylo said nothing.

Luke sighed. “I think there’s another vision gone wrong you need to hear about. Do you know what caused Anakin Skywalker to choose to join Darth Sidious?”

“My mother wouldn’t talk about it. Snoke said it was because he recognized the Jedi were self-righteous and weak, and decided to build something new as a Sith.”

Kylo felt a new presence joining them, one he’d never felt before. He looked to Luke’s right side, and saw a blue shimmer taking form. Luke turned to look, and asked, “Are you sure? It’s been almost 20 years since you’ve done this.”

“I’m sure,” the form said, slowly taking the shape of a man. “There are some things the boy needs to learn from the source.”

Kylo sat in stunned silence as Anakin Skywalker appeared before him.

“Now, grandson, what have you been doing in my name?”

***

Hours later, Kylo was stretched out on the bed he and Rey had shared for four days. He still thought of it as theirs. He lay there, thinking of her, and of his conversation with his grandfather, Anakin Skywalker, not Darth Vader.

Luke had left them alone, and it was odd, meeting his grandfather for the first time. Kylo had expected him to rage, to take him to task for falling to the dark side as he had, but instead, he just seemed sad.

_“I lost everything that mattered to me,”_ Anakin had said, _“all because I wanted the power. I wanted the power to save my wife, but in the end, I killed her. I almost killed our children, the only thing left of her. All for power that doesn’t matter. Do you understand? The power doesn’t matter._

_“There is a cost to both avoiding and running toward visions in the Force. Luke lost a hand, but saved his sister. I got all the power I ever wanted, but I killed my wife, and lost my best friend. I understand you’re named after him.”_

Kylo asked him about Obi-Wan Kenobi, and Anakin had shared it all. How after he’d become Darth Vader, Obi-Wan—Ben—had protected his children, and set Vader on the path to redemption by bringing Luke into his life. “ _Don’t make the same mistakes I did, Ben Solo. Visions are tricky, but what I saw was what happened after I fell, and I made it happen because I tried to avoid it. Meditate on your vision, but don’t give it too much weight. Let it happen, and the Force will guide you.”_

When Anakin left him, Kylo finally understood what he needed to do. It would come at a cost, probably his life, but he was going to stay on the path of their visions. He was amazed how he’d changed since he’d met Rey. Just weeks ago, he would have scoffed at the idea of killing Snoke for anything other than taking power for himself.

He certainly wouldn’t have sat and had a conversation with the grandfather he idolized, because he couldn’t open himself to the light side of the Force. Rey had shown him a different path, made him want to be with her, and he wanted to be what she had thought he could be. He only hoped she still wanted him.

He opened himself to their bond, and let his feelings go through it. He tried to sense if she was receptive to him, but he found her asleep, and the hard wall up between him and her dreams. He exhaled, realizing she was trying to avoid him even in her dreams. He knew she dreamt of him often before they’d been together, but he was surprised she’d gone this far to keep him away.

Instead of breaking it down, like he knew he could, he left a simple, “I’m sorry,” outside of it, and hoped she heard.

Kylo turned over and tried to sleep. He had just over a day left before the fleet arrived, and he needed the time to convince Maz to help him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, hey there, grandpappy. About time you showed up.


	24. And Boy, I Like It

Rey sat cross-legged on the floor, meditating with her crystal in her hands. Luke had told her when she’d woken up that morning to spend several hours attuning herself to the crystal, and letting it attune to her. She thought she might be on hour four or five, but she’d lost track. The crystal was warm in her hands as she thought of the waves on Ahch-to, then the waterfall on Felucia. The crystal stayed warm the more she thought of water—Luke had said that soothing thoughts would encourage the crystal to bond with her further.

But, her mind kept wandering. She’d studiously avoided Ben for almost 36 hours now, but he still occupied her thoughts. She alternated between hurt and anger, though anger was starting to win out. She never found out what caused his expulsion of rage before, and if she was honest, she hoped he was angry with himself. She exhaled, and tried to bring her thoughts back to the water.

She was able to keep on track for another half hour or so, but then her mind went back to the four days they’d spent on the shuttle together. She’d had the time of her life with him in those four days, and she had thought that would be their life from then on. Especially after the last time they’d made love, and it felt like the force had deepened their connection.

Rey yelped from the sharp pain from her hands and dropped the crystal. It had suddenly spiked in temperature, and seared her hands. She looked down at her palms, and found two little blisters already forming on each one. She picked up the crystal again, and wondered what that level of heat meant. She whispered an apology to it, and tried meditating again.

This time, it stayed cool, no matter what thoughts she sent it. She let out a frustrated sigh and called out for Luke. It took him a few seconds, but he finally shimmered into being.

“Took you long enough,” he said, amused.

Rey rolled her eyes. “The crystal is staying cool, but I think I did it wrong. It got very hot, and now it won’t heat at all.”

“But it’s still responding to you?”

“I think so.” She opened herself in the Force and sought out the crystal. It was there, and it seemed calm. “Yes, it is!”

“Then you did it,” Luke said, proudly.

Rey felt a surge of pride that she’d been able to do it, even with her wandering mind. Luke had ribbed her about her meditation taking so long, and she wondered if that meant it should have taken her a significantly less amount of time.

“What’s next?” Luke asked her.

She raised an eyebrow at his pop quiz. “Next, I get the pieces of the saber together, and use the Force to put them all together, wiring and all.”

“That’s right,” he said, starting to shimmer away, “Call me when you’re finished!”

Rey muttered under her breath, “Like you have something better to do.”

_I heard that!_ Luke said in her mind.

Ugh. It had been an unsettling feeling when Ben had spoken in her mind the first few times, but Luke doing it was even more so. She stood up, having to use the Force to help herself, because her legs were so asleep from sitting. She walked around the room, trying to find all the pieces that she wanted to use.

She didn’t want to use the original Skywalker hilt, there was too much baggage around it. She’d decided to take part of her staff and make something with a long handle. She was used to wielding long weapons, and her lightsaber would play to her strengths.

She’d been able to salvage the emitter and the wiring from the damaged hilt, so all she had to do was shorten her staff a little to accommodate the blade, and hollow out a portion of the staff to create room for the electronics. She just had to go get it.

She left Maz’s apartment, and she quietly went down the steps. She shrank her presence in the Force as much as she could. She’d been able to feel Ben if she wanted to, but she’d tried hard not to, without totally severing the connection. Severing it the last time had been physically and psychically painful. Instead, she just shrank from it.

She got to the last step, and she heard a loud crash from the bar, and some shouting. _Probably a bar fight_. She heard a few people shouting out their bets on which of the pair would win. _Definitely a bar fight._ She tried to sneak through the cantina and down the rest of the stairs to the basement room. Then she heard it, the deep crackling rumble of Ben’s lightsaber. She turned slowly, and saw his back was to her. She dropped underneath one of the tables, and tried to take in her surroundings.

She saw a few other beings in the cantina, and they were just as enraptured by the scene as she was. Ben dodged to the side, and then she saw another red saber, this one more elegant—and more stable—than Ben’s. Giah lunged again, her black hair loose and flying around her. Ben ably knocked her blade away, and said something Rey couldn’t fully understand. Giah lunged again, in the same motion, and Rey realized they were the fight people were betting on.

Someone hooted each time Giah lunged forward with her saber, and other voices joined in, encouraging one of them versus the other, and cheering when one would hit the other. Ben got a hit in on Giah, which the crowd loved, and Rey flinched when she realized they were actually tapping each other with their lightsabers’ blades. Rey had read about training and sparring dampeners in one of the Jedi texts, but they weren’t using them. Instead they were pulling their strikes short, but leaving little burns as a way of keeping track. She’d seen the little scars all over Ben’s body, and this seemed to be the reason for them.

She watched them for another several minutes, until Maz yelled for them to take it outside. They went out the door, and Rey dashed over to the nearest window to continue watching. She wasn’t the only one, and she jostled with the others to get a better view. A wave of jealousy washed over her when she saw them. It was warm outside, Ben had taken his shirt off, and Giah was down to her undershirt. Insecurity bubbled up underneath the jealousy as Rey compared herself to Giah. She reminded herself that Ben had wanted her, not Giah. It didn’t seem like Giah had any remote interest in Ben, either. As she shook the thought from her head, because it didn’t, _it shouldn’t_ , matter to her anymore, she finally noticed that Giah was covered in dark tattoos.

Both of her arms were covered from the shoulder down to the wrist in delicate geometric patterns. The beginning of the pattern echoed a spaulder, with three large diamond shapes spread over her shoulder joint. Each of the large diamond shapes had smaller ones, nested one inside the other, then tessellated down her arm, ending right above her wrist. From what Rey could tell, the pattern covered her back as well. _What do those markings signify_ , she wondered. It was hard to see from her vantage point, but the main outlines of the pattern on her arms reminded her of architecture she’d seen in a holovid once, set on Coruscant. Rey hadn’t particularly wanted to see another woman’s body before, but she found herself intensely curious to see the patterns on Giah’s arms and back.

Another set of shouts from the crowd brought her attention back to the fight. Ben was clearly enjoying himself, even smiling when Giah landed a hit on his shoulder, leaving a small, smoking burn behind, and it was torture to Rey. They sped up, the open space allowing them to really fight. Suddenly, they stopped sparring, and came together to discuss something. Rey took that opportunity to ogle him, watching his arms and back muscles flex as he lightly swung his lightsaber.

Ben’s eyes wandered over the castle, passing over the window where Rey stood. She didn’t duck, thinking the movement would be more noticeable, and she wanted to see his face, determined to continue tormenting herself. _Oh, gods, he’d shaved._ He ran a hand over his smooth chin, in consideration of something, and spoke to Giah.

Finally, he turned his full attention back to Giah, so she thought he hadn’t seen her. She continued watching as they sparred, each of them trading hits. Multiple times, Rey found herself flinching when their blades met. Giah would attack, and Ben would parry it into his own attack. Finally, it seemed Giah had had enough of swordplay, and she started pulling objects with the Force. Ben dodged some of them, and sliced others as they came at him. He charged Giah, and instead of raising her saber, she raised her hand.

Rey felt her surge in the Force, and with a loud crack, Ben was on the ground. A crater had appeared under him from the force of Giah’s slam. Giah walked over slowly, extinguishing her lightsaber, a smile on her face. She held her hand down to Ben, and he rolled over and laid there a while, possibly laughing, before taking her hand up. Rey’s stomach flopped again, and she felt disgusted with herself. She shouldn’t be jealous of them. She tried to tell herself she missed her own friends, and missed sparring with Finn and Poe, especially.

She sighed, and dragged herself away from the window. The crowd around her was going wild, some getting their money, and others asking if it was fair that she’d won with the Force. Most people were heading back to the bar for more drink. She had to get her staff and get back upstairs before he saw her. If she made eye contact with him, Rey was sure that her resolve wouldn’t hold. She heard a banging on the bar, and looked over. Maz had her staff.

She walked over, and held her hands out to retrieve it.

“Interesting things are in motion, Rey. Don’t hide from him for too long,” Maz said.

“I’m not hiding, I have work to do,” Rey responded, tartly.

“Good luck, Rey,” Maz said, cryptically.

Rey had just started up the steps when she heard Ben and Giah’s voices as they came back inside. She heard Giah joke loudly with Maz, “I hope you get a cut of the purse, Maz. Not everyday the Master of the Knights of Ren gets cratered into the ground, and then everyone forgets what they were even betting on!”

Rey stopped, worried about him. He was fine, of course, she could tell that from the Force. She had this overwhelming need to look at him. So she peeked around the edge of the stairwell, and there she was, face to face with him. She stayed there for what seemed like an eternity, staring into his dark eyes, remembering everything they’d been through, and what they still meant to each other.

“Rey,” he breathed.

Rey cleared her throat. She had to get out of here. She thought about just turning and leaving, but something from deep within her bubbled up. She gave him a curt nod, then greeted him with an even more curt, “Asshole."

He flinched at her words, and it was enough to break her out of the spell of his eyes. She turned and ran up the steps, hating herself the whole way up.

Rey made it back to Maz’s apartment, and shut the door behind her. She was out of breath, and she knew she had to be calm to successfully make her lightsaber. She’d made a mistake going downstairs, she knew. Seeing him had brought back every feeling she was working hard to bury. It had been too soon, though she knew it would always be too soon for them.

It had also brought back other, more physical, feelings. She realized that her body had gotten used to the frequency of their lovemaking, and she missed it, both physically and emotionally. But physically, she’d started aching as soon as she’d seen him without his shirt. And the way his muscles had bunched and then released had set her heart to racing. Honestly, it was almost like he knew that she’d been watching. And then his face, oh, his smooth face. That brought back the memory of his head between her legs, and the ache turned painful.

She sighed, and decided she would have to relieve that particular tension before she could finish her lightsaber. It would be too much of a distraction, and she wasn’t going to blow herself up because she was horny. She looked around, feeling uncomfortable about doing it in Maz’s front room, so she went to the refresher. She needed a sanisteam, anyway.

She turned on the water—Maz’s castle actually had running water showers, not just steam—andtook off her clothes while it warmed up. She stepped into the shower, letting the water run over her. It was a luxury like she’d never experienced. She soaped up a washcloth, and set to work cleaning herself.

As she rinsed herself clean, she let her hand drift down between her legs. She touched herself, surprised at how swollen she was. She pressed in on her clit, and gently rubbed in a circular motion. She imagined his head between her legs, rubbing his smooth cheek on her thighs. She remembered how his tongue had felt pushing into her folds, how he had curled it to lick her inner walls. She gasped as she neared her release, trying to be quiet. But her need surged as she heard his voice in her head.

_Oh, fuck, Rey, you’re killing me._

_Oh!_ She’d dropped her shield keeping him out of their bond. But now that he’d used it, her body wanted him, and the full release he could give her. _She_ , not just her body, wanted him, if she was fully honest with herself.

Her feelings had apparently flowed through their connection, because Ben groaned. _I can’t take it. Either close off the connection or let me come up._

Oh, how she wanted to let him come up. Her body was screaming at her to let him, but her head, and her heart, both knew it was a terrible idea. She should close off the connection, or stop touching herself. But she didn’t do either. A thought had struck her, a very naughty, maybe even mean, thought, which had brought her even closer to her own release.

_You close the connection, if it bothers you,_ she responded. If he didn’t pull away, he would be able to feel her orgasm, and the thought made her whole body flush with heat. She was reminded of the first time they’d reconnected, and how they’d both touched themselves to his fantasy.

He didn’t pull away, but he also didn’t deepen the connection to appear in front of her. He hadn’t said anything more, but she felt him there, feeling her as she increased the pressure on her sensitive bud. She felt his own desire flow through their connection, and she wished she had something for her inner muscles to hold on to. She slipped two of her fingers inside herself, keeping up the rhythm with her other hand.

Ben cursed in several languages as she fingered herself, and the low growl of his voice brought her to her climax. She bit her lip to keep quiet, but a long whimper escaped from her as she came. As she settled from her release, she returned to washing herself. She let the water run over her body again, soothing her nerves and giving her something else to focus on. He was still there, waiting for her to make the next move.

When she didn’t do anything, he spoke again, his voice low and rough, and she thought maybe a bit menacing. _Don’t do that to me again._

She shivered under the hot water, thinking she’d gone too far, when he continued. _Unless you’re asking me to join you._


	25. Coming Out, Even When It's Raining Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Build that saber, girl.

A couple of hours later, Rey sat at Maz’s dining table, in front of her lightsaber pieces trying to focus enough on them to start the building process. She had done her moving meditation to center herself, and then another several minutes of meditative breathing. She was having to work very hard to put Ben out her mind, and it was distracting her from the work.

She decided to just go with it, and instead of using the water as a touchstone for the crystal, she thought she would try to use Ben. It was likely her mind would wander to him anyway, so might as well use it to her advantage. She took a steadying breath, and got to work.

She began with the simplest task, shortening and hollowing out her staff. This part didn’t require the Force, so she could lose herself in the job. Her body went on autopilot as she took the pieces apart, and selected the pieces she’d weld back together with the kit she’d borrowed from Maz. She left an opening to slide in the mechanical portions of the saber once the hilt was finished.

Finally, she cut a hole in the top of the staff to accommodate the emitter. She retrieved the welding kit, and put on the eye protection. The torch lit as soon as she pulled the trigger, and brought the first pieces together. She’d have to sand out the welds when she was finished so it would be easier to hold. She’d kept the top intact, almost fifteen inches of it, and then she took another six from the middle and joined them together. The top looked the most like a lightsaber already, and the smooth piece from the middle would make a good hand hold. The last piece she welded on was from the bottom of her staff, and was only about three inches.

With the blade, she thought the whole thing would be close to four feet long. That was pretty close to her staff’s former length, and she’d be able to wield the hilt as a weapon without the blade on if she needed to. She set the cover to the opening she’d left to her side, and laid the newly welded hilt down among the other saber pieces.

She stood up, and went back over to the bag of supplies she’d borrowed from Maz. She rummaged a bit, and finally found a small, handheld belt sander that would get into the small welded areas to smooth them out. Rey didn’t want to try to sand the hilt after the electronics were in, just in case there was a weak weld she needed to redo. Again, she let her mind wander as she sanded, carefully running the sander around each weld. She found she liked the contrast of the silver of the welding material and the bronze of her staff, and after a close inspection, was satisfied with the outcome of her hilt build.

Now, Rey had to get serious. It wasn’t exaggerating to say that she could cause an explosion that would take the castle out, so she went to the window to make sure the path to the woods was clear. It was raining out, so she planned to start the build inside, then leave to complete the most dangerous part away from the castle.

She called on the Force to help her. She felt her power flow around her, and she closed her eyes. The lightsaber components lifted in front of her, and she guided them using only the Force. The emitter snapped into its place in the hilt, and the wires for it slipped down, ready to meet the crystal chamber.

Rey continued matching the pieces together in the proper order, and finally, an hour or so later,it was time for the crystal. She brought it close to herself with the Force, and made sure it still responded to her. She thought of the water on Ahch-to, and it began to vibrate. She thought of Ben next, and it began to warm.

She heard the pneumatic door to Maz’s apartment fly open, then her ears popped as the Force grabbed her. It happened so fast she couldn’t push back right away, but she recognized whose power had her. She could still move her eyes, so she tried to look at him from the sides of her eyes.

Ben stopped in front of her, and took the crystal from where it had frozen above the table. He regarded her frozen there for a moment, then release her with a flick of his finger. Rey gaped at him a moment, and that was all the time he needed to start lecturing her.

“What the _hell_ are you thinking? You can’t build your lightsaber in the castle, you could kill us all!” She felt the turmoil of emotions rolling off of him. He was angry at her, and worried, but she could also sense his excitement at being alone with her again.

“Excuse me, it was going very well before you got here,” she retorted.

“The build can go perfectly and still explode when you put the crystal in, Rey. It should only be done alone. Why do you think the Jedi went off and built their sabers in caves? Even the Sith built their sabers in total isolation.”

_How dare he think she would do that?_ Rey leapt up, knocking the chair over, raising her voice. “You need to stop showing up and telling me how to use the Force! You aren’t my teacher in this, or anything else. You never have been.”

He raised his voice to match hers. “If there is any part of this that requires a teacher, it’s this one! You can’t just do it without any training.”

“I’m not doing it without training. Luke showed me what to do, and I have the books.” She lifted her chin defiantly, looking him in the eye.

He slapped the tabletop, rattling her lightsaber parts and making her jump, and roared, “Fuck Luke and the books! I’m certain Luke didn’t tell you to make your saber in a populated area, or to use a person as your crystal’s guide! You’re going to blow us all to hell, and I’m not letting you do it.”

Rey moved toward him, intending to take her crystal back from him. He was rolling it around in the hand that hadn’t hit the table. It was exhilarating being this close to him, and fighting with him was making her spine tingle. She tried to squash the feeling before he felt it come off of her. She was still angry at him, and she wasn’t going to get aroused from this.

He looked at her like he knew her intentions, and put the crystal in his pocket. She felt her face heat like she’d caught fire. She turned and slammed both her hands down on the table, rattling her saber again. “No, fuck you, Kylo Ren!!”

His eyes narrowed dangerously. “What did you call me?” His voice came as a quiet, rough rumble. She wanted to take a step back, but she held her ground.

Rey kept her eyes locked on his. “You heard me! You’re acting like Kylo Ren, like a domineering asshole!”

“Let’s get one thing straight, Rey,” he said, in the same voice that was making her want to back away. It was a dangerous voice, managing to be both menacing and sensual. “Kylo Ren is not a separate person from me. I let you call me by my old name, but I am not two people in one body.”

She stilled. He could have frozen her and it would have had the same effect as his words. She wasn’t sure what to say to that, because she _had_ started thinking of Kylo Ren as being separate from Ben Solo, like Kylo was the person he was before he was Ben for her. Like he was leaving Kylo Ren behind to become Ben Solo again. He took a step closer to her, and she had to crane her neck to look up at him. He put his hand under her chin, his fingers brushing the sensitive skin of her neck before cupping her chin. She shivered, partly from nerves, but also from the pleasure of his hands on her bare skin.

“Does that… _bother_ …you, Rey?” His voice was breathy as he caressed her cheek with his thumb. She shook her head. He leaned down close to her ear, and said, “Don’t lie to me, Rey. I can feel it rolling off of you. I can feel something else, too.” He nipped her earlobe. She gasped, but made no move to stop him. She felt the nip deep in her abdomen, and she felt herself growing wetter. He was intoxicating.

“You think I’m acting more like the villainous Kylo Ren now, and it excites you. You’re thinking you want to fuck Kylo Ren.” She inhaled sharply, but said nothing. He went on, still right next to her ear, “But, remember, Rey, you’ve been fucking Kylo Ren this whole time.” She moaned as he ran his tongue along the curve of her ear, and her knees buckled. He caught her easily.

“I am not two people,” he whispered furiously in her ear.

Rey gasped as he dropped her roughly on the table top. He put his hands to either side of her, and leaned down to bring his nose in line with hers. She tilted her face up slightly, thinking he was going to kiss her. He smiled slowly, realizing what she’d done. His eyes were blazing, his anger replaced with raw need.

“So, Rey, tell me. Do you want the whole me? Or just the part you decided was Ben Solo?” His voice came rougher than it had been, and his eyes searched her face.

She swallowed, not trusting her voice to work. He watched her, eyes hot, but his arms were straining to avoid touching her. Finally, she spoke, “Yes.”

“Yes, what? Say it.” He purred the command.

“Yes, I want you, Ben, the whole you.” She’d barely gotten the last word out when he covered her mouth with his, in a frantic kiss.

If Rey felt awkward about touching herself in Maz’s sanisteam, she was really going to feel awkward about having sex on top of her dining table. But, those were thoughts for later, because right now, Rey was having trouble forming many thoughts at all.

Ben was kissing her like they’d been apart for thirty-six years, rather than just thirty-six hours. He had his hands in her hair, gripping whole locks of it between his fingers. She slid her thighs open, and he stepped between them, pushing the hard ridge of his arousal against her. She thought she had relieved some of her need earlier that day, but the feeling of him against her was setting her on fire.

Four days isn’t a terribly long time, but it was apparently enough for Rey to get used to their physical connection, and to miss it horribly when they were apart. But, he’d revealed something interesting. Had he been hiding a part of himself from her?

“Ben,” she said, breathless as he moved his mouth to her neck. He knew she loved that, and it gave her the opportunity to ask him. “I know you’re not two people, but are you keeping a part of yourself from me?”

He stopped kissing her, and looked her in the eyes. “No. You don’t usually see the darker side of me, but you have seen it.”

She remembered. She saw it on Starkiller base, twice, and she’d felt it on Crait when Luke had shown up. But that wasn’t what she was asking. “I meant, are you deliberately keeping the darker side of yourself away from me? Do you think I won’t be able to take it?”

He looked at her strangely. “Rey, you make me feel more centered and balanced than I have ever been. I’m not squashing a part of myself down when I’m around you, but I am different. Why are you asking this now?”

She swallowed. “That… that before, freezing me and then sounding like a sensual menace…” His lips quirked at her description, but she pressed on, “I… I thought it was really sexy.” She covered her face with her hands as her cheeks blazed from her admission.

Rey felt him surge in the Force, and suddenly her hands were down on her thighs. She couldn’t lift them. “Look at me, Rey,” he commanded, again using the tone that had her shivering. She lifted her eyes slowly, finally meeting his. She gasped when she saw the heat there.

When he spoke again, his voice was smooth. “Rey, are you telling me that you want me to use the Force to take you on this table? While being, how did you put it, sensually menacing?”

Her voice caught in her throat. She nodded, not sure she even could speak, because he’d hit on exactly what she’d wanted but couldn’t articulate. He took a deep breath, and she felt his power rise and expand. He hadn’t hit her with it yet, but she could feel it start to swirl around her.

He leaned in to whisper in her ear. “Only if you call me Kylo Ren.”

She turned her head quickly to look at him, and he held her gaze. “Okay,” she responded. She felt his power close in on her, but he hadn’t released it.

“Okay, what? Say my name, Rey.” He said it like a demand, but there was something else behind it. He wanted her to prove that she saw him as a whole, she realized. And, for him, her calling him Kylo Ren, his chosen name, would do that.

She breathed in, ready to absorb the force of his power. “Okay, Kylo Ren. Use the Force and take me on this table.”

His power slammed into her, and held her on the table. He stepped back from her, and crooked his two fingers. Her arms came up, and the sweater she’d wrapped around herself came open, and left her body. He pushed her legs together long enough to remove her boots and leggings, then used the Force to slide them back open, and pulling her forward so only her behind was touching the table.

He dropped between her legs, and even kneeling, was tall enough to reach her core. She whimpered as he licked her opening, not able to shift against him. Her inability to move was intensifying the sensations he was sending through her body, making her pant with need. She cried out when he slipped a finger inside her, then another. She gasped, “Kylo!” when he slipped a third inside her. 

He gave her a wolfish smile. “So, love, whose fingers feel better? Mine or yours?” He bent a finger inside her, and her hips lifted to a delicious angle that let him reach her most sensitive spot. She moaned when he started moving them.

“Yours,” she gasped out.

“That’s right.” He slipped the third finger out so he could pick up the speed. She was overwhelmed with sensation, unable to squirm or writhe to release some of the pressure on her inner walls. He took her over the edge of her release, and she felt her leg muscles start to shake from the position he held her in. She realized then that he was only lightly holding her, and that she could overpower his hold if she wanted to.

She felt his hand caress her inner thigh, feeling her muscles quiver. He gently ran his hand up and down her opening, slipping a finger inside her again. He pulled it right back out, and brought his finger to his mouth, tasting her. Rey inhaled sharply, and hummed an approving sound. His finger popped against his mouth as he released it.

“Fuck, Rey. You’ll be the death of me.” Rey noticed his face change as he said the words, but he shook his head, and it cleared. _What was that?_ she wondered.

He leaned over her, and kissed her deeply. She felt his power release her, and she immediately snaked her arms around his back. She ran her nails down his back, and he purred for her. “Want to try something?” He asked.

“Try what?”

“Floating.”

“Yes,” she agreed, quickly. His power flowed over her again, lifting her off the table, and turning her over. He left her back half off of the table, but lowered the upper half of her body onto the table, so she’d have something to rest on. He arched her back toward him, and spread her legs wide. He used the Force to suspend her in the air, and left her there. She heard the rustling of his clothes, and then felt him step back between her legs.

She panted with anticipation, and while she wanted to arch back against him, she stayed still, waiting for him. She turned her head back as far as she could to try to look at him, and exhaled hard when she felt the head of him rubbing against her opening. She keened as he swiftly entered her, filling her completely. “It’s been too long,” she said, with a moan.

Ben chuckled. “It’s been thirty-six hours, sweetheart.”

“It’s too long,” she insisted.

“You’ve never had any complaints before,” he teased her, deliberately misinterpreting her statement. She wanted to argue, but he started moving. Rey was already on the verge of orgasm from the anticipation, and this position was almost too much. He was holding her hips tightly with the Force to keep her in the air, so his hands could explore her. He rubbed the knuckle of his thumb against her clit, and she cried out and turned her head down against the table. He ran his other hand down her spine, dragging his fingernails down her back.

She heard Ben groan behind her as he ran a finger over the mark he’d left on her that first time. It had faded, but it was still there. He increased the intensity of his thrusts, his breathy pants mingling with hers, leaving her clit to grasp her hip. His other hand pressed down in the middle of her back, increasing the upward angle of her hips. Her vision tunneled as he slammed into her, over, and over, until she was screaming his name with her climax.

She was still shaking when she felt him stiffen behind her, and she felt the welcome warmth of his release inside her. He released his hold on her, and gathered her into his arms. He sat down with her on the sofa, and held her while their hearts returned to normal.

Rey waited until his breathing slowed, and shifted out of his arms. The blanket she used at night was still tossed over the arm of the sofa, and she tossed it over him. She had to finish her lightsaber.

She tiptoed back over to the table, wincing slightly at the soreness between her legs, and slipped into her clothes as silently as she could. She picked up the finished hilt and tucked it into her waistband. The crystal’s housing went into her front pocket.

Now she just had to find her crystal. She found his pants in a heap near where hers had been, and pulled the crystal out of his pocket. She slipped it into her other front pocket, away from its housing. She unhooked his lightsaber from its holster on his belt, and set it by the far window. Then, she gathered his clothes into a wad and snuck past his sleeping form, out of Maz’s apartment. She dropped his clothes in the hallway, making it so he couldn’t leave easily if he woke up while she was gone and tried to find her.

She went down the stairs and out into the rain. The mud squelched under her boots, and she hoped the rocky outcropping she’d picked would provide enough shelter. She climbed up the rock face, and settled into her little cave. There was a dry spot toward the back, so she sat facing away from the opening, and laid out her lightsaber hilt, her crystal, and its housing.

She took several deep breaths, and centered herself in the Force. This time, instead of using the serenity of the water, or trying to mold her distraction into something usable, she let herself feel the love she still had for Ben. She let it roll forward, and flow into the crystal. She recalled healing the crystal, and the crystal hummed with what felt to Rey like relief. As an almost sentient creature, the crystal was very sensitive to emotions.

She closed her eyes, and pulled with the Force at the hilt and the crystal housing. She wrapped the wires around the housing, feeling them make their connections and hold fast. They had to be done in a specific order, and she felt the resonance through the Force as they went. Finally, it was time to put the crystal in.

She turned her full attention to it, and let it tell her when it was ready. She felt the crystal turn once, then twice, end over end, and then it called to her. She felt its warmth in the Force, felt it return her feelings, her need to love and to protect others. She reached out to it with her hand, and she felt it touch her first and second fingers, feeling an overwhelming sense of gratitude from it.

She lowered her hand, and let the Force guide her crystal into its chamber. She heard it snap in, and felt the positive resonance of its connection to her, and to the Force. She guided the housing back into the hilt, folding and clearing the wires as she went. When the housing was secure, she closed the hilt, and attached the pommel. She turned it over with the Force, inspecting it for any weak points. She didn’t find any, and the crystal told her it was stable.

She opened her eyes, and let out a long exhale. She’d done it. She’d finished her lightsaber. She tucked it back into her waistband, then climbed back down out of the small outcropping. When she dropped to the ground, she ignited the saber.

The blade hissed in the rain, but hummed a steady, deep drone that told her again it was stable. The bright blue and violet of the blade reflected on the rocks around her, just as it had looked in her vision. She took in a steadying breath, and extinguished the saber.

She walked purposefully back toward the remains of Maz’s castle. It was time to confront Kylo Ren.


	26. Can't Stop Now, So Shut Your Mouth

Kylo had fallen asleep, and for the second time in his life he awoke to the sound of an igniting lightsaber. He had no idea how long he’d been asleep, butby the sound of a lightsaber droning in front of him, it was long enough that Rey had finished her saber. She was pointing it at him, much like he had when they were on Takodana the first time. When he asked her about the BB unit.

And just like his vision, it was a long handle saber, with a blue and violet blade. His stomach flopped over, but he tried to remember what Anakin had told him.

“What’s wrong, Rey?” He asked, trying to sound nonchalant.

“That was a mistake.”

“You’re right, I shouldn’t have fallen asleep,” he said.

“You know that’s not what I meant.”

_Damn it._ _She was talking about them._ “I don’t see it as a mistake, Rey.”

“I do. I can’t believe I let you insult me like that, and then had sex with you.”

“Insult you?” He stood up, and felt a breeze. He noticed then that he was still totally naked, and the blanket he’d had was now on the floor. He refused to be uncomfortable in front of her. She had a lightsaber, after all, she had the upper hand here. He looked around quickly for his clothes, but didn’t see them. _That minx, she stole my clothes._ He located his saber on the windowsill, and knowing he could call it to him if needed, he turned his attention back to Rey.

“You didn’t believe that I knew the dangers of building a lightsaber in a populated area. I did, and was planning to finish the most dangerous part outside. Obviously, I knew what I was doing, but you came rushing in here, acting like I couldn’t possibly know, and then I let you seduce me. I can’t decide if I’m angrier at you or at myself. I wish I could just stay away from you.”

He stepped closer to her, and her lightsaber, and whispered, “I don’t think you can stay away from me, Rey. You only lasted thirty-six hours, and your body was screaming for me the whole time. I felt it.”

He felt her anger growing. He was intentionally baiting her, wanting her to get all of her reservations out before he told her about the coup. He wondered what she would think of it, and the fact that he had no plans to stop it, just consolidate enough power to protect her and the Knights of Ren.

“Ben—Kylo, whatever you want me to call you—what my body wants is my own business. You could have pulled back from the connection anytime. But you didn’t.”

“No, I didn’t. But, Rey, neither did you. You intentionally left the connection open that time, just to torment me, and it didn’t seem to bother you an hour ago.”

She let out a ragged sigh of frustration. “I had a moment of weakness.” He gave her a look. “Okay, I had several moments of weakness. You’re right, I still want you. I still love you, even. But, that doesn’t mean that I can be with you.”

“Why not?” He asked, densely. He tried to hide how deliriously happy she was making him.

She exploded. “Because I can’t be with the Supreme Leader of the fucking First Order, which is hunting down my friends! I can’t be with someone who doesn’t want me, or doesn’t want me enough to work through what we can be together. And, by the way, I never wanted you to abandon the Knights of Ren. I happen to like Giah, a lot, and I can’t believe she hasn’t killed you.”

He quirked an eyebrow at her cursing. “Well, to your first point, General Hux of the fucking First Order is executing a coup as we speak. Your second point is wrong, I do want you enough, and third, I’m glad you like Giah, and I marvel everyday that she hasn’t killed me.”

“General Hux is doing what?!” She was breathing heavily, the adrenaline from her anger upping her fight reflex. He smirked, wondering if she’d heard any of what he’d said after that.

“He’s taken half of my personal fleet, and it’s likely the other admirals will join him. I just have the Knights of Ren, and Giah and Drago’s fleets, and, most importantly, I don’t want to be Supreme Leader anymore.”

“Don’t want to be Supreme Leader?” She spit the words out, her face getting red.

“Yes, Rey,” Oh, this was fun. He smiled wickedly at her, and it just enraged her more.

“If you don’t want to be Supreme Leader, why did you tell me you couldn’t give me what I wanted?!” She was yelling at him now.

“My vision. I thought I could avoid it coming true by pushing you away. But, I realized if it is true, I don’t want to meet it without you.”

She looked like she wanted to hit him with her saber. “Your vision? Pushing me away?”

“Remember your vision?” She nodded. “I had one, too. Mine was pretty specific. So, while the details might not be the same, the outcome is likely to be. When we healed the crystal, and it turned blue with a violet center, I knew I’d set myself on the path to my vision.

“I tried to change that by making you angry enough with me to walk away, and hopefully, that would change things enough, and you wouldn’t have to mourn me, or fall to darkness in your anguish. It didn’t.” He shrugged. “Now I just have to go with it.”

“Go with it?”

“Are you just going to repeat the last couple of things I say?”

She shook her head, finally extinguishing her lightsaber. “What does that mean?”

He reached forward and tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear. He looked at her gently. “It means, I’m going to die in that battle, Rey. I don’t want to do it having lived even a second without you.”

He watched as her face fell, and she launched herself into his arms. “You can’t die,” she said, helplessly, into his chest.

He laughed, “I’m sure I can, sweetheart.”

“That’s not what I meant. We have to find a way. We won’t go to battle,” she said fiercely. “We’ll run off somewhere, the two of us, and start fresh.”

“I would love nothing more than to spend my life hanging laundry outside of a hut with you, Rey,” he said, and she looked at him sideways. “Okay, yes, that was very specific, but I think of running away with you all the time.”

“Then let’s go.”

“We can’t. There’s something more than the coup. I’ve spent hours meditating on it, trying to figure out some way out of it. I think Hux is going to do something that will make it impossible for us not to get involved in some way. I don’t know what you saw in your vision, but you and I and the Knights of Ren were fighting with the Resistance, plus others, against the First Order under Hux. I’ve been trying to figure out what might unite us all, and I haven’t yet.”

“The Force,” Rey said. “The Force will unite us all. In my vision, he had made some kind of proclamation, and that’s what led us to the final battle. In my vision, you were leading us.”

“Well, I do have proven leadership skills.” That earned him a slap on the shoulder, and the sting gave him something else to focus on besides the growing dread in his chest.

“What do we do, Ben?” She asked, and it was a profound relief to hear her call him Ben, and to refer to them as “we.” A unit, together.

“The remains of the fleet loyal to me will be here in a few hours, and then we wait. Hux will do something soon, I’m sure he’s aware that I know he’s taken off. Until then, we need to test your lightsaber, and make sure it can handle battle.”

Rey shifted, and he released her. “And, yes, it’s the color from my vision.”

“Mine, too,” she said. Kylo could feel her anxiety spike, and felt the nervous tension growing between them, and decided to break it.

“That’s a very long handle, Rey,” Kylo observed, careful to keep his voice neutral.

Rey looked at him, raising an eyebrow. “I’m used to using a staff, and I thought this would be closer to that,” she explained earnestly.

“Yes, I’m familiar with staves and your use of them,” he said, again trying to keep his tone neutral. He didn’t do a very good job this time.

Rey rolled her eyes so hard he thought they might never come back around. “Are you, Ben? Are you familiar with me wielding staves, or are you just making a series of dick jokes?”

He cleared his throat, holding back laughter. “I would never. You wielding my staff is a very serious matter. Now, where did you hide my clothes?”


	27. I Just Want You to Come With Me

When the ships had come out of hyperspace around Takodana, alarms started blaring through Maz’s castle. Rey, Ben, and Giah had been sitting around one of the tables in the cantina, trying to work out some kind of plan, when the other occupants started to scatter. Maz was at the bar, and she spun around to look at their table.

“I assume these are your ships?” She shouted over the commotion.

Ben looked down at his datapad, then shouted back at Maz,”Yes! Can you shut those alarms down?”

“Depends. The last time those ships were here, they left half my castle in ruins. I try to protect my customers.”

“They’re not here to attack you,” he shouted. Rey’s head was starting to spin from the loud klaxons. She watched Maz climb up on the bar, and pull a set of wires. The alarms stopped, but Rey could barely hear the scraping of feet and objects as people ran over the ringing in her ears.

Giah looked at Ben, “What now? The capital ships can’t come down here, and I don’t necessarily trust them to stay if the Knights all come down here.”

“Call them all to the _Finalizer_. We’ll go to them,” Ben said, locking eyes with Rey as she turned quickly to look at him. It made sense that he wanted to return to his ship, but Rey was still nervous about it. She still wasn’t sure what Ben intended to do about the coup, so far he’d made it seem like he wasn’t interested in fighting it; instead, he wanted to fight whatever other plan Hux had.

“What about me? I assume the problem for me hasn’t changed just because Hux is gone,” Rey pointed out.

“You’re coming too, Rey,” Ben said, nodding to Giah. Rey watched as Giah got up and went behind the bar to retrieve something. She came back with a package that looked too much like a head would fit in there, and having spent an afternoon with Giah, she didn’t put it past her to have a head in there. _There’s no head in there, silly, why would Giah be bringing you a head?_ Rey shook herself with the thought.

Giah returned with the package, and set it down in front of Rey. She raised an eyebrow as Rey worked to clear the look of mild panic from her face. “It took some doing to get this done here, but I’m pretty happy with it.”

Rey took the bag and opened it, and had to stamp down shock of panic at the head-shaped object she found. _It’s a helmet, you ninny, settle down,_ she scolded herself. She pulled it out and looked at it, realizing Giah had painted the helmet Ben had worn to disguise himself both on Felucia and here on Takodana. There was a blaze of gold over the top of the helmet, ending in a star where the base of her skull would be.

On the sides, there were two gold and blue wings, curled like horns. Rey looked up at both Ben and Giah, and asked, “You put the ancient Jedi symbol on this?”

Ben spoke first, “Ah, you noticed that.”

“I told you she would, she has the books,” Giah said.

“What does this mean?” Rey asked, slightly confused.

Giah responded, “It means for now, you’re one of us. We’ll be able to protect you on the First Order ships until Kylo can bring them in line.”

Rey narrowed her eyes suspiciously, “How long were you planning this?”

“Ever since the first day I tried pushing you away. Giah told me I was an idiot, I agreed, and we started working on another option. I would have included you, but you were avoiding me at the time.” Ben’s tone was not accusatory, but Rey still felt a little guilty at his words.

“There’s more in there, Rey,” Giah told her. She dug into the bag further, and came out with a set of black robes. She ran her hands over them, feeling the softness of the woven fabric. She noticed a flash of something bright as she picked up the tunic, and found it was lined with white. She looked up at the two Knights of Ren in front of her, touched that they’d taken her feelings into account when they were designing her disguise.

“I decided to make them as if you were joining us, in case you actually decided to,” Giah replied when Rey looked at her. Rey was surprised at her hopeful tone, and she smiled in response.

“I appreciate this, and all the thought that went into it,” she told them, sincerely. “I’ll go get my stuff, and I’ll meet you back here so we can go up.”

***

Rey just made it up to the apartment, and picked up her bag, when her datapad started flashing with video alert. She went across the room to it, and opened it up.

She gasped, and ran out of the room, and back down the stairs. She stopped at Ben and Giah’s table, and saw their datapad had the same message playing. She looked around the cantina, and found all of the datapads, vid screens, and holo-communicators were playing the same thing.

She looked at Ben, and his jaw was clenched so tight she could see the muscles in his neck straining with the effort. The color had drained from his cheeks, and Giah looked ready to have to fight her way out.

Rey swallowed hard, and looked around the room again, this time looking at the other beings’ faces. They were all staring at them, having recognized them from the video of their elevator ride, and the fight in the Snoke’s throne room. The video was just getting to the part where Ben had asked her to join him, and they’d fought over the saber. When the saber broke apart, the video fast forwarded to Rey, getting up, and picking up the pieces. She saw herself crouch over an unconscious Ben, then stand up and run, leaving him there.

As the video was ending, the voice of Hux came on again, “As you can see from this video, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren is a traitor to the First Order! He, not the girl, killed Supreme Leader Snoke! He lied about it, breaking the trust we placed in him as our leader. Therefore, I, General Armitage Hux, am taking control, and bringing order back to the galaxy.” He paused there a moment, and Rey felt her stomach jump in her throat. It was coming, she could feel it.

“In addition! From this day forward, under the First Order, use of the Force shall be illegal. This video proves it is more dangerous, more devious, than we understand. Anyone found using it, or harboring a known Force-user, shall be immediately imprisoned and tried for treason. The penalty for a guilty sentence, is death.”

Rey felt herself sway. Hux said more, but she couldn’t hear it. Her vision was happening, this is why they were all fighting against the First Order. Hux had just made it illegal, on pain of death, to use the Force. Ben was going to die, because this man seized power in a way that made it impossible for them to fight in the open. _For now._ She heard the scrapes of chair legs on the floor, and the whirring of blasters warming up.

She felt a pair of strong arms wind around her, steadying her. “It’s okay,” he whispered, “We just need to get out of here, and up to my ship. Can you walk?”

She nodded. She could walk, and she would walk. She would fight her way out of here if she had to.

“Giah is going to grab their minds, and make them forget. We’ll get out of here.”

“What about Maz?” Rey whispered.

“She survived the last purge, she’ll make it through this one,” Ben answered her. Rey felt Giah’s power open up, and when she nodded, they walked slowly around the tables. Rey made eye contact with Maz, and Maz mouthed “Go!”. When they reached the door, Giah shouted for them to go, and the three of them ran back to the shuttle.

Ben and Giah slid into the pilot and co-pilot chairs, and Rey flopped herself into the third chair. Ben commed Drago, asking if the Finalizer was safe. He said it was, they had been able to subdue anyone who wanted to turn them in and put them in the brig. Drago said the other ships reported the same, their captains were loyal to the individual Knights of Ren. They still had their fleet.

Rey felt her heart in her ears, and it was getting hard to focus. Giah noticed, and shouted at her to breathe. “In. Out. In. Out. Slowly, Rey, like this.” She slowed her breathing, but exaggerated it so Rey could follow along. Was this what a panic attack felt like? It seemed like what Finn had described to her.

Rey yelped as the wings of the ship snapped into place, leaping out of her seat. She heard Giah say something, but she couldn’t understand it. Ben whipped around to look at her, and she saw his eyes go wide. He walked toward her, and took her hand away from the cockpit door. Rey looked around and realized she’d made it all the way to the door in that one leap. _No wonder they looked so surprised_. She let Ben walk her back to her seat, and he buckled her in.

_Trapped!_

“Let me help, Rey. Rey! Look at me, just at me.” She was hyperventilating again, and her hands were shaking. She couldn’t decide if she wanted out of the buckles, or she needed off the ship, but the walls were starting to come in at her, and it was all too much. She squirmed against the belt.

_You’re trapped in this tiny ship, the big ones are going to blow you out of the sky!_

A loud clap sounded in front of her, and her eyes snapped back to Ben’s face. “Look at me, Rey. We are going to be all right. We’re powerful. We’ll find a place to fall back, and I’ll contact my mother. She’s a target, too. Rey, let me help.” She felt his warm hands on her cheeks, and she felt his power touch her. It wrapped around her, soothing her, taking just the edge off of her anxiety, enough that she could focus again on her breathing.

“Are you all right, Rey?” He asked, concern all over his face. She nodded. He didn’t look convinced.

“Say it, Rey.”

“I’m all right,” she choked out. “Or I will be.” He accepted this, and returned to his seat.

“Ahch-to,” Rey said. “We should fall back to Ahch-to.”

“We don’t have that map, Rey,” Ben said. “We can’t get there.”

“Neither do they. I have it, remember? I’ve also been there. I can get us there.”

Ben turned to look at her, and nodded. “We’ll go to Ahch-to.” Then his voice hardened. “But, first we need to get rid of our disloyal crew.”


	28. White Shirt, Now Red

By the time they reached the _Finalizer_ , Rey had been able to settle herself. She’d pulled the Force to her, and let it warm her and calm her anxiety. She got up from her seat as Giah guided the shuttle into the landing bay of the Star Destroyer, and Ben looked at her, a question in his eyes. She opened her bag, and pulled the long, black tunic out. She took off her shirt, and pulled the tunic on over her head. She had the black side facing out, since she was pretending to be a Knight of Ren.

Her arm wraps were gray, and so were her pants, so it worked well enough. Once she put the helmet on, she thought it would be enough to fool the crew of the ship, if not the Knights themselves. The tunic hung loosely on her body, so she pulled a brown belt out of her bag, and wound it around her waist.

_Damn, can you only wear black from now on?_ She turned to look at Ben, and gave him a slow smile.

_Wait until you see me in the helmet. You might never recover,_ she said.

_I’ll risk it._

The shuttle touched down with a slight jolt, but Rey was able to keep her feet by bending her knees. Ben turned his attention back to his station, flipping switches off, and hitting various buttons in sequence to help power down the shuttle. Finally, when they were finished, Giah stood. She looked at Rey.

“Okay, there are a couple of protocol things you need to know. First, Kylo Ren is your Master. Address him as ‘Master Ren’, not Ben,” Rey’s lips twitched at this pronouncement. “You defer to him in all things. Do not question orders in front of anyone. Do not even give the appearance of questioning him in front of anyone.”

“All right,” Rey said, staring at Giah, who she knew questioned “Master Ren” all the time. Rey looked next at Ben, who’d gone still. She looked back at Giah.

Giah continued, “Next, do not flinch, do not look away, if he chokes, maims, or kills someone in front of you. You are an extension of him, nothing he does should bother or shock you.”

Rey saw Ben whip his head up to look at Giah. He frowned.

“Finally, we all have a specific order in which we stand and walk. You’re new, so you’d naturally be at the last of the line. Because of your _relationship_ ,” Rey screwed up her face at the way she said _relationship, “_ he’ll likely want you closer to him. You’ll probably take Drago’s place in the line, to Master Ren’s left. When we disembark this shuttle, Master Ren will go first, then me, slightly behind and to the right. You’ll be two steps behind me, to the left.”

“Don’t talk about me like I’m not here, Giah,” Ben said. “And actually, I’d rather have Rey walk beside me.”

“Do you think that’s wise?” Giah asked, with a tone that said she did not think it was wise, at all.

“What was all of that about not questioning your Master, Giah?” He responded, with a low tone.

Giah gave him a hard look. “Forgive me, _Master Ren_. I don’t think it’s a good idea to show such a marked preference for someone who we’re trying to hide.”

“I agree with Giah, Ben,” Rey said, hoping to diffuse the tension between the two. “We shouldn’t make too much of a show of me, especially if we aren’t sure of the remaining crew’s loyalty.”

Ben looked between the two women. He nodded, then turned to the door. “Helmets on, Knights of Ren. And don’t take them off until you’re in your own quarters.”

Rey slung her bag over her shoulder, and hooked her lightsaber onto her belt. It hung down to her knee, and she’d need to fashion a better hip holster for it, eventually. She took her helmet from its bag, and put it on.

It was dark at first, but as the gears hissed into place, the display lit up. She had better visual range than she’d expected to, and she was pleasantly surprised that there wasn’t an unnatural color cast to the visor. As she took her first breath, she felt cool air rush in, replacing the stale air of her exhale. She looked over at Giah, who had her helmet on and had moved into position, then she looked at Ben.

“Are you ready?” He asked her, and she felt through the Force that his meaning was deeper than if her helmet was on.

“Yes,” Rey responded, then she asked, “What if someone questions me?”

Ben shared a look with Giah, who nodded, and then turned back to Rey.

“You’ll have to act like a Knight of Ren, not a Jedi,” he said, darkly.

“What does that mean?” Rey asked, the vocalizer masking the dread she felt slip into her voice.

“Hurt them, Rey. You’ll have to hurt them, if you want to survive until we can figure out who’s staying loyal and who isn’t.”

***

Following his dark pronouncement, the three of them had lined up, and disembarked the shuttle. Rey was stunned by all the pomp and circumstance on display in the hangar. She tried to keep her head forward, but she couldn’t help looking around as they came down the short ramp. To each side of the shuttle, there were two platoons of stormtroopers, each squad in tight squares within the platoon, which created an aisle for the three of them to walk down.

From her position slightly behind Giah, she saw both of their postures change, from the neutral, more relaxed posture she’d seen from both of them over the last week, to an upright, almost aggressive stance as they quickly walked between the troops. She focused on calming her breathing, the mask making her feel as if she was suffocating. She wasn’t sure how much of her breath the vocalizer would pick up, and she didn’t want to huff and puff as they made their way down the aisle. At the end were five more figures, all dressed in black with black masks. Each was unique, and Rey spotted the mask that was exactly like hers right away. _That must be Drago_ , she thought. His head tilted just a bit then straightened, her only clue that he’d noticed she was wearing his mask.

Looking at them all, she decided there must be some height requirement to join the Knights of Ren. Not one of them was under six feet tall, and she knew she’d stick out like a sore thumb when she joined them. Not to mention, her helmet was far more flamboyant than any of theirs. As much thought as Ben and Giah had put into the design of her robes, they’d lost sight of the fact that she needed to blend in.

The one she assumed to be Drago stepped forward as they reached the Knights. He placed his right fist on the left side of his chest, and bowed slightly.

“Supreme Leader Ren. Welcome back to the _Finalizer._ ” Despite the vocalizer, Rey detected an accent in his speech that sounded similar to her own, only broader.

“Report, Drago,” was Ben’s only response. The other Knights separated to let the now four of them through, and then they fell in line behind them. Rey could feel their curiosity in the Force, and she thought she felt at least two of them sweep her over with their own power, trying to read her. She pushed back, not letting them in. Not yet, anyway.

She followed closely to hear Drago’s report of the happenings on the _Finalizer_.

“General Hux took a shuttle to the _Colossus_ , claiming to need to meet with the Captain there. Then sometime in the night, three of our troop transports took five of our platoons over to the _Colossus_. That ship and half the fleet then jumped to hyperspace,” Drago reported, Ben nodding along. She felt the anger welling up in him in the Force, and he made no effort to smash it back down.

Drago continued, “When Hux made his pronouncement, we lost about 15 of our bridge crew.” The way he said _lost_ gave Rey pause, because she suspected lost meant they’d been killed. “The rest of the mutineers await you in the brig. T’Chai and I took care the remaining crew members ourselves. The others arrived just before you did.”

“What does that mean?” Rey asked, before she could stop herself. The group didn’t stop walking, but Drago, Ben, and Giah turned their heads to look at her.

Drago looked to Ben, for confirmation or permission, or something, and Ben gave a curt nod. Drago turned back to Rey, and said, “We took control of their minds as a safety measure until Master Ren could decide how to proceed.”

“I see,” Rey said, unsure what else there was to say. They continued walking, Drago still reporting what had happened on the other ships. They had apparently blown one up after it tried to fire on one of the flagships. She wasn’t sure if it was the flat description of so much death or the helmet constricting her peripheral vision, but with every step, her stomach rolled. _Don’t throw up, Don’t throw up_ , she told herself, turning it into a mantra.

_Are you okay?_ Ben asked through their connection.

_No, I’m going to throw up in this helmet_ , she responded. _Don’t mind me. Keep walking._

_We’re almost to the bridge, you can take the helmet off then. Or sooner, if you actually do throw up._

When they reached the bridge, Ben ordered the crew out. They weren’t really needed in orbit, Rey figured, and Ben didn’t seem to want the extra eyes or ears. When the door shut, Rey ripped her helmet off and loosened her belt. She reached one of the stools in front of a console, and slumped onto it. Ben rushed over to her, rubbing her back as she breathed heavily. He whispered soothing things in her ear, abandoning his hard persona as she struggled.

Rey finally looked up when she heard the hisses of several helmets being taken off, one after the other. A couple of the Knights had sat on the floor, and others were leaning around the room, looking at them with interest. Without their masks, Rey quickly lost track of which person was Drago, who was the only Knight she knew besides Giah.

One man strode confidently up to Ben. He stopped, standing uncomfortably close to her. She knew he would tower over her even if she was standing, he was so tall. His skin was a light tan color, like he spent a lot of time in the sun, but his hair was so blonde it was almost white, and stood out like a beacon against his black robes. His hair was almost as long as Ben’s, but the top of it was braided back away from his face. His face was almost perfectly symmetrical, she noted, and taking a quick glance around the room, she began to wonder if the dark side of the Force affected its users physically, making them more seductive in an attempt to attract more people to the dark side.

But, none of those features were the most striking thing about this man. His eyes were a vibrant shade of purple, like she’d never seen before, and each one had a tattooed outline of a triangle underneath it, in the same style as Giah’s diamond shaped tattoos. His violet eyes flicked over her, assessing her as she had him, then he returned his attention to Ben.

“Should she be here for this? She hasn’t taken our oath, and the others don’t trust her, ” He asked, his voice quiet enough that the others couldn’t hear him. Rey thought she detected the same accent as she’d heard through the vocalizer, so this must be Drago.

Ben narrowed his eyes at Drago. “I trust her. That’s enough.”


	29. So You're a Tough Guy

Drago nodded his assent, and Kylo watched him walk back over to T’Chai and Rogmi. He understood their lack of trust, and Rey would have to earn it from them. But now wasn’t the time.

“We need to decide how to handle the crew,” he announced to the room, his tone grim. He moved to the middle of the pedway, for a better view of his Knights.

Rogmi spoke first, “I think most of them are loyal. From my interrogations, there are some who knew about the coup, and did nothing, and there are some who didn’t know at all. It seems the ones who knew were approached by people who thought they would support it, but doing nothing about it is the same as supporting it. Those are the people in the brig.”

Kylo nodded thoughtfully. “How many are in the brigs of each ship?”

T’Chai answered this time, “About a third of what was left after the initial departure.”

“That’s a lot of people,” Rey whispered, her eyes wide. Kylo kept his face neutral, but he was just as shocked.

“Do we have enough people without them for each ship we have to be crewed?” He asked.

It was silent for a moment, then Rogmi answered, “If we skeleton crew each one.”

Kylo exhaled roughly. That would not work in the long term. Skeleton crews have no relief, and exhaustion causes dangerous mistakes. It also breeds resentment, and that was the last thing they needed.

“We’ll have to abandon half of the ships. I’d rather not scuttle them, but we will if we have to,” he told the group. “Is there a place we can dock them?”

The room filled with voices debating locations for docking or for scuttling. Docking the ships left them at risk of being commandeered by either the Resistance or the other half of the First Order. Scuttling the ships left their remnant without needed resources, but it seemed the majority of them were in favor of scuttling.

Kylo heard Rey’s voice above the din of the others. “But what are you going to do with all those people?”

Kylo slowly met her eyes, and she narrowed hers in response. He planned to kill them, and Rey knew it, looking in his eyes. “What do you think we should do with them, Rey?”

“Couldn’t you disable the weapons on one of the ships, and put them all there, and send them away? You don’t have to kill them, just because they decided to not report what they knew. They stayed at their posts, that should get them some mercy.”

“There is no mercy in the First Order, Rey. They all know that,” he answered. Rey blanched at his words, crossing her arms in front of her. He watched her war with herself over what to say, while her hand drifted up and down her other arm.

“This isn’t the First Order anymore. If you’ve forgotten, everyone in this room has been made illegal, based on the idea that using the Force is inherently manipulative and dangerous. Killing these people will only cement that in the minds of the people who have stayed here, who may not have known about the coup, but still might not support you based on the fact that you’re a Force user.” Rey raised her chin, and he wanted to kiss her. “You have to show them Hux is wrong.”

Giah finally spoke, “I agree, actually. Leaving them alive lets us create the narrative, not Hux. Give them a couple of the ships, and let them go. Maybe a few of them will switch sides, it’s not like we’re suffering from an overabundance of volunteers.”

“The narrative doesn’t matter, Giah,” Drago argued, “What matters more is a show of strength. These are First Order officers. They don’t show or expect mercy. They certainly aren’t going run around the galaxy proclaiming that Force users are wonderful additions to society.”

Rey gave him a hard look, “Of course not, when the only Force users they’ve had experience with are like you.”

Kylo turned his head quickly to look at her. He knew his eyes were wide from surprise. “Like us, Rey?” He asked, his voice quiet. The debate had silenced. He saw the slightly pained look cross Giah’s features before she schooled it away.

“Yes, dark side acolytes, like you,” Rey said, defensively. Drago scoffed, and Giah looked away. Kylo stared openly, letting the silence extend. He wasn’t afraid of silence. It often gave way to the truth, as the subject became more and more uncomfortable.

“Maybe if they’d seen a different way, they wouldn’t have been so quick to defect. All they've seen is manipulation and division from Snoke, and then instability in…” she trailed off, her face starting to flush with embarrassment, but he knew where she was going with it.

“Their new leader. Say what you mean, Rey,” he said, voice still low. He struggled to keep his tone even, as he clenched and unclenched his fists in frustration.

“I just think they’ve had bad experiences with Force users, Hux included, and that makes the crew more likely to be sympathetic to his views.” She turned her palms up in supplication as she explained.

Kylo drug a hand through his hair, a little too roughly, but the pain helped him focus. It wasn’t untrue, exactly, but it was significantly more complicated. “The problem isn’t ‘bad experiences’,Rey, which I’ll admit is likely, it’s that we exist outside the military structure. Most people assumed that Hux would take control, and that I, and by extension, the Knights of Ren, would serve him as Supreme Leader. I upset the order by claiming the title myself. It’s just convenient for Hux to use how dangerous we are against us in order for him to seize the power he thinks is rightfully his.”

He watched Rey chew her bottom lip as she considered his words. “These officers see kindness as a weakness. If we let them go, they’ll run straight to Hux.”

“Let them. Kindness isn’t a weakness, Ben. Showing compassion is showing strength, and showing mercy may not turn these officers, but it will turn the galaxy,” Rey said, her tone softening.

Kylo was quiet a moment, and Drago took that opportunity to butt in. “Those are pretty words, little girl, but they don’t reflect reality. The galaxy is a nasty place. Why do you think we keep going to war with each other, conquering each other?”

The debate resumed, but after several minutes it seemed like most people were coming around to Rey’s point of view - including him, if he was honest with himself - leaving Drago and Rogmi as the holdouts. Kylo pressed the heel of his hand into the bridge of his nose. At this rate, they were going to have to rename themselves the “Knights of Rey.” The light within her was attracting his Knights like moths to a flame.

All of them had an affinity for the dark side, but all of them were like him. They hadn’t started out as dark side users, and the light occasionally called to them, too. As a group, they’d been better able to fight against it. But with an unapologetic light side user in their midst, Kylo worried what would happen if the group splintered. He shook away the thought, returning his attention to the immediate debate.

He let them hash it out for another few minutes, but it didn’t seem like either group was going to give ground. He had to shout to be heard over the heated debate, “All right! That’s enough. This doesn’t have to be unanimous.” Kylo looked around the room. “We’re fighting with each other over something fairly insignificant. There are more important things for us to do.”

He made eye contact with each of his Knights, and even Drago nodded. “If I let the crew go, will I have to enforce your oath?” he asked the two holdouts, the threat of his words belying his calm tone.

Both Drago and Rogmi answered with an immediate “No”, and Kylo felt the truth of their words in the Force. He stifled a sigh of relief. 

“Good. I’ll let you know my decision in a few hours. In the meantime, Drago, Giah, decide which ships to scuttle and which to keep.”

He looked at Rey, and she was slow to make eye contact with him. He could feel the mix of emotions coming off of her, but the main one was guilt. His instinct was to reassure her, but he also felt a sense of satisfaction that she felt guilty for what she’d said.

He walked toward the door, grabbing her hand and pulling her along behind him as he left the bridge. “Put your helmet on,” he growled, and her eyes widened. She let him drag her for a couple of paces, then stopped their progress as she ripped her hand away.

“Don’t grab my hand like that,” she hissed. He turned to look at her, and she shoved the helmet on to her head, letting it close around her face. He whirled back around, and took off for the door.

The automatic door opened in front of him, and Kylo stalked through it, Rey several paces behind him, by the sound of the closing door. Several bridge officers were loitering further down the corridor, waiting to return to their posts. They snapped to attention as he walked past, but he ignored them.

He heard her hurried footsteps behind him, but he kept going until he reached the lift at the end of the hall. He turned to face her, calling the elevator once she’d gotten close to him.

“What are we doing?” She asked, slightly out of breath.

“I'm going to my quarters to think. You’re coming, too, because I can’t leave you with them,” he said, wincing internally from how short his tone was.

“Why not?” she asked, irritated. The turbolift arrived, and Kylo motioned for her to get in first. He wasn’t going to risk her running away. She stomped on to the lift, her chin in the air. He followed right behind her, punching the button for his floor a little harder than he meant to. She ripped the helmet off of her head.

“After what you said, I’m giving them a break from you,” he answered, honestly.

He felt her anger simmer in the Force, and it was starting to _do things_ to him. “All I said was the truth. And, all but two of them came around to my way of thinking.”

“That doesn’t mean anything, Rey.” The lift door dinged as it opened, and he set a quick pace down the hall. She kept up with him this time.

When they reached his door, he sighed. “Insulting dark side users isn’t going to bring them around to finding a balance between the light and the dark.”

She raised her eyebrows and crossed her arms in front of her chest, tucking her helmet behind her. Her anger was still radiating off of her. He continued, “You think just you and I being together is the endgame for the Force? It’s bigger than you and me. If the Force wants balance, it wants its users to be balanced between the two sides. A light sider and a dark sider fucking isn’t enough to bring balance to the Force.”

She reacted to his words like he’d slapped her, and she stepped back from him, her eyes flashing with anger. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me.” He said, letting his own anger rise to meet hers. He let it flow through him, the familiar feeling grounding him.

“Are you just saying this because you think I hurt your friends’ feelings?”

“Oh, please. We lived through Snoke’s manipulations, his humiliations. You’ve seen it in my memories. You think your words were more than a momentary sting? Besides, I felt your guilt through the Force the minute you said it, and you still regret it, I can tell.”

“Stop reading me while we’re fighting!” Rey shouted, her hazel eyes piercing him with their intensity.

“No,” Kylo said simply, staring her down.

“Fine,” she said, and he felt her shrink down in the Force. He could still sense her if he tried hard enough, but he was content to let her think she’d hidden herself.

“Look. This is getting ridiculous, fighting outside my door. Even if I don’t like what you said, your reasoning is sound, which is why so many agree with you. I happen to agree with you, too.” He hit the button to open his door. “I’m going inside. If you want to continue our arrangement from the shuttle, you can come in, otherwise, there are empty quarters at the end of the hall.”

He went through, and waited on the other side a moment. She stood still, gaping at him.

“We’re not done,” she said, echoing his words from the forest.

“No?” He said, the question in his voice.

“No. Now, I’m angry about what you said before, and you can’t get out of a fight by going to your room, ” she responded. She marched past him through the door, swung her bag over her head, and dropped it on the floor. She turned, and sat so hard on the bed she bounced a little on the mattress. He stared at her for a moment, then turned back to the door to hide his smile. _She still wanted him, and he knew just how to get them back on track._ He hit the button to close the door.


	30. Like It Really Rough Guy

If she really thought about it, Rey was sure that the math wouldn’t come out right. She was spitting mad, how had she ended up sitting on his bed? She felt like she’d set a trap, then sprung it on herself.

To make it worse, she could feel the satisfaction pouring off of him. He wasn’t even trying to hide it. He slowly turned and started walking toward her with his slow, lumbering gait. He thought he was going to get out of this argument with his body, she could feel it in the Force, but he was wrong. He just didn’t know it yet.

She called her power to her, and with everything she had, she threw her hand up. She felt the familiar pop in her ears, and he froze in place, a stunned look on his face. He could still move his eyes, but she wasn’t sure if he’d be able to use his mouth to speak. If he couldn’t… well, he’d just have to listen, wouldn’t he?

She waited a moment, and when he didn’t speak, she stood up, and sauntered over to him. She was sure she’d never sauntered in her life, but she’d seen the women who gathered around Poe do it, so she imitated them. She circled him once, running a finger across his back. When she came back around to his front side, his stunned look had morphed into something more intense. Fiercer. She stifled a shiver.

She was in control now, and he knew it.

“Now, Ben,” she said, letting her voice go husky, “I know you weren’t really thinking you’d be able to distract me from this argument by getting me into bed.” She shook her head as she circled him again. He followed her with his eyes, still silent.

“Of course, we’re no longer arguing about what I said about dark side users. You’re right, I didn’t like that I said something hurtful, and I already planned to apologize.” She stopped in front of him, running a hand down his chest to his abdomen, feeling the muscles there straining against her hold. She suspected he’d eventually break out of her hold, so she needed to pick up the pace.

“Now we’re fighting because I don’t like your interpretation of what we’re doing together.” She turned and walked slowly back to the bed. She picked her helmet up off the bed, and bent over to set it gently on the floor. She took off the holster for her lightsaber, and set it on the table next to the bed. She felt his desire rise in the Force, but still he said nothing. She arched her back as she stood back up, teasing him.

Rey reached up to her hair, slowing unwinding it from the buns she’d created to fit under the helmet. She shook it out, and she saw his throat work as he swallowed. She sat on the bed, gently this time, and leaned back on her hands, crossing her legs. The skirt panel of her tunic pressed between her legs, exposing her thighs, covered only by her gray leggings. She knew the outline of her muscles was visible to him, because his eyes lingered there.

“I’ve felt quite a bit from the Force in these last several weeks, and not just with you. I strongly believe that you and I are the key to bringing balance to the Force, and not just because we’ve been,” she cleared her throat, “ _fucking_ , as you so delicately put it. Though, that’s been very, _instructive_ , in how we can use the Force together.”

She uncrossed her legs, spreading them a bit, letting the tunic panel fall free, and his eyes shot down like her legs were magnetized. She crossed her legs again slowly, catching the panel again, and she felt his eyes scorch her as she squeezed her thighs together.

“Instead, I think we’re meant to find balance together, and teach others how to do it. A new order, perhaps, like you asked me join you for. Not Jedi, not Sith, not Knights of Ren, either. I felt the beginnings of something new that time on the ship, and I know you did, too. But, if you don’t think that’s possible,” she said, sighing with exaggerated resignation, “maybe I should cut my losses now.”

Rey pushed up off of the bed, and by the time she got to her feet, he’d broken her hold on him, and rushed her, knocking her off her feet. They fell backward on the bed together, a tangle of arms and legs, Ben landing on top of her.

“You aren’t going anywhere,” he growled, his face inches from hers. Rey saw the panic in his eyes as he searched her face.

“No, I’m not,” she agreed, reaching up to touch his face, softly caressing the scar she’d given him. “But, I need to know if you think my theory is possible.”

The relief she felt from him in the Force, and saw on his face, gave her hope. He gently kissed her forehead, and whispered, “Yes, I think it’s possible.”

She smiled, lifting her head to press her lips to his. She shifted under him to untangle their legs, letting him settle between hers. She moaned as his erection pressed against her, and she lifted her hips to rub against it, eliciting a groan from deep in his chest. He opened his mouth over hers, and she opened to let him deepen the kiss.

She buried her hands in his hair, holding him to her. He slipped an arm under her, holding her as tightly as she held him. She felt him grip her tunic with his other hand, gathering it in his fist. He pulled up on it, and it slipped out from under her, then over her head. She never bothered with binding her breasts, so she was immediately bared to him.

Rey gasped as he ran his tongue over her taut nipple, pulling it into his mouth. He squeezed her other breast in his large hand.

“I love that you don’t bind these beauties,” Ben said, his voice breathy against her skin as he nuzzled her. “Especially when you wear thin shirts.”

He licked her again, roughly, and she moaned as she arched her back toward his mouth. He sucked hard on her breast, and Rey felt a rush of wetness between her legs. She rubbed herself against the hard ridge of his erection, longing for relief. He chuckled against her breast, and pressed harder against her.

She felt the pressure building inside her already, so she picked up her pace against him. He groaned, and shifted his hips away from her. She whimpered, and he moved to kiss her lips again. He put his hand between her legs, gripping her hard. He pressed the heel of his hand to her clit, giving her steady pressure. Rey dug her fingers into his tunic as he moved his hand against her.

She whined into his mouth as he increased his rhythm, and he broke away from her mouth with a raspy exhale.

“Maker, Rey, you’re wet through your pants. I need to be inside you, right now” he said, as Rey nodded franticly.

He sat back a moment, to remove his clothes, and Rey was struck with a thought. He’d shredded her clothes with the Force on the shuttle… instead of wiggling her leggings down her thighs, she extended her hand, made a fist, and pulled with the Force.

She heard the seams rip, followed by his laughter as the remnants of his clothes dropped on her.

“Push, next time, don’t pull,” he said, smiling while lifting the fabric off of her. He tossed it over his shoulder while Rey shimmied out of her leggings and boots. Ben crawled back onto the bed, moving his body over hers. She pulled her knees back, making room for him between her legs.

He leaned down to kiss her as he pushed inside her body, and it was all she needed to find her release. She cried out against his mouth, as her body pulsed around him. He pulled back out of her, filling her again with agonizing slowness. Rey buried her face in the crook of his shoulder, each stroke pulling little pants of breath from her. She lifted her hips to match his rhythm, and he slipped a hand under her to squeeze the taut muscles of her behind.

He pulled back again, but this time, he slammed himself home, making her scream his name. She reached down and grabbed the hard muscles of his ass, digging her nails in. He growled his approval, and kept up his slow, hard strokes, each one hitting exactly where she needed it to. Rey dragged her nails up his back, leaving little red lines behind, and he groaned, dropping his head against her shoulder to give her better access.

Rey pulled her hands down his back again. The delicious pressure was building in her again, and she gave his behind a hard spank. He lifted his head from her shoulder, and his dark eyes met hers. She gasped at his expression, the fierce desire in his eyes telling her he’d liked her hitting him. She felt his pleasure in the Force, and it was almost enough to make her come right then.

He pulled back, almost leaving her body completely. “Again,” he rasped.

She complied, slapping his flexed cheek again, and she thought she might have left a mark on him. _Not that he would mind,_ she thought. He dropped his head again with a shout, and shoved back into her. She tilted her hips to accommodate his length as he pounded into her.

Rey felt herself coming up to the edge of her orgasm, and when she tilted her head back, she literally saw stars. Ben’s quarters had a large viewport that she hadn’t seen before, facing space instead of the planet. She cried out as her body shattered, staring at millions of stars.

She sighed with pleasure, and met his eyes. She smiled as he leaned down to kiss her. He moved in her again, taking his own release as she held him close.

Ben laid down beside her, gathering her in his arms. After dozing there for a couple of hours, Ben got out of bed to get dressed. They still had to take care of the crew, and Rey hoped that he’d meant it when he said he agreed with her assessment of the situation. She was afraid the other Knights would think that she convinced him using her wiles, but the reality was that she’d already convinced a majority of them before they’d gone to bed this time.

Rey got up and padded over to the viewport, wrapping the sheet around herself as she walked.She looked out at the stars, wondering how the different star systems were taking the news of the coup, and if the Resistance had been able to find a new base.

Warm arms went around her from behind. Ben nuzzled into her neck, then rested his chin on her shoulder. She leaned into his embrace, and they stayed there, motionless, for several minutes, but Rey would have been happy to stay that way for the rest of her life.

She felt Ben shift a bit, and she looked at their reflection in the viewport. He’d turned slightly to kiss her cheek.

“I love you, Rey,” he said, and she felt it spread over her through the Force. She smiled.

“I know,” she said, elated.


	31. I'm The Bad Guy... Duh

Preparations were underway to transfer the prisoners to one of the smaller destroyers in the fleet. Rey had tried to find some way to help, but there wasn’t anything for her to do.

She sat huddled on a sill of a viewport, looking down over Takodana, in what seemed to be a training gym. It was very similar to the gym she was used to training in on Felucia, with black mats covering the floor and a variety of equipment lining the walls. The main area of the gym was wide open, and there were scorch marks on the mats, she guessed from lightsabers. Looking around her, the walls were covered with a thick, vibrant red fabric that reminded her of the viewport coverings in Snoke’s throne room.

Ben brought her here, with the instruction to practice with her new saber. She’d smarted off about him telling her what to do, and he’d left with a chuckle. The other Knights had responsibilities to take care of, so she’d been left alone. Instead of practicing with her saber, she’d explored the room, finding mirrors behind some of the curtains. To her delight, she’d also found the viewport hidden behind the curtains.

She watched the planet for another few minutes, then she stood and made her way over to one of the mirrors. She studied her reflection, and seeing herself in black highlighted the changes she’d felt in herself over the past weeks. When she’d dressed earlier, she’d put her tunic back on over her brown leggings, her gray ones unwearable. She fingered her brown belt at her waist. Making a decision, she undid the clasp and let the belt fall.

She yanked the tunic over her head, turned it inside out, and put it back on. She thought she looked more like herself as she wound the belt back around her waist. She reached up to her hair, loose around her shoulders, and wished she had her rubber bands to put it in her usual three buns.

It was then she felt another presence in the room, one she recognized but wasn’t thrilled to feel. She turned to face him.

“Well, I certainly wasn’t expecting to get such a treat today,” Drago said, his accent thicker than when she’d heard it earlier that day. He was leaning against the far wall, his arms crossed over his chest, his knee bent so one foot rested on the wall.

Rey’s cheeks burned as she realized he’d seen her without her tunic on. “You shouldn’t have been looking.”

He pushed himself off the wall and walked toward her. “Do you expect anything else from an amoral dark sider like me?” He asked snidely.

Rey stared at him, ready to defend herself if she had to. He stopped a few paces away from her, and spoke again, staring at her chest. “But, honestly, I’ve seen Giah dozens of times, and yours just can’t compare.”

Rey was incensed. How _dare_ he? First he peeps at her and then insults her? To think she was going to apologize to him for saying the things she had about dark side users. “I’m sure there are certain things of yours that can’t compare, either,” she snapped.

He let out a short laugh, “To Giah? You’re right, I don’t have the balls she does.” He walked past her to the weights in the corner of the room, chuckling to himself. He picked up a set, and sat down to do bicep curls.

Rey stared at him openly, not willing to turn her back on him. He was dressed for working out, a sleeveless shirt revealing the muscles on his arms. He had more tattoos on his upper arms, similar to Giah’s. His were less complicated, just five triangles in a line down his arm, getting smaller as they reached his elbow. She saw more on his bare hands, triangles leading from his wrist to the second knuckle of his middle finger. His tattoos fascinated her, which was frustrating, because she didn’t want to like anything about him.

“Like what you see, Jedi?” He asked, a note of triumph in his voice. He gave her a scorching look, and she set her jaw in annoyance.

“I’d like to be alone,” she gritted out through her teeth, ignoring his question.

“Me too,” his tone going flat. “Just pretend I’m not here, and I’ll do the same.”

Rey huffed in frustration, twirling around to go back to the center of the mats. She sat down, cross legged and tried to meditate. She closed her eyes, focusing on her power. Lately, she’d been using her meditation to try to learn more ways of using the Force, asking it to show her what it wanted of her. Sometimes she saw short visions; other times, she was able to focus on the mechanics of a particular power, like the surging speed she’d seen on Felucia, or the slamming power Giah had demonstrated on the planet below.

She shivered as something cold slithered over her, interrupting her meditation. _She shouldn’t have turned her back on him_. She felt her ears pop, her stomach twisting as she struggled to breathe. Her eyes snapped open, meeting Drago’s intense violet eyes. He was sitting cross legged in front of her, hands on his knees. He was so close to her, there was only a sliver of space between their knees.

It was then she noticed the wispy, smoky tendrils wafting around them. She looked around, andthe room had a purple hue.

“Where are we?” She demanded.

He leaned back on to his hands, his legs still crossed in front of him. “I’ve never been sure, actually.” He looked around them. “Someplace between our plane and the next, I suppose. Our bodies are still in the training gym.”

“What are you doing, Drago?” Her tone was harsh, but he didn’t flinch.

He ignored her question as he stood up. “Get up, Rey.”

She stayed seated. “Not until you tell me what’s going on.”

He loomed over her, and she had to crane to see his face. His expression was sharp, his eyes narrowed and his mouth set in a line. “Stand up, or I’ll make you.”

She raised her eyebrows and stayed sitting. He leaned down and grabbed her by the shoulders, standing her up on her feet. “Don’t make this more difficult for yourself.”

“Maybe, if I knew what was happening…” she trailed off at his thunderous expression.

“I know all about your little plan, Rey. You’re not really one of us, I can feel it.” To punctuate his statement, Rey felt the icy chill of his power as he wrapped it around her, testing her. He circled her, getting uncomfortably close to her.

“What are you going to do about that?” She asked, burying her rising panic. She had to find a way out of this. She pushed against his power with her own, trying to stall him.

“That’s the question, isn’t it. Harming you physically won’t do me any good. But if I can turn you instead…” he let the threat lie there.

Rey’s eyes were wide, not sure how he planned to accomplish that. She felt something, _different,_ simmering just underneath the ice of his power. He was truly a dark side user, in a way that she’d never felt from Ben. She tried not to shiver as another blast of cold hit her.

In a flash he was in front of her, and had a finger under her chin, lifting her face. Rey bit her cheek to keep her senses. He lowered his face to hers, and she tried to turn away. He stopped just millimeters from her face.

When he spoke, his voice was low and smooth, deceptively gentle. “Each of the Knights of Ren has a different… _specialty_. Giah can take over someone’s mind with a twitch of her eyebrow, Kylo can inflict pain so stunning that, until you, no one had ever been able to resist his interrogations.”

Rey felt a shift in the Force, as his power warmed, and it frightened her. She was breathing rapidly, trying to turn away from him. His grip on her chin tightened to keep her in place.

“But of all of our specialties, mine is the one all Force users experience at one point or another. I can intensify it, twist it to suit my… _desires_ ,” he breathed, still so close to her, and she shook as a tendril of his power ran up her spine.

He moved closer to her ear, whispering “Have you figured it out yet?”

“No,” she said clearly, trying to keep her voice even.

“It’s temptation, Rey… corruption to the dark side,” he breathed in her ear, making the little hairs on her neck stand up. Rey’s eyes widened as she tried to find something else in the room to focus on. She called her power to her, trying to create a barrier between herself and him. The Force was sluggish to respond to her call, the warmth she expected not coming.

What did come to her was a coldness, a wind that chilled her to the bone. The darkness.

Drago released her, and in a blink, he was several paces back from her. “You have an affinity for the dark side, Rey. It’s always called to you.” He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

His eyes snapped open, snaring her gaze with his fierce eyes, “In that cave, you knew there was something for you to learn. The knowledge the dark side could give you, you’d likely become more powerful than us all.”

Rey felt the icy wind swirl around her again, and heard the whispers that accompanied it. _Use me,_ it said, _let me help you defeat him_. She shook her head, trying to clear it. _Get rid of him… reach out and crush him. You could do it so easily…_

She closed her eyes, inhaling roughly as she tried to fight back. Again, she called her power to her, and took a deep breath, desperately reaching for the serenity, the heat, of the light side, letting it flow through her. Out of her, around her.

Instinctually, she raised her arms above her head, taking in a long, deep inhale. As she exhaled, she brought her arms down in front of her, tracing two circles in the air, one arm starting to the right, and the other to the left. She visualized wrapping herself in her power, letting it create a shield around her. She inhaled again, and as she exhaled, she pressed her hands down toward the ground.

The whispers stopped, and she finally felt her power get the upper hand. She opened her eyes, and saw Drago’s shocked expression as he started at her. There was a visible shield around her, deflecting the tendrils of his power as he tried to recapture her. Rey pushed the shield further away from her body, changing it so it slid in around his power. She captured it, absorbing his power, and she thought her power might even be cleansing his.

As her power overcame his, he stopped fighting her. Rey felt her stomach drop again as the purple world fell away. When she blinked her eyes, they were back in the training gym, surrounded by the black and red of the First Order.

He leaned forward, sliding his hands off of his knees. He stretched his arms up over his head and leaned from side to side, smiling as he swept his eyes over her again. The intensity of his stare relaxed, and while his smile now reached his eyes, his swift change in mood made her uncomfortable.

He spoke, his voice coming out as a rasp. “It’s been a long time since someone fought me with the light side of the Force.”

“It’s the last time anyone will need to,” came a deep growl from beside them.

Rey looked up and made eye contact with Ben. Relief flooded through her. She wasn’t sure how long he’d been there, but from his murderous expression, it had been long enough.

Drago stood up, and turned away from Rey. He squared his shoulders, ready for a fight. Rey stood up, too, and moved to stand beside Ben, worried about what was about to happen.


	32. I'm Only Good At Being Bad

Kylo Ren didn’t often feel jealousy. He didn’t like feeling jealous, it made him feel like a child again, jealous of the kids who had normal parents, jealous of the things that took his parents from him. Even though the dark side practice encouraged possessiveness, he rarely felt it, in an attempt to distance himself from his childhood even further. He’d felt something mildly uncomfortable when Rey talked about her friends, especially when she talked about training with FN-2187, but he told himself that wasn’t jealousy, either.

He’d felt Rey’s power spike, and he assumed she was just practicing after her meditation, but she was uneasy. He’d opened himself farther in the Force to sense what was going on. He’d felt Drago’s power, too, and felt something like jealousy that Rey was possibly training with Drago. But then, he’d felt her panicked cry through the Force. With a savage curse, Kylo took off running to get to the training gym. He’d pulled the Force to him to surge through the corridors. The turbolift rides were torturously slow.

Kylo knew the kinds of things Drago did to his victims. Drago took the “seductive” nature of the dark side of the Force very seriously. His missions often involved infiltration and subtle interrogation, and he had a near perfect completion rate. He used his body as his weapon, though he could also twist minds. Unlike Giah, who would just take someone over, and make them do what she wanted, Drago would seduce, tempt and corrupt those minds using his power, until the subject was so paranoid and suggestible the being did exactly as Drago wanted. Most people didn’t survive an interrogation with Drago, and those that did were never the same again.

So this, this streak of possessiveness and rage that had him biting his cheek so hard he tasted blood, this was something more intense than simple jealousy. He’d burst into the training gym, horrified to see Rey’s blank stare, Drago sitting in front of her, his face a serene mask. He’d shouted at both of them, and kicked Drago savagely in the kidney, but he wasn’t able to reach their consciousnesses. He was going to kill Drago for this, the only decision left to make was if it would be by lightsaber or by strangling.

One of Drago’s abilities in the Force was to separate the spirit from the body, taking it to another plane all together. Kylo suspected it was something in between this life and the next, and nothing from this world would bring the person back until Drago released them, or they broke out. Which rarely happened, so he nearly dropped to his knees when Rey had emerged, feeling exactly as she should have in the Force.

When she’d woken up, Rey had looked immediately to him, her relief evident in the Force. She stood very close to him, but he didn’t allow himself to touch her. He’d need both hands in a moment.

“So you are a Jedi, then,” Drago said, looking down at her.

“No, I’m not.” Only Kylo heard the silent “yet” on the end of her sentence.

“You feel like one,” Drago replied, running a finger down Rey’s face. She twisted away from him, hissing at him not to touch her, and Kylo decided the lightsaber would be too kind. Kylo would enjoy watching all the little veins in his eyeballs pop as he strangled him. Maybe he’d even do it with his own hands, and not the Force. He gripped Drago’s wrist in his hand, and thought about breaking it.

_Looks like it’s working out for you,_ Drago said through the Force. _My usual methods didn’t work._ He shrugged his shoulders in indifference.

_It’s not your job to test her, or me,_ Kylo responded, his tone harsh. He felt something rise in the Force from Drago, and he realized then what Drago had been trying to do. _You wanted her to fight you off. You wanted a demonstration of her strength in the light side._

_Yes,_ Drago responded.

_And you wanted to test her loyalty to me._

_To us, actually. If she could be seduced away from you, or from the light side, she wouldn’t belong with us. We all had to demonstrate we couldn’t be turned. You want her with us, even though she doesn’t use the dark side much, so she had to be tested. It was much easier than the actual trials for the Knights of Ren,_ Drago said, raising an eyebrow.

_And you knew I wouldn’t be able to intervene. Damn it._ Kylo ran his free hand roughly through his hair. _I’d already decided how to kill you._

_Oh, I could tell, and that made it so much more fun._ Drago flashed his teeth in a quick smile at Kylo, and then winked at him. Winked at him! Like he was some mark. Kylo dropped his wrist, clenching his fists, and wondered how he’d been saddled with this clown.

Rey cleared her throat, and Kylo looked at her, realizing they’d been quiet too long. Her tone was serious, “My focus is the light side of the Force, yes. But that doesn’t make me a Jedi any more than focusing on the dark side makes you a Sith. Are you done?”

Drago gave her a look of mock outrage. “How rude! Am I done, really, after all I did for you.”

“He’s done,” Kylo told her, running his hand over her shoulder blade. She leaned slightly back into his touch, and his heart leapt. Just touching her eased the tension from his body.

“What’s going on here, Ben?” Rey asked, suspicious.

Kylo sighed, trying to decide how to tell her. “Rey, you’re a Knight of Ren.”

“What?!” She shouted, turning abruptly to gape at him. She vaguely heard Drago shout his congratulations.

“Drago took it upon himself to give you a simplified version of the Knights of Ren trials,” Kylo told her, feeling exhaustion creep into his bones.

“You passed!” Drago said cheerily as he sailed past them, heading back toward the weights.

Rey stared daggers at Drago. “I’ll deal with you later,” she said, turning to look at Kylo, “And, you! You’re okay with this?”

“Not at all. But, what he made you do was much simpler than what we all had to do,” Kylo said, trying to keep a reasonable tone.

Rey looked at him, her expression incredulous. “And what did you have to do?” She demanded. Kylo saw a look cross her face, as she seemed to remember something.

“We killed the Jedi, Rey, among other things. You just had to demonstrate your inability to be turned to a current Knight of Ren,” he explained.

“This is twisted,” Rey pronounced.

“Indeed!” Drago shouted from the corner. “What?” It was Kylo’s turn to stare daggers.

“Ben, I cannot be a Knight of Ren,” Rey said, her voice turning plaintive.

“Could you be a Knight of Ben?” Drago shouted, descending into maniacal laughter.

“What is wrong with him?” Rey demanded.

“Too much,” Kylo responded, exasperated. “This is how he is, when he’s not on mission.”

“Fine. But you, you were here long enough to see what was happening, and you decided to just let it happen?” He felt her anger rising in the Force.

“I couldn’t intervene, Rey. I tried. But, I also remember you getting angry with me the last time I interfered with you using the Force.”

“Interfere with this.” Rey raised a hand, and he felt his body being propelled down to the mats. He hit the ground, hard enough to knock the wind out of his lungs.

She crouched down over him, as watched him as he wheezed. Kylo brought a hand to his chest, coughing as he tried to recover his breath.

She looked up a moment, and Kylo followed her line of sight to Drago. His jaw had dropped, his mouth hanging slightly open, as he stared at the two of them.

“Now, you sick fuck. It’s your turn.” Rey said, menacingly.

Kylo turned back to Rey, and heard the weights drop to the ground. He looked back at Drago, expecting to see him choking or in the air, but nothing was happening.

“Ben,” he turned his face up to look at her. “Drago peeped at me while I was changing, saw my breasts, and then told me Giah’s were better.”

Kylo’s vision tunneled. He saw her stand up, and watched the flutter of the back panel of her tunic as she left the gym. He felt the familiar burning of rage in his chest, and he roared as it exploded out of him in the Force. He looked at Drago, who was staring wide-eyed.

“Shit,” was all Drago said.

He got to his feet, deliberately slow, not breaking eye contact. He saw Drago swallow, and saw the realization dawn that he wasn’t getting out of here with out a fight. Kylo watched Drago’s stunned expression go serious. _Good._

“I’m going to kill you after all,” Kylo said, grinding his teeth.

“You’ll try,” Drago said, rushing forward.

***

Rey heard the bodies hit the mats as she walked away from the gym. She wasn’t sure what had come over her, but she wanted to punish both of them for what they’d done. They couldn’t just decide for her, it was her life.

She made her way back to Kylo’s quarters, and she was proud she’d only gotten turned around once. She stopped pretending to be a Knight of Ren, and found there were many crew members who were willing to help her. She put her hand on the panel to open the door to his quarters, and was pleased when it opened for her.

Rey went in, and heard the communicator in her bag going off. She ran over to it, dumping out her bag on the bed in her frantic search. It was still beeping when she flipped it open.

“Hello?!” She said, desperately.

“Rey! It’s me, Rose.”

“Rose!” Rey sagged down on the bed, tears coming to her eyes. “What… how did…”

“I have to be quick Rey, we found out about the coup, we’re coming to get you. The fleet is dropping out of hyperspace in an hour.”

“Rose! No, no, you can’t. There’s a fleet of First Order ships here that are loyal to Beh—Kylo Ren.”

“How many ships?”

“Enough,” Rey said miserably. “Maybe thirty?”

“I think you’ll be surprised at what we’ve managed to come up with in the last week. See you in an hour, Rey!”

Rose disconnected the communicator call on her end. Rey sat on the bed, tucking her hands behind her head, and looking down at her knees. _What was she going to do?_

She felt the tears of joy she’d felt at hearing her friend start to fall as tears of misery.

“So, the Resistance is on their way, are they?”

Rey snapped her head up, looking at Ben miserably. She gasped when she saw him. His face was a wreck, one eye almost swollen shut, a fresh cut on his forehead was pouring blood over his features.

“Yes, I tried to tell Rose not to come.”

Ben wiped the blood away from his good eye. “Are they going to attack us, Rey?”

“I don’t know.” Rey covered her face with her hands. “I’m so sorry. When you ended things on Takodana, I told Luke to tell them where I was. I hoped someone would come and get me, but of course, things are different now.”

The bed dipped as he sat with her. She smelled the metallic scent of blood as he put an arm around her.

“We’ll figure it out,” he said, his tone somewhere between defiance and sadness.

They sat in silence for several minutes. Finally, Rey spoke. “Your face...”

“You should see the other guy,” he said, proudly.


	33. The Light Is Coming

Forty-five minutes and a tense debrief meeting later, Rey, Ben, and most of the Knights of Ren assembled on the bridge of the _Finalizer._ Rey still wore her tunic white side out, having managed to not get Ben’s blood on it. The medical droid had patched him up well, using bacta on most of his wounds, but there was still a slight purple cast around his eye. She hadn’t been able to see Drago’s face, he was already wearing his helmet. But he stood like he was favoring one side, and Rey felt a sort of satisfaction about his pain.

Next to her, Ben stood straight and square, but in her peripheral vision, she saw his hands open and close, his fingers fidgeting, and Rey knew he was nervous. She smoothed her hands down her front, then reached between them, taking hold of his hand. He squeezed her fingers, gently, and released her hand when the pneumatic door to the bridge opened.

Rey turned to look behind her, and saw Giah walking down the pedway to the observation floor. She had her helmet under one arm, and Ben’s helmet under the other, the one Rey hadn’t seen since that moment on Starkiller Base. She stifled a shudder as she remembered it.

Giah reached them, handing Ben his helmet, then stepping in behind them. He put it on, the gears hissing into place. Rey studied it, noticing that there was something very different about it. There were streaks of what looked like red resin all over the helmet, like there were hundreds, maybe thousands, of little cracks that needed to be filled. _What had happened to that helmet?_

“Get the ships into position,” he said, his voice menacing through the vocalizer.

_Why are you wearing that?_ Rey asked him through their connection.

_I can’t let them see me. I can’t see my mother’s face when she sees mine. Not yet._

Rey nodded, and didn’t push further. Rose hadn’t been worried by the amount of ships Rey had reported, which led them all to believe the whole Resistance fleet was coming. Including Leia, Ben’s mother.

A bridge officer confirmed the fleet’s position, and Rey took a deep breath. They didn’t have to wait long for the proximity klaxons to go off, as ships started jumping out of hyperspace. They were a good ways off, but Rey felt the anxiety in the room spike as capital ship after capital ship jumped in to the system. She heard Ben try to steady his breathing, and felt several of the Knights pulling the Force to calm themselves.

In all, the Resistance fleet had grown exponentially in size. Granted, for a while the fleet consisted of exactly one ship, the _Millennium Falcon,_ but this was shocking. Who had Leia gone to when she’d negotiated for another fleet? Who in the galaxy had a fleet this big just hanging around?

It wasn’t long before they were hailed by the lead ship. It came through on the vid monitor, and Rey was surprised to see Poe appear before them. Ben tensed immediately beside her.

“This is Commander Poe Dameron of the Resistance. You have one of ours there on your bridge, and we want her back. Release her, and we’ll let you leave with your lives.” He stared pointedly at Ben, his eyes only flicking over to Rey to confirm it was her standing there.

Rey heard a rumbling from Ben, almost like he was stifling a growl in response. “She is mine, Rebel, and you can go straight to hell,” he responded, and Poe narrowed his eyes in response.

Flabbergasted, Rey spoke up, “That is not how we agreed to handle this.” She felt the shock in the room, and knew everyone was staring at her. She could even tell Poe was staring at her.

“The Resistance kicked you out, yet he’s acting like I’ve taken you prisoner,” Ben pointed wildly at the screen. Rey followed his arm with her eyes, and saw Poe looking just as affronted. “And you’re angry with _me_?” There were hints of both anger and bewilderment in Ben’s tone, like he couldn’t possibly have done something wrong.

“Just get back to the plan,” Rey commanded through clenched teeth. She didn’t have to see his face to know his expression when she heard him roughly suck in a breath.

“Fine,” he grumped, turning back to the screen.

“Commander Dameron,” he said in a way that implied he wanted to sneer the name but couldn’t. “I can’t imagine you’d bring a whole fleet to try to bring Rey back into the fold. What are you actually doing?”

“That’s classified,” Poe said, clearly enjoying himself. “But, we found out that Rey was stranded on Takodana, and since it was on our way, we decided to have a couple of ships drop out to pick her up. Then, _then_ we found out about the small First Order fleet, including the Supreme—I’m sorry, the _former_ Supreme Leader—stationed here, and we all just had to see that.”

Rey saw Ben’s shoulders tense, but otherwise he gave no indication that Poe’s words were affecting him. _The benefit of the helmet, I guess_ , she thought.

“So here you are. Too bad, though, this is no longer a First Order fleet. This fleet belongs to the Knights of Ren.”

Poe seemed surprised by Ben’s words, and his calm as he delivered them. “This just got a hell of a lot more interesting,” Poe drawled, leaning back a little from the camera, to look back and forth between Rey and Ben.

Rey took a deep breath. They’d agreed to let Ben do the talking, as Master of the Knights of Ren, more as a show of power for the crews of the remaining ships than as a demonstration of his non-existent diplomatic skills. In fact, Rey was starting to think his only goal right now was to out-asshole Poe.

“Only for the simple-minded,” Ben ground out, and Rey rolled her eyes so hard she wasn’t confident that her optical nerves hadn’t gotten tangled up. She clenched her teeth and stared at Ben, her lips a thin line as she exhaled roughly through her nose.

Ben heard her and looked over, and Rey was annoyed with the expressionless helmet. _Get to it, Ben, or I’m taking over_ , she told him through their connection. He looked back to Poe without responding to her.

“Dameron. I need to have a discussion with your General,” Ben said, and despite the vocalizer Rey could tell he was gritting his teeth while he spoke.

“In person,” he added, when Poe just started at him wide-eyed. “Make it happen.”

Ben signaled for the communications officer to disconnect the call, and the screen went dark. He turned and walked quickly back down the pedway. The Knights of Ren shifted to the sides to let him pass, but they didn’t make any move to follow. It took standing there awkwardly for a few beats and someone clearing their throat for Rey to realize that they meant for her to go next. She stepped forward quickly, following Ben’s quickly retreating form.

When Rey exited the bridge, she didn’t see Ben right away. She located him almost halfway to the turbolift, just standing in the middle of the corridor. He was facing her, and even from this far away he looked like he took up most of the hallway. She looked him up and down as she walked toward him, enjoying the broadness of his shoulders and the hardness of his thighs.

He took his helmet off as she approached, and there was a sparkle in his eye that told her he’d noticed.

“That went well,” Rey said, slightly sarcastically, as she stopped in front of him.

Ben grimaced. “He gets under my skin.”

_Ah, Poe._ “Why?” Rey asked.

“Quite possibly everything about him.” Ben shifted a little toward Rey. “Why do you like him so much?”

Rey looked up at him, considering, “He’s a good friend. He does have several qualities that are, hmmm, less than desirable, but, he’d go through hell for his friends and I like that.”

Ben searched her face with his eyes, and Rey felt a little uncomfortable. “Should we, ah, stop loitering in this hallway?”

Her question jolted Ben out of his thoughts, and he nodded. They walked toward the turbo lift together. As they got on it, Rey noticed that none of the Knights of Ren were anywhere to be seen. Ben looked at her a little sideways, and then said, “They have duties of their own, they don’t just follow me around.”

Rey just nodded. As the door closed, Ben spoke, his voice rough with something like sorrow.

“How can I face her, Rey? If she and my father shared anything like…” he stopped, swallowing hard. Rey grabbed both of his hands, and looked at him sympathetically. She stayed quiet, giving him space to get his emotions out.

“I don’t expect her forgiveness… I don’t deserve it, and I’m not going to ask for it.” He exhaled slowly. “But I never thought I’d want it.” He looked over her shoulder, and his gaze softened, like he was looking at something far in the distance. He took his hands from hers, and wrapped his arms tightly around her, burying his face in the crook of her neck.

“How pathetic am I, that suddenly all I want is for my mother to tell me it’s okay I killed my father? That I’m still worth something?” He muttered against her skin, and Rey’s heart broke with each question.

She clutched him tightly to her. “You’re not pathetic,” she whispered against his ear. He tucked in closer to her, but didn’t say anything else.

They were still holding each other tightly when the turbolift opened again.


	34. To Give Back Everything The Darkness Stole

Not half an hour later, Kylo found himself staring at Poe Dameron for the second time. Seeing his big face on the screen just made him want to rage like he used to, smashing things, cutting them up with his lightsaber, any kind of destruction would do. But he wouldn’t. Not this time.

They needed the Resistance, as much as he hated to admit it. The others had agreed, but hated it just as much. They’d decided that in order to protect themselves, and other Force users, as Rey had wanted, they would need to take Hux down. Quickly.

So here he was, alone, in front of the vidscreen in his private conference room, mask on, so he could be immature and make faces at this man he disliked so thoroughly. He’d been inside Poe’s head, and everything about Poe was the opposite of himself. As much as he hated the emotion, he was more than a little jealous of Poe and his easy relationships, not only with people in general, but with his family. And Kylo’s family, if he could still claim the connection.

Poe spoke first, making a show of looking around Kylo’s conference room. “Where’s Rey?”

Kylo raised his eyebrows under his mask. He considered just how much to reveal. _She’s asleep in our bed, Commander Dameron. She’s worried about all of us, and she’s exhausted from fighting my asshole subordinate. I’m taking your call here so I don’t wake her…_ No, that would be too much.

Instead he said, “She’s busy elsewhere. She’s with me by her own choice, focus your worries on someone else.” He was proud of himself that he kept his tone neutral.

Poe narrowed his eyes, then exhaled audibly. “General Organa has agreed to meet you, but she has conditions.”

“Name them,” Kylo responded, his voice flat, unsurprised.

“First, she wants some assurance that this isn’t an elaborate trap,” Poe began.

Kylo was dubious. “I doubt I can provide enough, but go on.”

“You can provide this by meeting on our lead ship, standing down your ships including dropping all shields, and powering down all systems except basic life support across the fleet,” Poe continued, his face and tone serious.

Kylo just stood there a moment, thinking it through. The only way he could agree to this is if they also powered down. His ships would be easier targets than they already were, surrounded by the Resistance fleet. He nodded for Poe to continue.

“Next, the General wants Rey to be a part of all negotiations.” _Interesting_.

“Why?” Kylo asked sharply, thinking about her napping in their quarters. How easily everything had become theirs, not just his.

“She wants to ascertain Rey’s condition with her own eyes, to make sure she hasn’t been harmed,” Poe said.

“Any more conditions, Commander?” Kylo said, emphasizing Poe’s rank harshly.

“Just one more,” Poe said, almost touching amiable with his tone, but holding it back. Kylo pushed the roar of rage back down, knowing the other man was trying to bait him. “With the exception of Rey, you must come alone.”

Kylo stifled a sigh of relief. He could work with these conditions, but he had a few of his own.

“I appreciate your General’s concerns. I have a few of my own, and so I also have conditions for this meeting.”

Poe’s expression didn’t change, which Kylo took to mean that he had expected further negotiation. Kylo pressed ahead.

“I’ll agree to Rey being involved in negotiations. If we come to your lead ship, I don’t trust you not to jump your fleet to hyperspace, kidnapping us, and at best leaving my fleet behind, and at worst destroying it on your way out. It’s too risky for us.”

“We’re not planning to do that,” Poe said, reasonably.

“Your plan coming here was to take Rey back, and now you have opportunity to take me as a prisoner,” Kylo pointed out.

Poe cleared his throat. “We have that opportunity with or without this meeting. But that’s not our plan, or our way.”

_Not our way._ Kylo rolled his eyes, thankful that his mask hid the motion. “Your ways have been thieving and murderous, so don’t try that with me. I want this meeting on neutral ground. The planet below us can provide that.”

“And can you guarantee that your fleet won’t launch an attack on ours?”

“Yes. I’ll agree to your powering down condition if she’ll agree to the same. I want more people at the table, too. I want Rey, and I want two of my Knights.”

Poe looked down like he was taking notes. When he looked up again, he spoke, his tone neutral. “I’ll take your conditions back to the General. I imagine she’ll have a quick answer for you.”

The vidscreen went black. Kylo sat down, and pulled his helmet off. He’d spent several years wearing the helmet nearly every waking hour, and it had never bothered him. Many of the officers under him had no idea what he actually looked like, until he’d smashed it in the elevator. Spending just these few months without it, he almost couldn’t put it back on. It represented something Kylo wasn’t sure he was anymore.

Something had changed in him, even before he’d deliberately pulled the light side to help Rey with her damn crystal. The fact that he was even willing to do it showed how much he’d changed. He knew that asking Giah to sever him from the Force would have consequences, but he hadn’t counted on the Force reconnecting him closer to his natural alignment.

Kylo sighed, and leaned back in the chair. He put his hands behind his head and pushed his elbows away from his body, stretching his shoulders. He let his mind wander his vision of the battle, and closed his eyes, breathing rhythmically in a way he hadn’t practiced in years. The mornings he’d woken up with Rey, he’d watched her do it, felt the Force swirl around her and sometimes he thought he felt her grow more powerful with each meditation.

His stomach flipped as the vision dropped around him. He tried to focus on how he had gotten captured. Even if he couldn’t change it, knowing about it could give them some advantage. Butjust like all the times before, he couldn’t see before he fell. He let out a frustrated breath, flinging both of his fists down on the table, bringing his body back to a more upright position. His head snapped up when he heard a resigned sigh.

“I suppose I should be happy that you seem to get that from my side. But what’s with all the banging?”

“I’d think you’d be glad that I’m only destroying property, not killing people who annoy me,” Kylo said, staring pointedly at his translucent grandfather.

Anakin only hummed in response, looking around the small room. “Where are we, exactly?”

“My destroyer. _The Finalizer_.” Kylo watched as Anakin floated around the room, not walking as he’d seen Luke do. Anakin seemed more ghost-like than Luke did.

“It’s because I didn’t intentionally do this,” Anakin said, having sensed Kylo’s question forming. “And, sometimes, I don’t really have the will to be fully in one place or another.”

“Why not?” Kylo asked, seeing Anakin fade in and out.

Anakin stared at Kylo. No, _through_ Kylo, “I can’t find her.”

_Oh._ Anakin had started to fade, so Kylo quickly asked him a question. “Why are you here, grandfather? I doubt you came just to tell me to stop banging tables.”

Anakin returned his attention to Kylo, and said, “Yes, I was here for a reason. I’m here to tell you, you’re doing it again. Stop trying so hard to find out more about that vision. What did I tell you the last time I was here?”

“The future isn’t set. But Maz said…”

Anakin cut him off. “I know what she said. Maz knows how visions work, yes, but she also knows that there is more than one version of the future, and more than one interpretation of a vision. The Force gave the three of you different pieces of the future, so each of you knows what you need to know going into the battle. It’s the same thing that happened when you and Rey touched hands. You each saw what you needed to for the right future to happen, but the outcome wasn’t what either of you saw.”

Kylo sat in the chair, overwhelmed. “So then, what is the Force trying to tell me with this vision?I think I die, but Rey fell completely. She had yellow eyes when she killed Hux in my vision.”

Anakin nodded. “She was overcome by hate, and used the Force to fuel it. Does she have experience with the dark side?”

“Only externally. I felt her nearly pulling it once when she was angry with me, but she stopped herself. She does have an affinity for it, though, like I do.”

“The Skywalkers all have an affinity for the dark side. Even your mother has used it a time or two. We Skywalker men seem to have an affinity for the internal struggle of light and dark. Of all of us, your mother is probably the most balanced individual Force user. But you’re getting there. Try not to fight the pull you feel to either side. Go naturally, and you’ll stay in the middle,” Anakin said, nodding sagely.

Kylo nearly rolled his eyes. That made no sense at all. “And Rey? She’s not a Skywalker.”

“Not yet,” Anakin said, wiggling his eyebrows. Kylo felt himself blush, but he gave his grandfather an annoyed look. “Walk the path of the Force together. That’s your destiny. The rest is just details.”

Anakin faded from the room, leaving Kylo to consider his words. He spun the chair around to the door, thinking of going to join Rey.

The vidscreen chimed behind him, and Kylo reached to answer it without thinking about it. He was too busy shaking his head and muttering to himself, “She’d be a Solo, not a Skywalker…”

He spun the chair and leapt out of it when he heard his mother’s voice come through the speaker.

“I’m glad you’re revisiting the Solo name. Rey Solo sounds much better than Rey Ren.”

Kylo gaped at her. It had been years since he’d seen her. Actually seen her. Her hair had much more gray in it, she’d aged, of course she had, but was still styled elaborately as always. She looked completely at home on the deck of the starship, like she was born to be there. He realized he’d gone slack-jawed when he had to close his mouth to swallow hard. Dread started to fill him looking at her face. He was afraid of her, he realized slowly.

Her expression was serious, one he’d seen many times as a child, before she would start fierce negotiations with other senators or members of the government.

“Now, Ben. I’ll agree to your additional terms. We’ll meet in 24 standard hours. I’m sending the coordinates of the place I’ve selected for the meeting.”

The datapad next to him lit up with the coordinates, and Kylo had to force himself to speak. “We’ll be there.”

“Good.” The screen went black, and it felt like he stood there for hours, before stumbling out of the room. He shambled back down the corridor, and found himself opening his door, with very little memory of how he got there.

The hiss of the door closing startled him slightly, and he picked his way through the dark room. He laid on top of the bed covers, still fully clothed, and reached for Rey. She stirred a little, but didn’t wake up. She’d been so tired, she’d fallen asleep almost as soon as she’d sat on the bed. Kylo had rolled her under the blankets, and left her to rest. He curved his body around hers, holding onto her until he stopped imagining his mother shooting him dead tomorrow, taking her vengeance for all he’d done and helped the First Order do to those she loved.


	35. I Can't Feel Alive

Ben was jumpy, and it had everyone on edge. To most people, a jumpy Kylo Ren meant danger, and it seemed to Rey that even the Knights of Ren were giving him a wide berth. They’d woken up with precious few hours left before the meeting with General Organa and the other members of the Resistance, and the rushed preparations had Rey’s head spinning.

She’d had to nearly run to keep up with him, watching him bark orders and assignments, and realized that he actually was pretty good at this, even though his mood was unsettling the crew. If they were able to join with the Resistance, he might really be able to help them turn the tide against Hux and the First Order.

They’d passed a canteen once, and something smelled glorious, and Rey realized it had been nearly half a day since their last meal. When they approached the canteen for a different floor, Rey managed to convince Ben to stop and eat something—she had been so hungry her stomach was making terrible noises, and she’d heard his, too. It almost didn’t matter to her what was on the menu, she just needed food, but she intended to find out the source of that smell.

Rey watched with awe as the seated officers and crew members leapt up to salute Ben, and though he made no outward acknowledgement of them, she felt his satisfaction through the Force. Interestingly, Rey noticed that most of them were saluting her, too. She wasn’t sure if they were doing it because they thought she was a Knight of Ren, though she’d quickly dropped that act, or because they gave her some special status as their leader’s lover. She wasn’t sure she deserved it, either way.

Rey’s eyes went wide as they approached the buffet line. She didn’t think she’d ever seen so much food in one place. Even on the Resistance base on Felucia, they’d had simple fare, but mostly ration bars. Ben made his way efficiently through the line, while she dawdled over each choice. She ended up with a little of everything on her plate, but she still hadn’t found what had smelled so good. She frowned slightly at the empty space in front of her.

“What’s wrong, dearie?” An elderly voice sounded next to her. Rey looked over, and down at the little human woman, about Maz’s height, her hands full with a lidded container that looked far to heavy for her. She showed no signs of strain, though, and Rey wondered how someone who looked so kind and called people “dearie” ended up on a First Order starship.

“I could smell something wonderful from the corridor, but I can’t find it in the line,” Rey answered her.

“Ah,” the small woman said as she heaved her container into an empty spot in the buffet, and took the lid off. “It’s this,” she added, smiling, as she waved the lid through the steam, pushing it toward Rey. Rey inhaled heavily, and her mouth watered. She was vaguely aware of Ben’s impatience turning into amusement as she moved closer to the source of the lovely smell. It looked like some kind of sauced shredded meat. Rey hovered over it, sighing happily.

“I’ve never seen you like this,” Ben said from behind her, his deep voice surprising her. She hadn’t noticed him coming back for her, and when she looked, the woman was gone.

“Food like this is a luxury when you’re used to reconstituted bread portions and ration bars,” Rey responded, piling the meat on her plate. Ben watched her with great interest, following her down the line.

“Where are you going to put all that?” He asked, disbelief creeping into his voice.

Rey just hummed and made her way toward the first empty table she saw. She sat her plate down gingerly, then flopped into the seat to dig in. She picked up a piece of the shredded meat, and bit into it. She moaned a little, it tasted so good. Ben sat across from her, smirking as he passed her a set of utensils. Rey took them, and smiled as she used her fingers to pop another piece into her mouth.

It took a while for her to notice that Ben hadn’t touched his food. He was just staring at her, with a strained look on his face.

“What?” She asked, between bites. She sucked a bit of sauce off of her thumb, and Ben watched her intently.

His voice was rough when he answered. “I need you to use your fork, Rey.”

“Oh,” she said, downtrodden. “I’m embarrassing you. I’m—“

His chair squeaked as he leapt up, and grabbed her hand in his. Rey was intensely aware of the eyes on them, and she looked at Ben questioningly. He brought her fingers to his mouth, and slowly licked the sauce off of them, sending shivers down her spine and bringing a flush to her cheeks. His voice was just audible when he spoke. “I’m not embarrassed, Rey. I’m ready to take you on this table in front of everyone here.”

Rey giggled a little, which surprised her, because she wasn’t typically one to giggle. But she did, and he released her hand to sit back down. She picked up the fork and started eating with it, spending a little more time than was strictly necessary pulling the fork out of her mouth. He groaned when she winked at him.

Ben finally started eating his food, and they ate in relative silence. Rey struggled to ignore the people watching them, and but it was especially hard to ignore the ones trying to watch them while pretending not to watch them. After Rey had finished her food, every bite of it, showing Ben exactly where she’d planned to “put all that”, Ben handed her his datapad.

“Take this to the shuttle, and put the coordinates in the computer. I’ll be there after I’ve met with the bridge officers about the Resistance’s conditions for the meeting.”

Rey agreed, and they stood up to go. When they reached the door, he pressed a quick kiss to her cheek, and whispered, “Later, you can show me your technique with that fork.”

Rey was still smiling as she made her way down to the hangar with the datapad Ben had given her, walking with such purpose that others in the corridors got out of her way. After the salute in the canteen, she wondered if they would have anyway, those who recognized her, though she certainly hadn’t made it hard to recognize her. Her long white tunic and lightsaber made her stand out from the former First Order crowd and from the Knights of Ren. She’d pulled off her long tunic before falling asleep, so it wasn’t terribly rumpled, and she was comfortable in it. She’d done her hair in her usual triple buns, but on a whim, she’d added a set of braids on one side.

She stopped when she reached the shuttle, immediately recognizing the two masked people waiting there for her.

“What are you doing here, Drago?” She asked, icily.

“Master Ren asked me to come. Didn’t say why, and I didn’t ask,” he responded, his vocalizer doing nothing to hide the ice in his own voice.

“You don’t have to like him, Rey, but he is useful to have in a fight,” Giah said, betraying nothing in her tone.

“We’re going to a negotiation, Giah, I can’t imagine what sort of use he would have,” Rey argued, starting up the ramp of the shuttle. The two Knights fell in behind her.

“Don’t sell me short, I’m also great at negotiations,” Drago replied, “but any negotiation can turn into a fight. All it takes is a twitchy trigger finger. You’re in luck, though, because I’m faster than a twitch.”

“So I’ve heard,” Giah deadpanned. Rey turned around when she heard a slight rustling of fabric behind her. She wasn’t sure what had happened, but Giah had Drago’s arm bent up behind his back, pushing his elbow up toward his shoulders.

Rey heard a slight chuckle coming from Drago, and she gaped at them as Drago backflipped over Giah, grabbing her with the same arm she’d had bent behind him. She swept her leg back, hooking his ankle up enough for her to grab it with the hand that wasn’t clutching the arm he had around her. They had each other so locked up neither was going anywhere fast.

“What in the hell are you doing?” Rey demanded. “We have work to do.”

“Just two mates having fun,” Drago drawled, releasing his hold on Giah as she released hers on him. Rey heaved a sigh of frustration, and stomped toward the cockpit. She heard Drago ask behind her, “What’s with her?”

She didn’t hear Giah’s response clearly, but Rey didn’t care what Drago thought of her. She’d never like him, not after what he’d done to her. She wasn’t too keen on his relationship with the others, either. When it was just her and Giah, or her and Giah and Ben, she’d been able to forget that they were dark side users, and had done horrible things in their past. In their acceptance of Drago and the way he used his powers, though, it was the last thing she could forget.

But as she sat down at the navicomputer, it struck her that the man she loved had killed his own father, had sliced open her friend’s back, and caused injury to her newest friend by invading Crait. Why was it that she could forgive him for that, but not for how he let Drago run wild? Had likely directed Drago to run wild, even. She sighed again as she plugged in the coordinates. She’d been focused on pulling Ben back to the light, or at least to the middle, because she thought he was redeemable. The other Knights of Ren probably were, too. Maybe a little more balance would help them all, even though Drago told her he had no interest in it.

She decided he’d either do better as a person, or he’d leave, and either was a win for her. Giah came in for pre-flight checks, taking off her helmet, revealing her usual tight twin braids.

“Did you get the coordinates in?” She asked.

“Yes,” Rey said, watching as Giah flipped switches and dialed knobs.

“I banished Drago to the common area, if you’re wondering,” Giah said, offhand.

“Thanks. Why do you like him?”

Giah gave a short bark of laughter. “Straight to the point. He’s a monster, yes, but so am I, remember. He’s had my back more times than I can count, including at the Jedi Temple. But even if he was awful in a fight, he’d still be useful to me. He’s an excellent tattoo artist.”

“AH-HA!” Rey shouted, making Giah jump. “That’s why! He did your tattoos.”

“Why what?” Giah said, visibly confused.

Rey swallowed hard, realizing she really didn’t want to tell Giah what had happened before.

“Tell me, Rey. What did Drago say about me?”

Rey cleared her throat. “He said—“

“I told her your breasts were better than hers,” Drago said from the door. He’d removed his helmet, too.

Giah looked stunned for a moment, then collapsed into laughter. Rey hadn’t heard her fully laugh before, and it was as beautiful as she was, melodic and clear.

Giah started laughing so hard she was gasping for breath, and Rey looked to Drago, meaning to give him a stern look, but she saw a softness in his face while he watched Giah laugh that gave her pause. It reminded her of the way she’d looked at Finn, and they way he’d looked at her, full of affection for the other person. Drago cared for Giah, deeply it seemed, and that gave Rey hope for him. He walked over to Giah, and set a hand on her shoulder.

Finally, Giah stopped laughing enough to gasp out, “Oh, Rey, I understand now why Kylo and Drago are so banged up! You told him, didn’t you? Of course you did. This is too much, all of you.”

She cleared her throat, trying to be serious now, but failing, “And you thought he’d peeped at me, too? He’d be dead if I’d caught him, you know that, right?”

Rey responded, “I thought so…”

“So then you thought we’d slept together. Oh, no, no…” More laughter, and Drago started laughing, too.

Rey stared at the both of them, pressing her lips together, not understanding what was so funny about that. “I’m glad you find me so amusing. But if you could manage to straighten up, it’s almost time for us to leave.”

This only caused them to laugh harder, Drago wiping tears from his eyes as Giah leaned her forehead on his stomach, still shaking.

“This… is not what I expected to find when I got on board,” Ben said from the door of the cockpit. Rey looked at him, relieved to see him. She just shrugged, and said, “They thought it was funny that I thought they’d slept together.”

Ben smiled slowly at her, “I see.”

Giah looked over at Ben, and pleaded, “Don’t you start, we’re just settling down!”

Ben cleared his throat, looking apologetic but still amused. “Now that the nerves are out, let’s go meet my mother.”

The mention of Leia brought a tension back to the room, all of them serious now about their task. Giah efficiently started take off procedures, and they sat in silence as they flew back over the lakes and forests of Takodana.


	36. If I Can't Breathe the Air That's Been Frozen

The short flight down to the planet’s surface was a silent one. Kylo sank deep into his thoughts, trying to decide how to deal with his mother. As the ship grew closer to the ground, he shoved his helmet on his head, still not ready to face her anywhere but behind the mask. He saw the negotiation table set up with several chairs as Giah moved the ship closer to their landing site. His stomach fluttered as they flew over the _Millennium Falcon,_ and thought they’d likely brought it instead of a basic transport shuttle to set him back on his heels.

And it did. He’d spent years learning to fly on that ship, and it had all come rushing back when he’d searched it on Starkiller Base. He forced himself to relax, and think this all through. He’d already made one tactical error in these negotiations. He didn’t know how many people his mother planned to bring with her. She’d agreed to him bringing two more people, but he hadn’t asked for a restriction on her side. It was a mistake she’d have noticed right away, and would take advantage of.

He made a mental list of the people she’d be likely to bring. They’d probably be people from his past, to make him uncomfortable, and give them the upper hand. He thought Luke’s ghost would be there, and he wondered if Giah and Drago would be able to sense him, and he figured his mother would have been flown here by Chewbacca. Uncle Chewie, who’d shot him back on Starkiller Base. Chewbacca could have killed him then, probably should have killed him then, but he hadn’t. Kylo still wasn’t sure why not.

The shuttle landed with just the slightest jostle, it was a smooth riding ship, and Giah was an excellent pilot, but it was enough to jolt Kylo out of his thoughts. He stood quickly, and moved to leave the cockpit. Rey looked at him questioningly, but he went on. She’d been letting him have the quiet to think, and she let him go alone.

“I’ll meet you at the ramp,” he tossed over his shoulder, his voice deepened from the vocalizer.

He stood at the entrance to the ramp, hand on the wall to steady himself. His stomach was in knots, and if he stood any chance in this negotiation, he would have to steel his nerves. He took several deep breaths, then felt a gentle hand on his back. _Rey_.

She said nothing, just running her hand over his back so gently he almost couldn’t feel it. What he could feel, however, was the warmth of her power running over him. Like he’d done for her after Hux’s announcement, she was soothing his frayed nerves, drawing on the light side to calm him. He turned to her, and enveloped her in his arms.

“I’m glad you’re here,” he whispered above her ear, careful not to tangle his mask in her hair.

“I wouldn’t be anywhere else,” she whispered back, her breath finding the small gap between his tunic and his helmet, sending shivers up his spine.

There was a gentle clearing of a throat behind them, and Kylo looked up to see Giah and Drago there, both with their helmets on. Kylo stepped back from Rey, releasing her from his hold. She kept a steady hand in his, and he squeezed her fingers quickly in thanks.

Giah stepped forward. “Let me go down first. It will throw them off their guard, and I can scan them to make sure they don’t have an ambush planned. If it’s safe, you all can come next.”

“Leia will feel you do it,” Rey pointed out.

“She will, but I expect she’ll likely be scanning us for signs of ambush, too,” Giah responded.

“You’ll also be able to tell us how many people she’s brought,” Kylo said, nodding his agreement to her plan. Drago was uncharacteristically quiet, only nodding his assent. Kylo inhaled sharply, then said, “All right, let’s get this done.”

Giah nodded once, then opened the ramp and started down it. Her cape fluttered behind her dramatically, and Kylo knew she’d cut an intimidating figure, not just a surprising one.

***

Giah walked down the ramp like she owned the planet. She always walked powerfully, intentionally drawing people’s attention to herself. The skirt of her robes swung around her feet, and she pushed her cape out behind her so it would billow behind her. The table and the beings behind it were still several feet away from her, but she knew she’d already captured their attention. She smirked under her mask.

She counted six beings at the table. Their faces were still shadowed by the trees above, but she recognized the Wookiee, Chewbacca, immediately. She opened her power just enough to sense the figures that were still several feet away from her. She felt their surprise at her appearance, and she was able to count five beings’ signatures in the Force, and she recognized all of them. The sixth figure had to be a droid, and it was moving back toward the ship. C-3PO, probably.

Giah kept walking straight toward them. She opened her power a little more, and felt Leia clearly in the Force. She had called the Force to her as well, and was using it to try to sense Giah. Giah allowed it, so she could focus on sensing if anyone else was on the ship. She searched the ship with her power, each nook and cranny. She’d been on the _Falcon_ a few times before, and she knew there were many, many places to hide.

She was still searching the ship when she reached the table. With her helmet on, she could focus on her search, and they wouldn’t know she wasn’t looking at them. She stood in front of them silently, and out of the corner of her eye, she saw the group look at each other, then back at her, confused by her silence. Then, briefly, she sensed something on the ship. She turned her eyes back to the people at the table, watching them intently as she opened her power further. There were two more people on the ship, a man and a woman.

_There are 6 out here, your family and Rey’s friends. But more interestingly, there are two more on the_ Falcon, she told Kylo through the Force. _I don’t sense that they’re planning an ambush, though. Neither person on the ship is Force sensitive. It’s safe to come out._

_Keep them under surveillance,_ was Kylo’s only response.

“I assume you’re one of his Knights of Ren,” Leia said, breaking the silence.

“Yes,” Giah responded.

“How long have you served under him?” Leia asked, her voice light, as if she was making small talk at any diplomatic event.

“The Temple,” Giah said, and the color drained from Leia’s face at the memory. To her credit, that was her only reaction. She didn’t even blink.

“I see. Well, I’m glad to know my son has inspired such loyalty in his subordinates,” Leia responded, her voice even. Her eyes drifted over Giah’s shoulder.

Giah felt Kylo, Rey, and Drago approaching from behind her, and stepped to the side to let them approach. She felt the shift in atmosphere just a moment too late. The young man, Finn, shouted “You!” and drew his blaster, pointing it at Drago. He moved around the table to have a better angle. Chewbacca roared, and aimed his bow caster at Drago as well, keying off of Finn’s reaction. Giah drew her saber, but left it unignited.

Drago, to Giah’s surprise, just stood there, tilted his head, and said, “Me. Do I know you?”

***

Rey had been excited to see that Leia had brought all of her friends to this negotiation, but now… now she watched in horror as Finn, then Chewbacca, drew on Drago.

“Finn, no!” She shouted, remembering what Drago was here to do if the negotiations went badly. She heard Poe shout at the same time as her, but she couldn’t quite make out what he said over Chewbacca’s roar, but Finn apparently had. Rose dropped to the ground, getting out of their way.

“If you thought Kylo Ren was a monster, this one is much, much worse!” Finn exclaimed, his blaster still aimed true. “If he’s here, they’re planning something.”

Ben answered, “He’s here for insurance, FN-2187. He only acts on my orders.”

“A monster on a leash is still a monster,” Finn spat.

“Let’s not call people monsters, Finn,” Rose said, accepting Poe’s outstretched hand up, trying to soothe Finn with her tone.

“No, he’s right, little bird; I am a monster,” Drago drawled, shrugging his shoulders, and Rose’s face flushed at his endearment. Though she had to stifle the urge to roll her eyes, Rey was struck by the difference in how Drago admitted being a monster versus how Ben had. Ben’s voice had been full of misery and self-loathing, and Drago clearly felt no such emotions. Rey wished he hadn’t come.

“Lower your weapons, Finn, Chewbacca,” Leia commanded. “We’re all here in good faith.”

Finn complied, moving closer to Poe, keeping his attention focused on Drago’s expressionless mask. Chewbacca growled his frustration, but swung his bow caster around to his back. He watched them all sharply, clearly ready to pull and fire if needed.

Leia pulled out one of the three chairs on her side of the table and sat in it, continuing, “I’d like you all to remove your masks. I like to see the eyes of the people I’m negotiating with.”

Rey looked to Ben, wondering if he’d comply with Leia’s request. If he did, the others would, but she knew how badly he wanted to keep his face hidden. He wanted to keep that separation between him and his mother, but they needed her trust for this to work. After just a few moments, Ben reached up, and Rey heard the hissing of the gears as the mask released. It was quickly followed by the hiss of two more helmets, and then Ben, Giah, and Drago stood exposed to the Resistance.

“You should feel privileged, General. Only rarely are the faces of the Knights of Ren seen,” Ben said, pulling the chair out from the table and sitting in it. There was a chair beside him, and Rey took it. Giah and Drago moved to stand behind them, and the hairs on the back of her neck stood up as Drago moved in behind her.

She cringed as she heard his voice in her head. _Relax. I may be a monster, but I don’t go after my own._

_Ugh_. That was the last thing Rey wanted to hear, but she forced herself to relax anyway. She adjusted her posture to straighten her shoulders, trying to seem cool and collected. She and Ben had gone over what they needed to tell Leia, and now she could only hope they were able to stick to the plan.

Rose and Poe stood to either side of Leia, Rose across from Rey. Like Rey had the first time she’d seen Drago’s face, Rose was having trouble looking away from him. _Don’t even think about it,_ she told Drago through the Force.

_I’ll stop if she will,_ he responded. Rey turned around to give him a dark look. He just smirked in response.

“You’re looking well, Rey,” Leia said, smiling warmly for the first time when Rey turned back around.

“Thank you, I am,” Rey said, returning her smile. She felt Ben’s eyes flick between her and Leia, and she felt his uneasiness through the Force. _Steady now,_ she said, _we can do this._ Rey felt his relief in the Force, and he gave a slight nod in acknowledgement of her.

“So, let’s get down to business, shall we? What is this meeting all about?” Leia asked, looking between Rey and her son, like she knew they were communicating through the Force.

Ben looked at Rey, and she nodded to him. He took a deep breath, and started from the beginning.

***

Kylo laid it all out for his mother. He told her about the vision they’d had; about Hux’s coup, and how he’d already decided to leave the First Order, and just lead the Knights of Ren. She looked surprised by his admissions, but a little sad. He wondered if she was thinking about his father.

“I’d planned to just let Hux have it, to not fight the coup, but then the little weasel made using the Force illegal in the Galaxy. As the only Force-using order around, Rey convinced us that the Knights of Ren should start rescuing Force users and training them.”

“In the dark side?” Leia asked, skeptical.

“And in the light. A balance of the two,” Kylo responded, seriously. He looked at Rey, and inclined his head to tell her to explain her plan.

“Like I told you before, the Force wants balance. Ben and I are a part of that, but it’s also bigger than the two of us. We think that means a balance in each user, in their training, not focusing on one side or the other, but just naturally using it. And, we’re the ones to do that,” she said.

“And where do we come in?” Leia asked.

“You have resources that we don’t. You’ve got a larger fleet than you’ve ever had, and we can add our ships to yours. We also need you to help us find and rescue Force users, while also distracting the First Order,” Kylo explained. “Then, if our visions are true, it looks like we fight Hux’s order. Neither Rey nor I have seen the end of the battle in our visions, but it looks like we stand a good chance of winning.”

“And you have inside knowledge of the First Order, you and your Knights, that you’ll share with us. You’d change sides over a vision?” Leia asked. “What if you have another that contradicts this one?”

Kylo was getting annoyed by her questions, and struggling to keep it under control. “I’m not changing sides over a vision,” he said through clenched teeth. He took a breath and then continued, “I’d rather avoid my vision, actually. I do have selfish reasons for changing sides, but ultimately, I’m doing this because I’m choosing to be with Rey. My Knights are loyal to me, not the First Order, or Snoke, or anyone else. You might not believe it, but even dark siders like us want to protect other Force users in the galaxy.”

His mother looked at him with an expression that he hadn’t seen since he was a child, and never expected to see again. It took his breath away as he held her gaze. She looked over his shoulder at Giah, then across to Drago, and then back down to Rey. He got the sense she was thinking it over, but wasn’t quite convinced.

He exhaled and shoved a hand back through his hair. “We are going to do this whether we join forces or not. It will just be slower, and we won’t be able to save as many people. But we will save some.”

“You make a compelling case. I’d like you to present it again, for the two people who gave us ships for our new fleet. They need to decide if they’re willing to help, too.” She pulled out a communicator, and activated it, telling the two people to come out. Kylo eyed the two empty chairs, realizing now why no one else had sat from his mother’s side.

The boarding ramp to the _Falcon_ lowered, and first down the ramp was Lando Calrissian, he sauntered over with his signature cape and usual swagger. The next person was an elegant woman, older than his mother by a few years, perhaps his father’s age, and she moved like she was used to power, to getting what she wanted because she wanted it.

Lando pulled out the chair for the woman, and she smiled and sat. He whispered something to her and she smiled. He greeted Leia with a kiss on the cheek, then sat and gave Kylo a hard look. _Well, he’s going to be harder to convince,_ he thought.

The woman looked at him appraisingly, then said, with an accent very similar to Rey’s, “You look so much like your father. I knew him when he was young, but I doubt you’ve heard of me. I’m Q’ira.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH HAI, Q'ira, best part of Solo.


	37. When You're So Far Away

Kylo frowned at being compared to his father. She was right, he hadn’t heard of her in relation to his father, which was curious, but he had heard of her. The First Order had had run-ins with the Crimson Dawn, and he and his Knights had been sent to deal with them more than once. They were an entrenched but slippery group, so while they’d been locally successful, they’d never brought the organization down.

But here their leader was, having apparently formed an alliance with the Resistance. He wondered briefly what that Alliance was costing his mother, but he pushed that aside.

“Do I really need to explain it all again? I suspect you’ve had that comm open this whole time so they could listen in,” Kylo said, fighting to keep the bite out of his tone.

Lando chuckled a bit. “The kid’s smart,” he said, sharing a quick look with Leia.

Kylo fixed his eyes on Lando, his mouth a serious line. His jaw worked as he ground his teeth. He felt Rey slip her hand on his knee, and her touch helped him relax the smallest bit, but it was enough. “Look, we seem to be after the same thing here. What assurances do you need from us?”

Q’ira looked like she was considering his question, her gaze sweeping over Rey and him, and then over Drago, and lingering slightly on Giah before returning to him. She tilted her chin up slightly, to look down at him from the corner of her eyes before she spoke.

“I will help you, but I want something from you in return,” she said.

Kylo looked at her appraisingly. “What do you want?”

“There is a Hutt in the Outer Rim who owes me a great deal, but won’t acknowledge the debt. I’ve heard stories of what that one,” she motioned with her chin to Drago, “can do. I want him to take care of it for me.”

He felt Rey’s shock flow through the Force at Q’ira’s request. If that shocked her, she was going to be astounded next.

“Fine,” Kylo answered, and Rey opened her mouth to protest. He shook his head to stop her. “I’ll send him after we’ve reached our destination. I may still have need of him.”

“Deal. It seems your mother is inclined to let you return to the fold, so you only need to convince Lando.” Q’ira looked to Lando, one eyebrow raised in a question.

“Oh no, no, no. I’m not going against both of you ladies. I have more sense than that,” Lando said.

Rey sighed in relief next to him. “Thank you,” she breathed.

Kylo made eye contact with his mother. “I sense hesitation from you,” he told her.

She narrowed her eyes at him. “I won’t fight this war on two fronts. I need a guarantee in this alliance.”

“What do you mean?”

“An exchange of personnel, to prevent any of us from cutting and running,” she offered. “I’ll give you some of my officers, and I’d like one or two of your Knights and a few officers.”

“And I’ll join you on your ship, for my own assurances,” Q’ira said, her eyes flicking behind Kylo to Giah again.

“Agreed. I want Finn and Rose,” Kylo said, wanting Rey to have her friends close.

“You’ll take Poe, too,” Leia said. _He did not want Poe anywhere near his ship._ Kylo’s anger flared.

“I don’t want the man you wish was your son,” he spat out, jumping out of his chair. He looked Poe straight in the face and growled, “Give him to me and I’ll kill him myself.”

The tension in the air exploded into shouts, and Kylo lost track of who was shouting what. He sensed Giah and Drago moving into more defensive positions, and he felt Rey coming closer to him.

“Ben!” Rey shouted. He felt her hand on his arm, pulling him away from the table. He let her pull him, but he continued staring at his mother. They stopped, and he vaguely registered her speaking. He felt Rey’s hands on his cheeks, and he closed his eyes and leaned into their warmth.

“Ben, we need to agree to their terms. We’re at the disadvantage here. You can’t react like this, and expect them to help us,” Rey said, her thumb rubbing his cheek. He took a ragged breath, and opened his eyes, looking into her hazel eyes.

“They know what I’m like, Rey. Who I am and what I’ve done. If they don’t want to work with us anymore, it’s not because of this. Q’ira wants to borrow Drago, so she’ll help convince the others. You should take charge now.”

Rey looked surprised, but nodded. “All right,” she agreed.

They walked back over to the group, which had settled some. Kylo glowered at Poe, who glowered right back. Rey looked annoyed with him. She stepped forward, but kept a hand on his forearm.

“Forgive the outburst, there are still some strong emotions over here. We’ll take Poe, and he won’t come to any harm while he’s with us,” Rey said, trying to pacify the group.

At the intensely skeptical looks she received, she turned back to him and asked, “Will he, Ben?”

Kylo scoffed. “We’re going to war, I can’t say he won’t be harmed with us. But, he won’t come to harm at my hands, or at my orders, that’s all I can promise.”

“Good enough for me,” Poe said, neutrally.

“We’ll make the exchange in an hour,” Leia said, her tone commanding, not that Kylo ever expected to hear a softer tone from her ever again.

He must have stood there silently too long. “Agreed,” Rey said, “And we’ll leave for Ahch-to then.”

“Bless you?” Lando said, questioning her. Rey smiled slightly, but Kylo was not amused.

“Ahch-to is the planet Luke retreated to,” Kylo said, harshly. “The First Order has no record of it, only Rey and Chewbacca have been there recently. It’s the safest place for us to gather Force sensitives and train them. Or, just house them, if they don’t want training.”

“Don’t take that tone with me, I gave you your first cloak,” Lando said, dark amusement sneaking into his own tone.

Kylo looked up at the sky. He just… couldn’t do anything else in response. He needed to be away from here and quickly.

He looked back at his mother. “We’ll leave in an hour, after everyone has exchanged people. It’s a good clip from here, so be prepared for a long journey,” Kylo said, thinking he’d managed to sound calm and collected.

Leia nodded, giving him a look he couldn’t decipher. He never could decipher her. He called his helmet to him with the Force, then turned and headed back to his shuttle, now all too aware of his own cloak flowing out behind him as he walked. He heard a snicker behind him, but it wasn’t from Lando.

“I guess you’ve always had a thing for dramatic clothes,” Rey said, taking extra long strides to come up alongside him.

He smiled down at her, and he felt the tension in his face melt away. She grasped his hand in hers, and they walked together back to the shuttle.

***

Leia watched her son’s face transform from the tormented mask of just a few moments ago, watched his shoulders relax and felt him calm through the Force as he smiled at Rey. As she took his hand and held it, he looked like her son again. When he’d been so young, before Snoke had really gotten his hooks into him. There had always been a touch of melancholy around him, but there were times when she’d seen him that relaxed.

That truly happy.

She’d been stunned when he’d laid out his vision before her, telling her simply that he was likely destined to die in that fight, and yet he was going to do it anyway. She couldn’t let him do it. She wasn’t going to lose her husband and her son in the same fight for the Galaxy.

She’d find a way to change his destiny. She’d bend destiny to her will if she had to.

She wouldn’t be the first Skywalker to do it.


	38. I Just Need a Simple Kind of Way to Keep You Closer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The gang's all here.

A little more than an hour later, Kylo stood on the deck of the _Finalizer,_ watching as each ship made the leap into hyperspace. He’d ended up trading about half of his bridge staff, and he was lucky the ones he’d received in return were competent enough to manage the destroyer’s systems.

He had also reunited Rey with her friends, and given his mother, Lando, and Q’ira’s fleets each one of his Knights, keeping Drago and Giah with him. He’d also gained Q’ira herself. Her motives for being there were not clear to him. He tried sensing her through the Force, and she’d laughed, saying not to bother. She’d worked for Darth Maul, she’d said, and though she wasn’t a Force user herself, she knew a little something about keeping one out of her head.

She’d gone with the others to find quarters to settle in for the long journey to Ahch-to. They were taking a more circuitous route than Chewbacca and Rey had so they could avoid any First Order strongholds.

The line of ships immediately in front of him jumped to hyperspace, and he gave the signal for the _Finalizer_ to join them. Once they were in hyperspace, he left the bridge to go in search of Rey.

He found her in the training gym, showing her friends around. He’d assigned them quarters in the crew area, instead of giving them quarters on the same floor as the one he and Rey shared. Her friends had asked which room was hers, and he’d been darkly pleased when the two men had sputtered in reaction to her telling them their _\- as in hers and his -_ quarters were two floors up. A nasty, petty part of him had wanted to give them quarters there, and then make Rey scream in pleasure every night to stake his claim, to show them who she’d chosen.

But he didn’t, and he thought that showed real growth on his part. Rey hadn’t noticed him yet, or if she had, she gave no indication of it, so he just stood and watched her interact with her friends. The two men looked appraisingly around the gym, and he heard them talking about starting their daily training with Rey up again. Rey readily agreed, telling them about the lightsaber she’d built and how she’d be better able to block blaster bolts. Jealousy threatened to rear its ugly head again— _why didn’t she want to train with him?_ —but he stamped it down as quickly as it came up. He hadn’t asked her if she wanted to train together, and they still had to get past all the times he’d assumed she’d wanted him to train her in whatever thing she was trying to do.

Her friend Rose was quiet as she followed, the small BB unit rolling between her and the men. He knew from Rey’s stories about her that she was the most in favor of their relationship, and that gave Kylo hope that the other two would come around eventually. He knew it was difficult for Rey to be pulled in different directions, and he would do anything to make her happy. And, if she wanted it, and she probably did, he would make himself get along with FN-21-, _no,_ he corrected himself, _with Finn,_ and Poe, too. He’d start with Rose, though.

Rey bloomed when she was with her friends. There was a glow to her that he hadn’t seen lately, and he couldn’t get enough. The intensity of the way he watched her changed, his eyes drifting away from her face and roving over her body. He loved the slight curve of her hip, the athletic lines to her body. His blood was rushing to a certain part of his anatomy as he noticed her ears starting to turn bright red.

_So she had sensed him here_. He smiled to himself, and waited for her to acknowledge him. He let his thoughts wander further, imagining stalking over, throwing her over his shoulder and taking her to bed. She stuttered as she was talking about creating a moving mediation routine for the new trainees, and Kylo knew he had her full attention. It didn’t seem like her friends had noticed him yet, they were all so far away from the entrance of the gym.

_I have another idea for a_ training _exercise, if you’re interested,_ he told her through their bond. She trailed off what she was saying and coughed as he watched her, and she finally looked over at him, and he could see the desire in her eyes from there. Her three friends followed her change of attention, Finn and Poe’s eyes narrowing almost in unison, while Rose’s eyes widened and lit up.

“Am I interrupting?” He asked, too innocently. Rey turned red as a beet, and her throat worked as she swallowed.

Finn started forward, “Yes, in fact, you are. If you’ll—ow!”

Kylo smiled as Rose gave Finn a sharp jab with her elbow. Yes, he liked Rose already. Rose spoke, “Rey was giving us a tour of the training gym, and talking about her plans for training people in controlling the Force. I wonder if some of the exercises might still be useful for those of us who aren’t Force sensitive.”

“Probably. Everyone could benefit from learning to control their minds and body with movement and meditation,” Kylo said, and was pleased when the others, including Rey, gaped at him for his answer.

He smiled darkly, “I trained to be a Jedi, remember. Some of that stuff sticks around.”

“So you really could teach people how to balance both sides?” Rose asked.

Kylo raised his eyebrows and looked thoughtful. “We’ll see.”

He heard Rey’s quick intake of breath when he said those words, remembering when he’d said them before, and he flicked his eyes over to her. He felt himself flush at her expression, and he had to get them out of there.

“Well, as nice as this has been, there’s something I need to do. Rey, can you help me with it?”

She’d agreed before he’d finished the question, and he felt a rush of satisfaction at her eagerness.

“What should we do?” Finn asked.

Kylo looked over to him, meeting his eyes. “Whatever you want. You’re guests here, not prisoners. There’s a computer over there if you need to find a map of the ship. Your quarters are two floors down, and there’s a canteen there. The turbo lift is at the end of this corridor.”

In the time it had taken him to say all that, Rey had made it over to him. She left the gym first, and he followed her, making sure she felt him enjoying the view of her backside. He heard her giggle slightly. He loved that she was starting to giggle around him, he loved how he affected her. _He loved her._

Once they were safely through the door, Kylo picked Rey up, and threw her over his shoulder to run down the corridor. She laughed freely, then quieted quickly, speaking in hushed tones.

“My friends just came out of the gym! Oh, Force take us, they can see you running with me slung over your shoulder.” She sounded somewhat miserable at the idea.

“What? Don’t they already know you’re living with me?” He asked, amused.

“Knowing it and seeing it are two different things!” She said, her voice muffled by his shoulder.

“Well, all that’s changed is now they really know what we do behind closed doors,” he said, opening the door to his quarters. The door closed behind them as he dropped her on to the bed and he bent down to kiss her senseless.

Having her fingers in his hair always gave him goosebumps. Kylo groaned against Rey’s lips as she added a bit of pressure to rub his scalp, releasing some of the tension from his body. He dropped his head to give her better access, tucking into the curve of her shoulder. She continued rubbing his head, and he shivered when she lightly ran her fingers around the curve of his ears.

He raised his head back up, and covered her mouth with his, deepening the kiss as he lowered himself down to her, her legs spreading automatically to accommodate him. He pressed into the cradle of her legs, his cock pulsing from her moan of pleasure.

She put a hand on his chest, pushing against him slightly, and he broke the kiss to look at her questioningly. “What is it?” He asked.

“I want to undress you,” she said, blushing a little. Kylo smiled slowly and stood up. She followed him as he turned away from the bed.

Her hands were tentative as she worked the buttons at the neck of his tunic loose, and he held his breath as her fingers slid over the sensitive skin at his collarbone. The open buttons created a diagonal line from his neck to his shoulder joint, and she exhaled her desire as her eyes wandered over the tight muscles of his shoulder and neck. Her hands followed her eyes, and he groaned as she squeezed lightly.

She moved her hands to the hem of his tunic, and lifted it up his chest as far as she could reach. He grabbed the tunic and ripped it over his head, and tossed it across the room so she could continue her silent exploration of his body. She spread her palms across his pectoral muscles, humming in appreciation, and he felt like he was going to burst out of his pants. He heaved a ragged breath as she stepped closer, winding her arms around him to feel his back muscles.

All he could hear was the blood in his ears as she ran her fingernails down his back, stilling at his waistband. She slipped her hands underneath it, and ran them around his hips until she found the button of his pants. He was breathing heavily, his chest heaving as she undid his button, drawing down the zipper so slowly it was almost painful. His underwear just barely contained his erection as she dropped to her knees to pull each pant leg down to his boots.

Kylo was in agony. He’d meant for this time to be slower, yes, but she was torturing him with her quiet inspection of him. He sat down on the bed to take his boots off for her, and finished pulling his pants off. She motioned for him to stand back up, and he shook his head.

“No. It’s your turn,” he said, his voice a growl. He felt her growing excitement through the Force as he said, “Take off your clothes, slowly.”

Her eyes darkened with her arousal. She turned slightly, and bent to take off her boots, showing off the glorious curve of her ass, and he groaned appreciatively. Next, she wiggled her leggings down her hips, without taking off her long tunic. He was grateful for the high slits on both sides. They were meant to allow her full movement in a fight, but they had the added benefit of highlighting the strong muscles of her legs.

Kylo let his hand drift over his cock as it strained against the thin fabric of his shorts as she removed her panties. He gripped the head of himself, hard, as he watched Rey twirl in the tunic. The skirt of it floated around her body, almost, _almost_ , revealing the mound of her pussy. When she stopped, she fixed him with a look so sensual it boiled his blood. She gripped the waist of the garment, and slowly pulled it up past her thighs, then slowly up over her head, letting her breasts bounce out from under it.

Finally, Rey stood naked before him, and he could hardly draw his breath. “Fuck, you’re gorgeous,” he said, between rough breaths. Her smile was joyous, and he saw her flush a bit from the way he watched her. He felt like tearing his underwear off his body, but instead, he stood, and pulled them down over his hips, kicking them away.

They came together in a crushing embrace, and Kylo turned her back to the bed, letting her lie down on it. He joined her there, hovering over her, pushing her knees back to give him greater access to her body.

He ran the head of himself between her folds once, then twice as she moaned for him. He coated himself in her wetness, and she shivered in anticipation. “Ready?” He asked her.

“Please,” she breathed, “Please, Ben.”

He slid himself into her. “Damn, baby, you’re pussy’s so tight around me,” he said, his voice deep. Her breath caught, and he set a steady rhythm, her hips rising to meet his thrusts. He felt the ridge of his head pull against her soft walls, and he bit his lip from the pleasure of it. Her muscles clenched around him as he thrusted, testing his stamina, making him groan into her shoulder.

She lifted her hips to wrap her legs around him, and he put a hand under her to lift her further, balancing on his other arm, so he could hit her most sensitive spot. She cried out, and he knew he’d found it. He sped up, driving into her, making her keen with each stroke. He felt her muscles quiver around him, and he knew she was getting close. He leaned back on his knees, adjusting his position so he could use his other hand to press against her clit.

He continued his punishing pace, ignoring his own need to spend himself, using his thumb to rub against her. She squeaked as he touched her, and if it was possible, he grew harder when he found how swollen her clit was. “Fuck, that’s my girl,” he said, roughly.

Rey’s breath was coming in ragged pants and high pitched squeaks, and it was so good Kylo couldn’t hold himself off any longer. He took the palm of his hand and pressed hard against Rey’s clit, giving her the pressure she wanted, and she shattered after two more strokes of his cock. She cried out his name, her muscles clenching and quivering and _milking_ him, and he finally let himself go. His orgasm had him gritting his teeth, his own muscles seizing as he spent himself in her sweet, sweet body. He dropped his head down to her shoulder, groaning and panting in pleasure that was almost pain.

He lowered himself down on top of her, to kiss her and pull her body close to his. Rey wrapped her arms around him, holding him tight. He pulled out of her as he softened, and he shifted himself to lie next to her. They lay there, basking in the bliss of their lovemaking, until it was interrupted by the loud growl of Rey’s stomach.

Kylo chuckled as Rey flushed. She covered her face with her hands, but a second growl had her laughing.

Kylo moved her hands from her face, and kissed her cheek. “That’s probably the highest compliment you can give me. Come on, let’s get you more of that barbecue,” he said, still chuckling.

“That was amazing,” Rey said, wistfully.

“It really was,” Kylo replied, pulling his clothes back on. “We’re good together.”

“Oh. Yes, that too,” Rey said, too quickly. Kylo raised an eyebrow at her as he buttoned his tunic back up.

“You were talking about the food, just now, weren’t you?” Kylo asked, sardonically.

“Yep,” Rey said, pulling her tunic on over her head.

“Yep,” Kylo repeated, watching her wiggle back into her leggings. “Thought so.”


	39. 'Cause You're Every Part of Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Rey and Rose. Why couldn't we have seen them together in TROS?? ugh.

After the second day of the trip to Ahch-to, Rey fell back into the routine she’d spend almost six weeks creating with her friends on the base on Felucia. She met Finn and Poe in the training gym in the mornings, Ben joining them sometimes, but it was so awkward that he went back to training with Giah and Drago. Rey spent her afternoons with Rose, like they used to on base. They didn’t have anything to tinker with, especially not on the scale of those ships they’d found in the abandoned Clone Wars-era base, so they started a new contest.

Today, they had set up in the sitting area of the quarters Rey shared with Ben. Rose had been uncomfortable there at first, but by the third edition of their competition, they’d been banished from the training gym, the canteen, and the conference spaces. Rose’s crew quarters were much smaller, and here, they could fit a larger table, and the space was long enough to have a target set up at the far end of the room.

“Okay, I’m setting the countdown now,” Rose said, tapping at her datapad. She sat it down next to the small holopad Rey’d snuck out of the conference room last time they’d been in it. The holopad projected numbers for them both to see, and when the countdown ended, they pounced on the blasters in front of them. The holopad started, displaying a clock with the time down to the millisecond.

Rey started by removing the power pack, setting it to the side. Rose had done the same, and was using her spanner to take apart the chassis of the blaster. Rey picked up her spanner, and set to work. There were just a few screws to remove, then she was in. She laid the pieces of the metal to the side, then began to unwind the wires connecting the power pack chassis to the rest of the blaster’s mechanisms.

She glanced at the clock, then at Rose’s progress. Rose was ahead, but just barely. Her small hands were flying as she disconnected each of the wires and set them to the side. Rey picked up her pace, pulling wires like a woman possessed.

“You’re falling behind, Tico,” Rey said, hoping to distract her from her driving pace.

“Not likely, Solo,” Rose retorted, and Rey froze, the wires hanging limply in her hands.

“That’s not my name,” Rey said, weakly, feeling a little dizzy. _It could be, though. All she had to do was ask him for it_ , she thought, wondering what it would be like to be more than Rey from Jakku.

Rose barely spared her a glance up from her work. “But it had the right effect, didn’t it?”

Rey shook herself, and tried to get back on task. She looked at Rose’s work, and then at the clock. She worked double time, twisting the muzzle off and setting it down upright. The trigger mechanism was next, followed by the cooling coils. She was almost finished disassembling the blaster when she heard Rose slap her hand down on the holopad, setting her time. Then she started reassembling the blaster in front of her. Rey quickly hit the holopad to set her own time, then blocked out everything except for the pieces of blaster in front of her. She took a deep breath, and let her hands fly.

Rey clicked the power pack back in place, and she heard Rose’s power pack click in at the same time. Now it was down to who was faster stopping the clock.

Time seemed to slow down as Rey brought her hand down to the holopad, Rose’s following hers down. Rey’s hand hit the holopad, at the same time Rose’s hand hit the top of Rey’s hand. Rey leapt up from the table in celebration.

“What do you think of that, Tico! Coming from behind!” Rey laughed as pumped her arms in the air.

“Whatever, girl. We still have to test them,” Rose said, amusement creeping into her voice.

They left the table, and Rey marked off twenty paces from the makeshift target they’d set up. Rose had snuck into the laundry and taken several pillows, and they’d strapped them to the back of a chair. Since Rey had hit the holopad first, she got to shoot first. That also meant if her build was at all inaccurate, she’d lose her hand first. But, she couldn’t think like that. She trusted her skills.

Well, her mechanical skills, anyway. She’d gotten better at shooting, but she still wasn’t the crack shot she hoped to be one day. To compensate, they’d put the target away from any viewports and doors that lead somewhere other than a closet or refresher. She carefully aligned the sight on the blaster with the center of the pillow target, and pulled the trigger.

The blaster fired flawlessly, and struck the target ever so slightly off center. What they hadn’t accounted for, in their need to tinker, was that pillows would not make a good target. Especially not First Order flagship issue pillows, which were apparently filled with some kind of down. Rey and Rose coughed as feathers flew through the air after the first pillow on the stack exploded.

Rey set her blaster aside, staring wide-eyed as the feathers settled on to every surface in the room.

Rose’s eyes crinkled with delight. “Well,” she said, drawing out the vowels so the word sounded more like _wheel_ than _well._ “I’m torn. On the one hand, I need to test my blaster, you know, for science. But, on the other, I feel the need to cause further destruction to your quarters.”

“Those are not two different options, Rose,” Rey said, blowing feathers away from her face.

“I know. Stand back!” Rose lined up her blaster, and shot the target again. Her blaster also fired flawlessly, and as expected, the second pillow exploded from the force of the shot, sending another round of several thousand feathers into the air.

“All we had on base were some kind of poly-blend filled pillows,” Rose said, catching some of the biggest feathers and rubbing them between her hands. “This is so soft!”

“This is the softest mayhem I’ve ever seen,” Rey said, dryly. “Okay. Rose. We need to get serious. How are we going to get this cleaned up?”

As if on cue, Rey heard the pneumatic door hiss open behind them. Rose’s eyes went wide with shock, and though she tried to quickly put the blaster behind her back, it was snatched from her hands and flew around Rey. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw her blaster fly, too.

She turned slowly, to face Ben, dual wielding blasters, looking horrified at the state of their rooms. Rey ran a hand over her hair, which she’d thankfully had pulled back into a single braid, and shook her hand to dislodge the twenty or so feathers that had come with her hand.

“I don’t know whether to laugh or cry, Rey,” Ben said, not even a hint of amusement in his voice. Rey realized then he hadn’t come alone. Spilling through the doorway came Giah and Poe, then Finn and Drago. Each of them had the same expression, horrified amusement.

“We heard the blaster fire,” Poe said, shaking his head.

“What were you all doing together?” Rose asked, suspiciously.

“We were training in the gym,” Giah said. Rey suspected Rose’s expression mirrored her own. If her eyebrows stretched up any higher, they’d become part of her hair.

“No, we weren’t training together, little bird. We have an invisible line in the middle of the gym that no one crosses,” Drago clarified with a roll of his eyes toward Finn and Poe. He started toward Rose, but Finn looked panicked, and almost ran to beat Drago to Rose. Drago shrugged when Finn passed him and stayed where he was.

Finn started picking feathers out of Rose’s hair, saying something about the sheer amount of them, but Rose swatted him away. He gave an affronted huff, but stopped picking at her hair. “What happened in here?” Finn asked, finally taking in the full scope of the feather damage.

Poe answered him, “It looks like one of their contests. What are the scores, ladies?”

“This trip or overall?” Rey asked. Ben’s head snapped toward her, surprise taking over his expression.

“Both,” Giah said. Ben gave her a dark look. “What? I’m curious.”

Rey sighed. “Rose is up by two this trip. Overall, I’m ahead, just barely.”

“By one, you mean,” Rose said, proudly.

“And what is your competition, exactly?” Giah asked.

“We take things apart and put them back together, if there’s nothing that needs repair. If something needs repair, we compete to see who can do it the best the fastest,” Rey answered.

Giah nodded, looking interested. “Can anyone join in, or is it a closed contest?”

Rey looked at Rose, questioningly, and Rose nodded. Rey turned back to Giah. “If you can keep up with us, you can join in.”

“No,” Ben said sternly, drawing all eyes back to him.

“Why not?” The three women asked immediately.

“This has already gone too far. No more contests on the ship.” He replied, his tone commanding.

Drago snickered. “You’re just mad your quarters are covered in feathers. Let the ladies have their fun.”

“Let the _ladies_ have their fun?” Giah asked, staring at Drago like she’d just smelled the worst garbage in the galaxy. “What bullshit. You know you wanted in, too.”

Drago just shrugged, and winked at her. They continued bickering, Rose, Finn, and Poe joining in their mock argument. Rey rolled her eyes, and looked back at Ben, who’d taken advantage of the distraction to holster both blasters and set them on the table. He wandered over to their bed, and started brushing feathers off. She walked over to him, and put a gentle hand on his arm.

“We’ll get one of the cleaner droids to come and sweep this up,” her voice was low as she ran her hand up and down his thick forearm. “Let’s get rid of the others and have a nice sanisteam.”

He looked down at her, his eyes still heated, but now more from lust than anger. “You have a lot to make up for, little girl.”

Rey felt like she was on fire. Her blood rushed in her ears, all thoughts of her bickering friends leaving her head. Ben smiled slowly at her, and then turned to look over his shoulder.

“All of you, get out of here,” he shouted. The bickering suddenly stopped, and Rey didn’t turn to find out if everyone was staring at them. She felt her cheeks heat as she heard the hiss of the door open and close. Ben went over to the comm unit, and called for a cleaning droid.

“Now. What were you saying about a nice sanisteam?” Ben growled, picking her up and carrying her to the refresher. Rey wound her arms around his neck, and pressed a kiss to his pulse. He set her on her feet when they’d gone through the door, and pulled her close for a devastating kiss as the door closed behind them.

***

When they emerged almost an hour later, their rooms were totally free of feathers. Rey sat down on the freshly cleaned bed, and looked seriously at Ben.

“You can’t restrict Rose and my contests,” she said. “They’re important for keeping our mechanical skills up to par.”

“This is my ship. I can restrict what I want to,” he responded, his tone even.

“Why would you want to?” Rey asked, incredulous.

“In the space of a few days, you two melted through a canteen table, left a purple cast on the screen in my private conference room - yes, I know you fixed that,” he said when her mouth dropped open to protest.

“And the best part,” he continued, “you covered our quarters in feathers. Frankly, you two are a menace to this ship.”

Rey felt herself blush. So their contests hadn’t been perfect, but not all of them had gone wrong.

“If you want to keep your skills up, both of you go down to the hangar tomorrow and see what ships still need repairs and optimizations.” Rey felt herself light up. She leapt up and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

“Thank you! I can’t wait to tell Rose we get to work on ships again,” she said, giddy with the idea.

His nod was his only acknowledgement of her thanks. He was so unused to people thanking him, she could feel through the Force he was feeling overwhelmed and unsure. She grasped his hand, and brought him back down to the bed.

“Let’s have some food brought up, and take the night off, Ben,” she said. “There’s this holo-drama out of Coruscant that Finn introduced me to the other day, and I think you’ll like it.”

He leaned back on the pillows. “Holo-drama, huh?”

“I know, I’m not much of a drama person myself. But this one is captivating. You’ll see,” she said, pulling the datapad over to order their food from the kitchen.

When the food arrived, Rey retrieved it as Ben yelled at the holoprojector. “That’s the exact opposite of what they should be doing! ARGH! Rey, why won’t he admit his feelings?!”

Rey shook her head, chuckling to herself.


	40. Am I Everything You Need?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time Jump!

_Three months later._

For the first time in years, Kylo came out of hyperspace with the sense that he was going home. He was piloting his own command shuttle, returning with Q’ira from a meeting of their senior leadership. Lando disliked living on his ship, so he’d found a nearby system with a planet that fit his specifications. Ahch-to did not. He’d laughed when he’d come down to the surface to see where Rey had wanted to set up their training village. “You can’t expect me to live _here_. There aren’t any tailors, any restaurants, _nothing_!”

He was less than an hour away by hyperspace, and Kylo figured with the ships they had they could hold out that long against the First Order if they showed up. He was happy not to have two of his grumpy uncles hanging around.

As he guided the ship through its descent, he watched the island grow larger in his view. Dense fog circled up the island’s elevations, originating from the vast ocean surrounding it. Kylo had the same feeling every time he passed over the island, this feeling of home. Some of the feeling was from coming home to Rey, but the rest… he’d seen this island over and over in his own dreams after witnessing it in hers. This was the island he’d seen in Rey’s mind when he’d interrogated her on Starkiller Base. Like it was calling to him, too.

_Had he known then_ … he shook his head, smiling just slightly. He probably would have tossed her over his shoulder and brought her here, willing or not.

When they’d first arrived at the little island village where Luke had hermited himself away, Rey had shown him the rubble of the hut that she’d been in when they’d touched hands through the Force. The Caretakers, she said they were called, had started to rebuild it before the ships had arrived, but they had only finished the foundation.

He and Rey had decided to stay on the planet’s surface, instead of in orbit. Rey picked a hut at the top of the hill, near the old temple where Rey had learned how to access the Force on her own. She’d shown him the mosaic of the Prime Jedi, which showed a balance between the light and the dark sides of the Force. They’d given the people staying behind on the planet their choice of huts, and they’d turned the remaining structures into living quarters for several students to share.

The Caretakers, the little green females who dressed like they belonged in a mission, cornered him one day early on with a pile of Luke’s belongings. They held them out expectantly, but he refused to take them. He didn’t want Luke’s lightsaber, or anything of his. They kept trying, day after day, until Kylo had pulled his lightsaber in a fit of rage and cut through a stone bench. The Caretaker gave him an exasperated look, and took the items away. They didn’t try anymore after that. In fact, he rarely saw them after that incident.

Now, three months later, they were expecting the latest transport ship of Force sensitives who’d agreed to come train with them. Leia was leading the effort to find the sensitives, and convincing them to come back with her. They were only after people who had already shown an affinity for the Force. They were hoping that others, like Rey, who had latent but untapped abilities, would be able to stay hidden.

Thankfully, Finn and Poe had elected to go with his mother, in case they were attacked. Kylo had sent T’Chai and Rogmi in opposite directions of his mother, with the same directive. They each had a small fleet with them. With the three spread out around the galaxy, they were receiving regular, if small, influxes of students.

The remaining Force users split up the duties of training the new recruits. Kylo and Drago worked on bladesmanship, and on marksmanship. They had few training sabers; instead, they used the Z6 riot batons from the destroyers’ armories. Drago had always been an excellent shot, and was a surprisingly patient instructor. Kylo was not. More often than not, Drago taught classes alone.

Their students were of all ages, so they further divided them by age. The children were trained just on controlling the Force, pulling it to them and learning to shield themselves. Giah took point on this, being the best controller of the Force Kylo had ever seen. She was calm with the children, and they were drawn to her.

She was completely honest with them about the risks and why they needed to learn. Rey had thought this would scare the children, but Giah managed to deliver the message in a way that made them determined to learn and grow. _They’re perfectly capable of understanding their situation,_ Giah had said. And they were, as it turned out.

Rey, really still student herself, took charge of teaching the students balance and meditation. She had the benefit of never having been indoctrinated into a Force order, so she didn’t have any hang ups when it came to balancing her use of the Force. He’d overheard her explaining the dark side to the group, telling them that it was just as natural as the light, but it could easily be abused, and to be careful with it. She told them it was like the moon to the sun, winter to the summer, death to life. She told them to instinctively pull the Force, and share how it felt.

That day, two of the youngest students said the Force felt cold, while everyone else said warm. Rey had knelt in front of them, taking one of their hands in each of hers. _Are you frightened?_ she’d asked. They’d nodded. She told them they were safe here. She said the dark side often comes first when we’re scared, because it is the easiest to pull.

_If you are in a situation where you need to protect yourself or someone else, use whatever comes,_ she told them gently. _Other times, think about what you want to do. Do you need raw power, or do you need finesse? Can you do the same thing with either side of the Force? If so, try using the light side, it won’t cause the same harm to your mind and body as the rawness of the dark side will._

Kylo had considered her words for himself that day. It was funny, he felt like she was teaching him more than he’d ever learned from any of his formal training. He caught sight of courtyard below them in the post-dawn light, and he smiled broadly when he saw the figures there practicing. Rey had not wanted to interrupt the new students’ routines by attending with Kylo, so it had been days since he’d seen her in person.

He guided the ship down to the flat area large enough for his shuttle. The fog was denser here. It was well below the village, but still high enough to be out of reach of the high waves that battered the island during storms. The shuttle jostled a little as the ship touched down. Kylo completed his post-flight checks, powering down the shuttle. The U-shaped wings lowered, and thumped into place.

The ship’s communication system buzzed, and Q’ira’s voice sounded through the speaker. “I’m lowering the ramp now, thanks for the lift.”

“No problem,” he responded. He still wasn’t sure why Q’ira was here. When he stood up and looked out of the cockpit’s viewport, he got his answer.

Coming down the steps was Giah. She met Q’ira at the bottom of the steps, and they shared a quick kiss. It was familiar in the way of intimate couples, and Kylo raised his eyebrows in surprise.

“Whoa,” he said aloud to himself. He watched as they linked arms and walked back up the steps to the village.

Kylo smiled as they disappeared from view. It had been a long time since he’d seen Giah with someone, and he was glad for her. He hadn’t noticed them growing closer. He’d seen them talking closely, and walking together, but he hadn’t suspected a relationship growing between them. Their age difference was one reason, and the other was Giah tended to prefer alien women to human women.

Truth be told, it was hard for the Knights of Ren to maintain relationships of any sort, except with each other. Especially under Snoke, who actively turned his subordinates against each other, and separated the Knights as often as possible. But, they’d always been bonded by their shared experiences, and found ways to stay in communication with each other.

Kylo was still smiling as he disembarked from the shuttle. He made his way up the steep hills, back to the little training courtyard Rey had set up. When he arrived, he stood at the back, watching Rey lead the group in her moving meditation. They moved slowly, deliberately, through the moves, focusing on centering themselves with the Force.

Even those who weren’t Force sensitive, like Q’ira and Rose, often joined in the morning sessions. He saw Drago stagger down the steps and slip in the back row. Drago often complained about the early morning session, and was often late, but he never missed it.

Most mornings, Kylo liked to watch from above, keeping track of the students’ progress. But this morning, he had other plans. He slipped through the dense fog, skirting unseen behind the group. He knew she’d sensed him; he’d felt her awareness spike in the Force as he made his way up to their shared hut. All he had to do now was wait.

***

Rey had sensed him the minute his shuttle had broken the atmosphere. She’d exhaled the tension she’d felt in her body since he’d left days ago. She felt his presence when he moved past her students as they finished their morning meditation. Usually, she kept the class after a few minutes to allow them to silently meditate while they stood, but this morning, she dismissed them to their small groups right away.

Moving slowly up the steps to their hut was doing nothing for the ache between her legs. Each rub of her thigh as she climbed intensified the sensation, so that by the time she reached the door, she was panting more from anticipation rather than exertion.

The crooked little wooden door creaked as it always did, but Rey’s senses were so overloaded by want that she jumped a little bit. Her chest heaved as she tried to catch her breath, looking around the room for Ben. The single room was lit only by the dim morning sun, finally breaking through the fog, as it streamed through the door.

He was there, but she couldn’t see him. He’d closed the shutters, but she heard the soft padding of his feet on the stone floor. She knew she’d see him soon. Opening her senses to the Force, his desire for her washed over her like the wild waves that crashed at the base of the island. She slowly closed the door behind her, and as the creak subsided, all that was left was the sound of their heavy breaths.

She heard him moving again, his quiet footfalls bringing him ever closer to her. The tiny hairs on the back of her neck stood up as he came up behind her, his breath on her neck making her shiver.

“Ben,” she sighed as he pressed a kiss to the side of her neck.

He ran his hands over her shoulders, and down her arms, applying a gentle pressure that made her knees buckle from relief. She sagged against him as he continued rubbing the soreness from her forearms. He rested his chin on her shoulder as he worked.

“I missed you,” he breathed.

“I missed you, too,” she said, leaning her head back on his shoulder. She realized, belatedly, that he wasn’t wearing a shirt. He probably wasn’t wearing pants, either, and she felt a rush of wetness in response to her realization.

He finished with her arms, and ran his hands over her stomach, down to her hips, and around to her behind. She gasped as he slid one of his hands between her legs, but she let out a deep, long, moan when he pressed his fingers against her. She felt her muscles clenching around nothing, and she found herself wishing he’d just tear her clothes off and get to it.

Ben’s breath caught. “Shit, Rey, I can _smell_ you. Fuck,” he groaned.

He lifted her off her feet and carried her to their bed. He laid her on it, and she leaned up to pull her simple exercise shirt over her head. He pulled her pants down over her hips, and tossing them across the room. He bent briefly, and pushed her thighs open. He deeply licked her core, groaning into her as she grabbed fistfuls of his hair. She squirmed as he flicked his tongue over her clitoris, the roughness of his tongue amplified by how swollen she was.

Ben stood to move over her, his face shiny from her wetness. He grinned as he climbed on the bed, pushing her knees back. Rey ran her hands over his forearms, grabbing his elbows as he pushed into her. The fullness she felt, finally having him inside her, brought her nearly to orgasm right away.

He bent to kiss her, and she tasted the musk of her wetness on his lips. She pushed her hands into his hair, holding him to her as he pulled back out of her, only to slid agonizingly slowly back into her. She planted her feet to lift her hips to better accommodate him, which had the blessed effect of pushing him into the sensitive place deep inside her. She moaned into his mouth as he adjusted his rhythm to give her what she needed.

She lifted her hips to meet him, panting into each strike of her spot, crying out when he shifted his grip to hold her hips in the air against him. He slid off the bed, pulling her to the edge with him. He held onto her legs, propping them up against his left shoulder.

“Yes... _yes, there...”_ was all she could say as he pounded into her, and she saw white as her orgasm shattered over her. He slowed slightly, breathing hard himself, as she quaked around him.

He started moving again as she felt herself floating down from the high of her release, reaching down and taking hold of her breast. He rocked into her, rubbing his thumb over her taut nipple, making her wriggle beneath him. He smiled at her wickedly, and bent over to lick a hot stripe over it, as she expelled a ragged breath. He had her bent almost in half under him as he continued to tease her nipple with his tongue while driving himself into her.

Rey was so overwhelmed by the sensations wracking her body that all she could do was grip the mattress. She made little high pitched, helpless noises as he worked her.

“Oh, Rey, those little sounds are driving me wild...” he said, leaving her breast. He kissed her mouth, and she responded fiercely as her body clamped down on him again for a second release. She keened into his mouth as she came, and she felt him seize and shudder inside her with his own release. He collapsed next to her, grunting as another spasm overtook him.

He slid out of her body, and gathered her up close to him. She laid her head on his upper arm, pushing a strand of his hair behind his ear. He turned his face toward her hand, and she let it rest on the scar she’d given him just months before, though now it felt as though it had happened another lifetime ago.

He sighed as she ran her fingers over the ruined skin, the scar fainter now, though it would always be visible. She cuddled closer to him as his breathing steadied, and she closed her eyes to doze with him.

“I love you, Rey,” he said, his voice thick with sleep.

“I love you, too, Ben,” she said, smiling.


	41. Are You Craving Me the Same Way?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LIGHTSABER SPARRING LIGHTSABER SPARRING

Rey woke about an hour later to the feeling that she’d forgotten something. She untangled herself from Ben, his breath coming deep and steady, and slipped out of the bed. She dressed simply, in a clean white sleeveless shirt and black leggings, hooking her lightsaber holster around her waist and her thigh. She moved silently to leave the hut, pausing only to drop a quick kiss on Ben’s forehead.

She was so focused on keeping the door from sounding the alarm that when she turned around and saw Giah leaning on the wall of the nearest hut she started in surprise. She pressed her hand to her chest, trying to physically still the rush of her heartbeat.

Giah only smiled. “I thought you might forget our appointment,” she said, looking pointedly at the door Rey just closed.

Rey shrugged and started toward the stone staircase. “I thought you might, too, since Q’ira came back. I didn’t think she was supposed to,” Rey replied, letting the thought trail off, hoping Giah would pick up the thread.

“I didn’t think she was either, but who can resist this?” Giah laughed, motioning to her her body.

Rey smiled, “So, it’s getting serious?”

“I wouldn’t say that. Neither of us are particularly interested in a relationship, but we’re enjoying the time we have together,” Giah replied thoughtfully.

They continued walking down the stone steps, passing several residential huts. There were several people out and about, both students and crew from the ships who were taking shore leave on the planet. Most people waved, but Rey was able to tell the former First Order officers from the rest. They never failed to come to attention around one of the Knights of Ren. The protocol was so ingrained that it was nearly impossible to break it. But for some, fear kept them in the old protocols far longer than it was needed.

Down past the training courtyard the stone steps became more like large groups of pebbles and boulders than actual steps. Rey had been down these almost makeshift steps many times over the past several weeks, and she was able to quickly pick her way down. She noticed Giah coming down just as smoothly. Finally, they reached the flats.

Under the shade of the hillside, Ben and the Knights had roped off a small square to serve as a training ring. Some officers used it for boxing or other martial arts, but the Knights used it to spar with lightsabers. The first time it was used, Rey had recalled watching Ben and Giah spar on Takodana, recalled being in awe of how they pulled their strikes, only leaving the smallest burn on each other to signify a hit.

When it was Rey’s turn to enter the ring, she hadn’t done it with Ben. Too often, she found herself emulating his style of fighting. What she really wanted from training was to find her own style, and that meant not fighting with the person who she knew inside and out. Ben hadn’t taken it well. Even weeks later, they still didn’t discuss it, though Rey knew he’d watched her training. She’d watched him, too.

Which had revealed an entirely different problem. Watching him spar, either with a saber or barehanded, was glorious. He was sure of himself, dangerous, and so, _so_ sexy when he fought. And the skill he had with his lightsaber…It was a distraction she did not need.

So here she was, ready to catch the dampener she used while sparring. She always used them, she didn’t trust herself not to, yet. When it didn’t come, she looked at Giah expectantly. Rey had already climbed over the ropes, but Giah was still off to the side, talking to a pair of familiar spectators. Giah finally turned, and Rey held her hand out.

“The dampener?” She asked.

“I think you’re done with that, Rey,” Giah said. “It’s time to take the training boosters off.”

Rey swallowed uncomfortably, making eye contact with Rose, who was slightly behind Giah. Rose gave her an encouraging look, and put up her two thumbs. She elbowed the man next to her, who also gave Rey a thumbs up - and an expression so encouraging, it was shocking. Rey flicked her eyes between Rose and Drago. She was deeply skeptical of the friendship that had developed between them, but it wasn’t surprising after Finn and Poe had left to go with General Organa.

“I trust you, Rey. Just a light tap is all you need, if you happen to get a hit in,” Giah said, a light teasing tone entering her voice.

“ _When_ I get a hit in, you mean,” Rey rejoined. Giah only smirked in response.

Rey heard the shifting of rocks that signaled someone was coming down the hill. In this case, it was several someones. Saber sparring sessions always attracted a crowd, and this one would apparently not be an exception.

As the crowd gathered, Giah removed her tunic, revealing the cropped sleeveless tank that she always wore for sparring. The cropped tank revealed that her intricate, geometric tattoos continued completely down her back. Rey knew they also covered the backs of her hands, though she typically wore gloves when sparring. Her top also revealed that her stomach and what was visible of her chest under her collarbone were untouched.

Giah swung a long leg over the rope, and came to meet Rey in the center. Rey straightened her spine to stand a little taller, then they both bowed to each other to start the match.

“First to 10 points, or until the clock runs out!” Rose shouted from the sideline. “I want a good, clean fight! Sabers only!”

There were some chuckles from the crowd at Rose’s exclamation. Giah ignited her lightsaber, the bright red blade springing from the sleek and simple black hilt. Rey’s own saber roared to life, the light blue shining around the deep violet of the core. Without their dampeners, both blades shone with their full brightness.

Rey moved first, circling calmly around the edge of the ring. Giah started walking the same circle, in the opposite direction. Rey twirled her blade a bit, getting the feel of it in her hand. She knew Giah was leading her into striking first; Giah was a counter fighter and a controller, and Rey wanted to push her into making the first move.

Rey made another circuit of the ring, the tension rising around them. Rey breathed slowly, watching Giah’s shoulders for the tell-tale twitches that revealed when she would strike. She twirled her saber again, letting it brush the ground in a feint.

_There!_ Faster than she could blink, Giah finally struck. Rey pulled her lightsaber up, just in time to block the down swing from Giah’s blade. The blades crackled as they locked together. Rey pushed up against the blade, moving it just enough for her to bring her blade down and back up to push Giah’s arms over her head.

Rey backed away in that moment, and switched to a reverse grip. She rushed in with an attack to Giah’s open side, but Giah saw her and parried easily.

“Kylo’s moves aren’t going to help you, Rey,” Giah said, her voice revealing no hint of exertion on her part.

“We’ll see,” Rey said as she swung her blade down at a forty-five degree angle, immediately pulling it back up to strike down again at the same angle. It had been difficult to adapt her one handed style to the longer blade, but she’d practiced diligently for the last three months.

Giah spun away, circling the ring again, waiting for Rey’s next strike. Rey added her open hand to her grip on her saber, stepping into a wide sideways stance for a two-handed jab toward Giah’s abdomen.

Giah blocked by tucking her blade under Rey’s and pushing it up. She sprung out from the perimeter of the ring, attacking with a flurry of short strikes. Rey kept up with all but the last swing. The saber struck Rey in the shoulder, and she yelped in pain, but true to her word, Giah had only inflicted a slight burn, no more than an inch in length or width. The crowd gasped, then cheered as the first point went to Giah. The scorekeeper, a girl of about nine, put a rock in Giah’s pile.

“Come on, Rey!” Rose shouted from the side, clapping her hands.

Rey smiled, and launched a furious flurry of her own. Giah blocked them, her experience in combat giving her an edge. Rey incorporated a pair of spins into her attack, pushing Giah back. Rey brought her blade down hard, Giah blocking it with a hard strike of her own. Their sabers locked together, the plasma of each blade hissing and spitting as it met the plasma of the other. The crowd cheered again.

“Getting fancy, aren’t we?” Giah asked, the blue of Rey’s blade reflecting on her face.

“No harm in trying,” Rey responded. They broke apart, each backing up slightly to circle one another again.

They continued like this for another minute or so, locking sabers and pushing apart, until finally, in a combination of high and low strikes, Rey scored a hit on Giah. Rey gave a triumphant exhalation, and even Giah smiled. Rey had gotten loose of Giah’s quick short strikes, and had spun behind her and tapped her upper arm, marring a small section of tattoo.

“Oi! Watch the artwork!” Drago shouted from the sideline, as Rose squealed and clapped for her friend. The scorekeeper dropped a rock into Rey’s pile.

Giah had turned to face her immediately, and they continued their match. Rey spun around behind Giah again, but this time, Giah was ready for her. She pulled her arms over her head and dropped her blade behind her back to block, spinning around to strike down toward Rey’s right shoulder.

Rey was not fast enough to block, and she tried to dodge the blade at the last second. Giah landed a glancing blow on her shoulder, right above Rey’s scar from the throne room battle. A second rock dropped into Giah’s pile.

“One minute left in the match!” Rose shouted.

“Two - one, Rey,” Giah said, her breathing only slightly labored. “Can you tie it up?”

Rey felt her chest heaving from the exertion. “Of course I can,” she said, her voice revealing how winded she was. She was in better shape than her breathing indicated, but the unguarded saber was an extra strain on her concentration, keeping her body more tense than it should have been.

“Sounds like it,” Giah teased. Rey blocked and parried her overhand strike to the side, adding a little flourish spin to her parry. She flipped her grip again, swinging horizontally, trying to hit Giah on her open side.

Giah turned expertly to avoid the hit, bringing her saber around for a strike to Rey’s torso. She struck the sleeve of her tank, scorching it so that it split, but just missing Rey’s skin.

“Ha!” Rey exclaimed, between breaths. “No burn, no point.”

Giah smiled wryly. “Indeed.”

“Thirty seconds!” Rose shouted.

“Let’s do this, little girl,” Giah taunted as she brought another hard overhand strike down toward Rey. Rey blocked it with her reverse grip, pushing it back away from her, forcing Giah’s sword arm across her body.

Rey saw her opportunity. She swung down at an angle, still holding reverse grip, to tap the top of Giah’s shoulder. The crowd cheered as the little girl dropped the tying stone onto Rey’s pile. Giah tried to move her saber up to engage after the tap, but her angle was too awkward to get a good strike in.

Rey parried it, and swung her saber in a wide arc to keep Giah back. Her hilt crossed her body, and she grabbed the base with her left hand when it moved in front of her. She quickly changed her grip with her right hand.

She brought her saber down in an overhand swing, and as Giah moved her saber up to block, Rey quickly jabbed straight forward, over Giah’s blade, striking her just under her right collarbone.

“Three points,” Rey huffed out, grinning. The gathered crowd went silent as the girl dropped the third stone on Rey’s pile.

“Time!” Rose shouted, and the crowd exploded into cheers.

Giah extinguished her blade, and offered her hand to Rey, a broad smile on her face. Rey took it as she shut down her own saber, and Giah pulled her in for a hug.

A very surprised Rey wrapped her arms around Giah as she patted Rey’s back. “You’re ready, Rey,” she told her, as Rey strained to hear over the crowd.

Giah released her hold, and wandered over to the group of students gathered at the edge of the ring. Drago met her there, and Rey heard him tell the group that if they practiced hard enough with their wooden practice sabers, they’d be able to fight as Rey and Giah had.

Rose, blessed Rose, had a skien of water for Rey as she came into the ring to meet her. Rey gratefully took it, and drank deeply. She exhaled hard when she’d finished, having gulped most of it down in one go.

“That was crazy, Rey! Spin, jab jab, spin the other way, flip grip, swing…” Rose said as she pantomimed the highlights of the sparring match. Rey lifted the hem of her nearly ruined tank to wipe the sweat off her face. She knew she was grinning like a fool when she finished, happy to have finally won a match with Giah. She hadn’t registered the silence of the crowd, until she saw Rose quickly stop her bouncing reenactment.

“Your saber skills have improved, sweetheart,” Ben said from behind her. “Not that they were bad before, of course.”

Rey slowly turned to face him. She felt his pride washing over her through the Force, his happiness at her accomplishment. He was outside of the ring, leaning on one of the short posts holding the ropes. He smiled at her, a soft, genuine smile that she’d only just begun to see more of, and her knees felt weak.

She leaned on Rose to keep herself upright, suddenly exhausted from the match, and from her interlude with Ben earlier. A worried look crossed his face, and suddenly he was right in front of her. She blinked, heavily, watching him.

“Did you just do that fast move thing Drago does in the purple world?” She mumbled her question, not wanting anyone else to hear. He gathered her in his arms, keeping her upright.

“Drago has never pulled my soul from my body,” he replied. “But, I did learn that speed move from him, so I might have.” Rey saw Rose’s eyebrows shoot up. Clearly she’d heard.

“I want to learn to do it,” Rey said. “I am so tired. I feel it in my bones.”

“When was the last time you ate, Rey?” Ben asked, his tone thoughtful.

“I don’t know,” Rey answered truthfully.

“Possibly yesterday?” Rose spoke from beside them. “At dinner.”

She felt Ben shift, moving so he was looking at her face. “As hungry as you always are, how did you not remember to eat?”

Rey looked affronted. “I eat after the morning class, but something distracted me this morning,” she said with a pointed look at Ben.“And, I might be spoiled by the food on the ship. The ration bars taste like sand, and I _cannot_ eat anymore game.”

Ben’s eyes crinkled as he chuckled. “I can fix that for you. Let’s go to the shuttle.”

Rey felt herself light up with excitement. “Yes! Should we ask if anyone else wants to go up?”

“If they do, they can call for their own shuttle. No one is trapped down here,” Ben replied, taking her hand and walking to the edge of the ring.

“Rude!” Rose exclaimed, shaking her head. Rey turned to look at her, and Rose smiled and waved her off. Ben turned too, giving Rose a half smile. Rose started toward the group of students surrounding Giah and Drago as Ben pulled Rey toward the ropes.

He held the rope up for her to duck underneath, following her by swinging his legs over the ropes. Rey noticed how the crowd parted for them, letting them pass. As they walked down the stone steps to the landing pad, Rey noticed Ben growing pensive.

“What is it?” She asked.

“I’d like to spar with you, Rey. I know you’re uncomfortable with that, so I won’t push, but I’d really like the chance. I think it would be fun,” Ben said.

“I don’t want to fight you again,” Rey said, worry in her tone. “I don’t think we could spar together and not think of that fight on Starkiller Base.”

“If you say so,” Ben said, agitation creeping into his tone. They were almost to the shuttle now.

“What’s that tone about?” She asked forcefully.

“I’m trying not to be jealous, Rey. I hate the feeling, and I promised myself I wouldn’t feel that way again. I’m more agitated with myself than with you. I can respect your decision even if I don’t like it.”

Rey’s mouth dropped open from his confession. “You’re jealous?”

“ _That’s_ your takeaway?” Ben asked, his agitation taking over. “Yes, Rey, I’m jealous because you’ll spar with everyone else, but not me. I feel like a child again.” He raked a hand through his hair.

Rey stopped, considering this. “Ben. I spar with everyone else so I can learn my own style. So much of my style is yours, and I need to learn other ways, particularly when it comes to lightsabers. But, I’m willing to compromise.”

“Compromise?” Ben asked, activating the boarding ramp of the shuttle. He motioned for her to go first.

When Rey reached the top of the ramp she turned. He was halfway up, and right now they were the same height, so she looked him square in the face. “Yes. I need to work on hand to hand combat more. I almost always use a weapon when I fight, and I feel very uncomfortable fighting without one. Will you help me?”

Rey watched as his agitation melted away. He smiled at her, a wide grin that complimented the exuberance she felt from him in the Force.

“Of course I will. The _Finalizer’s_ gym will be perfect for that. Should we stay up there a couple of days? Maybe Rose can take your morning class for you?” He asked, hope in his voice.

“I think she might,” Rey said, returning his smile. She turned and walked into the ship, sitting in the pilot’s seat when she reached the cockpit. Ben watched her closely, taking the co-pilot’s seat.

“I’m flying your shuttle, Ben Solo,” she said, winking at him.

His low voice rumbled from deep in his chest when he responded. “Sweetheart, you always fly my shuttle.”


	42. Inside My Body Screaming

Kylo huffed as he hit the mat, Rey following on top of him. Usually, he found that more than a little pleasurable, but not this time. Not when she happened to be dropping elbow-first toward his abdomen. He instinctively brought his legs up, trapping her between them. He turned to his side with her as her elbow made contact with his solar plexus, hitting him with less force than she would have if he’d just let her fall. It still knocked most of his breath from his body.

Having swept her off her feet as he rolled, he reached up and grabbed her arms. He controlled her descent enough to pull her underneath him, pinning her with her arms crossed in front of herself. She grunted as she worked her hips to lever him off of her, but he pressed with his full weight, keeping her on the ground.

“Now, Rey,” he said, softly. She nodded.

His ears popped as her power flared, blowing him off of her, nearly to the ceiling of the _Finalizer’s_ training gym. He had released her arms when she’d pushed him. _They needed to practice with him not letting go. Not everyone would,_ he thought. He used his own power to slow his fall back to the mat, tucking his shoulder and rolling to his feet. Though size had nothing to do with acrobatics in the Force, Kylo had never felt he was the flipping kind. He didn’t finesse his fights, he much preferred brawling to fencing.

Rey stood up, brushing herself off. “I think that went well,” she said, casually.

“It did, but we still need to work on what happens if the person doesn’t let go,” he replied. “One more round?”

“Sure. Same scenario?” Rey asked.

“Yes, we’ll try the other one tomorrow.” The other one being how he’d ended up without his blade in a headlock during their throne room fight. _Not_ his finest moment.

“All right, Solo. Come and get me,” she said, her tone playful. He knew she liked watching him fight, he could always feel her excitement and arousal in the Force, but it was nothing compared to what she was feeling actually sparring with him. It was taking all his focus to not pin her to the mat and take her there. Though he hadn’t helped her situation when he’d removed his tunic. He winked at her, then started moving.

“Remember that the person you’re fighting isn’t likely to be trained in the Force, but is likely trained in hand to hand combat in some fashion. If they manage to disarm you, you need to be the aggressor. Show no mercy, they won’t show you any,” he pronounced.

Rey narrowed her eyes. “I’ll be the aggressor, sure, but I’ll show mercy if I like,” she said as she launched herself at him.

Kylo dodged to the side, letting her push past him. She managed to get a hand on his arm, and used it to push herself up behind his back. Rey snaked an arm around his neck, pushing against his Adam’s apple. He swallowed uncomfortably.

He felt her bring her knee into his back and he tensed, realizing what she was trying to do. He could feel her intentions in the Force, and it was more dangerous than she knew. She pressed harder on his neck, so that he couldn’t speak. He felt her flare in the Force again, propelling herself up and around to bring her legs around his neck.

He’d been victim to this throw many times before, and he knew how to land. But did she know how to throw? _Rey, this is dangerous!_ He warned through the Force.

“It’s okay. Giah taught me,” she responded through quickened breaths.

_That is not reassuring,_ he said, slightly panicked. She was doing this, and he prepared to fall. Her left thigh pressed against his throat as her right knee hooked around her left. She let go with her arms, swinging with her body weight, the pressure of her thigh on his neck bending him backward. Her body weight was enough in this state to bring him down.

He landed on his back, and she landed awkwardly under him, her legs still around his upper body. She had grunted in pain when they came down, so he quickly pulled himself up and off of her.

“Are you okay?” His tone was more demanding than he’d meant it to be.

She gave him a look. “Yes. You’re just heavier than everyone else.”

“How many other people have you thrown like this?” He asked, incredulous.

“Giah, for starters. A couple of the smaller guys,” she said, nonplussed by his tone. Kylo frowned, disliking that news intensely. “Come on, let’s get back to it.”

Kylo took a deep breath, pushing the dual visions of Rey using this flying throw on other men and of himself smashing their heads to little tiny bits out of his mind. They were here to work.

He laid back down and she wrapped her legs around him, then gave him the go ahead to start again. He reached behind his head to grab her shirt, and sat up with her still wrapped around him. Kylo got to his feet, still bent at the waist, and yanked her over his shoulder.

Rey hit the mat on her back, exhaling hard. He dropped again, pinning her by her shoulders. Her legs were around his waist, and suddenly his pants felt too tight. He groaned as she lifted her hips to meet his groin, her eyes sparkling with mischief as she smiled sensually at him.

“That’s an interesting technique, Rey,” he rumbled. “I don’t know how effective it is…”

“I do,” she said, rubbing herself against him again. He let out a tortured groan, telling her just how effective it was. She lightly ran her fingernails up and down his forearms, as he still had her pinned by her shoulders.

“So do I,” he said roughly, dipping his head to her neck. He licked the sensitive skin under her ear, and she moaned, her body jerking under him from the sensation. He pressed harder into her with his hips, and nipped lightly. Rey made a sound that was a combination of crying out and giggling, so he did it again.

“It was so hard to stay focused,” she breathed. “It’s almost too much sparring with you, being aware of what your body is doing…” she trailed off to a hum when he ran his tongue over the curve of her ear.

Kylo smiled as he released her shoulders and lowered himself onto his elbows. He ran the tips of his fingers down her face, bringing his lips down to hers.

“I love how much you smile, now,” she said, happily.

“I have every reason to smile now,” he responded, dropping little kisses on her face. “Should we go back to our quarters?”

“No,” she said, a dangerous twinkle in her eye. “I know how you were struggling not to pin me to the mat. So now that’s all I want you to do.”

“Fuck yes,” Kylo growled, shifting his weight again. He pulled her pants down over her hips, stopping only to yank her boots off to remove her leggings completely. He balanced on one hand to sweep his tongue over her wet folds, savoring the taste of her as he undid his own pants.

He freed his straining cock, and stroked it with his hand, his fingers drifting down to cup his balls. Rey gasped at the sight of him touching himself, her eyes darkening with desire. She let her own hand wander down to play with her swollen clit. Kylo was transfixed. All he could do was watch her and keep a hard grip on himself.

“Get yourself close,” he commanded, her eyes widening at his rough tone as she let a out ragged sigh. She switched from her fingertips to the heel of her hand, adding more weight behind her strokes. She was so beautiful under him like this, a slight sheen of sweat covering her body and making her glow.

Her breath was coming quicker, in little moans and pants, and Kylo knew she was almost there. He leaned over her and rubbed the head of his cock against her opening. She whimpered.

His voice was low and rough with desire when he asked her, “Do you want me to pound your pussy, Rey?”

“Yes!” She gasped out, shifting her hips to give him more room.

He angled himself down and pushed just the head of himself inside her. She wriggled, trying to take more of him. “Are you ready?”

“Yes, please Ben…” she breathed, her hands running wildly over his back. He pushed into her, lifting her hips with one of his hands to strike the spot that drove her crazy. She cried out, and in two more strokes he felt her muscles quiver and clench around him as she screamed her orgasm.

Her fingernails bit into his skin, and he knew there would be marks left there afterward. He slowed his pace slightly, enough to let her come down off the high of her orgasm and to start building the pressure of another. She moaned his name, and he captured her mouth in a fierce kiss.

He sped up again, his thrusts pushing her back across the mat. He didn’t think there was anyone else around who might want to use this particular gym, but he couldn’t be sure. The door didn’t lock, and he didn’t want anyone to come in on them.

But the possibility… the possibility was _delicious._

It seemed to be affecting Rey, too. He could feel her through their connection; she was reveling in the risk, knowing her every cry could draw attention to them. He opened himself more fully to her in the Force, letting her pleasure wash over him as it became his own.

Kylo felt her coming up to the edge of her release, and shoved himself harder into her. He covered her mouth with his own, muffling her shouts and stifling his own groans as he shuddered through his own orgasm. He laid on top of her for just a moment, then moved quickly off of her, stealing one last quick kiss, to tuck himself back into his pants.

He called her leggings back over to him with the Force, watching Rey’s face light up with humor as he did so. “I feel like we use the Force more for our clothes than anything else,” she said, chuckling lightly.

“I’m sure there’s a rule against that somewhere,” he dryly replied.

Rey stood up to shimmy into her leggings. “Well, since we aren’t following any particular set of rules, I can’t imagine that’s a problem.”

Kylo searched her expression, trying to make out if she meant that was a bad thing.

“Speaking of. I wanted to talk to you about what we’re establishing here,” she said, her expression thoughtful. Worry struck Kylo in the pit of his stomach.

“What do you mean?” He asked.

“The students. What are we training them to be? They’re closer to Jedi than anything else, but we’re breaking the majority of the Jedi code.” Rey sat back down close to him on the mat. She absent-mindedly rubbed his thigh while she spoke. “They aren’t Knights of Ren, either, they haven’t gone through your rituals.”

Kylo thought about this. “No, they haven’t. It’s been good for everyone to just be in the Force, not being bound by a particular set of rules or rituals. Even Drago has been different.”

“Yes. I think we’re all becoming something different. Something new,” Rey said, gazing out of the large viewports in the gym. She took an audible breath. “So I think we need a name.”

Kylo looked at her, and he marveled at how lucky he was. “What do you think we should call ourselves? The Knights of Rey?”

She laughed, a clear, melodic sound that he adored. “That’s rather pretentious, don’t you think?”

He leaned in to nuzzle against her shoulder. “Maybe, but it’s true.”

“We can do better than that,” she said, leaning back against him.

“Miss Rey's Academy for Wayward Force Users?” He offered, unable to keep the laughter out of his voice.

Rey turned and gave him a bemused look. “Definitely not. We don’t need to use my name.”

They were silent for a few moments, both considering potential names, when Kylo’s comm chirped across the room. Rey smiled, “Saved by the comm.”

Kylo stood up and padded across the room and picked up the comm. He flicked it open. “Yes?”

“It’s me.” His mother’s voice sounded through the tinny speaker. “I’m two days away. The First Order is on the move. They don’t seem to know about Ahch-to, but they are massing for something.”

Kylo looked at Rey, and his stomach flipped over. Her face had fallen, having made the same connection as he had. The battle was coming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost broke with my chapter naming scheme and called this one "Miss Rey's Academy for Wayward Force Users."


	43. Every Night I've Been Bleeding

Rey jolted awake, covered in sweat, her arms flailing in front of her as if warding off an attack. She searched around the room from their bed on the _Finalizer_ , using all of her senses. She saw no one in the dim light provided by the emergency lights in the floors, and she felt no one beyond Ben beside her.

She sighed, and leaned back against her pillows. _Just another nightmare,_ she thought. Shortly after they’d arrived on Ahch-to, Rey had begun having nightmares. Once or twice they’d been bad enough that Ben had been able to sense her distress in his sleep. He’d woken them both up, and helped her forget them.

They weren’t usually the same dream over and over, so Rey hadn’t thought they were visions. But, that had changed when Ben had left the last time. Now, if she dreamed, she dreamed the same nightmare over and over. She looked over to Ben, sleeping soundly next to her, glad she hadn’t woken him. She rubbed her face as she tried to put the dream out of her mind. She wasn’t ready to try to explain this one to him.

Rey slipped out of bed, padding quietly over to the refresher. Her nerves were too frayed to try to sleep right away. She turned on the sanisteam, grateful that it was quieter than the running water shower at Maz’s castle, and more private than the hot spring bath house on Ahch-to’s surface. The Caretakers, overwhelmed by the amount of smelly people suddenly living on the island, had shown Rey its location and allowed the students to use it.

She let the steam hit her body, as she reached up to unwind her hair from the high bun on her head. She massaged her scalp with her fingers, letting the hot steam relax the tension from her shoulders. She’d been delighted the first time she’d used Ben’s private sanisteam, happily taking advantage of his expensive taste in tolietries.

Even a desert girl like herself had recognized the translucent bottle and simple logo of the top luxury brand shampoo in the galaxy. She tipped a small amount of the shampoo into her hands, scrubbing her hair with it. She followed it with the hilariously pretentious conditioner, claiming to hydrate with seaweed from the ocean on Mon Cala.

She turned off the sanisteam, and sat down on the floor of the wide stall. The glass kept most of the steam in, so she sat there, letting it soothe her nerves, until most of the steam had dissipated. She dried herself, then quickly plaited her wet hair. She squeezed around the plait with her towel, trying to absorb the excess water before returning to bed.

She switched off the light before opening the door, and slipped back across the room. She quickly tucked herself back under the covers, her spot having gone cold while she was in the refresher. Ben was still breathing slowly and deeply, so Rey was confident she hadn’t woken him.

She snuggled further in the bed, curling up against Ben’s sleeping form. He rolled as she did, flopping an arm over her and dragging her closer. She and Ben had decided to return to the planet’s surface in the morning, spending the night on the _Finalizer_ like they’d planned. Rey had a feeling they would be spending a lot more time on the destroyer in the coming weeks, if the intel Leia had was correct.

Rey felt sleep start to pull at the edges of her consciousness again, and she surrendered to it, the warmth from Ben’s body surrounding hers.

***

Kylo watched Rey from the co-pilot’s seat as she brought the shuttle down. He’d woken briefly the night before, sensing that Rey had left the bed. From the anxiety he felt pouring off of her, he knew she’d had another one of her dreams. It was so strong, he didn’t have to try to feel it.

Dreams she never seemed to remember enough of to tell him about, but that happened often enough that she had developed dark smudges under her eyes. Kylo stifled a sigh as he thought about it. He didn’t want to push her, but he knew there was more to them than just simple nightmares.

She was quiet this morning, after suggesting that they leave early enough for her to cover her own meditation group. Kylo had agreed, wanting to do whatever would make her feel more comfortable. They left the cockpit, and Kylo used the pad to drop the ramp. As it fell, he rubbed his knuckles up and down her spine. She leaned into his touch, taking his hand as they disembarked the shuttle.

Kylo stayed silent on their walk up to the training ground, letting Rey take the lead. He could feel her trying to calm her own frazzled nerves, and he tried to project serenity through their bond, to help her. Him, projecting serenity. It was laughable, really, but Kylo was willing to set himself on fire to keep her warm.

Giah would tell him that was unhealthy, he knew. Rey would, too, so he kept it to himself.

They made it up to the training ground just as the morning group was assembling. Rey moved to the front to catch Rose, and they talked for a couple of minutes before Rose rang the small chime to signal the start of the practice. Kylo took a spot in the back, participating this morning. Giah slipped in next to him, like she knew he’d been thinking of her scolding him.

He progressed through two rounds of the moving meditation, pulling the Force through his body, letting it flow through him like a vessel. He felt both the light and the dark come willingly to him, and he pushed them together, twisting them into a ball he kept between his hands. Occasionally, Rey would call out something to focus on, like pulling power to heal an organ, or an old wound. Kylo could sense the other student’s focus, pushing to improve their growing powers. He knew that some of them would push their power into scars they’d gained through their life, letting the Force lessen the past’s hold on them. He never would. He had no scars he wished to give up.

After the third full set, about thirty minutes later, Kylo stepped back from the group. He took up his usual observation, opening his senses to monitor the student’s progression. He might not be the most patient instructor, so instead he made sure the students were placed in groups that would help them the most.

He felt a familiar presence materializing beside him. Kylo looked over at his uncle, watching him in silence as he went through the fourth and final set of the meditation. Rey always ended the morning practice with silent, sitting meditation. Luke and Kylo stayed silent until Rose stood and rang the high pitched chime twice, signaling the end of the formal practice. Kylo turned to his uncle.

“So. What have I done wrong enough for you to grace me with your presence?” Kylo asked, letting just a bit of sarcasm into his tone. Rey was finishing up giving instructions to a group, but she’d definitely noticed Kylo and Luke talking. She made eye contact with him, and raised an eyebrow. Kylo shrugged with one shoulder.

“I’m not here for you,” Luke said, turning his attention to Rey, who was just reaching them. Kylo frowned.

“Hello, Luke. What brings you out in the open today?” Rey said, cheerfully. Kylo rolled his eyes.

“I’m here about your dreams, Rey,” Luke said seriously. “Can we talk alone?”

He knew it. Her dreams had been more serious than just nightmares. Why would Luke want to talk to her alone? He’d been the one there when she’d woken shaking and sweating, the one to hold her, to soothe her back to sleep. They must have been visions if Luke was here about them. “I know about her dreams, dead man,” Kylo said, almost as surly as he wanted to be.

It was Rey’s turn to frown, and she fixed him with it. “Yes, let’s go back to the hut,” she said, walking toward the stairs. Luke shimmered out of view.

_What didn’t she want him to know?_

The communicator on his wrist started beeping loudly, signaling him that a ship with the new recruits had just dropped out of hyperspace. They’d been expecting one for a few days now. His mother’s ship wouldn’t be far behind, maybe an hour or so. He turned away from the stairs, shoving a hand through his hair, and walked to the makeshift landing pad to meet the group.

***

Rey got to the hut just as Luke was shimmering back into view.

“You have no idea how grateful I am I never have to use those stairs again,” he said.

“Uh-huh,” Rey said. “Why do we need to speak alone about my dreams?”

“I’m here to help you sort through which ones are dreams and which are visions through the Force. What are you seeing lately?”

“A forest world, not one I’ve seen before. I’m running through it, laughing at first, but then screaming as I come upon a battle. Suddenly, the trees are all cut down, and AT-ATs are marching through the ruins of the forest. I feel a burst of power, and I’m able to take down several of the AT-ATs just with my lightsaber. But just when it seems I’ve won, one of the AT-ATs opens, revealing Ben, with a net over him like in my vision. Hux is there, and he shoots Ben in the head. I feel it through the Force, I think, but instead of collapsing, I fling myself into the vehicle, and,” Rey swallowed before continuing, “And, I use my lightsaber on him, cutting him down. But, as his life force ebbs away, a voice tells me to take it. To give it to Ben. The power is cold, but I pull it anyway, and push it into Ben’s dying body.”

Luke nodded as Rey took another breath to steady herself.

“Then, Ben revives, but is horrified to see what I’ve done. What I’ve become. He turns to leave me, and I scream at him. I barely recognize my own voice, distorted with rage, and when he refuses me again, I cut him down too. This time, the voice tells me to take his life force, and pull it into myself. I always wake up before I do, but I have the feeling I do it.” Rey buried her face in her hands miserably. She’d resolved never to tell Ben this.

Luke put a comforting hand on her shoulder. “Has Ben told you his vision of the battle?”

“No,” Rey said, “Only that he dies at the end, and Anakin tells him not to fight it.”

“Ask him about it. Your dream has similar elements, so there maybe something to learn. But, life transfer is possible, typically you draw on yourself to heal someone, bring them back from the brink.”

“But, it is possible to use the dark side to transfer someone else’s life force into that person, willing or not. Most of the time it kills the first person. It seems to me that your instincts are telling you to heal Ben if he does become gravely injured.”

“How do I do that?”

“Like you did with the crystal, but focused on a person, not an object. Take your own advice, meditate on it. The Force will show you.”

Rey smiled at Luke. “Thank you. I know you didn’t want to train another Jedi, but I hope you don’t mind training a Force user.”

Luke chuckled. “I understand you had the Knights of Ren trials forced on you, so I suppose I can honestly say I’m not training another generation of Jedi, after all.”

Rey looked up when she heard the engines of the transport ship above them. She stood to leave.

“Rey, wait,” Luke said.

“Yes?”

“I know you’re seeing something else in your visions,” he said.

“Yes. I am, but I don’t want to talk about that. With anyone.” She said, a warning in her voice.

“Fine,” Luke said, “But sometimes visions of taking someone else’s life force as your own means something else. If it keeps happening, you should talk to Leia, or one of the doctors in the fleet.”

_No,_ Rey thought, _she would not be discussing her visions of their children._ If Ben was destined to die, she would not burden him with a future he’d never have. Nor would she tell his mother about it. She wasn’t pregnant; she couldn’t be with her implant. So for now, and maybe forever, this would be her secret.

She left the hut, and walked down the stairs, faking a cheerfulness she didn’t feel. Ben looked at her, a curious look on his face, but she smiled and joined him in receiving their newest students.

As they walked the students around the island, Rey occasionally felt little tendrils of Ben’s power sweep over her, like he was trying to work something out about her for himself.

_Knock it off,_ she projected angrily, batting at his power with her own. She’d been speaking to the new arrivals, telling them about the residences and meal times. She was facing the group, and the only acknowledgement Ben gave her before withdrawing his presence was a slight narrowing of his eyes.

Rey noticed some of the students were giving Ben a wide berth. His physical size was often intimidating, but this group seemed to key off of his power in the Force, and the darkness still in him. Some of them clearly recognized him for exactly who he was, the ousted Supreme Leader. Most people who’d come to the island knew them both vaguely from the video that Hux had broadcasted across the galaxy. It hadn’t been the clearest video, but it was enough.

“And this, this is our training area. Up here, we practice meditations and developing specific abilities with the Force. Down below us is the physical training field, where you’ll develop your fighting skills,” Rey continued the tour, trying to keep her tone from giving away the tension in her body.

Ben’s communicator blared again, announcing more ships dropping out of hyperspace. Rey looked questioningly at him, and he nodded. “Well, everyone, that concludes the orientation tour. Find yourself an open bunk, and get settled in.”

The group dispersed, and Rey moved closer to Ben. “General Organa?” She asked.

“Yes, and then some. It looks like Lando’s fleet is with her,” Ben said, his tone serious. “She’s calling a meeting up on her ship.” Ben exhaled in frustration, and Rey shared it. They’d just made planetfall barely an hour ago, and now they had to go back up. At least now everyone could go up together, giving Rey time to figure out how she was going to broach the topic of her dreams with Ben. After Luke’s visit, she knew he’d figured out there was more to them.

Rey commed Rose, while Ben commed Giah, telling each of them to gather the group and meet at the shuttle. It took less than ten minutes and they were in the air, breaking atmosphere, and approaching Leia’s command ship.


	44. It's Tearing Me Apart, Down to My Bones

Kylo watched from behind as Rey and Rose tumbled out of the shuttle to greet Finn and Poe. The four of them shrieked and chattered like a group of porgs, and he couldn’t help the little smile that pulled at the edges of his mouth. Rey’d been disturbed by her talk with Luke; she’d been so tense when they were touring the new students. She’d been uncharacteristically quiet during the ride up to his mother’s command ship, the _Nautilus._

He watched Rey for another few seconds, feeling her happiness through the Force. Leaving himself open, it wasn’t long before he felt a simmering presence behind him, and he turned. Kylo raised an eyebrow as he examined Drago, then turned again, following Drago’s line of sight to Rose. _Interesting._

So many relationships had formed on Ahch-to, he felt like they were living the holodrama Rey had forced on him months ago. He shook his head, and finally disembarked from the shuttle, Drago following him down, but ultimately passing the group without a second look. Kylo stopped behind Rey, placing a hand on the small of her back. She didn’t shake him off, and he had to fight a sigh of relief. He rubbed his hand there, moving only at his wrist so the others wouldn’t immediately see his attempt to comfort both of them.

Kylo knew it was coming, the battle from all of their visions. _His end_. He knew it through the Force, and he knew it deep in his soul. It would be his atonement. He just had to find a way to prevent Rey from losing herself after his death.

“Ben?” He started at the sound of his name, lost in thought. He looked down at Rey, and realized he’d not noticed the men go silent. Finn and Poe had warmed as much as they were going to, and he took it as a victory that they were standing this close to him. But they rarely spoke to him.

He exhaled loudly. “Let’s go meet the others,” he said, and started walking. Rey kept up with him.

“Are you all right?” She was worried, he could hear it in her voice. He looked down at her, and smiled.

He only nodded, not trusting his voice to be reassuring. He wasn’t all right, not really, but they had work to do. He took her hand, interweaving his fingers with hers as they walked the long corridors to the command bridge.

The pneumatic doors hissed open to a flurry of activity as everyone was gathering around the strategic operations holopanels. Kylo recognized the star chart on the screen; it was the Endor system. He tried to think about what the First Order would want in that system. The wreckage of the second death star was there, but anything of value had been stripped years ago.

The First Order’s senior council had been obsessed with continuing Snoke’s search in the Unknown Regions, perhaps they’d found something on the forest moon. He stopped in front of the lip of the sunken operations table, putting his hands down on it and flexing his fingers. Rey circled once, taking in the information on all the screens, then came to stand next to him.

Kylo looked around to the others surrounding the table, most of them not meeting his gaze. The alliance was tenuous, at best. The Resistance still needed him and his Force users, but the moment they didn’t, Kylo had no illusions that they would keep them around.

The doors hissed open and closed again, and he could feel his mother enter the room. He didn’t turn around. She started speaking immediately.

“I hope you all have familiarized yourself with the maps. From our reconnaissance flights, it seems the First Order fleets are gathering around the forest moon of Endor. So far, we haven’t observed them making planetfall.”

“What’s their objective?” Poe asked.

“We don’t know. I was hoping our former Supreme Leader could tell us that,” Leia responded, looking Kylo in the eyes. Every eye in the room was on him now.

He straightened his shoulders and held her gaze. “The Senior Council was convinced our way forward included continuing Snoke’s expeditions into the Unknown Regions. Hux, too. They’ve had plenty of time to do that. I don’t know what significance Endor has except that the wreckage of the Death Star is there.”

“What might they want with the wreckage?” Rey asked.

He thought a moment. “They might think there is something left in the ruins. Snoke always said Palpatine looked to the Unknown Regions, and so would we. I’ve been to the main site of the wreckage; it’s like an island just off the coast. There’s nothing of value left on it.”

“There is something they want on that moon, and we need to find out what,” Leia said, looking around the table. “We need ground reconnaissance.”

There were murmurs of agreement from the group, and more than a few excited faces. “Poe. You and Chewie put a team together and take the Falcon. You’ll leave in four hours,” Kylo glanced at Poe from the corner of his eye. There went his chance to investigate, Poe would never put him on his team. Leia continued, “The rest of you, start preparing for battle, this is likely our best chance to take the head off the snake.”

People moved away quickly, recognizing his mother’s dismissal. He watched as a young girl with an imitation of his mother’s signature buns in her blonde hair approached his mother with a datapad. Connix, he thought her name was. They spoke a few moments, and he was vaguely aware of Poe approaching Rey. He turned to intervene, or to go, he hadn’t decided yet, when his mother called to him.

“Ben, wait,” she said, and his body reacted on instinct. He stopped in his tracks, like he was a child again. He turned back to her slowly, and was surprised by the soft expression on her face.

He gave her a quizzical look. “General?”

“We need to talk, Ben. Walk with me,” she commanded, and started toward him. He fell into step with her, almost automatically. He was disgusted that he’d fallen back into this pattern. Whenever his mother gave him the slightest attention as a child, he’d done exactly as she’d asked, desperate to please her, to alleviate the fear he sometimes felt from her.

“You know, you’ve managed to almost avoid me for three months now. You get that from your father.” Kylo would have been less stunned if she’d slapped him. He gaped at her as she continued. “We would fight, and he would disappear, trying to avoid the issue. He’d manage for a while, but he always came back. I always told myself you would, too.”

“The difference being that you sent me away. I didn’t run from you,” Kylo said, his voice quiet, but full of anger.

She sighed, and stopped walking. They’d only made it a short distance from the command bridge. “Yes. I never should have sent you away. Han was never okay with sending you away. I should have listened.”

Kylo felt his anger start to give way to a rising panic. He put a hand on his stomach, feeling sick. “Yes, you should have,” he said, trying to fight sickness with defiance.

Leia looked up at him. “I thought Luke would be able to help you. I knew I couldn’t, not in the way I thought you needed.”

“You were afraid of me,” Kylo stated, flatly, lifting his eyes away from his mother.

“Yes. And I’ll regret it until the day I die.”

Kylo felt the air leave his lungs in a rush. “Why are you telling me this now?”

“Because my son needs to hear it,” she responded. He jumped when he felt her hand on his arm. Kylo turned to look at her. He saw the tears welling in her eyes, and he swallowed roughly.

“What if your son is gone?” He asked, his voice hoarse.

She smiled, and she was beautiful, in the way mothers were when they loved their children. “No one is ever really gone. _You_ are my son, whatever name you use, no matter what you’ve done.”

Kylo Ren did something he never thought he’d do again. He swept his mother into his arms, and held her as they cried in silence. They cried for each other, for his father, for the life they should have had.

His mother leaned slightly away from him, looking at his face. She touched her hand to his scar, the same place where his father had touched him, had given him forgiveness. She wiped a remaining tear away with her thumb.

Her breath shuddered when she spoke, “Can you forgive me, Ben? For sending you away?”

Without thinking about it, he nodded. He didn’t ask for hers. He didn’t deserve it.

She scrutinized his face, and he knew he’d given it away. “I forgive you, Ben. Your father set out to bring you back. That’s exactly what he did. He gave his life so you could have yours.”

She sniffled a little, stepping back to take him in. She fiddled with his sleeve a moment, her expression thoughtful. ”You can’t wear this on Endor. It’s too heavy.”

Kylo rolled his eyes, but there was no annoyance behind it. “I’ve worn this to Mustafar, I think I’ll be fine. Besides, I think Poe would let himself get eaten by Ewoks before asking me to be on his recon team,” Kylo responded, his lips quirking.

“You’re going. You know you have to,” his mother said, melancholy just entering her tone.

Kylo sobered, and looked at her again. He nodded when their eyes met. Without looking down, his mother twisted her favorite ring off her finger. She extended her arm, offering it to him. He looked up to meet her eyes again. He swallowed hard, his throat not wanting to work. He reached to take it, staring at it in his hand.

He barely registered her speaking. “Give this to Rey when the time is right,” she said as he nodded. He raised his gaze, and knew the tears in his mother’s eyes mirrored his own.

When Leia turned to leave, he followed his mother down the corridor, content to let her do whatever she wanted with him.

***

A couple of hours later, Kylo ventured out of his mother’s private rooms, feeling a lightness he hadn’t felt in years. A lightness he probably hadn’t been capable of feeling in years. Rey had touched him through the Force, asking where he was. Finally, she’d told him to meet her in the shuttle bay. Poe had asked her to be on his team.

She’d agreed, of course, and was trying to convince Poe that it was important for him to go, too. Poe wasn’t budging, she’d said. Kylo wasn’t worried, he’d be going. He’d invoke his mother if he had to. Or mind trick Poe. One or the other.

He encountered few people on his way, some of whom stopped and stared as he passed by. He could tell a few of them were trying to decide if it was really him. The lightsaber gave it away, each time. Their eyes flew back up to his face, stunned. He smiled to himself, wondering what Rey would think.

He finally arrived in front of the shuttle bay doors. He took a couple of beats to compose himself, then opened the door. Shouts greeted him, both in Basic and in Shryiiwook, and he felt a little robbed of his entrance. He raked a hand through his hair while he tried to figure out what in hell was happening.

A few technicians were working on the outside of the _Millennium Falcon,_ and there were others who seemed to be loading supplies onto the ship. The technicians working outside of the ship were clearly not working, they were watching the show below. Some of them held their tools awkwardly, and Kylo was sure at some point they’d been pretending to work. He followed their stares to the source of the disturbance.

There was a group standing in front of the _Falcon,_ on one side, Rose, Rey, Giah, and Drago, and on the other were Finn, Poe, and Chewbacca. It seemed Rose and Rey were arguing in favor of having the Knights of Ren join the expedition to Endor, and the others were vehemently opposed to it.

Well, maybe just Rose was arguing for Drago. Finn shouted something about leaving the white haired one behind, and Rey agreed. Rose loudly said no, leaving Giah and Drago to watch the argument like a sabbac match. Kylo strode up to the group, his annoyance growing. Chewbacca saw him first, and roared at him. Not an entirely unfriendly roar, Kylo noted. His Shryiiwook was rusty, but Chewbacca seemed to be expressing his own annoyance at the scene in front of him.

“Yes, I know Ben is here, Chewie. I can feel him in the Force, thank you,” Rey said, not turning to look at him.

Kylo finally felt the immense satisfaction of the surprise on Rey’s friends’ faces when they noticed him. Finn’s jaw dropped, and Poe had stopped mid-sentence to stare at him.

Drago turned to follow their looks. He looked Kylo up and down, amused. “The fuck are you wearing, mate?”

Which made everyone else turn. Including Rey. Kylo waited.

Rose blew a low whistle, and Giah muttered something under her breath. But Rey, his Rey, who’d only ever seen him in black, stared like she’d never seen him before. He watched as her expression changed from confusion, to shock, then finally to the aroused look he’d hoped for.

He grabbed the hem of his gray vest, straightening it over his loose white shirt. His pants were his own, black leather that fit him better than anything his mother had found for him. He had his shirt tucked in so it billowed a little under the vest, like he’d seen his father do hundreds of times. Rey bit her lower lip, and appraised him again, slower this time.

He saw Giah sidle over to Poe. “Well, looks like you’re out of luck. There’s no way he’s not coming on this trip, and where he goes, we go.” She turned and walked up the ramp of the _Falcon._

Drago was quick on her heels, throwing two fingers up at Finn and saying, “Looking forward to working with you.”

Finn looked a little ill as Drago passed him, Kylo noticed.

Kylo looked back to Rey. She still hadn’t said anything, out loud or through the Force. He knew she liked it. He didn’t need the Force to know that. He took a moment to look her over, noticing she had also changed clothes. She wore a long white tunic, with split sides. It was hooded, and she’d added a new brown holster for her lightsaber. It hung down her thigh, her leggings ending just above her boots. They were tighter than she usually wore, and he could see the outline of her muscles.

He let out a shallow breath. She’d also added brown leather cuffs, one on each wrist, and another that covered her scar. He liked that cuff, but wondered why she’d covered the scar. Finally, she walked up to him, still silent, and ran her hands over his chest.

She undid one of his top buttons, and smoothed the shirt. He looked down, curious. Rey smiled up at him.

“Now you look like a real smuggler.”


	45. Every Time I Feel Completed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while, please enjoy this smut.

The trip to Endor was going to take less than a third of the time it had taken the fleet to get to Ahch-to. This time, they weren’t worried about avoiding First Order planets. They didn’t need to, with just the one ship. Rey brushed the stray hairs out of her face as she stood up, poking her head out of the trap door in the engine room of the _Millennium Falcon._ She exhaled hard, frustrated with the slow progress she was making. She hoisted herself up on edge of the opening, dangling her legs down into the hatch.

“Why does all the wiring on this ship seem like it was done by a blind man?” She asked aloud, though she knew she was alone. All she wanted to do was rewire the ship’s signal to make it look like a First Order shuttle, but so far, just to get close to that system, she’d had to bypass three others, narrowly avoiding a disaster with the life support. She could see the smooth, almost shiny, box now, but there was still a tangle of wires in front of her.

Rey wiped her brow with her shirtsleeve, and took a drink from the canteen she’d stashed at the opening of the floor. She was used to working on Jakku, so it wasn’t the just the heat that had been building in the small space making her sweat. She couldn’t stop thinking about Ben. When she turned and saw him there, _in those clothes_ , she’d nearly ripped hers off and leapt into his arms. She had restrained herself, and now, she had to work.

The ache between her legs was only intensifying the longer it took her to rewire this damn ship. She was painfully aware of him in the Force while she worked, and occasionally, she felt him brush against the back of her neck. He’d done the same when she’d been back at the Resistance base on Felucia, and it always made her shiver. It was his way of telling her he was available if she wanted. _And she did._ She crossed her legs, squeezing her thighs together with enough pressure to relieve a little of the tension distracting her.

She took one last breath of the fresh air, and dropped back down into the hatch. She had to finish this, their lives depended on it. _Then_ she could go climb Ben like a tree. She smiled to herself, trying not to laugh out loud. It was one of Rose’s phrases, and after seeing Ben earlier, Rey couldn’t stop thinking it.

Male amusement washed over her, as she realized she’d thought about that a little too openly. She felt her ears pop as Ben deepened their bond.

“Like a tree, huh?” He asked, a smile in his voice. He was leaning against something Rey couldn’t see. She felt her cheeks heat, more from anticipation than as a result of him hearing her silly description.

“You’re probably tall enough,” she considered, looking him up and down. He was still wearing _that_ outfit, and it was starting to affect her thinking. She wet her lips with her tongue, and leaned closer to him.

Ben let a snort of laughter. “We’ll find out later. I’m here to help you with your…” he paused there, raking his gaze over her body, then met her eyes again, his voice like silk, “… _distraction_.”

Rey swiftly inhaled, desire clenching her insides. She stared at him with wide eyes, managing only to croak out a small “How?”

Ben shifted, moving away from the surface he was leaning on, and circled around behind her. He stepped in so close she could almost feel his body against hers. Ben laid his hands on her shoulders, pressing his thumbs to either side of her spine where her neck met her back. “You’re very tense here,” he murmured.

She sighed and leaned into his thumbs. “From looking down at this wiring,” she said. He rotated his thumbs so they rubbed out toward her shoulder blades, releasing the tension gathered there from her work.

Rey heard his feet shift behind her, as he bent to nuzzle her neck, and she sighed her pleasure at his light touches. His hands slid down her shoulders to her elbows, then drifted to her midriff.

She gasped as he touched a light kiss to the crook of her neck, following it with a quick flick of his tongue. One hand slid up to cup her breast, and she moaned as he ran his thumb over her taut nipple. The other pushed downward, and she reached up with her own hands. She cupped one behind his head, weaving her fingers through his long hair. With her other hand, she gripped the outside of the arm under her breast.

She whimpered some kind of affirmation as he closed his hand over her. She was already quivering in his arms when he squeezed and pushed up on her clit through her leggings. She keened, loudly. Too loudly, she realized. Ben chuckled as he made a shushing sound against her neck.

“Your friends will come running if they think you’re hurt,” he whispered in her ear. “I might not be able to let go before they see me. Or, if I can, they’ll wonder why your pants are down.”

Rey swallowed. “My pants aren’t down,” she mumbled.

“They’re about to be,” Ben promised. He released his grip between her legs, and took hold of her waistband, wrenching it downward, below her hips. His long fingers slid through her wet folds, teasing her with light touches. She panted breathlessly, the effort to stay quiet making her lightheaded.

He returned his fingers to her clit, rubbing two fingers on the sensitive bud as he continued his ministrations to her neck. She squirmed, letting her hips follow the movements of his hand. She felt his erection at her back, and tried to reach him with her bottom, wanting to feel the hard length of him between her legs. _Aching_ for him there.

Ben groaned and shifted so she could better reach him. Rey sighed as she ground her hips against him. She leaned forward more, but Ben flexed his arm, keeping her from going too far. His tight grip on her body thrilled her, and she tightened her grip on his hair, eliciting a hiss of approval from him. He picked up his pace on her clit, and she felt the pressure build inside of her.

“Ben,” she panted, “I’m so close…I just need…” She needed more than just his fingers.

“I know, sweetheart, I know what you need,” Ben said, the strain of his own arousal evident in his voice. He switched from his fingers to the heel of his palm, adding the right amount of pressure to send her soaring in his arms. He lifted his head to meet her lips, absorbing her moans with his kiss.

The way he kissed her, it was like he was trying to memorize her, the taste of her, everything about her. And like he was trying to make sure she remembered him, too. His hands ran up and down her sides, finally settling on her waist. When they broke apart, there was still a mischievous light in his eyes.

With a quick movement, Ben dropped to his knees in front of her. Rey looked at him in surprise, a questioning look on her face. She didn’t quite trust herself to speak, emotions tumbling around inside her. He was in line with her hips, and she knew his intentions as he leaned forward.

He licked through her folds, savoring the wetness there. Rey bit her hand as he pushed his tongue inside her. A deep, pleased rumble sounded from his chest.

“I love how wet you get for me,” he muttered against her core. He gave a final plunge of his tongue, flicking it against her inner walls, before moving back to her sore clit. He ran his tongue over it, and sat back at her sharp intake of breath.

“Too sore?” He asked, concern in his eyes. “Want to stop?”

“No,” she growled. No way was she going to let him stop.

Ben gave her a wicked grin. “Good,” he said, his voice rough.

He pulled her hips forward again, using one hand to pull back the hood of her bud, and gently flicked over it with his tongue. Rey writhed above him, her arms searching for something to grab onto. She found one of the metal studs behind her, and gripped it with all of her strength. The sight of him on his knees before her made her insides clench, hard, and she knew he felt the flood of wetness on his chin.

She moved against his face, getting closer to her second release, but she couldn’t quite reach it. Ben’s licks were almost too gentle, frustrating her enough that she clutched and pulled a fistful of his hair, bringing him closer to her, desperate for more.

He chuckled under her, and licked a broad stripe up her pussy. “Impatient, aren’t you?”

She moaned her answer, but when he pushed two fingers inside of her, she nearly screamed. He crooked his fingers, immediately pushing against her most sensitive spot.

“Yes! There, there… _there,”_ she cried out as she came apart above him. Ben stood up, his face glistening. He moved to kiss her again, the taste of herself moving from his tongue to hers. Rey broke the kiss, trying to catch her breath. The effort was futile, because Ben wiped his face, then looked at his hand. His expression made her shiver, and she placed a steadying hand on her chest. He looked up and caught her eye, his intense arousal stealing her breath all over again.

Before Rey could do anything about it, she felt her pants slide back up her hips. She looked down in disbelief. She looked back up, ready to ask him what he thought he was doing, but he pressed a quick peck to her cheek, and said, “Time to get back to work, Rey.”

“But you—“ she started.

“I can wait, Rey. I’ll be back when you’re done.” Then he was gone. Rey stood there a minute, stunned.

_Two orgasms had worked, though_ , she thought to herself. She wasn’t nearly as distracted as she had been. She smiled as she went back to work.

***

Close to two hours later, she’d excavated the signal box, and was ready to crack it open. She pulled off her gloves, tossing them onto her shoulder.

Rey took hold of the box, and turned it over, looking for the latch to open it. She was going to have to toggle the switches manually, and add a small board that was supposed to scan and send back out the current passcodes for the First Order. According to Ben, First Order scanners would be able to pick up the ship if they just scrambled the signal. They needed to be virtually invisible, so they’d decided on a small transport model to emulate.

Rey ran her fingernails along the surface of the box, not seeing an obvious latch in her previous inspection. Finally, her thumb encountered a ridge under the wires. She let a little sigh of triumph, and depressed ridge. There was a little click, and a split appeared in the middle of the box, revealing the internal mechanics. She put on her rubber gloves, and unwired the box from the rest of the ship.

Rey called the Force, and pulled her supplies to her. She caught the box in her power, too, and kept it floating in the air. The first thing she had to do was splice in the new board, she told herself as she pulled her gloves off. She found the two places where it could go, and grabbed her desoldering pump with one hand, and her iron with the other. She heated the existing solder, then pulled it away with the pump. She let the pump float back to the circle of tools in front of her.

The Force was turning out to be useful in many aspects of her life, she thought with a half-smile. In this case, it was better than a tool belt. She took a deep breath, trying to release the stress of finding the box before soldering in the new board.

There were six wires that had to be rerouted, and two extra from the new board that she’d have to find a place for within the system. She stripped a bit of the casing away to allow a better connection, placing the wire on the board. She soldered it into place. She followed that wire with the next five, soldering them into place.

It took her several more minutes, and one burn with the iron, but she was able to get the new board wired into the box. She stopped for a moment to admire her handiwork. Now all she had to do was toggle the switches to match the correct model. The toggles themselves were tiny, too small to be manipulated with her fingers. Rey pulled a tool with a rubber end to her, and squinted at the map she’d drawn for herself. Carefully, she pushed them into place, and released the box to the Force.

She pulled her rubber gloves back on, and wired the box into the rest of the system. Rey picked up her datapad, and just as she was scanning to see if she’d been successful, her awareness of someone in the room spiked. She closed her eyes a moment, stretching out with her senses. _Ben. He was here._

She opened her eyes, and looked up. She didn’t see him at the opening of the trap door, so she returned to her work. She scanned the box with her datapad, and was pleased to see the _Falcon_ registering as a Zeta-class cargo transport. The two ship models were near enough to the same length that it should fool the sensors of the First Order ships. _After all_ , she thought, _the sensor operators will see what they expect to see_.

“How’s it going down there?” Ben asked. She looked up to meet his eyes, and his intense gaze set her stomach to fluttering.

“Wonderful,” she responded. “We’re now a Zeta-Class transport. What brings you to the engine room?”

Ben dropped down into the hatch with her, and he took her breath as he took up nearly all of the available space. She had to crane her neck to look up at him. He bit his bottom lip, his eyes searching her face.

“I told you I’d be back,” he said, his voice low. Rey felt the blood rush to her face, his words sending shivers down her spine. She stepped in close to him, running her hand down his arm. He’d taken the vest off, leaving only the white billowing shirt, and his black leather pants. She inhaled sharply, her body alight with sensation.

He lowered his head to capture her mouth with his. She wound her arms around his neck, hanging on like her life depended on it. He reached beneath her, and lifted her by her thighs, holding her aloft as she kissed him fiercely. Rey desperately tried to let go of her dreams, to just be here, with Ben, to not worry about how the future would play out.

Ben tightened his grip on her thighs, and little shocks of pain shot through her body, taking her out of her head, letting her just feel. Her last coherent thought was about how she really ought to stop wearing pants.

He let her down just long enough for her to scramble out of her leggings, and for him to undo the fastenings on his trousers. He watched her intently, and growled, “You have no idea how hard it was to waiting two hours for you to finish this.”

Rey flushed again. Feeling very bold, she said, “I imagine it was about as hard as that cock of yours.”

In a blink, she was swept up into his arms again. She wrapped her legs around his waist, and dropped her hips to slide down onto him. He groaned deeply, and Rey let out a satisfied sigh. She rolled her hips forward, taking more of him in, moaning as he spread her. She moved her hands to his shoulders, and felt his forearms flex against her side as he held her while she moved.

Ben leaned back slightly, allowing her more room to rock against him. The small maintenance hatch didn’t have walls, exactly, just studs with boxes and wires. Rey knew that if they stayed in this position, Ben would have a hard time moving, and she would be entirely in control. Her muscles clenched around him at the thought, and his eyes blazed. She was already panting, her slow rocking rubbing him against that spot that made her see stars.

He shifted her slightly with his hands under her, and she was steadier than she was before. She rolled her hips against his, more smoothly this time, and she set a pace that had Ben swearing. She smiled, moving one hand to brush the stray hairs that had come loose during her work away from her face. She fixed him with a sultry gaze.

“Keep looking at me like that and this is going to be very quick,” he warned, shifting his hands to better control her hips. Rey grunted as he moved her up and down his length. She gripped his shoulders again, an idea taking root.

She pulled the Force to her, using it to hold herself in the air. She leaned back and canted her hips, giving Ben greater access and movement. Ben felt her power rise, and realizing what she’d done, released her hips long enough to reposition himself.

“Good idea,” he said, shoving himself back inside her.

Her moans changed to breathy pants as he drove into her. Ben steadied himself by gripping her waist, his large hands nearly spanning the entire circumference. Rey rarely felt fragile, but the sheer size and strength of him made her feel delicate.

Ben shifted again, wrapping his arms under hers, as if he was holding her up with them. This changed the angle of his strokes, and she happily succumbed to her release. Ben followed her in a few strokes, gripping her shoulders harder. He seized her mouth in a fiercely possessive kiss while he spasmed inside her, thrilling her as she rode the last of her own spasms.


	46. There's Always One More Thing Reminding Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting serious now.

Ben scooped her into his arms, and she laid her head on his chest. They stayed that way for several moments, letting their breathing return to normal.

Suddenly, Ben’s head snapped up, looking through the hatch door. He let her down softly, then stepped back to right his clothes.

“Someone’s coming,” Ben said, as he quickly righted his clothing. “I’ll distract them while you get your pants back on.”

Rey let her power expand out, trying to sense who was coming. _Oh, great,_ she thought. _Giah and Drago._

Ben leapt out of the hatch and onto the floor. He’d been flat footed, so he’d clearly used the Force to help him out. Rey couldn’t decide if that was cheating or not.

She heard Ben’s voice as the doors hissed open. “What are you doing down here?”

He sounded so normal, Rey hoped the two Knights wouldn’t guess what they’d just been doing in the hatch below. She quickly stepped into her leggings, twisting them up her hips. They were still a little damp between her thighs, and she hoped it didn’t show.

Drago spoke first. “We had to get away from ‘the good guys.’ Their plan is so… _vanilla_.”

Rey popped her head out of the trap door to squint at Drago. “What are you talking about?”

Drago stared at her, wide-eyed, like he hadn’t expected her to be there. “They just want a straight recon mission. I suggested a few targeted strikes, but they refused.”

“Of course they did,” Rey said. “I would have, too.”

“Of course you would,” Drago said, looking away from her as he said it. Rey rolled her eyes.

Giah sighed. “I have a bad feeling about this.”

Rey gathered her tools back into her bag, and tossed it up onto the floor of the engine room. She followed, climbing up the thin ladder to the opening. She turned to close the hatch as she asked, “Which part?”

“This whole mission. Something is off about it, but I can’t put my finger on it,” Giah said, thoughtfully.

“And that gives me a bad feeling,” Drago said. Rey was learning to deal with him, but she still didn’t like being around him. She still didn’t understand why Rose had been so adamant that he come with the group. He cocked an eyebrow at her, and she wondered if he’d been in her head again. No, she’d have felt it, so it must have been her expression. She schooled her features to be more neutral.

Rey looked to Ben, slinging her tool bag over her shoulder. _It’s coming._

_I know. A day or two, maybe._

_Giah knows it, too, but she’s not saying,_ Rey turned to face the door as it hissed open. Poe walked through, and stopped, taking in the group.

“Hew - you all make me glad I’m not sensitive to the Force. You are one somber group,” His tone was light, but Rey felt the truth behind his words.

Rey watched Giah consider Poe, her head tilted and eyes narrowed.

Poe held up a hand. “Nope, don’t tell me I am or not. I don’t want to know.” Giah only smiled.

“Did you want something, Dameron?” Ben asked, sounding irritated.

“We’re about to reach Endor. Thought you would want to know,” Poe replied.

“Thanks,” Rey said, smiling at her friend. The alarm signaling their drop out of hyperspace sounded, and Rey braced herself for the inevitable lurch forward. The speaker in the engine room crackled, and Finn’s voice sounded through the room.

“They’re hailing us. You First Order types are up,” Finn reminded them through the speaker.

Rey looked around the room, and saw the resigned looks on Drago and Giah’s faces.

“What’s going on?” Ben asked, looking between them and Poe, suspicious.

“We thought we might be hailed, and voices that were only vaguely familiar would serve us better. Drago and I haven’t been seen or heard without our helmets by most crew,” Giah said, standing and brushing herself off. She started toward the door, Drago on her heels.

Poe turned to Rey and Ben. “If this goes south, you may want to take the guns.”

“We’ll go to the corridor,” Rey said, nodding. Ben stiffened, but said nothing. Rey took his hand, starting to the door after Poe.

“We should go to the cockpit. If this doesn’t work, our small complement won’t do us any good.” Ben said, stopping her from going through the door.

She whirled around, scrutinizing him. “I know you’re used to being in command, but this is Poe’s mission. We should do as he orders.”

“Our best bet if they figure us out is to put all power to shields and drop down to the planet. Not to stand and fight,” Ben insisted, searching her face with his eyes. Rey regarded him through narrowed eyes, before sighing. He was looking at her so earnestly, like he really believed this would work, that she nodded in agreement.

His shoulders sagged in relief. “Chewbacca knows this ship better than anyone. I’ll bet that he tells Poe the same thing.”

“I’ll catch up to him,” Rey said, running through the corridor after Poe. She caught sight of his back outside of the cockpit.

“Poe! Wait,” she called.

“Yes, Rey?” He said, sounding mildly put out. Their relationship hadn’t recovered, not really, after Rey had chosen love over the Resistance. She liked to think he didn’t understand, but she knew he did. It just didn’t make a difference.

“We can’t stand and fight if they make us. We need to run,” she said, echoing Ben’s plan.

“Tell Kylo to deliver his own plans, Rey,” Poe responded, clearly irritated.

Rey held up a placating hand. “It may be his plan, but think about it, Poe. He grew up with this ship, understands it. Don’t take my word for it, though, ask Chewbacca. He’ll agree, I know it.”

“We’ll see what happens,” Poe rubbed his forehead, exasperated. “Be ready to hop in those turrets,” he added as she turned to go. She fixed him with a sharp look, and it was his turn to hold up his hands. “In case they pursue us with TIEs. Come on in here.”

Rey nodded, and followed. A few moments later, the door opened again, and Ben walked through. She watched him as he walked into the cockpit. He raised an eyebrow, making eye contact with her. _You’re tense again,_ he said through their bond. _Undoing all my hard work._ Rey smiled weakly in response.

He stopped behind her, and put his hands on her shoulders. She relaxed under his hands, her shoulders dropping further away from her ears. He pushed his thumbs into her skin, on either side of her spine, and she nearly sighed.

As the tension left her, she became more aware of the room. Drago was already talking to the operator of one of the capital ships.

“We’re due for the surface,” he said, his accent thicker than normal. “Carrying supplies for the advance teams.”

“You’re behind, they launched hours ago.” A bored voice crackled through the Falcon’s comm system.

“Aye, I know, we’re burdened down. Took us a clip to get through.” Drago turned to look questioningly at Giah, who shrugged. Rey thought the ship’s radar operator must be buying it, as they hadn’t ordered them to stop, nor had they approached. Chewie kept the ship on course, the rest of them staying as silent as they could.

“Then be about your mission, Zeta transport,” the voice said again, and Rey released a breath she didn’t know she was holding.

“Aye, sir,” Drago said with a mock salute for the group. He tapped the back of the co-pilot’s seat as he said, “Punch it, fuzzy.”

Chewie protested mightily, but kept flying. Finn turned around in the co-pilot’s seat, and frowned deeply at Drago. “You’re a lucky bastard. I’m waiting for that to run out.”

“You and me both, trooper,” Drago muttered darkly, before turning to leave the cockpit.

“Oh-kay,” Poe said, making eye contact with Rey, then above her to Ben. His hands had relaxed their grip on her shoulders, but he’d left them there. She felt them shift, as if he’d moved his shoulders in response to Poe’s expression.

Poe looked at them, resigned, then turned so he could see everyone. “Chewie’s going to set us down 10 klicks away from the wreckage point. We’ll take the speeders as far as we can, but we’ll have to hike the last of it. If we have to camp, we’ll do it in the dead zone.”

“The dead zone?” Rey’d not heard of this in regard to Endor.

Ben answered her, “When the main slice of the wreckage crashed on the planet, it created a shockwave that killed nearly everything in a 5 mile radius. The crater is a lake now, and some plant life has returned to the area. The Ewoks hadn’t, the last time I was here.”

“No, they won’t have, still,” Poe remarked. “They have it marked as a sacred zone. The Republic officially recognized it and supported building a monument to the dead.”

“Why are we camping in a sacred zone?” Finn asked.

“So we don’t get captured and eaten by the darling inhabitants of Endor,” Giah said, a dark humor in her voice.

“Eaten?” Finn squeaked.

“Yes, those fluffy little bears are carnivorous, and aren’t picky,” Giah continued.

Chewbacca roared in support of this plan, telling them how they’d even captured him. _A MIGHTY WARRIOR SUCH AS MYSELF WAS NEARLY EATEN BY THE LITTLE BUGGERS,_ he complained in Shryiiwook.

Rey’s eyebrows flew up, sharing a wide-eyed look with Finn. He wasn’t fluent, but he’d spent enough time around Chewie that he was starting to pick up the language. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the edge of the atmosphere approaching, the brief shock of orange fire indicating the breach of the oxygenated air. Chewie slowed the ship for the rest of the descent.

They landed in the middle of a copse of tall evergreen trees, different from the deciduous forest of Takodana, Rey noted, taking it in. Their datapads told them it was a chilly autumn day on the planet, so they all added layers under their camouflage. The speeder bikes had been stored unceremoniously, in the main lounge of the ship, a fact that both Chewie and Ben had vigorously protested.

It hadn’t changed Poe’s decision, though. It had been the only place the bikes fit, and they needed them. These models were light enough for one person to move, but they managed to pack a sharp punch with their weapons. Rey took one, turned on the repulsers, and walked it down the boarding ramp.

The others followed close behind, and gathered outside of the _Falcon_. Looking around, Rey discovered Rose and Drago were both absent. Finally, Rose appeared on the ramp.

“What took you so long?” Rey asked.

“I’m staying with the ship,” Rose replied. “I can monitor the First Order from here, and move the ship if needed.”

“By yourself?” Rey asked, ready to argue against it when Drago appeared behind her.

“No. She won’t be alone,” he said, an edge to his voice that Rey hadn’t heard since her first time on the _Finalizer._

“That’s hardly comforting,” Rey retorted.

“Think about it,” Drago continued, placing a hand on Rose’s back. “Who would you rather have guarding your friend? Someone with a conscience, or someone who needs one?”

Rey stared at him, incredulous. “Someone who HAS one, of course!”

“This conflict between you is exhausting,” Ben interrupted. “Rey, you can hate him to the end of your days, but if you’ll open your eyes for a moment, you’ll see that Drago would cut himself in half rather than let Rose come to harm. She’ll be safe here.”

Rey might as well have grown roots and joined the forest, she was so stunned. She’d been so wrapped up in Ben, and the students, she’d not noticed the reason for Rose’s increased happiness. Or maybe, maybe, she’d not wanted to notice. She opened herself in the Force, and felt love. Love, and pure, blinding happiness. Tears welled in her eyes as she looked at Rose.

She walked back up the ramp, and wrapped her friend in her arms. “I’m sorry,” she said.

“For what?” Rose asked, returning her embrace.

“For missing this, for hating him so much you couldn’t tell me,” she apologized, and meant it. She understood what it was like to love someone your friends hated.

Rose pulled back from her just enough to plant a light kiss on her forehead. “I wasn’t hiding it,but Drago didn’t want me to feel that I had to choose,” she whispered. “Though it seems Ben figured it out.”

“He’s observant. Surgically observant, even,” Rey whispered back. Then louder, “Stay safe. I don’t know what we’re looking for.”

Rose nodded. “Comm back every hour and a half. We’ll monitor First Order channels.”

Rey agreed, and with a last appraising look at Drago, walked back down the ramp and mounted her speeder bike.

“All right, if we’re finished with all the lovey-dovey shit, let’s do this,” Poe said, sharing a knowing look with Finn, who winked at him. “Kylo, Giah, you’ve been here, lead the way.”

“Right,” Giah said, her speeder bike roaring to life, loudly. Unnecessarily loud, in Rey’s estimation. She flew off, taking point for this leg of the journey. More speeders ignited, and flew off in pursuit.

With a wave to Rose, Rey started her speeder and followed after Chewbacca, Ben taking the rear guard. She saw Drago give Ben a nod, like he was agreeing to something. Her stomach dropped, not from the speed, but from a feeling.

A feeling like they were speeding toward the beginning of their end.


	47. That I'm Not Whole

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies for the Ewoks. 
> 
> If you don't want to read about the Ewok Armageddon, stop at "When he felt the bond snap, he stopped fighting and let the vision crash over him." You can pick up again at "Kylo felt a small, calloused hand as the vision ended, his breathing ragged."

_There it was again_ , Kylo thought. The sound of engine afterburn. He could hear it over the sound of the speeder engines, small transports most likely. If the First Order advance teams had been sent here hours ago, transports meant one of two things: failure or reinforcements. Neither boded well for their little recon band.

He knew Giah heard it, too. She was leading them with a brutal pace, but somehow she managed to speed them up after each afterburn. They were flying so quickly through the trees that only a fiery death awaited them if they crashed. Something was out there, something the First Order - and Snoke - wanted, badly.

Kylo also knew he was somehow a part of it. Snoke had been overly concerned with Ben Solo’s bloodline, intimating that his blood was necessary for the plan that hadn’t fully been shared with him. Even as Snoke had outlawed his name, he made sure no one forgot who he was.

But this was no time for deep contemplation, he told himself as he pulled his speeder up above an elevated tree root. He could feel Rey ahead of him, taking calming breaths as she white knuckled the controls of her speeder. She was an experienced pilot, but these speeds would fray anyone’s nerves.

As they rounded the next bend, Kylo heard Giah speak through he Force. _Start slowing down_ , she commanded. He saw Rey and Chewbacca slow their bikes, and he smiled as he thought about the two men in front of them all, hearing Giah’s voice in their heads for the first time. It was a dangerous first time, but it wasn’t that different than speaking through a helmet comm.

Giah brought them to a halt at the border of the Dead Zone, and Kylo leapt off his speeder to walk to the front of the group. It was his turn to lead. He studied the area beyond the fence that marked the sacred land. From where they were standing now, he could hear the amphibians and birds in the forest. The rustling of the trees in the wind tied it all together.

He pulled up the hood of his camouflage cloak as he started walking. “We’ll hike toward the edge of the lake, and find cover to rest. We’ll continue to the wreckage after dark.”

Kylo left himself open to the Force, counting each person as they followed. If they fell behind, he’d know.

Kylo led them through the fencing the Republic had erected around the area, listening past the muted conversations behind him to the crunching of leaves and sticks under his feet. It was eerily silent beyond the fence, as if even the animals sensed this place was haunted. Kylo only occasionally heard the wind in the trees, and likely only because he was listening for it. He looked up, expanding his reach with the Force, looking for signs of life. Though he found only the five people behind him, he didn’t relax his guard.

The wind died suddenly as they exited the canopy of trees that had survived the crash. The slight murmur that had been a constant behind him was silenced as the aura of the place wrapped itself around them. He shivered behind his cloak, looking at the destruction for the first time in years.

He felt such intense sorrow that tears sprung to his eyes. He took a steadying breath, reminding himself that most of this emotion wasn’t his own. He’d left himself so open in the Force that he was feeling everyone else’s emotions. He sought out Rey, trying to soothe her through the Force. She was audibly crying, overwhelmed with the aura here. Chewbacca sounded a mournful call, something close to a prayer. The two men were letting their feelings flow through them, feeling them as a tribute to the lives lost here.

The only person he didn’t feel anything from was Giah. She’d locked herself down, realizing what was happening to Kylo. Kylo didn’t look back at the group, instead studying the landscape before him. He slammed down on his bond with Rey, refusing to pull her into what he knew was going to happen to him next. When he felt the bond snap, he stopped fighting and let the vision crash over him.

_The booming of the first pieces of the second Death Star as they entered the atmosphere filled his ears as he looked to the sky. The lush canopy had returned, obscuring his view of the fire falling from the sky._

_The first piece hit the ground miles from him, the shockwave knocking branches loose, and shaking the ground under his feet. He heard the horns of the Ewoks sound a warning, saw the animals running to escape. He knew that the remaining rebellion forces had tried to evacuate this area. He heard the engines of their transports. They didn’t have enough time._

_The space station had been too close to the moon when it blew, and the ruins had been caught by its gravity well. He felt each piece drop to the ground, heard the silence that followed each shaking explosion. He stood, unable to move his feet. He looked to the sky, waiting. He knew which piece was coming next. The biggest._

_It entered the atmosphere with a terrible roar. Kylo was helpless to watch through the broken, burning trees, just like the beings here had been. It burned in the sky, hurtling toward the ground. The mangled bit of metal hit the moon so fast it had outrun its own roar. It was silent as the blinding light flashed, but soon, the sound of the explosion rushed forward, enveloping everything in its path. Standing where he was, at the very edge of the wave, the destruction was less complete. He saw the burning bodies of those who hadn’t been fast enough, their screams echoing the twisted metal of the transport ships that hadn’t flown fast enough to outrun the shockwave. The trees were no longer burning, the flash of heat petrifying them where they stood._

Kylo felt a small, callused hand in his as the vision ended, his breathing ragged. He squeezed his eyes together, trying to clear the vision from his mind. He opened his eyes to make sure it was over. There were no longer bodies here - they had been gathered and burned years ago - but the twisted trees and undergrowth reduced to sand still told their stories. The stone trees stood like monuments to the dead.

He held on to Rey’s hand like it was his only connection to this world. The wind picked up again, making him aware of the wet tracks down his face. He vaguely registered her repeating his name, and he flicked his eyes downward to look at her. Her brow was creased with concern, but they didn’t have time. He’d have to tell her later. With his free hand, he wiped the tears that weren’t fully his own from his face.

He swallowed hard, gaining control of himself in the space between his Adam’s Apple’s fall and return. They had to press forward if they stood any chance of finding out what the First Order had really been after. He opened himself again to the group, restoring his connection with Rey.

He cleared his throat, knowing through the Force that he’d startled the rest of the group out of their reverent stares. “We need to keep going,” he commanded, his voice soft.

Kylo heard the quiet assents sound from behind him, and he started forward, keeping his grip on Rey’s hand. It was funny, he’d started out trying to soothe her, and instead, she was the one calming him. He felt Rey push back through their restored bond, he felt her light warm him against the cold of his vision.

They’d gone about a mile when he heard Finn checking in with Rose. Kylo stopped the group, spotting a stone tree tall enough to see most of the landscape. “I’ll go up there and see if I can find a shelter,” he told the group.

He climbed as high as he dared, stopping where the tree narrowed to a sliver. He pulled a visor from his pack, using it to search the landscape, aware of several pairs of eyes watching him from below.

“The trees stop in a half mile. There’s a group of trees that fell together, there should be room under them,” Kylo called down.

“Should be?” Giah called back.

“That’s the best I can see from this angle,” Kylo yelled as he started back down the tree. His boots scraped against the stone. A cold wind blew around him as he climbed down, and he shivered under his cloak, though he wasn’t cold.

It was the Dark Side, reaching out for him from the wreckage. Wanting him to come home.

Kylo dropped to the ground, trying to ignore the feeling around him. “Let’s go.”

As they walked, he looked to Rey and Giah in turn, and knew they were feeling the call, too.

“I don’t like it here,” Poe said, to no one in particular. Kylo looked over his shoulder, and saw the uneasiness on Poe’s voice echoed in Finn’s face.

“No one likes it here,” Kylo responded. _Once you liked it here. Trying to find the mysteries of your grandfather…_ Kylo felt a shiver down his spine as he realized he didn’t recognize the voice in his head. He straightened his back, pushing the feeling away.

Kylo continued down the path, grasping to remember something Snoke had once let slip. It had to do with the second Death Star, and the spirits trapped there, but it was just outside of his memory. Determined now, he set a brutal pace through the apocalyptic wasteland before them. Kylo heard the footfalls of the others behind him, scrabbling and crunching though the sand and rocks. He didn’t bother to check if they were keeping up; he knew they would. If they didn’t, they would be exposed to any ships flying overhead.

The First Order didn’t honor the sacred zone. They didn’t honor anything.


	48. How Can I Let You Go?

Rey paused only briefly to take a swig of her canteen before hooking it back on her belt. She was growing more and more uncomfortable by the minute, the Dark Side radiating from the wreckage that was still a mile or so away. They were very close to the set of trees they meant to camp beneath, she had seen them rise in the distance a few moments ago.

Another boom of an engine sounded above them, and the lot of them jumped for cover. She saw Poe take out a set of binoculars, trying to find the ship and its direction. He gave a sign for take off, and Rey wondered if that meant the First Order teams had found something.

Once the ship had passed, they made a dash for the shelter of trees Ben had found. There they would wait for night to fall. The trees had fallen in on each other, but they still held each other up. The forest supported itself even petrified, she thought. The trees had been at least twelve feet tall, and they were interweaved in such a way to create a curved roof.

As Rey walked into it, she noticed there were little pots and other bits and bobs in piles just inside the structure. She was careful to step over them, recognizing the little items as offerings. The atmosphere inside was calmer than outside, almost like the Dark Side couldn’t reach into the interior of this space. It reminded Rey of the feeling she had inside the tree temple on Ahch-to. Chewbacca carefully followed her in, walking all the way to the back of the structure before dropping himself to the ground.

“I’ll take watch,” Ben said, not coming past the offerings. He settled in just outside the structure’s opening. She could feel the anxiety rolling off of him, and walked back to the entrance to be near him. Standing still, she watched as the others sat and leaned against the walls. Poe and Finn leaned against each other, too, Poe’s arm wrapping around Finn’s shoulders.

Giah appeared to go completely still, her legs crossed under her, her hands in her lap. Her back was straight against the wall. Rey could feel Giah’s steady presence in the Force; her meditation taking the place of sleep.

Rey lowered herself to the ground just inside of the structure’s opening. She slipped one hand through a gap in the trees, reaching for Ben’s. He interlaced his fingers with hers, gripping her hand tightly. Rey exhaled a breath she didn’t realize she’d been holding, relaxing as much as she could against the stone trunks.

She yawned once. She squeezed Ben’s fingers and said softly, “We’ll be all right.”

“Yes, you will,” she heard Ben say as she drifted to sleep.

***

Someone was shaking her, Rey realized.

“Wake up, Rey. Wake up!” Rey opened her eyes just enough to see who was shaking her. _Finn_.

Rey opened her eyes fully, and sat up from her slumped down position. “What’s wrong, Finn?”

“They’re gone!”

“Who’s gone?” Rey asked, sleep still befuddling her. Chewbacca roared from above her, snapping her out of it.

“Kylo and Giah have gone, that’s who,” Finn said. Rey jumped up, and ran outside. It was full dark, likely sometime around midnight. Ben and Giah were supposed to each take watch, meditating instead of resting. There was no sign of them. _Had they planned this all along?_

_No_ , she told herself. Something else was going on here. Rey opened herself to the Force, searching for them. The bond was faint, but it was still there.

“Rose,” she heard Poe call over the comm behind her. “Rose, is everything okay there?”

Poe’s comm crackled to life. “Yes, why?”

“Is he around?”

“Why do you ask?” Rose sounded suspicious.

“It’s a yes or no, Rose,” Poe said, impatient now.

“No,” Rose huffed, having also lost her patience.

“Is he on the ship still, or has he disappeared?”

“What kind of question is that? Yes, he’s still on the ship.”

“Kylo and Giah are gone. Keep an eye on him.”

“Okay.”

“Let us know if he does anything weird. Well, weird for him,” Poe commanded.

“Okay. Poe?”

“Yes?”

“He commed the fleet. About an hour ago, calling them in. I thought you ordered it, but now I’m wondering if something else is going on,” Rose’s concern was audible in her voice.

“Thanks, Rose. Keep yourself safe,” Poe said as he disconnect the comm signal. Rey deepened her pull on the Force, searching farther for Giah and Ben. She felt as if she was being drawn against the current, struggling to swim forward. The Dark Side was thick here, grasping for her, trying to keep her away. She balled her fists, stamping down her anger, pulling for the warmth of the light. When she tightened her fingers, she felt something large poke the third knuckle on her left hand.

She looked down, and drew in a sharp breath. On her third finger was Leia’s ring, the one Rey had never seen her take off. The one that Han had given her. Not a wedding ring, exactly, but a favorite ring. It had twin arcs of gold metal, with two blue, rounded stones at each pole of the ring. She knew Ben had put it on her finger before he left. What was he doing out there?

It didn’t seem that anyone else had noticed her surprised gasp. She closed her eyes again, but this time she didn’t have to fight to find them. It was almost as if her noticing the ring had amplified her pull on the Force. She opened her eyes to see that the sand and rocks were swirling around her. The rubble dropped as she quieted her power.

She turned to the others, who were packed and ready to go.

“They’re in the wreckage.”

Finn and Poe shared a look, then Finn said, “Lead the way.”

Chewbacca roared his agreement, complementing Poe’s nod.

Rey turned, the wind picking up again, blowing her cloak behind her. She felt Ben and Giah, felt them almost like engines revving to life as they pulled the Dark Side of the Force.

She would get to the bottom of this. She suspected it had something to do with their shared vision, and the feeling that it was about to come to pass.

She started toward the wreck of the Death Star, determined to discover what had pulled their group apart.


	49. I Am Torn In Two

“It’s time,” Giah had said as she stood over him. He’d known it was, could feel it in the Force that he’d been meant to leave them here. Knowing it made it no easier, though.

As he and Giah made their way to the wreckage of the Death Star, he thought back over the last moments he’d had with Rey. He’d kissed her hand before releasing it as he’d stood, then he came around to kiss her forehead while she slept. He watched her again for as long as he dared, before lifting her other hand and slipping his mother’s ring on to it.

Kylo hoped that it would comfort her when—no, he couldn’t think that way right now.

Another engine revved overhead, and they ducked behind a stone tree to watch it. They were close enough now that they could tell this was a transport ship.

“It’s breaking atmosphere,” Kylo whispered. “Let’s keep going.”

Giah didn’t move. “Are you sure about this, Kylo?”

“Yes.”

“Really? You’ve never been fully immersed in the Dark Side like the rest of us. What makes you want to do it now?”

“I have to stop fighting the visions, Giah. Anakin told me to let the Force guide me, and it’s telling me to do this. Every time I meditate. Even my mother seemed to understand what I had to do.”

Giah nodded, resigned. “Get moving, Ren.”

With a grim expression, Kylo took off running, Giah on his heels. They navigated around the stone trees and the occasional skeleton of a ship. Kylo let the run clear his head, and steel his nerve. He was going to do this. His only fear was how much he was going to enjoy it.

They stopped a few feet from the edge of the cliff of the lake. Here, nature had started to reclaim the devastated land. A lush blue-green grass grew over the rocks, disguising the true character of the cliffs below. The only way down for most from here was a treacherous climb downward to a pebble beach. The gas giant Endor provided dim light that reflected off the lake, draping a sinister shadow on the ruined Death Star.

“You feel that?” Giah asked, something like exhilaration entering her tone.

“Yes,” he answered, feeling the depths of the Dark Side here. The raw power it offered, calling to him again. He felt Giah surge in the Force, opening herself so fully he could feel the power rushing through her.

Kylo knew he would have to do the same. Whatever was here would only reveal itself through the Dark Side, as it had almost done the last time he was here. He was still conflicted last time. Not this time. This time he knew what he had to do. What a part of him had always wanted to do.

He just hoped he would still be himself on the other side.

Closing his eyes, and taking a deep breath, he gave into the darkness that had always been inside him. The Dark Side of the Force washed over him like a cold shower. He’d spent enough time in the light that the contrast was stunning. He felt like a nerve peeled raw. But the power.

The power was there, and he was drunk on it. The weight of his worries was gone, the only feeling left was strength. It pushed through him, forcing its way through his body, filling all the nooks and crannies it could find. He felt an urge to throw his head back and roar with the power rushing through him. For a moment, he couldn’t remember what he was doing there. He turned around once, located the nearest stone tree and squeezed his fist. The tree shattered through the center as if he’d crushed it in his hand.

He heard soft laughter next to him, and knew Giah was just as affected as he was.

“It’s been a while since I’ve felt this much power all at once,” she marveled, flicking lightning off her fingers as she spoke. “I think I could lift the wreckage all by myself.”

Kylo smirked. Suddenly it was like the old days, experimenting with the Dark Side behind his uncle’s back at the temple.

“I think I could surge from here to there. Without landing,” Kylo boasted, seriously considering it.

_Yes, yes, pull your power. Use it! Find me…_

The voice was so overwhelming, Kylo shook his head like an insect had tried to enter his ear. Giah jumped back at his sudden movement, shouting, “What’s wrong with you?”

“Did you hear that?” He demanded.

“No. What did you hear?”

“A voice, telling me to find it.”

“That’s it! That’s what we’re here for, I’m sure of it. Follow it, Kylo,” Giah said, her yellow eyes glittering. He wondered briefly if his eyes had changed as well, and what Rey would think of it.

Kylo finally nodded. “Let’s get to the wreckage. We don’t have much time before the others figure out we’re gone.”

With a quick, competitive look over at Giah, Kylo took off running toward the edge of the cliff. As he took his last step on the rock, he pushed downward with he Force.

The surge propelled him nearly twenty feet in the air, and he had to stifle the urge to make exuberant noises. This was what he was meant for, this power. It filled him like nothing else did. He knew he wasn’t going to make it in one jump; the arc of his jump was pulling him downward now. The lake was rapidly flying up to meet him, and if he timed the next jump wrong, he’d be on the bottom.

He pushed his power below him, gathering it to shove himself away from the water. It was almost time, just- _there_!

He soared into the air again, flying up and up, until he reached the peak of his arc. He was pleased with how well he’d lined up the jump. He was going to land on the ledge of the wreckage, close to the disc of the super weapon. His feet hit the ground with enough force to smash a crater into the metal. He turned to locate Giah.

She had jumped also, and was heading downward for her final landing. He stepped back, giving her space. As she descended, she slowed herself, and landed without a sound.

“Show off,” Kylo teased.

“Where are we headed?” Giah asked, sobering. Her eyes faded back to their normal brown.

Kylo took a deep breath and called on the Force to show him. There was something _bright_ below them.

“Down. Almost directly below us.”

“I don’t feel anyone else around, they must have left.”

“But did they find what they wanted?”

“We’ll see, won’t we?”

Kylo turned and walked into the interior of the wreckage. The thing was calling to him now, he just had to follow it. He heard Giah’s footfalls behind him as they continued through the ruin. The bright thing below them seemed to pulse with his heartbeat, leading him forward. For a while, the only sound he heard was the ring of the metal as he and Giah walked through the downed space station.

He turned a corner, and stopped short before the massive gap in the floor. Kylo looked around for another way, but found nothing. All he could see was the same rip in the lower levels.

“We’ll have to jump down,” he said.

“Where is it?” Giah asked, staring down the maw below them.

Kylo focused on the light. “Maybe five levels down.”

Giah nodded, then leapt off of the ledge. Kylo watched as she caught herself on the fourth level down, and swung down to the fifth. He jumped next, gripping a low overhanging bar to slow himself enough to drop on to the lower level.

“Which way?” Giah was already wandering around, clearly not able to sense what Kylo could. It seemed like this had been some kind of engineering deck, with holoscreens and other equipment littering the ground. He started forward, picking his way through the mess.

_This way, this way_ , it called to him. _It’s been over thirty years since someone could hear me._

_Who are you?_ Kylo asked the voice.

_You’ll see._

Kylo felt another presence then. _Rey_. She was looking for them. Kylo didn’t fight her, but pressed forward. He had to find it before Rey found them.

_There_. Kylo could see the light shining out from underneath one of the crushed holoscreens. He approached slowly, dread creeping up his spine, even with the power of the Dark Side coursing through him still. He knelt down, reaching underneath the twisted metal and transparisteel.

His stomach dropped as his fingertips brushed against an etched surface. He took a steadying breath, then grabbed the object, pulling it from the rubble.

It wasn’t any larger than the palm of his hand, a little red pyramid with symbols covering the surface. He stood, turning to face Giah.

She approached him slowly, her eyes wide. She blew a low whistle.

“That’s a...”

“Yes, it is.”

“Whose?”

“I’d guess it belonged to Darth Sidious, but I have no idea who’s in there.” Kylo regarded the holocron in his hand. Could it be Sidious himself?

“Open it, Kylo. It’s been waiting for you,” Giah whispered, studying both him and the holocron.

Kylo nodded. He gathered the Force around himself, then shoved it into the holocron, overpowering it. The symbols glowed red, then flickered out. A mechanism clicked, and Kylo grunted as a sharp pain registered in his hand. It had pricked him.

A moment later, each side of the pyramid fell open. A smoky wisp twisted out from the center of the holocron, glowing red. It hovered above the shell, then exploded into bright red and white light.

Kylo raised his empty hand to protect his face. Maniacal laughter sounded from the center of the explosion.

Kylo realized too late that this was no holocron.


	50. Hold On, We're Barely Alive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, it's who you think it is.

Rey stopped at the edge of the grassy cliff and looked out over the wreckage of the Death Star. She heard shuffling behind her, and knew that the others had stopped as she had. What they couldn’t feel, though, was the revulsion running through her. The Dark Side of the Force was incredibly strong here, and just a moment ago, she’d felt a terrible flash of it.

Chewie roared from behind them.

“I’m not sure how they got over there, either, Chewie,” Rey responded. She looked down over the edge, seeing only the jagged rock face.

She saw Finn join her at the edge out of her periphery. He looked down and back up at Rey.

“Maybe they jumped,” he said.

“It’s possible,” she considered. “I felt a spike in the Force a little while ago, it could have been them jumping.”

Poe joined them in looking over the edge of the cliff. “So. How are we going to get across?”

Chewie let out a series of groans.

Finn whipped around to stare at him. “That’s a no from me. I don’t intend to die being thrown off a cliff by a Wookiee.”

Chewie protested that Finn thought he might miss, and Rey shook her head fondly. They continued arguing while Rey thought about how to get down. With no way across, Rey began to suspect that there had been more planning behind this than she’d known.

She focused her eyes on the ruined space station. It really wasn’t that far out from the shore. Then an idea struck her.

“Let’s climb down. I can get us across,” Rey said, confidence entering her voice.

Carefully, Rey picked her way down the rocky cliff face. She turned her face to dodge the pebbles that fell as the men started down behind her. For a while, the only sounds Rey cared to listen to were the sounds of their shoes scraping against the rocks.

At last, her feet touched ground. The lake’s beach was covered with small rounded pebbles, until it gave way to a fine sand. The sand was a soft gray color, in contrast to the hot yellow-orange sand she was used to on Jakku. It swished softly under her feet as she approached the waterline.

Rey took a deep breath, and pulled the Force. She’d never attempted anything at this scale, including when she’d lifted the rock pile on Crait.

“Just lifting things,” she muttered to herself. Her power was open enough that she felt Poe, Finn and Chewie approach behind her. She felt their wonder about what she was planning to do. Hopefully, she wouldn’t disappoint them.

She exhaled slowly, lifting her arms more out of habit than necessity. She reached out with the Force, taking control of the water in front of them. She was surprised to feel wildlife in the lake, figuring that the miasma around the Death Star would have prevented anything from living here. Nature - and the Force - always recovered. When she felt that she had complete control over the water, she spread her arms, using them to command the water to part.

She heard, and felt, the water respond. It pushed away from the center, as if its polarity had suddenly reversed, and each molecule repelled its neighbor. She heard gasps of awe from behind her as the water cleared a path for them to walk.

“We could walk up and knock right on the door,” Finn said, surprised pride in his voice. Rey didn’t quite trust her hold on something this big to respond with anything other than a nod.

She gestured them forward with her chin, and they complied. Her arms began to shake when they were about halfway through, but she had to hold it. Finally, when they’d climbed up beyond the waterline a safe distance, she dropped her exhausted arms and released her hold. She saw panic on her friends faces as she did so, but she only smiled.

She had a different plan to get herself across, the way she suspected Ben and Giah had used. Rey gathered her power again, and propelled herself into a leap that, she hoped, would span the length of the water. She knew she looked wild as she flew through the air, her arms and legs instinctively swinging around herself, trying to control her descent.

Rey managed to land just below where Finn and Poe had stopped. Chewie, with his long limbs, had already made it up to a crack in the ruin that would take them inside. Seeing that she was all right, Finn and Poe continued their ascent to meet Chewie. Rey pulled herself up, pushing as much healing Force into her arms as possible. She’d need to be able to use them when they found Ben and Giah.

When she hoisted her leg over the final ledge, pushed just a touch with the Force to bring her the rest of the way over. As she did, she was overcome with malevolence. It took her breath, tried to invade her soul. She physically forced her way to her knees, and it took more effort than she wanted to expend to stand up.

She felt of her lightsaber, making sure it was still securely attached on her thigh. Sweat rolled down her face, and she turned. Her friends looked slightly horrified, from the combination of her appearance and standing on the cause of death for hundreds, if not thousands of beings. Rey knew they were not able to feel the malice here as deeply as she could, though the atmosphere was so charged she knew they felt something. She swallowed. Looking around, she didn’t see any sign of Ben or Giah.

She was worried. Not only couldn’t she see signs of them, she couldn’t feel signs of them, either. Even when Ben closed down their bond, she could sense him generally in the Force. Here it was almost murky.

“I can’t feel them,” she whispered to the others.

Raised eyebrows were all that greeted her. They didn’t know what they were in for, so all had gone silent.

Poe slipped ahead, a natural at taking command. _And taking risks,_ Rey thought. He walked softly to the corner, and turned to clear it. Apparently seeing nothing, he motioned them forward. Methodically, they cleared the rest of the floor, Chewie remaining at the back of the group.

Their footfalls on the metal floor and the rustling of their holsters were the only sounds as they made their way through the ruin of the Death Star. After clearing two floors with Poe in the lead, Finn traded with him. It seemed First Order ships continued the arrangement of Imperial ships. When they still had not come across anyone on the third level above where they started, Finn motioned the group to come together.

“I think it’s safe to talk here,” he said.

Poe nodded. “We haven’t seen or heard anyone. Have you felt anyone?” He asked, looking to Rey.

“No. I feel... cloudy. Like there’s something here waiting to be revealed,” Rey responded, searching her feelings and trying to find whatever it was that was clouding her vision.

Chewbacca roared as quietly as a Wookiee could from behind Rey. She turned to look, and found him pointing down the center of the structure.

Rey nodded, sensing he was right. They needed to go down to find what they were looking for.

They backtracked the way they came, taking extra care to hide their movements. As they descended, Rey began to feel more and more like she was drowning in someone else’s power.

“We’re getting close,” she whispered, to agreeing nods from the men in front of her.

When they made it down to the fourth level below their starting point, Rey began to quake, involuntarily. By the fifth, she was sweating bullets and filled with dread.

Dropping from the sixth to the seventh, she lost her grip and had to be caught by Poe. She felt her energy draining away, nearly unable to stand. She swayed on her feet, but waved off attempts to help her. She had to fight through this or she’d never make it.

From the seventh to the eighth, Chewie had to hand her down to Poe and Finn she’d become so weak from the exertion. _What was going on here?_

That was when she heard them. Low and humming. Her heart sank.

Ignited lightsabers.


	51. I Am Faded Through

Snoke had always kept them away from any one Force tradition. _The Knights of Ren, nor their master, were to be limited by anything as mundane as tradition,_ he had said.

So they were not Sith. Nor Fallen Jedi.

They were the Knights of Ren, led first by Snoke, then by Kylo Ren.

The Knights were heavy dark side users, brought down the path by natural affinity, circumstance, or abuse. They rarely recruited new members. In fact, since Kylo Ren took over, the only Force user to be asked to join had been Rey.

The Dark Side is the Dark Side, they’d been told. _You don’t need a code. Use your instincts, the blood of your ancestors._

But this thing, this _apparition,_ in front of the master of the Knights of Ren and his second in command, was darker than they had ever imagined.

This was a Sith.

On instinct, Kylo ignited his lightsaber, the growling hum a small comfort. Giah followed suit, her simple saber almost inaudible above the crackling of his own saber, and the cackling of the _thing_ in front of them.

Kylo watched as the man stepped out of what he’d assumed was a holocron. He was not shimmering around the edges as his uncle and grandfather did, and he seemed more corporeal than either. _This shouldn’t be possible_ , he told himself. _Unless..._

He ran his eyes over the far wall of the room, trying to find any kind of seam that might show him the truth.

The laughter from the man sounded again. “Yes,” he said, “You’re strong. Looking for the illusion. For a way out perhaps?”

Kylo returned his attention to the man, probably in his early seventies, his hair slicked back from his face. He had the posture of a politician, and the air of a man who always got what he wanted.

Kylo’s only response was to raise an eyebrow. He’d lost track of Giah, but he was intentionally not looking for her. _If she was even included in this illusion,_ he thought. If he could hold the Sith’s attention, maybe she could find the break in the illusion.

Between ragged breaths, the room changed. It was no longer a ruin of the Death Star, but a functional navigation room, and fully staffed. People walked around him like he wasn’t there.

“This is more comfortable, don’t you think?” The man asked. Kylo was silent, but that didn’t phase the man speaking.

“It’s interesting, isn’t it, the lengths we go to to make ourselves comfortable. I found, in fact, that it’s the best way to get what you want out of someone. So, young man, what do you think would make you most comfortable? Let’s see.”

For the second time in his life, Kylo saw a highlight reel of his past, but instead of watching what was playing out around them, he watched the old Sith like a hawk. Like Rey, he was looking for something particular.

But he’d betrayed himself. At his thought of Rey, the man dropped the highlight reel, and laughed that horrible cackle. “Oh, my, my. Such a Skywalker. And you’re more than halfway to becoming a Sith yourself. You’ve even killed your master!”

The Sith cleared his throat. “But that still wasn’t enough to keep her safe, was it?”

Kylo’s blood boiled. The Dark Side was still coursing through him, and he launched himself at the man. A savage sound erupted from him as he brought his lightsaber down.

Just then the illusion dropped, and what met his lightsaber wasn’t the Sith. It was Giah’s lightsaber. She’d been quick enough to parry him, and he used the momentum of the parry to spin around to face the creature. Seeing it clearly now, he watched as it twisted over on itself, undulating in place over the holocron. Parts of the spirit seemed solid enough, but the edges were nearly transparent. But the eyes. The eyes were a brilliant yellow, almost like two beams of light.

_We have to destroy the holocron_ , Giah said, speaking through the Force. He nodded his agreement, knowing that the creature likely heard her.

This time, as he fell into the illusion again, he heard the sound of the creature’s unaltered voice, several octaves layered on each other, and it sent chills down his spine.

“She’s coming!” It said, gleefully, and Kylo used its words to hold on to its true location as he flew through empty space.

***

Rey motioned for the group to stop when she heard the lightsabers. She slipped ahead, trying to take a peak around the corner. She saw Kylo and Giah suspended in the air as if they were floating, but she gasped when she saw the corrupted creature in the middle of the room. She spun around and backed away from the room.

Collecting herself, she walked back to Poe, Finn and Chewie.

“You have to get out of here,” she said bluntly. “I have to do this alone."

As if on cue, their comms crackled to life. Rose's usually steady voice had an undercurrent of panic in it. "Guys, we have to go now. There's a squadron and a half of TIE fighters, and they found the _Falcon_. I'm on the way - we have to get back to the fleet."

"Go," Rey said, urgently.

"It isn't safe to do this alone, Rey, let us help you," Finn protested.

"We won't be safe until we've defeated the First Order. You're needed on the _Falcon_ , I'm needed here."

Poe looked serious, and lifted his comm to his mouth, "We'll be on the top level of the Death Star wreckage."

"Got it," was Rose's response. Finn gave Poe a questioning look, but Poe only shrugged.

Poe gestured toward the door behind them. “Are they in there?”

“And they’re not alone. I have to help them.” Poe scooped her into a hug, and Finn followed suit, then Chewbacca. She snuggled into his warmth, before holding his hand a moment. He made a kind of chirping sound that she recognized as being a call for Wookiee children. He ran his free hand over her hair before turning and running after the two men.

Rey took several deep breaths, trying to remember her training. She removed her saber hilt from its holster, feeling it’s familiar weight, letting it calm her nerves. She felt the Dark Side keenly here, but she felt just a clearly that the light would be required to overcome this challenge.

“Rey! Wait!” Luke shimmered into view in front of her. She gave him an impatient look.

“This is not the best time,” she ground through her teeth.

Luke looked mildly amused. “His bad attitude is rubbing off on you.”

“It’s him.” Another figure shimmered into view. He looked vaguely familiar, but Rey couldn’t place him.

“That’s what I’m trying to tell her,” Luke said.

The other figure nodded, then looked at Rey, “It’s Palpatine. My old master, when I was...” he trailed off. Immediately, Rey realized this was Anakin Skywalker. Her eyes widened as she watched him. He couldn’t seem to stay in one place for long, and he was fading in and out of view.

Luke turned back to Rey, saddened. “It’s because he didn’t know how to become one with the Force, not really. He’s fading. It takes more effort than he should expend to be here.”

Anakin seemed to rally some at Luke’s words, enough to speak. “He’s tethered here. You have to destroy the tether to destroy him.”

Rey nodded. “I can do that.”

“We’ll see,” Anakin said, echoing his grandson as he disappeared from view. His mission was complete, she supposed.

“I’ll be near enough, Rey. Palpatine is very dangerous, even in this form,” Luke said, as he shimmered out of view.

Rey walked purposefully toward the opening of the room where Palpatine had Ben and Giah trapped.

She ignited her lightsaber as she turned the corner, hoping her friends had made it far enough away.

***

As they climbed to the top of the structure, Finn heard Poe comming Rose. They were already on their way, she’d said, and so they continued climbing until all that was left was the open top of the ruined space station. The wind whipped around them as they emerged.

Looking around, Finn could see what the First Order had been up to while their little band had been making its way toward the wreckage. They were preparing for a land battle - maybe even an ambush. There were AT-ATs and AT-STs, and clearings for troop landings. He removed his datapad, and tried to record as much of it as he could so they could gain an advantage.

“Finn!” Poe shouted, pointing up, “Look up there!”

Finn twisted to look where Poe was indicating, and saw the tell-tale flashes that indicated a space battle between capitol ships. The Resistance had gotten here, and wasted no time engaging.

“We have to get up there,” Finn said. Chewie roared an agreement. The _Falcon_ came into view, the boarding ramp opening. Drago was waiting for them at the top.

“Ah, here’s our ride,” Poe said, readying himself to jump on the lowered boarding ramp.

Finn heard it just a moment too late, the whine of the TIE engines as they swooped down on them and fired. Poe hit the deck, and Finn dropped behind a bit of the outer wall. Somehow, Chewie was still standing, and started returning fire from his bowcaster. The whining engines got closer again, and Finn knew they had to move so they weren’t sitting ducks.

“Go!” he shouted, and Poe got himself up and moved with Chewbacca’s cover fire. Finn dashed to the next closest place as Poe leapt onto the ramp, assisted by Drago. Chewie quickly followed. 

“Come on!” Drago yelled at him as the TIE fighter was turning around. Finn ran for his life, leaping onto the boarding ramp. “Get up to the cockpit, tell Rose to take off. I’ll take care of this asshole.”

“What about you? Rose will kill me if...” Finn started, but trailed off at the wicked smile on Drago’s face.

“I’ll catch up. Leave the ramp down,” he said.

Finn watched, in grudging awe, as Drago leapt down from the boarding ramp on to the ruined bit of Death Star. He walked to the center, rubbing his hands together. The TIE was coming back toward the _Falcon,_ not seeming to notice the figure on the wreckage.

“Oi! Down here you motherfucker!” Drago screamed as the TIE zoomed overhead. Finn lingered, though he knew he needed to get to the cockpit. It seemed someone had already told Rose to take off. They were ascending now, nearly at speed. Then the TIE stopped, in mid-air, engines revving like the pilot was trying to move. Finn dared a glance down at Drago, his fist gripped in front of him. He pulled his fist down to the side of his body, and the TIE came crashing down. It fell into the lake, and Finn saw one of the solar collectors pop off in the resulting explosion.

He was so transfixed by this display that all he could do was whirl about when he heard Drago speak from beside him. _How had he gotten up here?_ he thought.

“Close the door, Finn, you’ll let flies in,” was all Drago said as he walked away.


	52. The Fallen Arise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All About The Screen Wipes, Baby.

Breathing was becoming more and more difficult. Kylo knew, rationally, that none of this was real, but his body was reacting as if he had been spaced. He heard Giah gasping somewhere behind him, but he couldn’t worry about her. It took all his energy to keep breathing.

He tumbled head over feet, unfamiliar stars as far as he could see. It was peaceful, really. His limbs grew heavy as his vision faded.

***

Rey entered the room, expecting to see Ben and Giah, engaged with some unknown enemy. Perhaps Palpatine himself.

That was not what she saw.

No, instead, she was in a throne room, similar to Snoke’s, but more severe. She saw a hooded figure on the throne, could feel his cold stare on her skin - in her soul, perhaps. Still, she felt she should know him. She could hear the steady hum of the lightsaber in her hand, ready to wield it if she had to.

Before she could blink again, she was pulled forward. Her toes hit the dais under the throne, but she went no further.

“I’m disappointed, Rey, I thought after all we’d been through you’d know me anywhere.” His deep voice rumbled through her, sounding so much like her Ben. But he wasn’t, she was nearly sure.

“Take your hood off, let me see your face,” she commanded.

“Remove it yourself. Are you afraid to touch me?” he countered.

Rey narrowed her eyes, and flicked at the hood with the Force. It flew back, and she gasped.

The face before hers was Ben’s but where his deep brown eyes should have been, were vibrant yellow irises, broken blood vessels lining them.

“What have you done?” she demanded.

“Nothing but reveal who I really am,” he snarled, moving to stand.

_Who he really is_... a thought sprung to Rey’s mind.

She opened herself to the Force, probing more at the figure in front of her. It was full of roiling dark energy, but not a bit of it felt like Ben. A sense of calm returned to her, as she realized what this was.

“Try again. Show me your true form,” Rey said, watching the figure closely, and gripping the lightsaber in her hand.

The figure laughed now, an ugly cackling sound.

“You are as good as they thought you were,” the rumbling voice shifted to something more unstable, insanity crackling through it. She ignited her saber, bringing the blue and violet blade up to guard her face.

Ben’s face shifted then, revealing a man who could only be Palpatine in front of her.

***

He came to on the forest floor, spitting out a mouth full of leaves. Kylo stood, brushing himself off, assuming this was another illusion. Taking quick stock of the trees around him, he realized this was not the forest on Endor. Nor was it Takodana.

This looked like Starkiller Base.

Sure now this was an illusion, Kylo threw his power wide, trying to find the edges of it. Finding none, he started forward. The illusion started to change, matching his recollection of the planet. It had been snow-covered at the last, and snow began to rise under his feet, crunching as it had done that final day.

_Get out of my head_ , he snarled through the Force. With laughter on the wind his only response, Kylo gathered his power to him, and slammed it full force into the ground.   
The illusion shimmered.

Wondering if he was truly moving forward or walking in place like some puppet on a string, he continued through the forest. A familiar signature in the Force struck him like an arrow.

_Rey._ Kylo was running forward now, only half caring that this was an illusion. Palpatine couldn’t have faked her in the Force. _Not unless... not unless he already had her._

He skidded to a stop on the snow. A cloaked figure was in front of him in the clearing. She tipped her chin up into the light, and Kylo’s heart stopped.

“Rey... no...” he muttered. She had dark smudges under her eyes, and she looked far too pale.

Silently, she shifted her stance, and ignited the lightsaber in her hand. Kylo’s eyes went wide at the two thin, red blades that appeared in front of her face. He reached out to her in the Force, trying to sense if she was just another part of the illusion.

He took in a sharp breath as he encountered the familiar feel of her, shrouded in darkness. She was and was not part of the illusion. Palpatine had her.

Rey flicked her wrist, and the second of the twin blades twirled around, locking in place to form a double-bladed lightsaber. _At least this version of her had her ingenuity right,_ Kylo thought wryly.

She leapt forward, going on the attack. He reached for his own saber, and encountered nothing but hip.

***

“Rose! It's circling back,” Finn was shouting through the comm system from his position in the gun turret.

Rose grunted a response from the turret above him as she fired her laser cannons. She managed to sheer the solar collector off of the right side of the fighter, causing it to crash in a fiery explosion. Finn whooped in celebration as Poe took the _Falcon_ out of Endor's atmosphere.

When they'd boarded, Poe and Chewbacca had raced to the cockpit - like Finn was supposed to but was too mesmerized by Drago's demonstration with the Force - and Rose had happily traded the pilot's seat for a the gun turrets. When the rest of the TIE squadron appeared, it had taken all three of them - Rose, Drago, and himself - to dispatch it.

Finn had seen the Force before, seen it used in a variety of ways, but he'd never seen it used to bring down a spaceship. He wondered if Rey would be strong enough to do that, or if she'd even think to try it.

He whirled his seat around to face forward as they approached the fleet, already engaged with the First Order's fleet. Seeing the size of the Resistance fleet, filled out with Lando and Q'ira's fleets, gave Finn hope that they might be able to do this. Especially if Rey and Kylo could defeat whatever that thing was down on the planet.

"We've got incoming!" Poe yelled down through the comms.

"I see them!" Finn shouted back. "We could use a few more Force smashes, Drago!"

On cue, the TIE closest to them tore as if someone had done it by hand. Over the resulting explosion, Drago deadpanned "I have to rest a bit between these, thanks."

Finn thought he might have laughed at that, if he didn't have to start concentrating on the TIEs in front of him. A large group had broken off from the x-wings they were engaging, and brought the fight out to them. Finn leaned hard to the left as Poe dodged fire, then instinctively drew his knees up to his chest as they flew over a group of three or four TIEs. He pointed the turret down, and took down two of them as they went over. Rose destroyed the other two.

"Okay, here's the plan people," Poe pronounced. "We bust through this last line, and make it to the main ship to dock."

"Won't we do more good staying in the _Falcon_?" Rose asked, as her cannons destroyed one of the TIEs. "What if we need to make a planetside rescue?"

"I'm sure Chewie will take the _Falcon_ out if you want to stay with it, Rose," Poe said, as Chewbacca roared. "But I need to get in an x-wing."

Every fiber of Finn's being wanted to yell out against this plan. But he couldn't. It was likely the best plan, and his only objection was that he did not _want_ Poe to fly off on his own. Finn knew that Poe would have to fight the way he knew best, not the way his partner wanted him to.

Finn wished they could face this battle, this battle that seemed like it would decide the war - that one or both of them might not make it out of - together.

***

Kylo bent down to dodge the blow coming for his head. He smelled singed hair, and knew that he'd just made it. Could this illusion hurt him?

Maybe, and that was enough to have him on the defensive. No weapon, so no great offense.

Except. Kylo jumped as the other half of the blade came for his ankles.

Could he pull the weapon out of the illusion's hands? He put his hand out just slightly and called to the weapon.

The lightsaber wiggled, but the illusion noticed, and adjusted its grip. Force attacks would work.

He just needed to break this illusion, and get to Rey. _His Rey_ , not this apparition in front of him.

On her next attack, Kylo dashed forward, gripping the hilt of the weapon, stopping it just above his shoulder. He just needed to immobilize the blade. The apparition growled in frustration, but Kylo kept his grip strong.

While it tried to strike him or at least break free, he used his free hand to drive his fist into its stomach. It grunted as it bent a little - but Kylo doubted it felt pain. The distraction was what he wanted.

Before it straightened again, Kylo pulled his power, concentrating on gripping the apparition's throat. He still felt the extra power of the dark side, and he pulled hard on it, using it to strangle the illusion.

It gasped and writhed in his grip. It dropped the lightsaber, and when it did, the saber disappeared. Kylo smiled wickedly, and delighted in the fear he saw in the illusion's eyes.

He would _break_ this illusion.

Even if he lost more of himself to the darkness to do it.

***

Palpatine only laughed in Rey's face.

"That blade will do nothing to me child," he said. Rey squinted in frustration.

"What do you want?" she demanded, still stuck in his grip. She felt like she was missing something important about this. He'd sealed himself away, waiting for something.

Ben and Giah had managed to break the seal and release him. Did they know what they were doing? Or was it more that they needed to know what the First Order wanted?

"What everyone wants, eventually."

"And that is?" Rey prompted. They couldn't have known, she decided. They wouldn't have released him on purpose, even if they'd fallen.

"To conquer the cycle of life and death. This form," he said, gesturing to himself, "it's imperfect. I need one last thing," Palpatine met her gaze, and her insides squirmed.

She didn't want to ask. He wanted her to ask, but she wouldn't. She did not want to know what he thought he needed. Rey stared at him, keeping her teeth clamped together.

"Come now, child, it's no fun if you don't play along," Palpatine said, pushing her away with the Force. She quickly stood up, released from his power.

He sighed, clearly waiting for her to take the bait. When she didn't, his composure broke with a deep frown. Realizing this, he quickly put the genteel mask back into place.

"I need the Skywalker line. The Force created the bloodline, and I need that blood to create a connection with the Force strong enough that I can become immortal in my own body."

Rey gasped involuntarily.

"It took his blood to break the seal on my consciousness, and now I need a body," Palpatine said. "His body."

"No!" Rey exclaimed. She didn't know how she'd do it, but she would keep him from taking Ben.

Palpatine materialized in front of her, his eyes yellow and full of malice. "Yes. And if I can't have his, then I'll wait and take the one growing in you."

"If you think I'll let you have either of them, you're in for a hell of a surprise," she snarled through gritted teeth, as she ignited her lightsaber against his body.

***

The _Falcon_ had docked with the main ship with little trouble. Finn ran to meet Poe at the boarding ramp, much like he'd run to him after he'd found him on D'Qar.

He skidded to a stop. "Poe!"

Poe turned, his face softening. "Finn, I..."

"I know. You have to fly. I understand," Finn put a hand to Poe's face, and Poe leaned against his hand, bringing his own up behind Finn's.

"What will you do?" Poe asked.

"I'm staying with the _Falcon._ Rose wants to go back down and help Rey. I do, too." Finn could feel tears threatening, and tried to swallow them away. His voice broke anyway. "Find me after, okay?"

Poe's eyes were shimmering. He only nodded, clearly not trusting his own voice. Poe reached out with his other hand, and pulled Finn closer, resting his forehead on Finn's.

"I'll always find you, Finn."

Finn shifted his face slightly, meeting Poe's eyes as their lips met. He didn't want to close his eyes, if this was the last time he'd see Poe's.

They released each other after what felt like both an eternity and a heartbeat later, and Finn watched as Poe ran to his x-wing. He didn't wipe his tears as Poe waved from the cockpit, and flew out to join the battle.

Finn turned and went back up the ramp, closing it behind him. He wiped his face with his shirt, and returned to the gun turret.

***

Kylo could feel the illusion shimmering around the edges as clearly as he could feel Rey's distress through their bond. He knew she was here.

It wouldn't be long now. He continued his gripping assault as more of the apparition disappeared. The forest was starting to crack all around him.

That's when he heard it. Palpatine telling Rey he needed a body. Kylo's body.

Or the one growing in Rey.

Kylo roared as the illusion shattered around him.

***

Rey felt Ben raging through their bond. She was still locked in her own illusion, not able to see anything else in the throne room.

Until he grabbed her. She felt his hands on her shoulders as she attempted to engage with Palpatine. Her own illusion shattered when she felt the surge of Ben's power around her.

The room was still a throne room, but it was in ruins, as she thought it would have been. She gasped as she saw Giah pressed against the far wall. Rey quickly sensed her through the Force, and almost sagged with relief that she was still alive. She was likely locked into her own illusion.

But what caught her attention was the twisted spirit in the middle of the room. It seemed like it was tethered to a piece of metal on the floor. This was what was left of Palpatine's consciousness.

_Anakin had said to break the tether, but would that just allow him to possess Ben?_ Rey didn't know. She needed a plan to dispel the spirit somehow.

Laughter erupted from the spirit. "Very good, indeed, young Skywalker."

"That's not my name." Ben growled in response. Rey didn't move from in front of him, trying to keep a distance between Ben and Palpatine.

"Is it not? Well, I suppose you would have been given your father's name. What was it again?"

"You do not get to have his name," Rey spat out. She felt rage simmering, ready to lash out. Maybe destroying the holocron would be a good first step.

_The legends of Sith holocrons say that destroying them destroys the spirit inside of them,_ Ben told her through the Force. _But this is more powerful than any holocron spirit I've ever encountered._

_That's because this is his whole consciousness. He wants to possess you Ben._ _He says he needs the Skywalker bloodline to become immortal._

_I heard him, Rey. I know._

Rey wanted to spin around, to face him, to see his expression. But she couldn't turn her back on Palpatine. Ben moved so that his body came in contact with hers, and the warmth there soothed her. She opened herself more to their bond, and she was overwhelmed by his emotions. Pride, happiness, love, fear, and something else, something he was trying to hide.

Resignation. _What is it, Ben?_

_I think we need another set of hands to get that holocron._ Ben said, though she could feel that was not what he'd resigned himself to. _As far I can tell, the spirit can't leave it, though it can push illusions on us. I'm going to push my power out like a shield and see if I can get Giah out._

_Okay. I'll distract the chatty spirit,_ Rey said. She walked to the left, heading toward Giah. Ben stayed close behind her, as she intended.

"So, Palpatine, is it?" she asked. "What do you want to do with your immortality? Surely it would be dreadfully dull."

The spirit speared her with its yellow gaze. "Rule the galaxy, of course. The universe! I would bring the whole thing under my rule."

"If you just want to rule, why bother with the Sith?"

The spirit cackled. "Power, girl. You need exceptional power to hold the galaxy, and I need more power to do it forever."

Rey shifted again, a few more steps to the left. Just a few more feet, and Ben could jump for Giah. Two of them could hold the spirit long enough for the third to crush the holocron.

"But why do you want to rule the galaxy? Power yes, but governing seems like it wouldn't be a productive use of your time." She slid over one more time, the spirit following her, or Ben, more likely.

"I don't want to govern. I need to control the resources of the galaxy to control the galaxy itself."

_One more_ , Ben said. _One more slide._

"Why do you want Kylo's body?" She asked, taking that last slide to the left.

"The Skywalker line is strong, and can contain my power. Other attempts have been made, but none of them could stand the strain. I can sense the power of the bloodline. That's why I sent Snoke after the Skywalker woman's brat."

She felt Ben bristle behind her. _Go for it, Ben._

Rey ignited her lightsaber to attract the spirit's attention, and it worked just long enough for Ben to leap away to Giah. He gripped her shoulders, and Rey could feel him push his power into the illusion and break Giah fully out of it.

Giah came through coughing. "Just another few minutes and I would have had it," she grumbled.

"We don't have a few minutes!" Rey shouted as she parried Palpatine's whip like strikes.

_Get me up to speed_ , Giah said to both of them. Ben explained, and their plan was set. Rey would engage the spirit with the saber, Giah would use her immense power to paralyze or contain the spirit long enough for Ben to grab and crush the holocron. Simple enough.

If only.


	53. I Will Fight This War For You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another long chapter as we barrel toward the end.

Rey nearly dropped her saber as she blocked the lightning flying out of the spirit. It was a constant onslaught, and her arm was beginning to tire.

She marshaled her strength, enough to push back and deflect some of it. Giah was currently dodging the lightning attacks, too, seemingly coming from all angles. But that's not all she was doing. With each leap, she was creating little craters.

Using her saber was keeping the spirit's eyes on her, but more than that, she knew that she was the backup plan, and he wanted to make sure that there were no direct hits to her. She also knew that Palpatine was unlikely to directly attack Ben's body, to keep that option from becoming "damaged."

So Giah was taking the brunt of the attacks - but she was using them to her advantage. A trench was forming behind Palpatine's spirit, one that would let Ben grab the holocron without getting struck by the storm.

Just a little more, and it would be ready.

Palpatine was cackling as the lightning was destroying bits of the ruined throne room. _He's well distracted,_ Rey thought, as she felt Ben dampen his signature in the Force. He was going for the holocron.

Rey batted away the almost perfunctory lightning strikes, yelling as she did so, attracting Palpatine's attention. It was all Ben needed to drop into the trench and grab the holocron.

Palpatine shrieked as Ben picked up the holocron and jumped out of the trench. The lightning attacks stopped, and Ben threw the holocron into the air. Rey watched as he pulled his lightsaber, and sliced the holocron in two pieces.

The spirit shrieked again as it exploded into pieces, pelting them all with bits of the holocron. Rey ducked instinctively, protecting her face and her middle.

"Did we do it?" Giah asked, stunned.

Rey looked up. She opened herself to the Force, and didn't feel Palpatine's presence. She looked to Ben, and he nodded.

Rey ran to Ben, and he caught her in a tight embrace.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He whispered, kissing her cheek.

"I was sure I wasn't. I don't know how it's possible. My implant..." Rey started.

Ben pulled back and gave her a look. "...Clearly failed."

  
"I know. Maybe it was too old after all..."

Ben sputtered. "After all?"

"Well..." Rey trailed off, noticing Giah was still staring at the trench.

"What's going on?" Rey asked her.

"Something's not right."

Rey looked to Ben, his face serious. "You're right."

***

Leia was running, Lando close behind her.

"We have to get on that ship!" she said between breaths.

"You know, I'm really not meant for running," Lando quipped, sounding less out of breath than Leia had wanted him to be. "Remind me why we're running?"

"My son needs me," Leia said simply. They rounded the last corner to the hanger bay, just in time to see Finn and Poe embracing.

"Well, finally!" Lando exclaimed. Leia was entirely unsurprised. She just wanted both of them to make it, to have a life after this war. Maybe they would.

They slowed to a walk as Finn dashed up the ramp. The ramp started to close, but Lando stopped it with a code on the side. It lowered again and they walked up, and straight into the cockpit.

Chewbacca roared a greeting as Lando sat in the pilot seat, and Leia took her seat behind them.

Rose's fellow with the white hair, Drago, Leia thought, walked by, and did a double take.

"When did we take on passengers?" he asked in his more unusual drawl.

"What are you talking about?" crackled over the ancient comm system in this ship. Finn.

"I'm going to the surface with you. I'm needed there," Leia said. "Take off Lando, we're running out of time."

***

To Rey's horror, she heard Palpatine's maniacal laughter once again. She looked to the spot where he had exploded, and saw the swirling red tendrils re-forming.

"It'll take more than that to destroy me!" He cackled. "But that was just enough to get rid of the holocron. My thanks."

Rey's stomach sank. Without the holocron, Palpatine could float freely in his spirit form. _Would he be able to possess Ben?_

Rey turned to Ben, panicked. His expression was solemn, like it had been all those months ago in a different throne room, against a different enemy. He ignited his unstable, angry saber. And waited.

Rey ignited her saber, tears streaming down her cheeks. She heard a third saber ignite beside them. As a unit, they turned to Palpatine's Force spirit, and leapt, hoping to do any kind of damage to it they could.

***

"Can't this bucket of bolts go any faster?!" Leia yelled over the shoulders of Lando Calrissian and Chewbacca as they piloted the _Millenium Falcon_ , so much like the old days of the rebellion.

Leia was feeling reflective. She thought about all the things she would have done differently if she could have. The things that she would have kept closer to her, the people. They were racing to Endor's surface, where one life had ended and another begun. She felt a pull to the planet, as if the Force knew the big beats of her life were destined to be here.

The Resistance fleet was doing its job. Their intel said after the initial coup, Hux hadn't been able to consolidate power as he'd needed to do, and the generals were running their own fleets as separate units. Three of them had left the fleet entirely, preferring instead to maintain their own territories, just as it had been after the fall of the Palpatine Empire.The Resistance, with the absorbed First Order fleets that Ben had brought with him, had been able to separate, flank and outmaneuver the First Order under General Armitage Hux.

But this battle wasn't just going to decide the future of the Galaxy, but her son's future as well. Leia knew Ben intended to fight to the death here. He'd been convinced not to fight his visions, though Leia had wanted to advise him against it, she knew the only way to save him was to let him face it. Luke had told her the same, but when did she ever listen to him? Ben wouldn't be alone. Never again would she leave him alone to his fate.

"Punch it! Finn, Rose, keep blowing holes in those ships. Get us down there!" She ordered.

***

Kylo's saber cut through nothing. This spirit had no form at all, and it was useless cutting at it. But what more could they do? Like in the illusion, he tried gripping the spirit, and nothing happened. It was like nothing was there. He felt Giah try to slam it, and still nothing. Rey was fighting with her saber like the world depended on it, only to be parried by little wisps of Palpatine. Kylo didn't know what to do anymore. So he tried one last, desperate act.

He gathered the Force to himself, looking for guidance in a way that he hadn't since he'd been a boy. He didn't know if it would work, but he called out for his uncle. _I need your help. Please._

_We're here, Ben,_ Luke answered. _We've always been here._

_How do I stop him? Everything we try has failed. It's like he's not really there._

_He's not. He's a twisted version of a Force Ghost, and I'm not sure what will defeat him,_ Luke said, sadness in his voice.

Kylo launched himself at the spirit, slashing and fighting even though it was no use. _He wants to possess me, uncle. To give himself immortality using the Skywalker blood._

_What?_ Luke was incredulous.

_He thinks the members of the Skywalker line are strong enough to hold his spirit. And he plans to take me, and failing that, take our child._

_Ah._ Luke was quiet for several moments as Kylo fought on. _What if you let him?_

_No! How could I let him win?_

_It wouldn't be. If you're strong enough in body to hold him, you're strong enough in spirit, too. But, it would mean that your visions of yourself dying would come true._

Kylo stopped fighting. _If I let him in, hold onto myself and him long enough for someone to kill my body, he'd die too. Forever._

_I think so, yes. Your Grandfather and I will be right here the whole time. We'll tell you how to do it so you can be like us. After._

Kylo stood still. The world seemed silent around him. He watched as Rey, the woman he loved and loved him and he still didn't understand why she would, was carrying and fighting to protect their child. Their child. He would still get to see him - no, her, definitely her - grow and live and learn and love, and how could he not do this for them?

He watched as Giah, who was his best friend, his second in command, who'd literally followed him to hell and back again, was fighting too. To protect his family. And she would when he was gone, he knew. He could count on her to keep his loves safe.

He thought, too, of his mother. Of their last conversation and how she'd seemed to know what he thought would happen if he fought this war. The women around him were stronger than they knew. He smiled. That wasn't true anymore. They all knew how strong they were.

He would be strong for them. He hadn't been before, but he could do this now.

"Okay," he said out loud. "I'll do it."

"No!" Rey screamed as Palpatine cackled.

"The hell you will," Giah growled.

_Rey. Giah. Listen to me. There's only one way to defeat him._

_What is it?_ Rey asked, suspicion in her voice.

"I knew you'd come around, Skywalker!" Palpatine sounded gleeful, and Kylo's stomach turned.

_I have to let him in. And then I can hold on to him. If I'm strong enough to hold him, I'm strong enough to hold him in both senses of the phrase. But that means my body has to die. I have to die holding on to him._

_Absolutely not. We'll have to find some other way. Another holocron._ Rey responded.

_I've talked to Luke. He agrees, and will be there with me to show me how to become a Force Spirit myself. I'll still be with you, Rey._

_It's not the same, and you know it._

_Who's going to kill you?_ Giah asked, ever the practical one.

"Well, what changed your mind? Was it the power? No, it's not the power itself with the Skywalkers is it?" Palpatine asked.

_Rey. Please do this for me._

_I can't kill you Ben. Even if it kills Palpatine._

_I just... want your face to be the last thing I see. I don't know how much of myself will really be left, and I just... need this last thing from you._

Rey had tears streaming down her cheeks. Kylo hated himself for asking.

_If you can't,_ Giah offered, _I will. I'll do it from behind, through the heart, nice and quick._

"No, it isn't," Palpatine was going on as if they were carrying on a conversation. "It's your instinct to gain power to protect those you love. It's your downfall every time."

Kylo was only looking at Rey. "It is."

_I'll do it, Ben._ Relief flooded through him.

_Thank you._

"Whenever you're ready, old man." Kylo said, dropping any resistance he had for him.

_We're here, Ben. Anakin and me,_ Luke said. _Hold on to yourself, and grab him tight when he comes in. When it's time, think only of peace. Think of floating on water, of becoming one with the Force. Letting it have complete control of you._

_I understand,_ Kylo responded.

Palpatine seemed like he was going to burst with glee as he floated over to him. Kylo frowned deeply.

"Get it over with," Kylo spat.

"Gladly," Palpatine said, his voice full of malice. Kylo stared into his face, and watched as this wizened, twisted, evil spirit entered his body. He felt the cold deep in his bones.

He thought he might have screamed, or fell, or something. He didn't know anymore. All he could do was chant to himself. _Grab him. Grab him._

He felt the cold hit his spine, and he knew that was it. He focused what power he had, and pulled. Hard.

_What are you doing?!_ Palpatine shrieked. _How are you doing this?!_

_Kylo couldn't control his body, but it didn't matter. He knew now that he'd fallen. All he could see was the sky through the broken throne room window. He could see. Where was Rey? Didn't she know now was the time?_

_He wanted to call out to her, but he couldn't use his power without releasing Palpatine. He felt him fighting against him. Pushing, trying to escape, realizing the trap they'd set for him. Where was she?_

_There. He heard something. Giah was speaking._

"Now, Rey. You have to do it now. Through the heart, make it quick for him."

_He could see. He'd see her. Her face came into his view. He couldn't look at her. But he could see her._

"I love you, Ben Solo. I'm going to kick your blue-glowing ass after this. Don't make me come find you, you better show up on time," Rey said.

_He knew. He loved her. He knew. He thought about smiling. He might have._

_He heard her. He heard the lightsaber, too. Felt it._

_It was warm._


	54. And Let the Dawn of Love Survive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up Next, the Epilogue.

Rey wailed. Ben was gone.

She held him and screamed.

Screamed until her voice was gone.

She felt a soft hand touch her head, knowing it was Giah. The other woman had crouched next to her. Rey turned to her, and Giah opened her arms, tears streaming down her face, too.

"He told me to watch over you," she said, cradling Rey against her chest. She pressed a gentle, almost motherly, kiss to the top of Rey's head.

Rey didn't know how long she and Giah had sat there, rocking each other, brushing his hair back, checking to make sure he was gone. Palpatine, too.

They were. And it was horrible.

"Rey?" _Oh no._ Rey jerked her head up, turning her tear stained face to the one person she wasn't sure she _could_ face.

Leia. With Chewbacca. And Finn. And Rose. And, was that Lando?

Leia rushed over to Ben's body, dropping to her knees beside them. "I'm too late."

Rey sniffed as she felt Rose and Finn wrap their arms around her.Her voice came rough and gravelly. "It wasn't supposed to go this way. It's not what I saw. Not what he saw."

"It's what I saw," Giah said, almost too softly.

"What?" Rey and Leia asked at once.

"You and Kylo had the same visions, but mine was different. By a lot, though the beats were the same. So I thought... I'm sorry." Giah dropped her head.

"You thought your vision was so different than ours, how could it have been the right one? Right?" Rey asked, gently.

"Yes," Giah looked up.

"Visions are funny things. They can't always be trusted," Leia said. "Okay. Let's fix this."

"That's not possible. We can't bring people back from the dead with Force healing," Rey said.

Leia looked at Giah.

"No," Giah said, aghast.

"Yes. I failed my son in many, many ways. I've lived my life. He's not even had the chance."

"I cannot do this. Kylo -"

"Ben," Leia interrupted. Rey looked from one to the other, not knowing what they were talking about. Finn and Rose seemed just as confused.

Giah nodded once. "Ben, would hate me if I did this, if I used that power to bring him back."

"What do you mean bring him back?" Rey asked, not daring to hope.

Leia didn't take her eyes off of Giah. "Dark side users can heal themselves by draining others. Stealing their life forces, literally. I've always suspected Palpatine used something similar to kill my mother."

"And, why would we do that?" Rey asked, getting suspicious.

"I want Giah to use my life force to bring my son back," Leia said, firmly.

"No, we can't do that," Rey said.

"Look. You two, argue all you like, but we're losing time. I imagine this needs to be done quickly. This is the last thing I can do for my son, and it's the thing he most deserves. His life."

Luke shimmered into view. “I stopped him, Leia, he’s here.”

Leia nodded solemnly, and turned to face Lando. He wrapped her in a tight hug. "Say hello to my old pal for me."

Lando stepped out of the way for Chewbacca, who picked Leia up and held her close, chirping and making slight wailing sounds. He sat her down, and she put a hand on Rey's cheek.

"Help him through this Rey. And name the baby after me." She winked and laid down next to her son. She grasped his hand, kissed it, and held it to her chest, over her heart.

"I'm ready, Giah. Luke told me what to do. See you around, kids."

Rey started crying all over again. Giah knelt behind Leia and Ben's heads, put her hand on each of their foreheads. Rey felt the cold darkness rush into Giah, who looked pained.

Rey knew how powerful Giah was, and how much effort she was expending to do this. She moved behind Giah, and put her hands on her shoulders in support.

Giah relaxed slightly. The pure darkness started to make Rey feel ill, but she held steady.

Rey opened herself fully in the Force, trying to feel what was happening. Suddenly, she felt as if Leia was being lifted out of her body, and put into Ben's. She could feel Leia's pain, but also felt Leia stifling it. _She'd known it would hurt_ , Rey realized.

Rey kept a hand on Giah's shoulder, but moved to put a hand over Leia's hands. She tried to send soothing warmth to her, to relieve some of the pain of the transfer. She lost track of how long it was taking, only that she had to help in some way.

Dawn broke. The early light streamed through the broken viewports of the wreckage. As the sun rose, the soft light lit Leia and Ben's faces. Rey looked to Ben's other side, and saw Luke and Anakin standing there. She knew they were there to help Leia, and hopefully to guide Ben back.

Then, finally, she heard one final exhale. And Leia's body relaxed, releasing Ben's hand. Rey watched as her body faded to the Force, leaving only her clothes behind.

Giah sat back, and started sobbing. Her tattooed hands covered her face, and just as Giah had done for her, Rey scooped her into a tight embrace, followed quickly by Rose and Finn. Chewbacca let out a mournful wail, and then roared a remembrance chant in Shryiiwook that Rey only understood pieces of. Lando had turned toward Chewbacca, and was crying silently.

Rey started when she heard the sharp gasp of air next to her. She stared down in shock at Ben’s face as he met her eyes. _It had worked. He was here._

Rey helped him to a sitting position, only to throw herself into his embrace. He ran his hand down her hair, neither of them able to speak.


	55. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for sticking with me!

_Two years later..._

"Leianna! What are you doing? Get down from there!" Rey ran to catch the wild toddler who'd managed to float herself onto the counter. Rey ran her hand over her daughter's little hair buns, then pushed some stray hairs behind her ears.

Motherhood had been a shock for Rey. She didn't remember her mother, and the women on Jakku weren't really the mothering types. The minute she'd looked in her little scrunchy face, her little ears poking out just like Ben's, she'd been over the moon in love.

More than that. She'd realized her heart was completely outside of her body. And she'd do anything to protect it.

Rey moved Leianna from the counter, and held her close while she pulled a snack pouch out of the cabinet. At nearly 18 months, she was a squirmy little thing, who loved trying to catch BB-8 and their new droid D-0, but her Force sensitivity was often terrifying. Toddlers often put themselves in dangerous situations, she'd heard, but they had to almost constantly be on guard.

Leia had been pleased as punch that her granddaughter's name included her own. A Force Ghost grandmother made things interesting, too.

They'd won the battle that day. The winning of the war came later, and in some ways was still a work in progress.

They liked to say that Kylo Ren had died that day, and Ben Solo had been reborn.

Ben had woken up, and Rey'd explained what had happened. Having Luke and Anakin there helped, but Ben had been devastated. He'd been so angry with all three of them, that Rey wasn't sure that they'd recover their relationships.

Drago had materialized from somewhere in that throne room, and swiftly scooped Giah up, and shooed everyone out of the room so Ben and Rey could be alone. They'd mourned and cried together, until Leia was able form herself as a Force Ghost. Leia and Ben had talked, then Rey had joined them. Ben's anger had lessened some, and the two of them still talked more often now than they ever had when she was alive.

Rey often found Ben staring at Leianna while she slept, and sometimes she felt him brush her with the Force. He was determined to keep anything like what happened to him from happening to her.

Poe Dameron had miraculously survived a hit to his port engine in the battle that day. No one was quite sure how it hadn't destroyed his x-wing. Rey smiled at the memory of Poe finding Finn after the battle, dragging him in front of the ship's captain, then telling him they were getting married. Finn had agreed, and they'd had the ceremony right there.

Rose had clapped and cried, and hugged them both tight. Rey had felt like she might never stop smiling, which had only been possible because of Leia's reappearance. She popped up far more often than Luke, but was also more easily frustrated when people who weren't Force sensitive couldn't see her.

Poe was now leading a coalition government, elected by the systems in the galaxy. The were using the republic model for now, but they were actively looking for a way to adjust and prevent another dictatorship from emerging and destroying the government put together by the people. A big part of that was Ben retiring from public life.

"Rey? Are you in here?" Ben called from the front rooms of their quarters.

"Yes, the kitchen!"

Ben came in, looking like a complete scoundrel, just like Rey liked. She smiled at him, in the way that let him know she liked what she saw. He stopped beside them, kissing Rey, then holding his hands out for Leianna.

She squealed in delight as Ben swung her around the small kitchen they'd added to their quarters on their ship, which had been renamed _The Scavenger_. After they'd won the battle over Endor, they'd sent ships to deal with the remaining generals and their fleet. In what felt like a defeat, General Hux had been killed in the battle. Rey knew Ben would have liked to strike that blow himself, but he'd gone down with his ship.

Living in space had grown on Rey, and there was still traveling to be done. She wanted to see the galaxy. They'd disbanded the training camps on Ahch-To, and founded a new set on worlds in each system, so people could learn how to control their abilities in the Force, and how to find balance. There was even one on Jakku that Rey frequented often, surprising everyone.

The Jedi really had come to an end, in a sense. The Force was in balance, because people were learning to balance it within themselves. The Knights of Ren were officially disbanded, as well, but the Knights themselves were now instructors at the different learning centers around the galaxy. They all kept in touch, but were finally able to find and have their own lives.

Of the Knights, only two were still close enough to reach out and touch, literally. Giah and Drago had settled with them on _The Scavenger._ Ben and Giah had spent months rebuilding the trust and friendship between them, and it seemed that now they had finally returned to their relationship from before.

Rey watched as Ben blew little raspberries on Leianna's exposed belly, and Leianna giggled and shouted "'gin, Daddy, 'gin!"

Rose and Drago also had a little one, just a few months younger than Leianna. The ship had undergone quite a few renovations after the baby boom among the crew, and there were plans to bring on teachers when the children got older, if they were all still living and traveling on the ship.

Rose and Drago’s relationship had drawn the most interesting reaction. While it certainly hadn't been secret after the battle over Endor, most people simply hadn't believed it. Even when Rose was pregnant, many wouldn’t believe Drago was the father. There were those who still feared him, and some who would hate him to the end of their days for what he did before. Rey wouldn't blame them for it, but she did know that Drago had put the work in to change himself. And according to Rose, he'd started the work well before they'd started sleeping together.

So, after their son was born, with bright white hair almost to his shoulders, Rose pulled a Poe. When most of the crew was in the cantina, Rose dragged the ship's captain, Drago, Rey and Ben in front of everyone, and married Drago. If it had been a surprise to Drago, too, it had been a welcome one.

Rey marveled at how far they'd come. There was still work to be done, systems to work with and bring into the government, but the galaxy seemed to be finding a way forward without her or Ben in charge of it. She fiddled with the ring Ben had slipped on her finger nearly two years ago. Maybe one of these days she'd pull a Poe and drag him in front of the ship's captain, but they were so closely bonded in the Force that no blessing of a ship's captain could make it any more official.

Rey Solo, as she called herself these days, was happy to travel the galaxy with her little family and friends. She'd found her place in all of this - she had her students, and a new understanding of the Force to share with the galaxy. She had everything she needed right here.


End file.
